


Only Human

by Nashville12



Category: Daisy Jones & The Six - Taylor Jenkins Reid
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:27:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 118,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26360380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nashville12/pseuds/Nashville12
Summary: In 2017, author Julia Dunne Rodriguez wrote the authorized biography of the infamous 1970s rock band, Daisy Jones And The Six.In her book, she detailed the rise and fall of the band, as well as the relationships that developed before, after, and during the band’s successful chart topping run and abrupt end. Those relationships, which included her parents and subsequent step-parents, resulted in what industry insiders refer to as The Second Generation Six: the children of (collectively) Billy and Graham Dunne, Camila Dunne, and Daisy Jones, as well as their inner circle of friends who were also interviewed for Julia’s first book on this rock dynasty’s history.In this sequel to that story, through another series of interviews and accounts that were relayed when the COViD-19 restrictions brought their lives to a relative standstill, Julia Dunne Rodriguez shines a light into the public, and often very private, lives of the next generation of rock and roll royalty.As with her first account, it is worth noting that these accounts are often subject to revisionist history, dissenting opinions, and...like all good celebrity biographies...the effects of sex, drugs and rock and roll.
Relationships: Billy Dunne/Camila Dunne, Billy Dunne/Daisy Jones, Camila Dunne/Graham Dunne, Jagger Dunne/Chelsea Paine, Jagger Dunne/Treena Jackson
Comments: 112
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Julia/Narrator** : _It is March 2020. The world has collectively gone into a lockdown, trying to flatten the curve of a virus that has taken hold of the world. As a journalist, my job of traveling to get the story has essentially been put on hold, and it made me think about the fact that my family still has a lot more stories left to tell. So, I give you, the continuation. All interviews were conducted via phone, text, email or video chat._  
  
____________  
  
**Jagger:** Are we really doing this?  
  
**  
Julia** : Yes, we are.  
  
  
**Jagger** : But why? I mean, I get why you did it for mom and dad but we’re not old! I’m like 39 years old, Jules. That hardly seems old enough to have an autobiography. Are you going to head shrink us like Maria does all the time? Or is this just going to be another book? You JUST wrote the one about the Six…  
  
  
**Julia** : [rolls her eyes] Jag, come on. This isn’t a therapy session. I just thought it would be cool to talk more about our lives as the kids of the famous Dunnes, you know? You’re not old, but you’ve already lived a LOT. So…let’s talk about it. If it becomes a book, great. But it’s not an everyday thing for kids of rock star parents to follow in their footsteps. Especially so young.  
  
  
**Jagger** : I don’t know…  
  
  
**Julia** : Well what else are you going to do? We’re all in lockdown right now anyway so…what can it hurt?  
  
  
**Jagger** : [sighs] Fine. But if we’re doing this, I’m telling you everything. Things you’ve probably never heard. I expect you to do the same. This is not you interviewing us, this is us having conversations that will probably end up going into a book. You’re the first Dunne kid. You’re in on this too.  
  
**  
Julia** : I know. We all are.  
  
  
**Jagger** : Ok. So… where do you want to start?  
  
  
**Julia** : Signing your record deal in ’96?  
  
  
**Jagger** : [pauses] No…let’s start in Pitt. Growing up there is what really created our love for music anyway.  
  
  
**Julia** : Whatever you want to do.  
  
  
**Jagger:** Ok. Well, my first real memory of music was in Pittsburgh. Hanging out at the old record shop mom and dad bought. We would go back there a lot, and I loved it so much more than LA. I think I was six when they did that, and that was when I started really paying attention. Mom…  
  
  
**Julia** : Daisy Jones.  
  
  
**Jagger** : I am not fucking calling my mom Daisy Jones, but yes, that’s who she is. She would always have something playing on the record player. Never the Six, but it was usually the Stones, or Queen…a lot of Joni Mitchell [laughs], which, I will deny if it ever gets out, but I actually kind of love.  
  
  
**Julia** : Just a reminder that this will probably go into a book, so don’t be telling me anything you don’t want in there. [laughs]

**Jagger** : Shit. Right. Well whatever, Joni Mitchell is a babe. Anyway, there was always something playing, but what really caught my attention was Springsteen’s “Darkness on the Edge of Town”. “Adam raised a Cain”? God…that song spoke to my soul. I started walking around the record store with this guttural rasp in my voice, screaming, ‘ADAM RAISED A CAIN’… Dad hated it. [laughs]  
  
**Julia** : Billy Dunne.  
  
**  
Jagger** : [stares into the monitor]  
  
  
**Julia** : Look, you have to be a little more specific because our family is all kind of intertwined. You know that.  
  
**  
Jagger** : Fuck, Julia, just put a list in the front of the book; Billy Dunne and Daisy Jones had Jagger and Dylan Dunne, Graham and Camila Dunne had Tyler and Sophia Dunne, and Billy and Camila Dunne had Julia, Susana and Maria Dunne. How hard is that?  
  
**  
Julia** : Geez, I’ve never thought about how messy that sounds.  
  
  
**Jagger** : Nah… that’s rock and roll, baby.  
  
  
**Dylan** : I was four when all of that was going on. I don’t remember a lot of it, but I remember Jag always screaming around the store and mom…er…uh…Daisy Jones?  
  
**  
Julia** : It’s fine, Dyl, say what you want. I’ll just put a family chart at the beginning for people to follow. [laughs]  
  
**  
Dylan** : [laughs] Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. So yeah, Jag was always walking around the store screaming, and mom would try to get him to be quiet because she didn’t want him to freak out the customers, but they didn’t seem to care. When I was six, I remember hanging out in that back room that was dad’s office… do you remember how much that place smelled like pot?  
  
**  
Julia** : [laughs and sighs] Yeah, I guess our grandfather was always into something, and the smell just never fully left the walls no matter how much incense Daisy burned.  
  
  
**Dylan** : It’s not so bad now… but yeah, it was bad for a long time and I’m pretty sure both J and I got contact highs on the regular when we were kids. That’s probably why he ended up with such a…  
  
  
**Julia** : Let’s wait on that. We’ll get there, but go back to when you were little. I wasn’t there a lot in Pitt, so I don’t remember a whole lot of this.  
  
  
**Dylan** : Right. So, I was a lot more shy than Jag, still kind of am, but I preferred to hang out in that back room office whenever we had to be at the store, which when we were in Pittsburgh, was always. So I was exploring it, and I was hiding in that tiny closet one day, and I leaned back against the side wall and I felt something sharp stick me in the back. That’s when I found Grandpa’s 1971 cherry red telecaster. I was in love. I would sit in that closet and just strum and strum in the dark, not knowing what I was doing but really wanting it to be mine. I was afraid if anyone knew about it, I would get in trouble. But dad found me one day playing and he just laughed and turned to mom and said, “and so it begins”. [laughs] Dad started teaching me right away. But then of course, Jag wanted in on it too and he kept trying to take my guitar from me. It really bothered me, even at six. He always had to be first. The center of attention. But dad… dad was great. He told Jagger that I had found it and that it was mine, and if he was serious about guitar, then he would buy him his own. That kind of made him lose interest for a while.  
  
**  
Billy** : Those boys… they’ve been keeping me on my toes since they were born. I remembered Graham and I being young and having guitars... that one from my dad... yeah, it brought up some things in me. Especially standing in his old record shop. But... Jagger…or Jag off to me… he is so much like me. It’s kind of scary. I see myself in him in every way, good and bad. That started from the time he was little. Dylan…Dylan is so much like Daisy. Grounded, steady, adventurous, quieter… just wants love and really doesn’t care where he gets it from. Of course they both adore her. Both mama’s boys. But I don’t blame them. I’m pretty obsessed with her too. [smiles] When Dylan found that telecaster, I had this excitement in my gut that his life was going to change someday because of that moment. Music is such a powerful thing, and music in our house is like oxygen, so I knew he would fall in love with it in a whole new way once he started playing. Jagger… he was going to be a handful.  
  
  
**Jagger** : I wasn’t trying to be a dick when I was eight and trying to steal the telecaster. I just… have you seen that thing? It was the first time I ever fell in love. Wouldn’t be the last. [winks] But of course, my all or nothing self was stubborn, and decided that if I couldn’t have that guitar, then I would never play. That lasted until I was twelve, but still, stupid move because by that time, Dylan was a killer guitarist and he was only ten.  
  
  
**Daisy** : My boys. Such sweethearts. They both are, truly. Jagger just… Jagger just has a lot more of your dad in him, and he kind of took our bad parts…both of us…and that’s been his life. He’s had a lot more struggles that I swear is genetic, but he has always been the protective big brother. I know your dad had hoped that they would be like him and Graham, but in my opinion, they’re better. Dylan isn’t as soft spoken as Graham, and he can call Jagger out on his shit. He gets that from me. [laughs] But that day in the record shop when Dyl found that guitar… my heart sank. I never wanted my boys to get into music. I wanted them to love music, but I never wanted them to fall in love with it enough to want to make a go of it. Honestly, I tried to downplay everything with the Six and kind of keep that part hidden, for that very reason. They were babies when we went on our last tour, so I figured we were safe, and they would never see the glam of that lifestyle. I just… I knew that coming from parents who lived that life…ALL of that life, the literal sex, drugs, and rock and roll, I knew how bad it could be. I didn’t want them going down that path because recovery is no joke and all I could think about was “what if they can’t recover”?  
  
  
**Billy** : I never really understood Daisy’s fear. I mean, she was going in her mind to them being junkies and living a hard rock and roll life, when they were just eight and ten. I told her to breathe and reminded her that breaking into the industry is hard work. They probably wouldn’t even make it. That seemed to calm her, but I hoped in my gut that they would make it. I knew that we could tell them stories when the time came, of how hard drugs are and how much they screw up your life, but I figured we would take that as it comes. But I wish I would have listened to Daisy… Dylan stayed far, far away from the drugs, but the booze… that's another story. And Jag, God, Jag ended up shooting, snorting, smoking, drinking anything he could get his hands on…  
  
  
**Julia** : Dad, like I told Dylan, we’ll get there. Right now, they’re still six and eight.  
  
  
**Billy:** Right, sorry. Bear with me, Jules. I’m still recovering from your last interrogation. [winks and smiles]

  
**Julia** : Dad, it’s been three years. And it wasn’t an interrogation!  
  
  
**Dylan** : I really took to guitar lessons quick. Like a fish to water, really. The first song I ever learned and fully played was “Back in Black” by AC/DC. I was six and playing like them. It came naturally to me. Jag kind of hated that for a while, until mom told him that he should channel his Springsteen growl into learning the lyrics to Back in Black so he could sing while I played. That actually worked for us.  
  
  
**Jagger** : It’s a killer song. I think it’s when dad knew that we had something. I mean, I hated Dylan for being such a boss at guitar when he was younger than me, but looking back now…damn. He was a prodigy. We played that song ALL the time!  
  
  
**Julia** : [laughs] You still do at every party.  
  
  
**Jagger** : Yeah, and by now, he can play that whole song behind his back with his eyes closed.  
  
  
**Julia** : And you sing it better than Brian Johnson.  
  
  
**Jagger** : Well duh. [laughs]  
  
  
**Dylan** : It was kind of crazy to be the little brother, but a lot better at instruments than J. I mean, by the time he picked up a guitar at twelve, I was playing guitar, bass, drums and working on the piano. Secretly though because he always said you couldn’t play piano unless you were a hot chick like Karen Sirko. She was his first crush.  
  
  
**Jagger** : Karen Sirko… hell yeah, she still is my crush. She played a mean keyboard and could still keep the guys in our family in line? Yeah, babe. Pretty sure she was the first person I ever mast...  
  
  
**Julia** : JAGGER DUNNE.  
  
  
**Jagger** : What? It’s true and I told you that if you want to do this, we’re going there. Sorry, sis. You asked for it.  
  
  
**Julia** : Oh, dear Lord. I JUST got over all of the stories our parents told…

  
**Jagger:** Then you shouldn’t have asked us all to do this. Buckle up, sister. It’s gonna be a hell of a ride.  
  
  
**Julia** : Moving on. Dylan was better at instruments than you…  
  
  
**Jagger** : [snorts] Yeah, because I was a little stubborn shit who thought the world revolved around me and was too stubborn to see anything other than what I wanted.  
  
  
**Julia** : Oh, so nothing has changed.  
  
  
**Jagger** : [flips the bird]  
  
  
**Julia** : [laughs] Love you, little brother.  
  
  
**Jagger:** Yeah, yeah… [smiles] But yeah, he was king of all. And I knew he was learning piano. He was obvious about it. Like when we would all be eating dinner and he would constantly be air playing whatever instrument he was learning at the time? Yeah, the tablecloth became a keyboard whether he realized his movements or not. I was good with guitar. I didn’t really feel like I needed to know anything else. As long as I could play and sing and write my own songs, I was good. But Dylan… he was a beast.  
  
  
**Julia** : When did you guys start playing with Tyler?  
  
  
**Dylan** : Tyler? Oh man… he’s a killer guitarist too. He was in LA most of the time while we were in Pitt, but when everyone would come visit us, we would play for hours in the basement of that bungalow. It was a party, and we thought we were kings. We were ten, but whatever.  
  
  
**Jagger** : He’s our cousin, but he has definitely always felt more like a third brother. When he came to visit us and showed us that he had learned guitar, I felt like we could actually be a real band.  
  
  
**Tyler** : Hi sister! [waves] I think this is really cool that you’re doing this. Especially right now while life has kind of stopped, and everything is kind of shitty. So, what do you want to know?  
  
  
**Julia** : What were my brothers like when they were young?  
  
  
**Tyler** : [laughs] Oh wow…diving right in aren’t we. Umm, how far are we going back, and how much do you want to know?  
  
  
**Julia** : All of it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Camila** : Going back to Pittsburgh when the kids were growing up was just as important, if not more important, than when we would all go back before you were born. It was hard on everyone when Billy and Daisy moved back there. I understood it. And once I saw the record shop I REALLY understood it. It was such a passion project for them. And the boys practically lived there. Sometimes we would be back and I would wonder...Jesus, Billy are you even sending them to school??

**Billy** : OF COURSE they went to school. We were laid back parents, sure, but we weren’t assholes. Those boys worked hard for everything.

**Daisy** : Things came easy to Dylan. He read books like he was afraid someone would take them away before he finished. He excelled in school and he never had to work at it. Graduated at the top of his class. Jagger? Jagger learned that it didn’t always matter how smart he was.

**Jagger** : I didn’t have to be smart if I could figure out how to outsmart. So you know what? I fucking did just that.

**Dylan** : I remember this one time mom and dad had to go to school. Jag couldn’t have been more than twelve. I waited in the car. I knew shit had hit the fan at school that day because he didn’t walk home with me. He had a detention.

**Daisy** : The principal called us in because Jagger got caught cheating on a math test. But that wasn’t the problem.

**Billy** :You don’t get a detention for cheating....

**Jagger** : You get a detention for writing on the top of your paper that your math teacher didn’t teach you shit about math but she had a great pair of tits. THAT will get you a detention.

**Daisy** : [Stares into the camera and rolls her eyes.]

**Billy** : What? You know the teacher didn’t even complain? Another student saw it in the trash and THAT is how he got busted. She passed it back and wrote...thanks.

**Graham** : When Billy was growing up I’m fairly sure he had sex with at least one if not more of our high school teachers. And as Jagger got to be in, maybe junior high, I thought...oh Jesus. Here we go.

**Tyler** : We came back to Pittsburgh for a long visit the summer mom....sorry Camila’s...dad passed away. It was...

**Julia** : 1994. I was 21.

**Tyler** : Yeah, 94. I remember cause we were all into the same sound. R.E.M...Chili Peppers. That summer was when we really found our sound. That California soul with a punk edge to it. We refined it once we had that long stretch of time together. Your dad...sorry, Billy...converted the back of the record shop to a small studio and man, we would spend days at a time.

**Graham** : It was hard when Camila’s dad passed. Her mom was alone. And I knew she felt like we had to go and help for as long as we could. We were in a place to do that. And it felt good to be that close to Billy again. We all cooked out a lot, you girls got to be with all of us instead of jet setting back and forth between their senior year and your college days. But really it was Tyler that grew up that summer. Jagger and Dylan were good for him, and he was good for them.

**Camila** : I saw it. Billy building that studio. And I heard it. You wouldn’t believe it, they were babies. Jagger was barely 14...Ty and Dylan were all of 12. But the sound they made? It was...they were electric. The same way Billy and Daisy and The Six could stop you in your tracks? The boys could do that. And then you stayed because...they were babies, making this sound. And you couldn’t believe it.

**Dylan** : I liked it when Ty was around because I tended to let Jag steamroll me. I’d have a good idea. A good riff. The right progression. But unless I fooled him into thinking it was his idea? It would never see the light of day.

**Daisy** : I would hear the boys fight...I’m sorry, discuss...music over dinner and I would just look at Billy and smile. I’d think...do you hear this!? Do you know that he sounds exactly like you?

**Billy** : Jagger was his own man from day one. I mean sure, I think he takes after me some times but...he’s got something I never had.

**Camila** : Jagger IS Billy. 

**Daisy** : 100%.

**Julia** : Yeah, I won’t argue with that.

**Camila** : At my dad’s funeral we asked the boys to play Cerezo Rosa. It was his favorite. And Dylan played that guitar like he was born to be a mariachi musician. It was breathtaking. It was not their scene at all but the three of them playing and singing these tight three part harmonies? I remember looking over at Billy and his face was just in awe of them. They were something. And that new sound became a part of their sound. But if we were starting to see the beautiful parts of Billy in Jag...the other things were starting to rear their ugly heads, too.

**Graham** : We had this big beautiful lunch and celebration. Rented this big hall and had all of their friends. It meant a lot to Camila, and the girls. Especially you. Even then, you were scouring old pictures and letters, talking to your grandparents’ friends about who they were and wanting to soak up your story through them. I remember that so well. 

**Julia** : It was true. I had never been as close to them as I wanted and I regret that to this day. So hearing stories about how they came to Pitt and what they were like? I was talking to a guy that Papa used to play chess in the park with when Tyler came up to me and asked where Camila was.

**Graham** : Yeah, he was smart to do that.

**Tyler** : I wouldn’t say Jagger was a pied Piper. Or that Dylan and I didn’t stand up for ourselves. We always wanted to have a good time. But you know that voice in your head that tells you not to do shit?

**Julia** : Yes. I call mine Camila.

**Tyler** : [laughing] Right on. Well...Jagger didn’t seem to have one of those. I still don’t know that he does.

_____________________

** Pittsburgh, 1994 **

“Jules....you seen mom?” Tyler leaned into Julia and pressed against her. She rocked back slightly, almost holding him up.

“No and thank God!” She whispered to him pulling him aside, “you smell like a fucking bar, what are you doing!?”

Tyler laughed to himself and held a finger to his mouth.

“Shhhhhhhhh....don’t get pissed.” He half giggled as he scanned the room.

Julia pushed him into a coat closet.

“You are twelve years old what in the actual fuck Tyler. Did you drink a beer??” Julia was trying not to smile. Tyler was the last person she would expect this behavior from, which made her raise an eyebrow. She knew who to blame.

“Where is he?” She seethed as she scanned the room.

“First of all don’t you fuckin’ cuss at me. Second of all, if you tell him I told you I will tell everyone here that you wanna fuck Alyssa Milano.” Julia elbowed him hard as he spoke.

“Your secret is safe with me you little jerk. Where’s Dylan.” 

Tyler nodded towards the bar and saw him. She told him to stay put, she was going to get him some water.

Julia marched to the bar, gritting her teeth as she made eyes with Dylan, who was clearly on the lookout. As she rounded the corner, she saw Jagger...leaning over the bar, making eyes with the cocktail waitress who had to be ten years older than him and they slammed a shotbefore she even made her way to the bar to intervene.

“Oh shit.” Whispered Dylan. Jagger barely turned, a wide smile and his dark eyes sparkling. Julia just shoved him aside, pushing him into Dylan.

“Do you realize that this boy is a fucking child? 14 in fact. So unless you want to lose your job and your liquor license I suggest you stop flirting with him over shots, or the cops will have to decide whether to lock you up for soliciting a minor or getting one drunk.”

The waitress’ face went white as she grabbed a tray and left the bar. Jagger didn’t look 14. And boy did he know it.

“Juju!!! Nice work, my favorite sister of all time, you got her to leave the bar unattended! Let’s drink to Papa!”

Jagger was drunk. If Tyler smelled like a beer, and Dylan hadn’t had a drop, Jagger was easily over the legal limit. Julia grabbed him.

“Your parents are going to shit their pants. And at a fucking funeral?? Who are you?? Dylan get him a water, I’m taking you home before anyone sees you....”

Jagger pulled from her.

“Fuck that! I promised Camila we would play some more! She wanted to hear Under The Bridge!” Jagger was slurring his words and swaggering as Tyler showed up beside Julia.

“She wanted to hear you sing it not watch you live it!! I promise you she would not want to see you perform like this....”

“Yeah I think she lived through that enough for one life time with your dad.” Tyler spoke and Julia turned to him. Not just to him, on him.

“You don’t talk about my dad like that, do you understand me?”

Dylan was holding Jagger’s arms immediately, too.

“I....I didn’t mean it like that....” Tyler tried to turn it over.

“How the fuck did you mean it then? You know maybe if YOUR dad drank more his stuff would have made the album.”

“OKAY THAT IS ENOUGH!” Julia was losing control. It shut them all up.

“All three of you. I want you in my car right now. I’ll find Daisy.” None of them moved as she spoke.

“I said right now!”

All three boys walked together from the bar. Dylan stopped and touched Julia’s arm.

“You alright?”

He was only twelve but as old a soul as Julia was. She just nodded.

She was making her way through the crowd looking for Daisy when a familiar voice caught her ear and stopped her in her tracks.

“Jules?”

Julia spun and saw her.

Jessica.

She almost laughed she smiled so broadly and then cut through the crowd to hold her. They embraced long and hard, smiling against each other.

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t get here sooner. The only flight I could get was delayed. I am so sorry to hear about your Papa. I know he meant a lot to you.” Jessica was speaking into Julia’s hair and they didn’t let each other go. It had been years since they had seen each other and even though they wrote each other constantly, being in the same space again felt like home to both of them.

“How’s your mom?” Jessica continued as Julia pulled from her and smiled.

“She’s mom. She’s sad but strong. I feel like that is what they will write on her tombstone.” They both laughed.

“Listen it’s a long story but I have to leave and take the boys home. Do you want to come? Are you by yourself?”

Jessica smiled and nodded.

“Yeah. Your dad got my ticket and cab. I already put my stuff in his car. Of course I want to come with you. You’re the reason I’m here.” They shared a smile.

“Great....ok....yeah...so good. Ok.” Julia stuttered uncharacteristically.

“I have to let Daisy know we are leaving...then we can take off...and catch up.”

Jessica nodded and took Julia’s hand in hers...taking her by surprise...as they set off to find Daisy.

_____________________

**Jagger** : That was the first time dad and I had a real go round. Sorry. Billy Dunne. That was the first time Billy Dunne and Jagger Dunne had a real knock down drag out.

**Julia:** You don’t have to talk about yourself in third person.

**Jagger** :Whatever! This is fucking hard!

**Dylan** : Oh did Jag get his ass handed to him that day. I remember sitting downstairs with mom and just wincing the whole time.

**Daisy** : It wasn’t pretty. Billy telling him how he disrespected Camila and her family. Jagger telling him how he had no business telling anyone else not to disrespect Camila. It was just...well it was a pissing contest. I thought Billy met his match with me. Or you. But no one, and I mean no one, can push his buttons like Jagger.

**Jagger** : Of course I was out of line. I was an asshole. I thought I knew everything. I was still pissed you took me out of there cause I know I was seconds away from seeing my first pair of real live tits. Sooooooo, maybe I took it out on dad.

...

Sorry. BILLY DUNNE.

**Julia** : I give up, J, just call him dad.

**Jagger** : [smiling] Thanks.

**Julia** : To be fair I was mostly oblivious to this fight since I was more concerned with having my best friend back. We binge watched old episodes of Baywatch and ate crap food. We sometimes watched them over the phone together. But it was so nice to just sprawl out in the bungalow and breathe the same air and watch bad TV and eat bad food and just...laugh. Billy came down that night, after the blowup with Jagger and he laid down on the floor with us and made some very Billy Dunne comment about Pamela Anderson. He hardly blinked an eye when Jess agreed with him. My eyes went wide and I elbowed her. She just grinned and laid against my lap.

**Daisy** : A lot changed that summer. For the band, for your mom, and...for you and Jess.

**Julia** : It sure did.


	3. Chapter 3

**July, 1988**   
  
_“Happy birthday, Sweet girl! Did you have a great day?” Daisy brought a glass of sparkling punch over to Julia who was sprawled out on the couch after a successful birthday party with her friends._  
  
 _They had rented a cottage at the Marmont to have the party at and her friends loved feeling glamorous. Julia had asked in advance if she could stay the night with Daisy, and Daisy only, so Daisy had a feeling something was up._  
  
 _Julia had found it easier to confide in Daisy over the years, even more than her mom. Daisy felt safer because Julia never had to worry about letting her down. The older she got, the more she realized how perfect her mom was, and how not perfect Daisy Jones was, but to her…that was freeing._  
  
 _“Yeah… it was a really great day.” Julia sat up and took the glass from Daisy, pulling her knees to her chest as Daisy sat on the large sofa with her, chamomile tea in hand as she just waited for Julia to take the reins and start whatever conversation she needed to._  
  
 _Julia bit her lip and bounced her leg, looking anywhere but at Daisy, a huge weight sitting on her shoulders._  
  
 _“Baby girl, what’s up?” Daisy’s voice was soft as she put a hand on Julia’ knee to still her._  
  
 _Julia looked at her with glassy eyes, still biting her lip and clutching her punch glass._  
  
 _She took a deep breath and starting scraping the glass with her thumb as she looked down and started talking._  
  
 _“Do you remember my eighth birthday? The one where Cher came to my party but all I really wanted was Jessica to come?” She started shaking and Daisy moved closer, resting her hand on her leg and rubbing it with her thumb soothingly._  
  
 _“Of course I do. That was a wonderful day, but the look on your face when Jessica showed up…probably one of my favorite pictures of you to this day.” Daisy smiled and Julia glanced up, smiling quickly before looking back down._  
  
 _“Do you…do you remember what I told you that night?” Her voice was shaky, and Daisy’s face got serious and calm, knowing where this was going and readying herself to be there for Julia._  
  
 _“I do. You trusted me with something very important, Jules. That’s not something I took lightly. I still don’t.” She bent her head down so she was making eye contact with Julia, who was now letting the tears fall silently but rapidly._  
  
 _“Hey, hey, hey…sweet girl. You know you can tell me anything. Please, for your heart's sake, just tell me.” Daisy’s voice was comforting, and Julia looked up at Daisy and spit it out. All of it._  
  
 _“I still feel the same way. I love Jessica. A lot... and now… it’s even more so. I think about…I think about stuff. Lots of stuff. With her. I just… I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Julia felt a sob rising and Daisy moved so that she could wrap her arms around her, pulling her close to her chest._  
  
 _“Julia Dunne, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. At all. Do you hear me?” Julia nodded under her chin, but she continued._  
  
 _“But…I’m not normal. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. Grandma and Papa would be so ashamed of me. And Daisy… I don’t just love her. I want to be with her… I think about having…” She stopped herself and Daisy kissed the top of her head before she whispered, “Sex?”_  
  
 _Julia started crying louder as she wrapped an arm around Daisy and clung to her._  
  
 _“Yeah. Damnit. I… I’m a freak. I’m going to go to hell. I need to think about boys that way. Not girls. How can I fix this?”_  
  
 _Daisy’s heart shattered right there on that sofa as she gently lifted Julia up so she could look into her eyes, brushing tears off of Julia’s cheeks gently._  
  
 _“Now you listen to me, Julia Dunne. You are not a freak. You are not weird, or going to hell, or any of the fucking lies that you have heard throughout your life. YOU are a beautiful young woman with an incredible heart, and you can love whoever you damn well please. Don't you dare try to change yourself or fit into what's "normal". Fuck normal. Who makes those rules or says what's right and wrong or normal anyway? God made you exactly like you are and he never makes mistakes. He made you SO perfect, sweet girl. You are who you are, Jules, and that is a pretty remarkable person.”_  
  
 _Julia laughed through her tears and Daisy smiled as she continued._  
  
 _“And you know another way you’re normal? You’re thinking about sex. I don’t know any fifteen-year-old, girl or boy, that’s not thinking about it around this time. Hell, I’m dreading the teen years that are coming up way too fast for your brothers.”_  
  
 _Julia laughed again._  
  
 _“Daisy, they’re eight and six. You have time.”_  
  
 _Daisy smiled as she brushed some hair out of Julia’s face._  
  
 _“My point is, this is normal. You shouldn’t be ashamed of who you are, Julia. You are one of the most amazing people I have ever known. You always have been. And people will get over themselves. I know things aren’t easy in our world right now, but I believe that the world will change and we will progress in the right direction, because people like you and Freddie Mercury and Elton John and so many others are blasting down those doors.”_  
  
 _Julia cocked her head as she looked at Daisy._  
  
 _“Uncle Freddie is…gay?”_  
  
 _Daisy let out a loud belly laugh._  
  
 _“Oh yes, sweet girl. Very.”_  
  
 _“But he doesn’t talk about it?”_  
  
 _Daisy sighed._  
  
 _“Probably for the same reasons you’re nervous now. But you know what, I make this promise to you, that I will fight for you, and for anyone else who feels like they can’t love who they love, to be able to do just that, and do it proudly.”_  
  
 _Julia smiled as she leaned her head back on Daisy’s chest._  
  
 _“Do you think Jessica likes me back?” Her voice was barely above a whisper._  
  
 _“She would be a stupid girl not to, and I know for a fact that Jessica Rodriguez is not stupid.” Daisy kissed the top of her head again, resting her cheek on it._  
  
 _“I don’t… I don’t think I’m ready for anyone else to know yet. Is that ok?” Julia’s voice was shaky, and Daisy pinched her eyes closed, sad that Julia felt like she has to hide a big part of herself._  
  
 _“It is all up to you who you love, how you use your body, and who you tell about it. Don’t let society, culture, or even family and friends push you or make you feel any way you don’t want to. You can keep this our secret for as long as you want. But Julia… you know your family loves you, right? We’re going to love you no matter what. And we will love Jessica like a daughter too someday if you end up with her. We all kind of do already.”_  
  
 _Julia nodded and laid there in silence before she said, “My mom will hate me. She’s catholic and… she’ll hate me.” There was a cry in her voice and Daisy’s protectiveness kicked in for both Julia AND Camila._  
  
 _“Camila Dunne does not have one hateful bone in her body, but especially not when it comes to her children. If she hated you for just being you and LOVING someone, then she is not the woman we know. And I KNOW that she is that woman. She’s one of the best people ever created, and I know that when you tell her, whenever that it, she will just pull you in for a big hug and tell you she loves you too.”_  
  
 _Daisy felt Julia’s tears falling on her arm._  
  
 _“Ok… but I still don’t have to tell her, right?”_  
  
 _“No, Baby. You don’t have to tell her if you’re not ready.”_  
  
 _They stayed there in silence for a while before Julia broke it._  
  
 _“I really love you, Daisy Jones. Thanks for being the best stepmom a girl could ask for.”_  
  
 _Daisy felt her own tears welling up as she squeezed Julia tight and said, “It’s been easy with such amazing girls like you and your sisters.”_  
  
 _Julia smiled as she sat up and turned to Daisy._  
  
 _“Can we put on some Pat Benatar?” She lifted an eyebrow and Daisy copied._  
  
 _“Ohh, Pat, huh? Nice choice.” She winked and Julia blushed._  
  
 _Daisy walked over to the record player and “Shadows of the Night” began to ring out. Daisy cranked it and started dancing. Julia started laughing and jumped up to dance too._  
  
 _They twisted, turned, jumped and sang at the top of their lungs._  
  
 _When they had danced through the whole A side, they collapsed on the sofa, a heap of breath and sweat and giggles._  
  
 _Once their pulses normalized, Julia mustered up the courage to ask the question that had been eating at her for months._  
  
 _“Daisy… how do two girls have sex?”_  
  
 _Daisy felt herself blush and her heart race as she said, “I’m not experienced in that but… I know people who are, and I can tell you what I know from what they’ve told me. Are you ready to hear this?”_  
  
 _Julia nodded._  
  
 _“Yes. I am.”_  
  
__________________  
  
 **Daisy** : You have always been so amazing, trusting me with all of your secrets. I am honored. But, tell me more about what happened when Jessica came to Pitt for the funeral? I was so busy cleaning up the Jagger/Billy mess, that I kind of missed everything.  
  
 **  
Julia** : Yeah… it was a good summer. You know, Jess and I had never talked about sexuality. I was pretty sure she didn’t like me because when we would talk on the phone or write letters, she would always tell me stories about hot guys at Berkley. I know now that she didn’t know where I stood, and she just wanted to see if I would get jealous, but I was just such a ball of nerves back then. I still hadn’t come out officially by the time I was 21. Tyler had found out because he found my Alyssa Milano poster under my bed and… he…caught me…once.  
  
 **  
Daisy** : Oh my God, Julia!  
  
 **  
Julia** : It wasn’t as bad as it sounds. He didn’t SEE anything; he just heard a lot of heavy breathing and me whispering her name so… I was busted. He figured it out after that. But that little dude… he was so cool. He never said anything to anyone. He’s always been pretty protective of me.  
  
 **  
Daisy** : [smiles] All of your brothers are. That’s just because of who you are, Julia. You’re worthy of being adored by all.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Thanks, Daisy.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : Ok, so continue. You were watching Baywatch and your dad was being a cock blocker… or…vagina blocker? I don’t know how this works.  
  
  
 **Julia** : [laughs loudly] Oh my God, Daisy. Yeah, something like that. Well, Jess and I had never talked about it. I didn’t even know if she liked me like that and I definitely had not told her that I liked her like that, but when she laid her head on my lap… I felt things.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : I bet.  
  
  
 **Julia** : I really wanted dad to go away, and without knowing it, you were the biggest help that night. You knew we needed time. Even just as friends, and so you told Dad to take the boys to Graham’s to have a boys night, and then you said that you would have mom and the girls over for a girls night, but then you got me and Jess a hotel room to be alone. Mom didn’t know anything at that point, so she thought we were just having girl time away from the old moms and the little sisters. [smiles and blushes]  
  
  
 **Daisy** : You’re welcome. [laughs] But did you really think I didn’t know what was happening? I knew you needed alone time…for more than that. You were twenty one, Jules. I thought it was time you had time to really figure out what was going on. You had been holding a candle for Jess for years, and you wouldn’t even think about dating anyone else. Not even at Stanford. Which, I never went to college, but I’m pretty sure that’s when you’re SUPPOSED to figure out your sexuality and hell, just have fun. I wanted that for you.  
  


 **Julia** : Well, thank you. Truly. You’ve always been our biggest supporter.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : Always, baby girl. So…what happened? I kicked your dad out, and you left before your mom got to our house…  
  
______________________  
  
 **1994, Kimpton Hotel Monaco, Pittsburgh**  
  
  
 _“The Emperor suite? Damn. Daisy Jones doesn’t mess around!” Jessica’s eyes were wide as Julia unlocked the door to their suite, revealing a large room, a king size bed and city views that can’t be beat._  
  
 _Julia felt her heart begin to race as she shut the door, locking every lock and deadbolt she could, before leaning against it, not knowing what to do now or how to handle all of this._  
  
 _Jessica ran and jumped on the huge bed, sending the comforter flying up around her as she sprawled out._  
  
 _“Ohhh God… this is heavenly. So much better than my room at the motel 6.”_  
  
 _Julia laughed and moved slowly towards the bed, dropping their bags at the foot as she slowly put a knee on the bed, moving to sit right on the edge, slightly shaky._  
  
 _“So…what do you want to do? Wanna surf cable channels and see what dirty things we can find while we raid the mini bar?” Jessica propped herself up on two elbows and wiggled her eyebrows, causing Julia to blush and look away as she swallowed hard._  
  
 _“Sure…. Yeah, whatever you want to do.” She stood up and went to the mini bar, grabbing four mini bottles of tequila and two large chocolate chip cookies from the shelf as she tried to rally as much courage as possible._  
  
 _“Ohh, shit! Look at this, Jules. We have Spice Network up here! Normally you have to pay for that. I guess that’s what happens when you’re in the Emperor suite huh?” She smiled wide as Julia dropped the stuff on the bed and Jessica unscrewed one of the tequila bottles, knocking it back in one swig._  
  
 _“Damn! That was hot.” Julia let the words slip from her mouth before she even noticed it, and Jessica stopped._  
  
 _Julia felt her heartbeat quicken and heard it beating in her ears._  
  
 _Jessica got a playful smirk on her face as she grabbed another bottle, unscrewing the top and looking straight into Julia’s eyes as she knocked another one back, pulling it from her lips slowly, then licking them painfully slow._  
  
 _Julia wanted to just grab her and kiss her, but she was nervous. She had never kissed anyone before. Not really. Not when it counted. She had kissed plenty of boys in school and at parties where they played spin the bottle or seven minutes in heaven, but not when she actually felt something._  
  
 _“Umm…uh…did you...uh… did you find something to watch?” Julia swallowed hard as she turned and sat on the end of the bed, facing the tv._  
  
 _Jessica got up on her knees, moving towards Julia, moving behind her and leaning in, resting her chin on her shoulder as she whispered, “Mhmmm…” into her ear.  
  
She reached the remote out in front of them, moving two channels down to an adult movie that had two girls in the heat of passion, grinding into each other as they made out. _  
  
_“Fuck.” Julia blew out a long breath and Jessica moved some of Julia’s hair back, giving her access to her neck. Jessica slowly began kissing Julia’s neck, sending shivers down her body._  
  
 _“Jess…I…” Julia felt her whole body begin to tingle, and a wetness she had never experienced before, quickly gathering between her legs._  
  
 _Jessica continued kissing as she whispered, “It’s ok… I’ve…I’ve wanted to do this for a while.”_  
  
 _Julia pulled back, turning to Jessica, her face serious as she said, “Really?” searching her eyes for the truth._  
  
 _Jessica laughed as she sat back on her heels._  
  
 _“Umm, yeah. Like pretty much since I hit puberty. Everyone I’ve been with, from high school and at Berkley… I’ve always pretended they were you.” She put a hand on Julia’s cheek and Julia turned to kiss it softly._  
  
 _“So… you…uh… you’ve been with people before? Like…like this?” Julia pointed to the screen and Jessica chuckled._  
  
 _“Well it’s never been like THAT, but yeah, I’ve had sex. Haven’t you?”_  
  
 _Julia felt her face get red as she shook her head._  
  
 _“No. I… I mean I had the opportunities. A few guys… but… I just… they’re not you.” She looked at Jessica with eyes of love and Jessica put her hand on the back of Julia’s head, pulling her in for a deep kiss._  
  
 _Julia moaned into it as she put her hands behind Jessica’s ears, moving her body against her._  
  
 _She turned as Jessica laid back on the bed.  
  
Julia crawled over her, never breaking their kiss as they continued getting lost in each other. _  
  
_They were still fully clothed, but the sounds coming from the television were quickly making them want to strip down to nothing._  
  
 _Jessica sat up and raised her arms as Julia slid her shirt up and over her head._  
  
 _Jessica reached for the hem of Julia’s shirt and whispered, “Are you sure? This is your first time and…I don’t want to be pushy…”_  
  
 _Julia lifted her arms, causing Jessica to lift her shirt off in one swift movement.  
  
As Julia lowered her arms she breathed heavily, “I want this. I need this. I’ve wanted you to be my first, last, always, since I was eight years old.”_  
  
 _Jessica’s eyes got wide as she kissed Julia again._  
  
 _“Shit…Julia.” Jessica smiled into her kiss and Julia reached behind Jessica, quickly unhooking her bra._  
  
 _Jessica let the bright pink bra fall down between them, and Julia’s eyes were fully dilated as she took in the sight of Jessica’s perky pink breasts that just fit in her hand._  
  
 _Julia gave Jessica a questioning look and Jessica nodded, leaning forward so Julia could touch them. They both gasped as Julia’s fingers brushed Jessica’s nipple.  
  
They watched it grow hard under Julia’s touch, and they both jumped as the women on the screen behind them began screaming in climax._  
  
 _Julia laughed as she said, “That’s amazing.”_  
  
 _Jessica brushed some hair off of Julia’s forehead as she said, “You know…we could try it.”_  
  
 _Julia’s breath hitched as she said, “I’ve…never…I mean, I don’t want to suck.”_  
  
 _Jessica smiled warmly._  
  
 _“Trust me, you won’t suck. Well, I mean…I hope you SUCK a little…” She winked at Julia and Julia began to tremble as she felt her panties soak beneath her._  
  
 _“We’ll just…copy their movements.” Jessica whispered as she pointed to the screen._  
  
 _Julia looked at the screen then back at Jessica._  
  
 _“Actually… I don’t want to feel like a porn star. At least not my first time. I actually… could we put on some music instead? That’s kind of just how my family works. Any occasion, any emotions, the important things that happen in our life… it all revolves around music.”_  
  
 _Jessica smiled as she jumped off the bed and went to her bag, pulling out a walkman and a cassette tape, winking at Julia as she slid it in and cranked it, the music blaring through the headphones._  
  
 _Julia turned the tv off and laid back on the bed, her stomach contracting and tightening as her body began to shake with nervousness._  
  
 _Jessica moved slowly to Julia, sliding her hands up her legs as she moved, reaching the top of Julia’s jeans and beginning to unbutton them._  
  
 _Julia breathed out a deep breath as she helped Jessica pull them down, revealing her soaked white cotton panties._  
  
 _“Fuck…that’s hot.” Jessica whispered as she took in the sight._  
  
 _“It is?” Julia whispered and Jessica bit her lip as she nodded._  
  
 _“Oh yeah. Can I… Can I taste you?” Jessica asked softly, not wanting to push Julia into anything she wasn’t comfortable with._  
  
 _Julia bit her lip, fighting every urge in her body to say yes, because she knew she needed to take this slow._  
  
 _She shook her head as she held her breath._  
  
 _“I’m…I’m not ready for that yet. I…I need to go slow. But I want you. God, Jess…so much.”_  
  
 _Jessica nodded in understanding._  
  
 _“Ok. I want to do whatever you want to do. Besides…we have forever, right?” She winked at Julia and Julia shuddered._  
  
 _“Can you…touch me, though? I want to feel you…” Julia bit her lip as a wide smile spread across Jessica’s face._  
  
 _She nodded as she crawled up Julia’s body, kissing her deeply as she snaked her hand down between them, dipping her hand into Julia’s panties and feeling how wet she was._  
  
 _“Oh, fuck Julia…” Jessica dropped her head to the side of Julia’s head as she began sliding her hand up and down her slit, covering her hand before sliding up and finding Julia’s clit._  
  
 _Julia shrieked as Jessica made contact, and Jessica began to pull away before Julia said, “No! Please…”_  
  
 _Jessica smiled as she began to kiss Julia’s neck again, rubbing slow circles around Julia’s clit before dipping one finger into her._  
  
 _“AHH. FUCK.” Julia pinched her eyes shut and her body jolted at the sensation._  
  
 _Jessica moved so she was looking at Julia._  
  
 _“Open your eyes, beautiful…I want to see them. Those green eyes that have captivated me for as long as I can remember… please…”_  
  
 _Julia forced her eyes open as Jessica continued her movements._  
  
 _“This…gahhh…this…isn’t…fair. Your jeans are still on…” Julia breathed._  
  
 _Jessica smiled._  
  
 _“Don’t worry about that. Right now, it’s all about you. And you…are so beautiful.”_  
  
 _The music was still blaring above their heads, and “What’s Up?” by 4 Non Blondes came on._  
  
 _“I…love…this…song.” Julia began to writhe under Jessica’s touch as Jessica sped up her movements._  
  
 _“Me too….and now…it will be our song. A whole new meaning, yes?” Jessica pushed a second finger into Julia just as the song’s chorus rung out._  
  
 _Julia “Yeaaaah”ed with them and Jessica smiled as she started grinding down onto Julia’s thigh over her clothes._  
  
 _Jessica felt Julia’s walls tightening around her fingers and she held them there, feeling them contract._  
  
 _“Just let go, Baby… It’s ok.” Jessica whispered, and began to do a come-hither motion with her fingers, causing Julia to scream and grab the sheets as she felt herself cum for the first time in her life at the hands of another person._  
  
 _Her body convulsed and shook and Jessica smiled as she pulled her hand out of Julia’s panties and laid next to her._  
  
 _She showed Julia her cum that was on her fingers and she whispered, “Can I taste you…this way?”_  
  
 _Julia nodded furiously and Jessica stuck both fingers in her mouth, savoring the taste of Julia and sucking slowly._  
  
 _Julia watched, her eyes wide as her breathing slowly evened out._  
  
 _“Fuck. That’s so hot. Yeah…I’m going to want to taste you too.”_  
  
 _Jessica smiled._  
  
 _“Good thing we’ve got forever, right?”_  
  
_______________  
  
 **Daisy** : Julia Dunne! I had no idea. I mean, I knew something would probably happen, but wow. Did you guys do anything else after that?  
  
  
 **Julia** : No, we literally watched an episode of FRIENDS, the episode of the Lesbian wedding, go figure! [laughs] and then ate and drank everything from the mini bar, had a dance party, then slept together. Like actually slept. We solidified us that day. Or so I thought. But that’s why I didn’t feel the need to rush with her. I wanted to take my time.  
  
 **  
Daisy** : You were glowing the next day, I remember that.  
  
 **  
Julia** : Yeah, I remember mom asking how the night was, and we just laughed. No one knew that forever started that night.  
  
 **  
Jessica** : That really was the best night.  
  
 **  
Julia** : I wish you hadn’t forgotten.


	4. Chapter 4

**Julia** : In the spring of 1994, Billy and Daisy and their boys headed to Los Angeles. Billy Dunne was set to help produce a record with former bandmate Eddie Loving, so the four of them rented a house in Malibu...not far from Graham and Camila, or as they were known then...The OTHER Dunnes.

**Graham** : The Other Dunnes. Are you kidding me? I was ALWAYS the other Dunne. We were the west coast Dunne’s. You go on ahead and change that and please don’t you tell your mom that Jagger refers to her as the other Dunnes.

**Julia** : Noted.

**Jagger** : The West Coast Dunnes? Really? I own this coast. [he laughs] but...ok.

**Julia** : Tell me about the summer of ‘94.

**Jagger** : [sings] I got my first real six string...bought it at the five and dime...played it til my fingers bled...

**Julia** : That’s the summer of ‘69, Jag, come on.

**Jagger** : [still singing...to the tune of Bryan Adams’ Summer Of ‘69] I got a job at a studio, recording music every day, played at a party on the strip, til my mom got in the way....better?

**Julia** : [laughing] Yes. You pain in the ass.

**Dylan** : So we spent that summer in LA. And man did we. On the beach all day, in the studio all night, working with dad and Eddie. Pretty sure they had to pay Jagger but there was nowhere I’d rather be. Helping them mix down tracks. Billy really listened to my ideas. Even let me lay some guitar on a few. Radiohead. They were in there a lot, and I just soaked it up. I couldn’t learn fast enough.

**Julia** : You were 11.

**Dylan** : That I was.

**Billy** : Dylan never played like a kid. He never heard music like a kid. Jagger took time to find his voice and what he wanted to do with it. But Dylan? You could talk to him about tunes and he would talk back like he had that song in his blood from the day he was born. Now lyrics? That’s where Jagger started to show some real talent. He had a sharp tongue. Real quick. And he could write. But Dylan knew music. He knew how to produce it. And he knew it way before any of us would have expected him to. Then you had this grounding force in Tyler. A mix of both of them. It was just, they just really started to put things together.

**Tyler** : Jagger and Dylan were off and running, you know? Camila was still worried about me running track and keeping up with grades. So I was playing on my own when I could but it wasn’t til they came around that summer that we really got to just live it. I’d been in the studio with Eddie but...[he laughs]...Eddie is the man. But having a ten year old kid hanging around asking about knobs and switches? I needed Billy there as a buffer. He never minded teaching us. Teaching me.

**Jagger** : This one time I come in straight from the beach right, I mean wet suit around my waist and I just plan on asking Billy for some cash so Tyler and I can go to the Santa Monica Pier that night.

**Julia** : ...and your driver...

**Jagger** : ...and my beautiful, charming, driver who I could not live without. [he smiles] ANYWAY. I get to the studio and dad is pissed cause I’m dripping water in the entryway. And I’m standing there asking him for money and I hear Dylan. He’s in there fucking SITTING IN with Thom Yorke. THOM YORKE. So I go in to see what the hell is going on, cause I’m not gonna miss that.

**Dylan** : Jagger comes in and the two of us are playing through High And Dry. Still one of my favorite songs. And he stands in the door and listens for maybe two minutes before asking if he can sing on it. Just for kicks, you know. So he joins in and the three of us jam on it.

**Daisy** : I just happened to come in at the right time, I was grabbing Dylan for dinner. And that sound. You would never have guessed it was one of the most legendary musicians of the 1990’s entertaining two pre-teens. They sounded legit. I went into the control room with Eddie and Billy, and Billy gave me this look. We knew it. They had it. They were babies, but damn. They had it.

**Billy** : Daisy took the boys home and Thom Yorke comes out of the studio and asks about the them. They were playing The Greek. He wanted to bring the boys out to open. Just to play a song or two. Thought it would be a real tip of the hat to the fact that members of The Six were producing his album. I remember thinking...Daisy will never let this happen.

**Jagger** : He didn’t tell us for a solid week. There were a few times that I’d hear him and mom...Daisy...talking around it like they were using code, and I knew something was up.

**Daisy** : Was I proud of them? I could not have been prouder. Was I terrified? More than I had ever been of anything else.

**Dylan** : Graham was actually the one to sit us down about it. We were dicking around in the studio one afternoon, maybe a week later, the three of us. And he comes over the speakers and tells us to pick our three favorite covers and perfect them. That Billy is coming in at like, five. Gave us a solid few hours.

**Tyler** : My dad had already talked to me about it. It went a little something like this: “This is a great opportunity. You boys have a great sound. If you work hard, you can do this. Jagger is going to need a leash and you’ll be the one holding it.” I knew that was the voice or experience talking.

**Graham** : I know it’s 20/20 hindsight but I saw the writing on the wall. And we all knew that they were already under the microscope. I’d never say that they got where they are because of who we were, but it maybe made it happen a helluva lot faster.

**Jagger** : That night everyone came in. And I mean everyone. Billy and Daisy, Graham and Camila. You, the twins, Soph. Eddie and Karen. Everyone is sitting in the control room and Graham comes over the speaker and says, “Three song set...go. Whatever happens you don’t stop. Play it through.”

**Dylan** : So we play Sympathy For The Devil, Kids In America...

**Tyler** :...and Regret Me. Just to fuck with them. We played through. Didn’t stop.

**Dylan** : We didn’t have to. We knew those songs inside and out.

**Jagger** : They were dead silent when we were done. You could have heard a pin drop. Daisy cried. Like, not sobbing cried, but hand me a handkerchief kinda crying.

**Julia** : That was really the first time you guys actually performed. Not just playing around. I remember feeling like I was witnessing something important. Like how people probably felt when The Six were just finding their groove. But this was the big debut. Other than maybe Papa’s funeral. I overheard Eddie lean into Billy and ask if he taught you that. And Billy said, “that’s not me...that’s all him.”

**Camila** : You could watch Jagger perform and squint your eyes and be sure he was Billy Dunne. Minus the Tennessee Tuxedo.

**Jagger** : So Billy sits for a minute, leaning back. And I’m just waiting for it.

**Dylan** : He finally leaned into the mic and smiled at us....

**Tyler** : He asked if we wanted to play The Greek. The fucking Greek. With Radiohead. I had fucking braces in my mouth and I was gonna play The Greek.

**Jagger** : No shit we wanted to play that show. I mean what kind of asshole says no to that?

**Camila** : I was excited. But still kind of hoping it would be a one shot thing and then the boys would get back to school in the fall.

**Daisy** : It wasn’t a one shot kind of thing. No matter how much their mama bears wanted it to be. And they never did go back to school.

**Julia** : In the summer of 1994, The Dunne Boys (as they had named themselves) made a brief opening appearance before the sold out Radiohead show at Los Angeles’ Greek Theatre. The Boys played the same three song set they had played in Eddie Loving’s studio that day...and the reaction of the crowd was an indicator of the success that was waiting for them just around the corner.

__________________________

_**1994** _

_The Dunne Boys had drummed up all sorts of excitement as word spread that they were making an unannounced appearance at the show at The Greek. Their families sat in a box off to the side of the stage, relatively unnoticed, when Billy noticed that Daisy was tapping her foot anxiously, trying to sit but standing and pacing more often than not._

_“Heyyyy, they are gonna be fine.” Billy took her hand and tried to assure her._

_“I know, I’m just nervous. And I don’t like them being backstage without us.”_

_Daisy was chewing her fingers. Billy laughed._

_“Daisy, they are kids. No one’s offering them coke if that’s what you mean.” She sneered at him as he talked but he wasn’t entirely wrong. His defenses had been up around Jagger since the first time she caught him dipping his fingers into Camila’s wine at a dinner party._

_“Besides. Graham is back there. And Rod. It’s better that we aren’t there. Just...relax.”_

_She tried to smile as he touched her face._

_“I know what would help....” Camila whispered from beside them as she gestured behind Daisy._

_It was Simone. And Treena. Making their way up the stairs past security. Daisy lept in their direction, embracing Simone and then pulling Treena in tight._

_“Oh my God you made it!!! I didn’t think you’d be back til next week?!”_

_“Miss my baby boy’s professional debut,are you kidding me??” Simone and Daisy wrapped their arms around each other and rocked back and forth._

_“And what about this beautiful ball of light?? How was the audition??” Daisy pulled Treena into her side and held her. Treena was a miniature Simone. All beauty and guts and confidence._

_“Well if I get it, great! And if not, it’ll suck so it won’t matter.”_

_Daisy and Simone laughed. Treena had been in Orlando auditioning for a Disney Channel pilot and left early to make the gig._

_“We are really working on her confidence.”_

_The three of them sat down and waited for the boys to take the stage. Simone took Daisy’s hand._

_“The first time I walked out of an audition room and left my baby behind, I sat in my car and cried. I prayed to Jake to look after her. I saw all the ways it could go wrong. I panicked.” Simone spoke softly and smiled._

“ _So what did you do?”_

_“I started focusing on all the ways it could go right.”_

_They both turned to Treena, standing in front of them leaning on the rail. Like she couldn’t wait for the show to begin. Bouncing side to side with the music as the lights dimmed._

_Billy took Daisy’s hand as the lights went down._

_Just next to him sat Julia...and Jessica to her side. Julia rested her head on Billy’s shoulder for a minute. She could feel his heart pounding even if he would never admit he was nervous._

_“You ok?” She asked. He smiled at her._

_“I’m great. I’m glad you’re here.”_

_He reached his arm around her and it hit Jessica at her side, who was laying her head on Julia’s shoulder the same way she was on Billy’s. Billy looked over at her for a minute and then slowly smiled. He mussed the top of her hair with his hand._

_“My girls.” He whispered to Julia just as the lights came up onstage and The Dunne Boys started with the first chords of Sympathy For The Devil. Billy could see Graham just offstage and they made eye contact and Graham gave a thumbs up. Camila and the twins were standing behind them and Camila rested her hands on Daisy’s shoulders as the girls...led by Treena...started to go wild._

________________

**Treena** : They walked onto that stage like they were born there, which I guess they were, right?? But I couldn’t take my eyes off of Jagger. Jagger Dunne. I had loved that boy since before he had teeth I think. And he just got more and more...well...Jagger...every time I saw him. And I promise you there were women in that audience that had to remind themselves that boy was only 14.

**Dylan** : It was like nothing I had ever felt before. The sounds. People losing their minds. I could see Daisy. And she sat there like a deer in headlights but by the time we started Kids In America? She was on her feet...dancing and cheering. Of all the things that happened that day and on those days that followed...that’s when I felt like a rock star. I got my nervous mom to live in that moment with me. And she remembered who she was, too.

**Tyler** : There was no going back. I stopped worrying about putting Jagger on a leash. I didn’t want anyone on a leash. I didn’t want to be told we were just kids anymore. We were fucking rockstars.

**Jagger** : We came offstage and Thom Yorke pulls me aside and says...”Your parents knew what they were doing when they named you.”Being compared to Mick Jagger? I mean everyone compared me to Billy Dunne. But THAT was a whole other thing for me.

**Simone** : Rod came out and told us that the boys were gonna watch from backstage and Treen begged to go with him. Begged. I remember looking at Daisy as he took her back, slipping her pass around her neck. I thought, oh Lord have mercy on my soul I am not prepared for my girl to get wrapped up in a Dunne.

**Daisy** : [laughing] I remember Simone asking if I thought Treena was sweet on Dylan. I just shook my head...we all knew better.

**Jessica** : I remember turning to Julia after that show and saying, “well, how does it feel to be the only non-rock star in your family?” She laughed.

**Julia** : And I told Jessica that as long as she didn’t have a thing for rock stars I was ok with it. Then I asked her...if she thought Billy was wise to us.

**Jessica** : Did I think Billy knew that Julia and I were falling in love and becoming an actual thing? I don’t know. He’s hard to read. I think at the time if he did know he played dumb. I would tell Julia that lesbians would absolutely be in Billy’s wheelhouse and he wouldn’t care. I mean, it was mostly a joke. Mostly. 

**Julia** : I told Jessica that while Billy Dunne may find lesbians sexy, imagining me in that light...the idea of no grand babies or living a life different than he had imagined for me...I didn’t know.

**Jessica** : Billy wouldn’t have wanted to think about his baby girl being with anyone. Male, female, or otherwise. He loved her fiercely. I knew he would protect her fiercely. And be afraid. It wasn’t a great time to be gay. It’s still not. But it really wasn’t then. It scared us a little and it would scare him a lot.

**Julia** : I knew it had to come from me. In those days I was glad to have the distraction of the boys. It took him longer to clue into me and that was ok. Once the boys ship set sail, we were all on it whether we were ready or not. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Billy** : I really wasn’t ready for that. Hearing about you and Jess. I mean…You know I’m not homophobic, right? But…  
  
 **  
Julia** : I know.  
  
  
 **Billy:** It was a lot to take in. I loved Jess. I still love Jess. Even more so now, but back then…  
  
  
 **Julia** : Did you know?  
  
  
 **Billy** : I suspected.  
  
  
 **Julia** : And?  
  
  
 **Billy** : [sighs] Look, I love you more than anyone else in this world. Always have. Always will. There was nothing you could ever say or do that would change that. I was just… I was just so caught up in your brothers and where they were heading… I just pushed anything else aside. But I noticed things. Saw the way you looked at each other… the way she’d brush hair off your forehead, or you would whisper in her ear. I tried to tell myself that you two were just close. Like sisters…  
  
  
 **Julia** : [laughs] Definitely not like sisters.  
  
  
 **Billy** : [smiles] Yeah, I know. I’m talking about back then. I think… I mean… I’ve never cared if someone was gay. Ever. Love who you love and fuck a world that tells you any differently. But… I guess I always pictured walking you down the aisle, meeting a man that would never be good enough for you, playing with grandbabies…  
  
  
 **Julia** : You still have all of those things, Dad.  
  
  
 **Billy** : [sighs] I know. Jessica isn't good enough for you. [winks] And I love our family. Your family. It was just a different time, you know? I was ignorant and it took a little while to get over my own shit. But honestly… [looks away and swallows hard] The thing that hurt me? It wasn’t that you loved someone I hadn’t planned on. It wasn’t that my image of what your life would look like changed… it was that you… you didn’t tell me first. That you told DAISY of all people, first. I thought we were closer than that.   
  
  
**Julia** : You were busy with the boys, Dad.  
  
  
 **Billy** : [stares into the camera] It was more than that, and you know it. You told Daisy when you were eight. Then again at fifteen, but you didn’t feel like you could tell me? That made me feel like I had really fucked up in life. Twenty-One, Jules. You waited until you were Twenty-One...  
  
 **  
Julia** : Dad…  
  
  
 **Billy** : [waves me off] I’m not trying to whine or get pity. But you want me to be raw and honest, right?  
  
  
 **Julia** : Right.  
  
  
 **Camila** : I really had no idea. Truly. Maybe it was just being so busy with Sophia and Tyler and then of course, whatever was happening with the whole Dunne Boys skyrocketing. You were at Stanford and thriving. I had just never thought it would be a thing. I figured you would bring home a nice young man whenever you met one, but I knew you had high standards. You always said that you never wanted to marry someone who cared about your last name. Someone who didn’t care about Billy Dunne or Daisy Jones. That’s exactly who Jessica is, and I’m sorry that I didn’t see that back then. But baby girl… I wish you would have told me... [tears well in her eyes]  
  
  
 **Julia:** I’m sorry, mom. I really am. I just… I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t tell you. Not until I knew I could love myself first. It was a lot.  
  
  
 **Camila** : [nods then whispers] But it wasn’t too much to tell Daisy?  
  
________________  
  
 **October 31 st, 1994.**   
  
  
_“Hey…dad? Can I talk to you tonight? After the party?” Julia bit her lip as she talked to Billy, whose eyes were focused on the boys._  
  
 _It was Halloween and Treena’s birthday, and they were having a huge Halloween birthday bash.  
  
The boys, of course, were playing, and right in the middle of “Runaway” by Bon Jovi, WITH Bon Jovi. He was a close family friend and had really taken an interest in The Dunne Boys. _  
  
_“Mhmm, of course, Sweetheart.” Billy nodded to Julia without looking at her, barely hearing her._  
  
 _Julia turned and walked away, scanning the crowd for Jessica._  
  
 _“Hey!” Jessica found her and reached up to kiss her on the cheek, but Julia pulled away quickly._  
  
 _“Not here.” Julia looked around anxiously, making sure no one saw anything._  
  
 _Jessica huffed and crossed her arms._  
  
 _“This is bullshit, Julia. I love you. I want to be able to kiss you… my GIRLFRIEND in public. You need to tell your family already. It’s been six months since… you know.”_  
  
 _“Shhh…” Julia shushed her as she looked around again._

  
 _“I know, I know. I just… I’m not ready yet. I thought about telling my dad tonight but… he’s too focused on my brothers. It’s not a good time.”_  
  
 _Jessica scowled as she said, “It's never a good time."  
  
Julia gave her an apologetic look. "But now is REALLY not a good time."  
  
Jessica's face got serious as she leaned in and said, "Yeah, well, then maybe it’s not a good time for us either”, and walked away, leaving the party entirely._  
  
 _Julia stood there as Jagger was belting out “Living on a Prayer”, feeling lost and empty for the first time in her life. She knew it was time to tell her dad, but she was terrified._  
  
 _She looked around for Daisy and found her in the back with Simone, laughing and eating birthday cake._  
  
 _She walked up to them and Simone stood up and hugged her tight._  
  
 _“There’s the beautiful Julia! Good Lord, you have really blossomed into such a beautiful young woman, Jules.”_  
  
 _Julia smiled weakly as she said, “Thanks, Simone. Where’s the birthday girl?”_  
  
 _Simone laughed._  
  
 _“Probably right in front of the stage, blowing out her eardrums for just one look from Dylan.”_  
  
 _Julia lifted her eyebrow as she said, “You think she likes Dylan?”_  
  
 _Simone’s smile dropped as she looked at Julia and then at Daisy who was hiding her smile and laugh behind her hand._  
  
 _“Oh HELL NO. Jagger?!”_  
  
 _Julia started laughing and Simone grabbed her drink and said, “Now I gotta go find that girl and watch her like a hawk! Catch up with you two later.”_  
  
 _Julia took the seat across from Daisy that Simone had just left, and bit her lip as Daisy said, “You ok?”  
  
_ Julia bounced her leg before saying, _“I think… I think I’m going to tell dad.”_  
  
 _“What?” Daisy shouted over the band that was only getting louder._  
  
 _“I THINK I’M GOING TO TELL DAD.” Julia sat back and Daisy’s face softened as concern and pride spread across it._  
  
 _“I’m proud of you! Do you want me to be there?”_  
  
 _Julia shook her head._  
  
 _“No, but… can you occupy the boys so that I can talk to him alone?!”_  
  
 _Daisy smiled and nodded._  
  
 _“I can do you one better! Hold on.” She stood up, leaving Julia alone at the table as she went to find Billy._  
  
 _Julia watched her find him, then whisper something in his ear, smiling as he nodded. She walked back and sat back down in her seat as she said, “You and your dad have a date! I’m taking the boys to get some food after this and the two of you can do whatever.” She smiled and Julia felt her heart begin to race._  
  
 _“Thanks, Dais. But…there’s food here. The boys aren’t going to eat it?”_  
  
 _Daisy laughed again._  
  
 _“Oh Jules. Those boys could eat every last bit of food here and still eat a whole cow each. They’re teenagers. They’re always hungry.”_  
  
 _Julia laughed, and Daisy stood up, putting a hand on Julia’s shoulder and kissing the top of her head._  
  
 _“I’m proud of you, sweet girl. Call me tonight if you need me.”_  
  
 _Julia felt a lump forming in her throat as she nodded._  
  
 _____________  
  
 _“Miss Julia Dunne, I hear you and I get to have a date night like old times!”  
  
The party goers had left, the cleaning crew and caterers were cleaning up and Daisy had taken the boys, Treena and Simone out for some burgers, leaving just Billy and Julia standing in the middle of the hall._  
  
 _“Where is Jessica? Is she joining us?” Billy looked around and Julia shook her head._  
  
 _“No, she left a while ago.”_  
  
 _Billy nodded._  
  
 _“So, what kind of date is this? Ice cream? Dinner? Trick or treating?” He winked and Julia laughed._  
  
 _“Oh goodness. No. But… I do need to talk to you about something important. Can we go somewhere private?”_  
  
 _Billy pursed his lips as he thought._  
  
 _“I know just the place.”_  
  
  
 _They drove back to Daisy and Billy’s house, and Julia felt her pulse quickening._  
  
 _“Um, Dad… I don’t want to talk here. I need… I mean the boys…” She sighed. “I need somewhere more private where we won’t be interrupted.”_  
  
 _Billy smiled as he looked over at her._  
  
 _“I know. Trust me, ok?”_  
  
 _Julia bit her lip and nodded._  
  
 _Billy pulled up the driveway and continued driving, onto the grass and around the house._  
  
 _Julia looked at him with a curious look until she saw where he was taking her._  
  
 _The camper._  
  
 _“Ohh, Daddy…” Julia felt tears welling up in her eyes as Billy put his hand on her knee._  
  
 _“All of our important things happened in this camper. It was where we made some of our best memories. Remember?”_  
  
 _Julia nodded as she bit her lip, tears slowly falling down her face._  
  
 _They were quite a ways away from the house, and Billy parked the car right in front of the camper door, running around the car to open Julia’s door._  
  
 _They walked into the camper and Julia instantly felt like a kid again._  
  
 _She hadn’t been in there in years, but it still felt like a warm blanket where she could dream and play and imagine._  
  
 _Billy walked over to the squeaky bed and plopped on his back, patting the spot next to him for her to lay beside him._  
  
 _She giggled as she did, and in unison, they both lifted their legs and touched the ceiling with their feet, laughing the whole time._  
  
 _“Remember when I would do this and send you into a fit of giggles? You loved it. Now you can do it yourself.” Billy’s smile dropped as the fact that Julia was now a woman hit him hard._  
  
 _“Yeah. I remember. Those were the best days, dad. Putting on Daisy’s jewelry, our dance parties…all of the ice cream…”_  
  
 _“And all of the puking to go along with it!” They both laughed and then laid there in silence, staring at their feet._  
  
 _“So…what’s up, baby girl? Not that I don’t LOVE spending time with you, but…this is unexpected. Daisy said you needed to talk to me?”_  
  
 _Julia felt her heart beating out of her chest and tears instantly falling down her face._  
  
 _“Yeah…but…I’m scared.” Her voice was shaky, and Billy lifted a hand up to her. She took it and he felt her trembling in his hand._  
  
 _“Julia, you can tell me anything. It’s me, I am always here, remember?”_  
  
 _Julia nodded and took a deep breath._  
  
 _“It’s about me and Jessica…”_  
  
 _“Okayyy…” Billy whispered, holding his breath as he suddenly felt his heart beginning to race._  
  
 _“I… we…god…um…she’s my…girl…friend.” Julia spoke slowly, her words moving like molasses out of her mouth._  
  
 _Billy laughed._  
  
 _“Yeah, I know she’s your girlfriend. She has been for years. She’s your Simone. Every girl needs a good girl friend! That’s what you were scared to tell me?” He looked over at Julia, his face bright until he saw her tears._  
  
 _Julia shook her head.  
  
"She’s not like Simone, dad. Not unless…Daisy and Simone…had sex.”_  
  
 _Billy started coughing and sat up quickly._  
  
 _“What?”_  
 _  
Julia sat up too, looking at him with fear and desperation, begging him to understand her._  
  
 _“She’s my…Girlfriend, dad. Not my friend who’s a girl. And we’ve been together officially now for six months.”_  
  
 _Billy bit his lip, his mind racing as he tried to figure out what to say and how to say it, all while being supportive and processing through her words._  
  
 _“Ok.”  
  
That was the best he could do._  
  
 _  
“Ok? Is there…anything you want to ask me?”_  
  
 _Billy bit his cheek again as he thought._  
  
 _“Does anyone else know?”_  
  
 _  
Julia nodded._  
  
 _“Daisy. And I think Tyler.”_  
  
 _Billy exhaled a deep breath, not hearing anything but Daisy; the information that she already knew, hitting him hard._  
  
 _“You told Daisy and not... me?”_  
  
 _Julia felt the tears slipping again as she looked down at the blanket on the bed, playing mindlessly with a loose thread._  
  
 _“I couldn’t tell you, dad. It was… I didn’t want to disappoint you, or make you mad...I just...” She looked up at him with tears falling rapidly, and his heart broke. So much was coming at him at once, and he felt more hurt than shocked._  
  
 _“Ok. Well. I'm not mad. Umm. I love you. You know that, right?” His voice was emotionless, doing his best to remain calm but giving her the wrong impression._  
  
 _She nodded._  
  
 _“Ok. Good.” Billy looked at the watch on his wrist and said, “It’s getting late. I should get you home.”_  
  
 _“Dad…”_  
  
 _“It’s ok, Jules. I’m just tired.” Billy stood up and exited the camper, not waiting for her._  
  
 _He drove her home in silence, and Julia walked into her place, collapsed on her bed, and cried herself to sleep, feeling absolutely miserable and relieved all at the same time._  
  
 _  
Billy pulled over on the side of the road after he dropped off Julia, and slammed the steering wheel as he yelled._  
  
 _Julia was always his little princess. He had done everything in his power to keep her close. Earn her trust. Be someone she could talk to._  
  
 _Then the most important thing ever was happening in her life, and she didn’t trust him with it._  
  
 _He was devastated.  
  
Thoughts of grandkids and having a son in law to muck around with someday…normalcy, all went out the window. _  
  
_He felt like something had just been stolen from him and he didn’t even know what.  
  
He just knew he hurt._  
  
 _He wanted to talk to Daisy, but he had an unexplainable anger that she had known about this, and didn’t tell him, so he didn't want to go home.  
  
Julia was HIS daughter. Not hers. She had no right to keep this from him._  
  
 _He pulled out his Motorola DynaTAC and called the only person he knew to call in that moment. The person he knew would know what to do and understand how he felt.  
  
The only person he needed right then._  
  
 ** _Camila._**  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Camila** : I remember reading a quote from Jackie Kennedy that if you mess up raising your kids, nothing else really matters. I always believed that. Billy did, too. And Daisy...and Graham. Raising our families was, and is, top priority. That was why when everything started happening for the boys we were meticulous about how things happened to them. But for me it was more than that. I wanted my children to be safe. I lost sleep over their safety. If Billy wanted you girls to be happy all the time, I wanted you to be safe. Even when you were babies. Billy would see the thrill of you being backstage, and I would provide the earplugs so you weren’t deaf at forty. I needed to know you were safe so that no matter what happened to your dad and I, or Graham and Daisy, you would be ok. So when I learned about your sexuality for the first time...in that shit storm of a time that I still wish has been so so different, Julia...I was afraid. I was afraid for you. I immediately thought of how people might treat you. There was a lot of hate. Everywhere. San Francisco, people like Harvey Milk that we’re changing our system? They were being killed. And I was scared for what it meant for people like you and Jessica to live in that kind of world. That was all I could think about. And Julia, I know deep down, I promise you from the first time I talked to your dad...he was afraid, too. He just doesn’t do a good job of feeling afraid and not letting it make him an asshole. It’s easier sometimes, especially for men, to be jerks than to be vulnerable. 

**Billy** : There are a lot of things I’ve done that I wish I had done differently. I try to say I don’t regret things because I really believe things happen how they are meant to. But I fucked that up pretty bad. Which is probably why you didn’t come to me in the first place...

**Julia** :I wouldn’t say that, I just knew it would be hard for you and I was afraid to be the reason you were hurting.

**Billy** : [he pauses] I’m sorry I didn’t give you that same courtesy. 

**Camila** : When Billy called that night I knew something was wrong. He told me he wasn’t far and asked if he could pick me up for a ride. Of course I said yes because I knew something wasn’t right. When he came by Graham was as nervous as I was. I told him it had to be about the girls because all throughout our lives together that was still the piece that Billy and I fought desperately to navigate together. Graham didn’t love it. Because to him, he was your father, too. But he understood it. And he respected your dad and how he had raised you. But I know that me leaving the house in the middle of the night to go for a drive with your dad probably wasn’t his ideal situation. We never really outgrew those moments.

**Daisy** : I was trying to keep the boys occupied as they relived the magic of the party, Simone was trying to keep Jagger and Treena apart [she laughs] but I noticed you two come in to the camper and I noticed you leave. I thought maybe you were just taking a drive to talk. It wasn’t until you called me in the middle of the night that I knew things had gone sideways. It must have been...what...two in the morning? And then I thought...well, where the hell is your dad then?

___________________________

**October 31st, 1994**

_Billy pulled up and picked up Camila, who ran to the car as it started to drizzle a little. Graham waved from the door and Billy tried to return a slight wave. Camila slid in as Billy opened the door for her. She shook off some rain before looking at Billy and trying to read his face._

_“Hey, what’s going on?” Camila asked almost immediately as Billy started to drive._

_“I just....I need to talk to you about something....” Billy spoke as he took off towards the Pacific._

_“Is everyone ok? You’re scaring me a little, I’m not gonna lie...” Camila was trying to stay calm but Billy wouldn’t make eye contact with her. He pulled over, into some tree cover on the side of the road, and put the car in park. He inhaled deeply with his hands on the wheel._

_“Jesus. I don’t know where to start....”_

_“Well you better because you’re really worrying me....”_

_Billy turned in his seat to face Camila. He was chewing the inside of his cheek._

_“How would you feel if Julia kept something secret from you. Something huge.” Camila raised an eyebrow as she listened to him try to find the words._

_“I guess I would just hope that she was mature enough to have her reasons and that...I would hope it wasn’t because she was in some kind of trouble?” Camila tried to answer a question that she didn’t even really understand._

_“Ok but what if she told someone else. Like, say Daisy. So you knew it wasn’t that she was mature or whatever...you knew it was because she just didn’t want YOU to know. Would you be mad? Hurt? What....”_

_Camila furrowed both brows and shook her head._

_“Ok, stop talking around this and tell me what’s going on. I can’t give you a straight answer until you give me a straight question.”_

_“A straight question...” Billy kind of smirked and then turned and put his head on the steering wheel, talking as he left it there._

_“Has Julia ever hinted to you that maybe...fuck...that she and Jess...that she...”_

_“Oh for fuck’s sake Billy, what??”_

_“Ok, Goddamnit. Has Julia talked to you about being into girls? Like...not being into men.”_

_Camila stared at him. Trying to process it. Was he telling her that this was Julia’s secret?_

_“I....no...I mean she hasn’t ever said much either way...she....wait...why are you asking....”_

_Billy’s heart sank slowly into his chest. He didn’t want to think that Camila knew before he did, too...but he also didn’t want to think that she was as clueless as he was. He turned to her and read her worried face._

_“Julia’s gay. That was what she wanted to talk about tonight. She and Jess...it’s more than just like...Daisy and Simone. It’s...more.”_

_Camila was quiet and felt a sob in her throat._

_“She....never told me.”_

_They were quiet, both hurting about things in common and differently. Billy tried to read her reaction but her face was stoic even as a tear escaped her._

_“Daisy....Daisy knew?”_

_Billy nodded._

_“She’s known for a long time.”_

_Camila turned and looked out the passenger side window and let the rest of her tears fall. Her daughter took the heaviest burden she had ever had to bear and laid it down with....Daisy Jones. She fought hard to try to understand why._

_“She told you tonight...what did you say to her....” Camila tried instead to focus on making sure her daughter’s heart was intact and the way Billy laid his head back into his seat proved to her that it probably was not._

_“Fuck Camila I just took her back to the apartment. I told her I was too tired to talk about it. I just...I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to feel...I...”_

_“I! I! I! God damnit Billy Dunne you never change! Listen to yourself! “I”? This is not about you. Who gives a fuck if she told Daisy. She told someone. You should be happy she chose your wife! Do you know what it must have taken for her to come out to you?? And you took her home??? Alone?? What in the hell is your actual problem!? She worships you. And you make her feel like she has done something wrong by loving her best friend?! We should all be so lucky. I knew it was a matter of time before you disappointed her again in a way you can’t undo. And this time she can actually feel it and you have NO excuse. It took twenty one years but here it is!”_

_Camila was shouting at him. Screaming. Billy’s eyes widened._

_“Hey! Fuck you! That’s what this is now? Queen Camila sitting around waiting for me to fuck up??? Is there some pool I don’t know about? Guess when Billy becomes a huge disappointment again?? I bet Graham has me pegged for that too, right? Let’s not forget who she DIDN’T tell....”_

_“Oh you’re going to throw that in my face now? Like she trusts you more than me?? Well you blew it. She’ll probably never trust anyone again now. Take me home. I don’t want to even look at you.”_

_“You know maybe if you didn’t make everyone feel like they have to jump through hoops to earn your attention she wouldn’t be in this damn mess.” Billy spit at her as he started the car._

_They both knew their anger was misplaced. But it was their only option._

_“What?? Because I expect a lot from the people I love I made her a lesbian??” Camila was in tears and Billy shot her a look._

_“I didn’t say that. I said maybe she would have come to you if you didn’t make everyone so fucking afraid to disappoint you.” Billy’s voice was calmer but seething._

_“Maybe if she didn’t pick the wrong guy to hero worship she wouldn’t have given up on men all together.” It escaped Camila’s mouth faster than she could take it back and she immediately regretted words that insulted them both._

_“Wow. That’s a real fucked up thing to say.” Billy stared at her in disbelief and they drove back to Camila’s in cold, dead silence. Not another word to each other until they reached the house and Billy grabbed her hand as she reached for the door. She stopped and squeezed it, letting herself cry again as she covered her eyes._

_“I’m sorry.” He whispered, “I didn’t mean for this to go the way it did. Should I go talk to her? I’m not good at this like you are. I don’t know what to do. And I know you think I’m selfish I’m just....”_

_Billy fought back a sob that made it hard for him to finish, so Camila filled in the blank._

_“Scared....”_

_“Yeah.” He replied softly and she let herself fall into his shoulder._

_“Me, too. I want her to be happy, Billy. I want her to be whoever she wants to be. That’s what we want for them. Right? This is just...harder.”_

_“Yeah.” He replied again. They sat there for a minute before Billy noticed Graham watching from the window and elbowed Camila gently to sit up._

_“Do me a favor? Don’t say anything to Graham. Or Jules. I need to figure out how to fix this first. I don’t want her to hate me because I told you and she didn’t.”_

_Camila nodded, squeezed his hand again, and stepped out of the car. She turned to him and leaned back into the door before shutting it._

_“Sleep on it tonight. Talk it over with Daisy. But call her in the morning and set this right. You broke her heart. You need to fix it. Fast. She needs you so don’t make it about you right now. Ok? And I don’t mean that in a shitty way. She will be worried for you. So you have to be worried...for her.”_

_“I am.” he answered. And Camila shut the door and wiped her face as she walked and met Graham at the door._

________________________

**Graham** : I didn’t want to give her an opportunity to have to lie to me so I just didn’t ask. I made her some tea and just asked what I could do. I knew she would tell me when the time was right. I had to be ok with that. [he pauses] Didn’t mean I liked it. 

**Camila** : Graham was coddling me and I felt guilty. I wasn’t the one who needed taken care of but the person who did? I couldn’t help her. She didn’t want my help.... 

**Julia** : Mom... 

**Camila** :No. It’s important. I had to start looking at things from your perspective. And it made me realize I hadn’t always been very good about doing that. I made your dad promise to call me the next morning and I knew I wouldn’t feel well until he did. 

**Daisy** : Billy didn’t get home til almost three. By then you and I had been on the phone for almost an hour. When I saw his headlights we said goodnight...and I braved myself for whatever might be next. 

**Billy** : Was I mad at Daisy? I don’t know if mad is the right word. Annoyed? Maybe a little betrayed? Really it was just that for as many times as we pledged to be honest with each other she was hiding this from me. I mean...I understand...but at the time? It just felt like a little bit of a gut punch yeah. 

**Daisy** : He came in emotionally exhausted. Like, you could see it. I knew what had happened with you. I did not know what had happened in the mean time. So when I asked him where he had been and he said he went to see your mom.... 

**Billy** : “Please tell me you did not tell Camila.” Those were her first words to me. Like she could read my damn mind. I feel horrible enough about it already but when Daisy Jones is pissed enough to call you out? That’s a different circle of hell altogether. 

**Daisy** : I tried hard to be sympathetic but I was already sad for you. Your dad was your best friend. And he let you down. But he knew it. As soon as I saw him. He knew it, too. He said, “well, since you’re the one who knows her best will you tell me how to clean up this mess?” He was hurt. But he meant it. And he knew I could help. He sat down at the kitchen table and I sat next to him. 

_____________________

** October 31st, 1994  **

_Daisy slunk slowly into a seat and handed Billy a glass of water._

_“Before you say anything I want you to know that Julia loves you more than anything. And while it has been hard for both her and me to keep this from you she had to do this in her own time. And...I had to honor that. Billy...this is the first time she made me feel like her mother. She made me feel like someone worthy of her trust. She made me feel like she could love me the way she loves you and it has been one of the biggest honors of my life. So I need you to not take this personally and just know how important it is to us as a family that your girls love each other enough to have this kind of a bond. You would have been angrier if I had betrayed your little girl. So I was not going to that. No matter what.”_

_Billy turned to her and smiled faintly._

_“I wasn’t the dad she needed tonight. I haven’t felt like that since the day she was born. The night she was born I couldn’t even look at her. I missed so much. And I let her down. And tonight, I did the same damn thing, Dais.”_

_“Ok. You fucked up. We all do it. So make it right. You know you could murder your whole family and Julia would still find a way to defend you. She’s desperate for you to fix this.”_

_Billy swiveled in his seat to face her._

_“Did she call you?” Billy arched an eyebrow and Daisy nodded._

_“She could have been calling you. I’m guessing she assumed you’d be here....but it doesn’t matter. She’s hurting.”_

_Billy stood up._

_“Ok I’m gonna go over there.”_

_Daisy grabbed his hand as he stood._

_“No. Billy it’s almost four in the morning. Get a few hours of sleep and then do what you do best...”_

_Billy squinted at her._

_“What I do best?” He asked as if he was struggling to think of anything he did well. Daisy stood and moved to the cabinets, pulling out flour...sugar...._

_“Yes. You go over there and you make her pancakes and you talk it out the way you talk about anything. As a dad who just realized his daughter is in love with the daughter of his best friend. Someone who will love her and cherish her and take care of her....someone who you already love. You don’t have to worry about panicking about her fucking some dead beat rockstar like Camila’s dad did when she brought your ass home...”_

_“Oh for God’s sake you too???”_

_Daisy turned to him as he responded and they smiled at each other._

_“See? It could be worse. Most girls marry their fathers. Julia? She already is her father...so she needed to find something different. Not better. Not worse. Different.”_

_Daisy stroked the side of his face._

_“You wanna come lay on the couch and just pretend to sleep for a few hours? I let Simone and Treena stay in our bed....she didn’t trust her anywhere else in the house.”_

_Billy smiled as he turned and kissed her hand._

_“Ok, Daisy. Ok.”_

________________

**Julia:** I had the privilege of being raised by four great human beings. Not four rock stars. Human beings. And I learned different things from each of them. Coming out as a queer person in the mid-nineties was a blip on the radar to most people following the story of our families. With The Dunne Boys signing with RCA, the quiet coming out of their older sister went mercilessly unnoticed. But to me, it changed my world and it changed my relationships with all of my parents and family. My mother, Camila, struggled to grapple with our relationship as a whole. Daisy Jones became a fierce advocate for LGBTQ rights. Graham Dunne and I formed a unique bond when he became the quiet voice of reason in my life. And my father, Billy Dunne, stumbled clumsily through another major life event...and taught me how to learn to do that with grace. I loved them all for shaping the woman I was becoming and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.   
  


The boys, for the most part, just thought it was cool that this meant there may be hot lesbians at their after parties....once they were old enough to care. I would grow to gently remind them that with their fame, their would be hot people of all sexualities at their parties and it would have very little to do with their protective older sister.


	7. Chapter 7

**Jagger** : I’m sorry it was so tough for you, sis. Seriously. If I had known all of that was going on, I probably would have decked dad.  
  
  
 **Julia** : It’s fine, Jag. We were all trying to navigate. And let’s be real, you were always looking for a reason to deck dad. You didn't need my help. [laughs]  
  
  
 **Jagger** : True, but it’s still not ok that you were alone in that.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Thanks, baby brother.  
  
  
 **Billy:** I didn’t sleep at all that night. I just kept replaying every stupid thing I said, or didn’t say, over and over in my head. It was a good thing that Daisy was there to talk some sense into me because I would have gone to your place and knocked loudly and woken up the neighbors at like 4am. But was soon as the clock hit 8, I was in the car and on my way; flour, sugar, butter and maple syrup all in hand.  
  
  
 **Julia** : You really can’t beat your pancakes. No matter the occasion, good or bad, they fix everything.  
  
  
 **Billy** : That was always the goal. [smiles]  
  
  
 **Julia** : I didn’t actually expect you to show up. I was pretty sure it would just get swept under the rug and never talked about again.  
  
  
 **Billy:** Really?  
  
  
 **Julia** : Yeah. It was a lot, dad. And you were beyond freaked.  
  
  
 **Billy** : [sighs] I’m so sorry.  
  
_________________  
  
 **November, 1 st, 1994.**  
  
Julia Dunne’s journal entry.  
  
 _ **Last night was a nightmare. I mean, I knew it would probably go bad, but when I pictured it going bad, I pictured my dad yelling at me, or telling me not to come home. I pictured him telling my mom and her storming over to my apartment with holy water and a priest to cast the demon out of me that must have turned me gay.**_  
  
 _ **But there was none of that, and that was almost worse.**_  
  
 _ **My dad… he just sat there, looking at me and saying nothing. Then he just walked out of the camper and drove me home without a word. I mean, what am I supposed to do with that? Is he mad at me? Does he think I’m some kind of freak? Is he going to freak out on Jess?**_  
  
 _ **God, Jess. I love her so much. Like, it hurts how much I love her. This is the first time I’m even saying it out loud when people know. I should probably call her, but then she’ll want to come over and fool around and I just can’t do that right now. Not with the knowledge that my dad may never speak to me again.**_  
  
 _ **Thank God for Daisy. I don’t deserve someone like that in my life. It’s crazy to think that when I was six, I was so drawn to her. That probably should have been a tip off back then, but I’m just so, so grateful for whatever force in the universe… or God? I don’t even know. But someone or something that put Daisy Jones in my life in a truly significant way, and for the fact that even at eight, she never made me feel crazy.**_  
  
 _ **I need to talk to my mom. And my pops. I’m still scared… but I also feel relieved. I want to kiss Jessica in public or walk around holding her hand, and someday, I hope we live in a world where I can marry her. But she is it for me, and there’s no going back now.**_  
  
 _ **I have to sign off for now. Daisy just called and told me that my dad is on is way over. I wasn’t supposed to know it, but she wanted me to have a heads up. Apparently, he’s making pancakes. He has always been one to love breakfast more than any other meal of the day.**_  
  
 _ **I love my dad fiercely. I always will.**_  
  
 _ **I just hope he still feels the same way.**_  
  
 _ **Xx Jules Xx**_  
  
______________________  
  
  
 **Billy** : I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was so nervous, but desperate to fix it. I had fucked up a lot in my life with your mom, and with Daisy, and yeah, with the boys and the twins too. Really with everyone. But you… you’re my girl. I never wanted to fuck up with you, but every time I did, it hurt me more than any other screw up.  
  
  
 **Julia** : [tears begin to well] I know. And you did fix it that day. I remember…[smiles] You walked in with ingredients to make chocolate chip pancakes, and then you hugged me so hard, I was afraid all of the air would leave my lungs. Then you put on some Pat Benatar…  
  
  
 **Billy:** We are young…heartache to heartache, WE STAND!  
  
  
 **Julia** : [laughs] Love is a Battlefield… good God, that music video did things for me. The fact that you put her music on… that fixed things too.  
  
  
 **Billy** : Daisy told me to take that cassette. I didn’t know why, but I knew she knew what she was talking about. I cranked that song so loud and you just lit up like a Christmas tree.  
  
  
 **Julia** : What can I say, Pat is hot. She still is!  
  
  
 **Billy** : Oh yeah, she is.  
  
  
 **Julia** : So, we ate pancakes and belted out Pat Benatar while singing into spatulas…and we let music do its job. Heal us. Then… I’ll never forget this. You pulled out two VHS tapes, one of ‘Who’s the Boss’ and one of ‘Baywatch’ that Daisy had recorded, and you said…[laughs] Pamela or Alyssa?  
  
  
 **Billy and Julia together** : Alyssa.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Then you said I’m sorry, and… we were good. That was all I needed. Then we sat on the couch and watched way too many episodes of ‘Who’s the Boss’. But laying there, my head in your lap as you stroked my hair and told me about your first celebrity crush…  
  
  
 **Billy** : Marilyn Monroe… and Audrey Hepburn…  
  
  
 **Julia** : [pauses] Now it makes sense. Camila and Daisy…  
  
  
 **Billy** : [laughs and shrugs]  
  
  
 **Julia** : Well you were telling me about Marilyn and it just felt…normal. You more than fixed it, dad. You healed it.  
  
  
 **Billy** : I love you, Baby girl. And I love Jessica too. But right now…  
  
  
 **Julia** : I don’t want to talk about that right now, ok?  
  
  
 **Billy** : Ok.  
  
___________  
  
 **Jagger** : I wish I could have been with you during that, but I’m not sorry about what happened that night. For you or me.  
  
  
 **Julia** : What happened that night?  
  
 **  
Jagger:** Treena and I had our first kiss.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Jagger Dunne, you were thirteen years old…  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Fourteen in like a month…  
  
  
 **Julia** : And she was what, ten?  
  
  
 **Jagger:** Thirteen. She just had a birthday, remember? Kind of the whole point to that night.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Good Lord.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : What? We’ve always been older. You know that.  
  
  
 **Julia** : How did you sneak that past Simone?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [wiggles his eyebrows] I have my ways.  
  
  
 **Julia** : You really are going to be the death of dad and Daisy, aren’t you. [laughs]  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Look, she wanted me. Bad. She had been following me around for months, and I thought I would be nice and make her feel special on her birthday. I waited until I heard her going to the bathroom at like 4am, then I stood outside of it and as soon as she opened the door, I grabbed her and kissed her. Then I just walked away. She was pretty shocked.  
  
  
 **Julia** : [shakes her head] Shit, Jag.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : No, I think she just had to pee. [winks]  
  
  
 **Julia** : And, what happened after that?  
  
  
 **Dylan** : We saw a LOT more of Treena after that, that’s what.  
  
  
 **Simone** : Oh, child… she was hooked. She didn’t tell me what happened, but it was written all over her face. I got a sick feeling in my stomach after that.  
  
  
 **Treena** : That was a big night for me. That was the night I fell in love with your brother. I had no idea the rocky road that was coming, but that night…God, that night when he kissed me… I was a goner.  
  
  
  
 **Jagger:** Ok, now, not a whole lot happened in between ’94 and ’96, so let’s just skip to when we got signed now.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Maybe not a lot happened for you, but a lot happened for the rest of us.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Like?  
  
  
 **Julia** : [stares at him] Gee, Jag, I don’t know. Maybe my mom’s whole cancer thing?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [winces] Shit. I think I tried to block that out.  
  
  
 **Camila** : I got diagnosed in ’93. Right after Thanksgiving actually. I didn’t tell anyone. Not even Graham. If I had needed time to process before with my breast cancer, I needed even more time with my cervical. But I should have told someone. I know that. I guess… I guess you get your secret keeping from me, huh? [smiles sadly]  
  
  
 **Julia** : I wish I would have known. That any of us would have known. I could have been there...helping you... You waited for over a year to tell any of us, mom. HOW did you do that?  
  
  
 **Camila** : No, I waited a year to tell you and Daisy and the other kids. I told your dad and pops in April. They traded off taking me to my appointments and treatments. I was going to tell you the weekend you were home for Treena’s birthday, ironically. But your news was a lot more important.  
  
  
 **Julia** : I’m so sorry, mom… I didn’t know.  
  
  
 **Dylan**. She told us at Thanksgiving. Do you remember that? One fucking year after her diagnosis. She had done everything to stay normal for us, and with cervical cancer, you don’t lose your hair, and we were so caught up in “making it”… then you and Jess and…so much was going on. We were all oblivious. She had been doing radiation and we didn’t even know it.  
  
  
 **Billy:** I’m sure that was part of what added to the stress of your news. And I’m not blaming you by any means, but… everything was changing around me. I had been fighting for Camila with Graham, going back and forth, making up excuses so I didn’t have to tell Daisy… it was a mess. I think it would have been a lot easier if Camila had told all of you, and if you had told all of us. But that’s just not how our family works.  
  
  
 **Graham** : The Dunne Boys was such a good distraction for me when I needed to clear my head from the stress of your mom. I think that’s why I was so hands on, and why your dad let me be. Because any other time, he would have never let me have that much say in his sons’ lives.  
  
  
  
 **Billy:** Cancer is a bitch, man. We had all obviously been through it with your mom in the 80s, but then it seemed like it was everywhere around us. Kind of like when you buy a certain car model and suddenly see it everywhere. I was still trying to get over the death of Paul Caravello…  
  
  
 **Julia** : Eric Carr, dad. Not a lot of people know his real name.  
  
  
 **Billy** : Right, sorry. Eric Carr. The drummer for KISS. He and I…man we were tight. Warren had introduced me to him backstage at Live Aid, and we just clicked. When he died in ’91… the same day as Freddie too… God that wrecked me. Both of them gone. Everyone paid attention to Freddie’s death, but Eric’s stung bad too. Cancer, man. So, when your mom told me that she had cancer again… I didn’t know what to do. I felt like this must be some karmic payback for all of the shit I had done in my life, but I begged God to take it out on me and not her. And you know me, Jules. I’ve only ever prayed a handful of times in my life.  
  
  
  
 **Camila** : I tried to stay calm. Focus on my kids. The Dunne Boys…my girls… you and Jessica. I actually planned on never telling you guys unless I was on my death bed, but I of course wasn’t going to let that happen. But when Dr. Reid told me that the radiation wasn’t working and that I would need a full hysterectomy… I needed my family. I remember sitting on Soph’s bed and just watching her sleep thinking, I will never be able to have another baby again. I mean, she was eleven, so I didn’t want any more anyway but… still, I had already had my breasts stolen from me, now I was losing another part of my womanhood. It killed me. And Graham…God, poor Graham. He had to go through it with me all over again too. The mood swings and the doctor’s appointments and the fear… yet he loved me through it. He never left my side. It was just unfortunate because one of the things that had always helped us connect, even in bad times, was sex. But now, because of everything going on down below, it was too painful.  
  
  
 **Graham** : I didn’t care about the sex. I mean, I did, because I always wanted to have sex with your mom. She is the sexiest woman in the world, even when she doesn’t feel like it or think it. But…the pain. That was the worst part. Both physically and emotionally. Watching her try... Begging me to make love to her, but then shoving me away because she couldn’t and hurt too much…[tears slowly fall] then holding her while she sobbed, begging me to leave her and find a woman who “wasn’t broken”. I couldn’t hold her close enough. That thought had never even crossed my mind. Once I was with your mom… I couldn’t even look at another woman. My eyes and heart were only for her. I was staying no matter what.  
  
  
 **Camila** : He was the best during that time. But I hurt him so much. I leaned on Billy a lot more than Graham because… because I wouldn’t be letting him down by not having sex with him. Billy could shoot straight with me and make me laugh and I didn’t feel like I was shattering his world or having to be the perfect wife.  
  
  
 **Julia** : So… you felt with Graham, like Billy felt with you?  
  
  
 **Camila** : [blows out a deep breath] Damn. Yeah, yeah I guess I did.  
  
  
 **Tyler:** I was scared. When mom told us, I never wanted to play music again. I didn’t want to do anything but be right there for her. I remember being so mad that Sophia was always around her, because I wanted her to rest and get better, like she had a cold or something. That was when I learned to make chicken noodle soup. At like eleven years old.  
  
  
 **Camila** : Ohhh that was good soup. Made this momma proud. It’s also when Tyler fell in love with cooking, and I prayed he would follow that passion instead of music. But I guess a musical chef is ok too.  
  
  
 **Julia** : He’s definitely the best cook in our family. Every Thanksgiving… he knocks it out of the park.  
  
  
 **Tyler** : Thank you. Thanksgiving is important to me because it’s when mom told us. I want to make it special every year. She survived, you know? It’s my favorite holiday and worth celebrating in our family.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : That is when Dylan and I wrote our first song. It was hard to watch Camila going through all of it, but it was harder to see you and Susana and Maria and Tyler, and yeah, even Soph going through it too. It was the only way we knew how to fix things.  
  
  
 **Julia** : You sound like Dad.  
  
  
 **Jagger:** Well, I am a Dunne.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : _Heavy hearts/full of empty starts/and pain that just won’t go away. Sleep my love/ the dawn will come/tomorrow is another day…_  
  
  
 **Julia** : Still makes me cry even now.  
  
  
 **Camila** : “New Day” and “I’m Gonna Love You Through It” really helped me. So much. I would sing those to myself when I was in the hospital bed after my hysterectomy, looking up at the dark ceiling, alone, because they didn't let Graham spend the night… [wipes a tear] Music really does heal.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I’m really sorry I forgot about that Jules.  
  
  
 **Julia** : It’s ok, Jag. You have been through some shit between then and now.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : That’s an understatement.  
  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**Julia** : In the spring of 1996, The Dunne Boys were signed to RCA Records. Graham Dunne, who had been acting largely as their manager and booking agent, was introduced to Clarence Sterling after one of the boys' shows at Pittsburgh’s Howlers. He brought Clarence back to the record shop and had the boys play some stripped down originals for him. 

**Graham** : Back then the boys had only written a few originals and their sets were mostly covers. Now, don’t get me wrong...they were good...but we all knew that part of the draw was the novelty of these kids up there pretending to be rockstars. We’d follow up these bigger bands and the roadies would have to drop all the microphones. Tyler would constantly hit his braces on the mic. Dylan would get distracted by girls watching him. Jagger...[He laughs]...whew...Jagger would just get bent out of shape when people treated him like a kid. 

**Jagger** : There were nights when I was sure Graham was gonna offer us cookies and milk before we went onstage you know? I mean yeah. I was 15. And I was the oldest. But I wasn’t a baby. None of us were. We could hold our own. At least musically. I know Graham was looking out for us, but it just made me want to prove him wrong.

**Dylan** : Jagger started to get this weird chip on his shoulder. Like he had something to prove. He was going to show the world he was more talented than me, old enough to take care of himself, and a helluva lot more enigmatic than the old man. That was his goal. I swear to God.

**Tyler** : We would play these shows and yeah there would be people there going wild. Younger girls started coming. Graham had to mostly book us in all ages venues because that’s when we could really pack a place. But Dylan and I started to feel like...we could be playing our asses off and tweaking every riff and baseline...and Jag would stand there and barely strum that rhythm guitar but damn near hump his microphone stand and the crowd would fucking lose it. 

**Daisy** : There were definitely times where I would watch them perform and think “oh for the love of God Jagger, take it down a notch you aren’t Elvis.” That was why I was glad that Graham was really calling the shots. I knew how many calls Teddy Price had to make that really sold The Six and what we were doing. Graham could make those calls. I would just think...which of these things is going to protect my sons. And one of them would have been forcing Jagger to sit down when he performed so he wasn’t out there trying to be Steven Tyler in a fifteen year old body.

**Clarence** : When I first saw the boys at Howlers, I had already heard most everything I needed to to know that they were going to be something. The kitsch value of three young kids who are stellar musicians? This rock dynasty family? And they were writing, too? There were other similar acts starting to make noise up and down both coasts and I knew RCA wanted to hit the road first. But once I met them, I knew it was gonna be something real special. Really really special.

**Tyler** _:_ I knew Clarence was a keeper when we first met him. You know why? He saw Jag...I mean you couldn’t miss him. He identified Dylan’s almost savant level of musicianship. And I had always just kinda been there. You know when someone builds a brick house, you say the house is brick. Not mortar. I was the mortar. Filler. For the Boys, you know? They never made me feel that way...I just did. But when we met Clarence, and Dylan and Jagger were tuning up, he sat by me and asked what it was like. I said, what do you mean what’s it like? And he said...being adopted into a family like this one. I kinda froze. Because being adopted wasn’t something I was ashamed of, but it wasn’t something I broadcasted either. 

**Clarence** : When I was 21 years old I had to appear in court to ensure that the man who raped and murdered my mother was not allowed parole in Los Angeles County. Hardest day of my life. To rip open a bandaid like that. Even harder when that piece of shit is your father. So I had lived some shit. I was adopted by the only family I have ever known and I love them the way any son would. But I smelled that kind of trauma all over Tyler when I first saw them. And I had done enough research on the boys by that time to know some of the details. Fact is, the Boys could have been shit. I still would have signed them. Because Tyler deserved that as much as anyone did. 

**Tyler** : He told me that people like Jagger make the headlines, and people like me make the difference. He said that The Six went down in history because Billy Dunne could light up a stage, but that Warren Rhodes was what kept that band alive...because he had skill and no ego. That was probably the best compliment anyone ever gave me.And really it was true. Jagger and Dylan loved that shit. The girls. The drugs. The parties. I just wanted to make music that was important. I wanted to write songs that helped women like Camila Dunne beat cancer. I wanted our music to be the anthem for the LGBTQ movement. I wanted to make a difference. I think we did that. 

**Jagger** : That night at Howler, we knew Clarence was there...Graham had told us. Billy and Daisy hadn’t made the trip back East. Camila was still recovering and they decided to hang back to help with the girls so Graham could stay with us. It was all convoluted. But Graham had made these connections and he wasn’t gonna let us go it alone. Or with Billy.And there he was, side stage with Clarence Sterling, grooving along and whispering...we really put on a show. 

**Dylan** : At one point someone threw a bra and it landed square on Jagger’s face. 

**Tyler** : I would have literally pissed myself at that age if someone so much as showed me a bra, much less put one on me. 

**Graham** : Jagger just pulled it off his eyes and then put it on his head. Played the rest of the set wearing some woman’s bra on his head. 

**Clarence** : If you couldn’t tell that Jagger was going to be as troubled as he was talented, then you weren’t paying attention. 

**Graham** : I knew he wanted to sign them. I had talked to Billy. Runner had been absorbed by RCA so it felt like the right move. And really, the signing bonus was no fucking joke. We didn’t need it. They didn’t need it. But it was impressive...especially at the time. He wanted the boys to record. Write at least half the album and then work with some other people in A&R, tour the following summer. It was pretty hard to argue with that. [He pauses] Well, it was pretty hard for Billy and I to argue with that. 

**Camila** : Are you fucking kidding me? Those were my exact words. Now you have to remember, when Billy Dunne called me to tell me they had a record deal, I agreed to marry him. So I am not blind to the draw of what it means to be successful or to reach a summit like that. Your dad had worked hard and it was all he wanted. But the boys were still babies. And I immediately flashed forward through the years following that record deal for The Six. Billy barely lived through it and honestly Graham was no saint either. Was that the life I wanted for my son? No. It was not. 

**Graham** : We had some heated discussions. At one point I told your mother she had to stop comparing the boys to Billy. That Billy was his own animal and there was no one else overseeing what happened. I asked her to imagine what Billy Dunne might have looked like in those days if he had a dad there keeping his thumb on the situation. It was going to be different. I was going to make it different. We weren’t idiots. Why do you think that I was the one there with them and not Billy? We both knew. And I promised your mother more times than I can count that I would not let it....[he pauses]...that I...yeah. I made some promises I maybe shouldn’t have made. 

**Daisy** : They weren’t even able to drive. And now we were looking at never sending them back to school. By the time Clarence sat down with us, after the PA trip, he had lined up options for private tutoring. Teachers that would literally set up in tour busses. Everything from workout schedules to voice lessons. I mean, it was hard to argue with. But even I had finished high school traditionally. I hated to think of them missing things like prom. Graduation. Any inkling of normalcy they had left. 

**Treena** : I took Jagger to my senior prom. I was already modeling, traveling, living this huge life. But Simone Jackson doesn’t fuck around. I was still enrolled at Loyola High. It was private and there were lots of celebrity kids there, but make no mistake. That shit was as high school as they come. So you bet your ass when I rolled up with Jagger Dunne on my arm, it was the highlight of my senior year. I was determined to share some of that normalcy with him. Because by the time we were seniors? Yeah...normal was like a foreign country to The Dunne Boys. 

**Billy** : We convinced the girls to let them sign. And it was weird. It was like begging for something and then immediately feeling like maybe you made a mistake. One time, when we got our first big chunk of change, I bought this red sportster and I remember Graham telling me it was a bad idea. But I wanted it so bad. So bad I convinced him to want it, too. So he came with me to get it. We paid cash. 

**Graham** : The red sportster? You mean Billy’s dream car that got stolen from the gas station on our way home from the dealer? Why did he bring that up?? 

**Billy** : Sometimes the universe gives you an immediate wink that you fucked up and you have to just roll with it as part of your story, you know? 

________________________

** _April 26, 1996_ **

_Billy and Daisy were keeping a bungalow in both Pittsburgh and Malibu by 1996, and that was where Jagger ran to the day they signed their deal with RCA Records. They had all driven downtown to sign and then planned to meet for a celebratory dinner, hosted by Clarence Sterling, at none other than the Hotel Marmont._

_Billy pulled into the driveway and Jagger took off for his room, in the back of the bungalow, to call Treena. It rang and rang and he held the phone to his ear as he waited._

_“Hello?” Treena answered cautiously._

_“Babygirl you better get your finest done self together because you are going to dinner with RCA Records newest act tonight.” Jagger was beaming, a toothbrush hanging from his mouth as he threw a duffel bag onto his bed._

_“You shut the front door!!” Treena screamed into the phone and Jagger laughed._

_“YOU shut the front door. God, this has been the best fucking day. Tell your mom ok? If Daisy hasn’t called her I guess. Seriously. Dinner tonight. I need to see you. I need to see your face to make this shit real.” Jagger sat on the edge of the bed and let himself slowly process it as the line was quiet._

_“Jag. I am so happy for you. This is incredible. Just...keep your head on ok?” Treena was cautiously optimistic, a trait she inherited from her mother. Jagger rolled his eyes._

_“Oh no no no, don’t you do that. Do not be a buzzkill. You’re not gonna be a buzzkill, right??” Jagger was annoyed but smiling._

_“Well I guess that depends if you’re buzzed.” Treena responded flirtatiously, “ok I need to go. I gotta look hot for this, I bet it gets covered.”_

_“Buzzkill.....” Jagger whispered as he hung up the phone. He leaned over and felt the ground under his bed until it landed on a brown paper bag._

_He pulled it up and sat it on his bed, digging in his bedside table to for a lighter as he heard a knock on his door._

_“Don’t come....” he started but turned to see Billy, “...in.”_

_Billy pushed the door opened and eyed the duffel bag._

_“Ok that answers that question. I know you have work to do, your mom and I wondered if you’d go stay there or they’d come stay here.” Jagger cautiously eyed the bag on his bed as Billy spoke and Billy noticed._

_“Yeah I just figured that since Dylan is already there...and Graham has the basement wired for amps...you know...I mean if that’s cool with you guys.....”_

_He was stalling and distracting and he noticed Billy chewing his lip. Dylan had been there since they got back from PA because he and Tyler wanted to write music. Jagger was working on his own lyrics and preferred the privacy of the bungalow without the constant disruption of his sisters...so it wasn’t a lie._

_But it was a stall._

_Billy was slowly moving towards the bed, he had a toothpick in his mouth and Jagger was watching him play around with it as he reached the end of the bed. He noticed the duffle was empty._

_“Sooooo...what do you need to take with you? Can I help you pack? Anything you need in the laundry? We can stop at the studio for strings, I know Dylan said he busted a few.....”_

_“Yeah, yeah, no that’s cool, dad. Thanks though. I think I’m gonna just throw some shit....”_

_Jagger reached for the paper bag and Billy caught his hand on it. They locked eyes._

_“So...I’m not gonna disrespect your privacy in this house and open this bag myself. I’m gonna just assume that if you’re man enough to hide something in there you shouldn’t have, you’re man enough to just tell me what it is before I have to see it myself. Sound fair to you?” Billy tried to seem collected but his heart was in his throat because as soon as his hand was on the bag he knew what it was. Jagger was breathing heavy and he swallowed hard several times as Billy told him how this was gonna go._

_But if he was anything, it was stubborn._

_He let go of the bag and stood up defiantly._

_“Fuck it. I don’t care. Have a look.”_

_Billy was holding the bag, literally and figuratively, as he spoke._

_“Watch your mouth, first of all. And second of all I don’t have to look. Where did you get it?” Billy was tightening his grip on the bag. Around the brown paper sack that surrounded a smaller plastic bag of weed and a glass pipe._

_Jagger inhaled._

_“I didn’t steal it if that’s what you’re asking me. Some guy we played with last week at The Troubadour. It’s just pot, man, ok? It’s not coke.”_

_“Not yet.”_

_Jagger threw his hands in the air._

_“Come on! Dad! Listen. I get it. I do. I’m real proud of the fact that you got your shit together. Ok? I’m not gonna fucking worry about a toke here and there. Literally everyone is doing it! Fuck! Eddie smokes up in the studio all the time!”_

_“That’s Eddie. That’s not you.....”_

_“It’s not you either!! Alright?? I’m not you!”_

_Billy tried to not be offended, but he was more worried that anything._

_“That’s where you’re wrong, Jag. Look. I’m an addict ok? Your mom. Addict. We don’t use now but that doesn’t go away. And I don’t love it any more than you do but it’s in you. Does it suck? Yeah it fucking sucks. I wish it didn’t. But you have to be more careful than most people do. Yeah it’s just pot now. But you gotta start pumping the breaks. You’re a kid, Jagger. And not just a kid. You’re my kid. And I’m not gonna sit back and watch you fuck this up. You’re better than that.”_

_Jagger was breathing heavy and trying to listen. He really was. He was also trying to ignore the fact that he was jonesing for that bag and he knew he wasn’t going to get it back._

_“Alright.”_

_Jagger answered quietly and Billy put his arm on Jagger’s shoulder._

_“Alright. Look. I’m proud of you. I’m so damn proud of you. You want to prove to the world you’re not me?” Billy held up the bag, “get out there and show them this shit doesn’t run your life.”_

_He pulled Jagger into a hug and then left the room, pulling the door closed. He took the bag in his hands and debated telling Daisy. But he thought better of it._

_The door was shut and Jagger winced a little before he pulled a tiny dime bag out of his back pocket. He had the lighter in his other hand and he looked down at them both in his hands. They shook._

_“That’s right. I’m not Billy Dunne. I don’t need this shit.” He walked to his bathroom and flushed the bag._

_______________________

**Daisy** : If Billy had told me that night that he found pot in Jagger’s room I would have called the whole thing off.

**Billy** : I wanted to tell Daisy. But I think I was giving Jag one shot to prove to me that he could do what I couldn’t. 

**Jagger** : Really, that day I felt like...dad was right. I didn’t need it. I liked it. I wanted it. I didn’t need it. 

**Dylan** : When you’re 13 years old and you play music with your older brother and you start to learn how he plays and sings high and how he plays and sings not high....you probably oughta key into the fact that there is a problem.

**Treena** : Did I know Jagger was getting high? Look. Everyone I knew was smoking weed. It was like, huffing. People just did it and no one really cared. I knew he was and I didn’t think anything of it. When he started telling me he wasn’t but I knew he was? Now....that was another story.

**Julia** : _The Dunne Boys entered the studio to record their first album, Shadows, in May of 1996.There were 12 tracks, and aside from their cover of Kids In America...the boys wrote them all. The first single, for which the album was named, debuted in the Billboard Top Ten and became their first gold record. Its lyrics were an anthem for young people trying to steer their own path...but to people who knew lyricist Jagger Dunne, they were much more:_

_I won’t pay for your mistakes/_

_I’ll show you just what it takes._

_I’m what I am because of you/_

_That’s a blessing and a curse, too._


	9. Chapter 9

**Jagger** : We were signed in April, released our album in May, and by June, we were opening for Bob Dylan on the European leg of his **Never Ending Tour**. Our first show was…God… in July sometime, I think. Brussels.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : Our first show was June 15th in Denmark. We were opening for Dylan! I mean, a lot of people made a big deal out of Jagger being named after Mick Jagger, but almost no one realized that I was named after Bob Dylan. This was such a big deal for me. We had grown up with celebrities coming and going all the time, and it really wasn’t a big deal to us. I mean, we had fucking Jon Bon Jovi at most of our Sunday night family dinners with his wife when we were growing up, Freddie Mercury was Uncle Freddie, Carole King and Eric Clapton were hanging out in our home studio while she was writing and recording ‘City Streets’… so we were used to musicians. I mean, you know this. But Bob Dylan… damn. That one got me. And for it to be our first official tour? I was psyched.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Do you think the Dunne name helped them get on a tour like that when they were so young and newly signed?  
  
  
 **Clarence** : I’m sure it didn’t hurt, but Julia, your brothers… they are next level. I know you know that, but watching them play…it was electric. Real music in a time where boy bands were beginning to take over the world. The music of the 70s and 80s was slowly slipping away, and your choices were punk rock like Nirvana or boy bands like *NSYNC and Backstreet Boys. But people still craved music that made them feel something. It didn’t matter how young they were, your brothers did that. It was like The Six on steroids.  
  
  
  
 **Karen** : Eddie and I were around a lot less when the boys hit their pre-teens. We were focusing on our music program on skid row, and opening ‘High Time’, but man, as soon as we heard that they were actually doing something with their music, and then when Camila called me and told me that they had been signed… fucking déjà vu. I felt like I was the one that had just been signed. I was so proud. So was Eddie. I was shocked that we hadn’t made it to any shows up until that point. I felt guilty, really, for kind of dropping off. I mean, we were your godparents, so I think somehow, we kind of felt like once you were grown and in college, our job was done and we could just kind of fade into the background. But I hated that. And no matter what Eddie says, he did too.  
  
  
  
 **Eddie** : Did I miss having little kids running around all the time, cock blocking me and asking me a million questions? No. But did I miss you and your sisters? Yeah. I remember how weird it was when you graduated High School. It didn’t feel possible that you weren’t the little girl in princess dresses anymore. And when your sister got to High School and we got to see them come into their own, I remember telling Karen that I don’t remember anyone giving them permission to get hot! But even if we weren’t around, we were proud. I just know that I needed a break from music that was controlled by Billy Dunne. I needed to be able to breathe and stretch my creativity without someone making me feel like shit or changing my work.  
  
  
  
 **Karen** : He did need that break, but when we heard about The Dunne Boys getting signed, he was literally the first in line at the store to get their album. He’s always cared, and he’s always been proud. Hell, when he heard about the Dylan tour, he bought us two tickets to London to see them in Hyde Park. It was so weird watching them and feeling like you were watching Billy Dunne all over again, but this time you didn’t get to be a part of it. It was sad and exhilarating all at once. And I've got to say, if Billy was amazing, Jagger was next level.  
  
  
 **Camila** : My baby boy. Going on a real tour. IN EUROPE. Without me. I hated it. I was still recovering from my cancer, and while I was doing so much better and in remission, it wasn’t realistic to pack up and go jet setting around Europe. Plus, I didn’t want to pull Sophia away from her life. She was really starting to struggle, and I knew how overlooked she felt with Tyler and the band. I hated watching her start to rebel out of frustration. She was twelve and already becoming a goth girl. She was a regular at Hot Topic, she loved her black eyeliner and she would lock her door and blast Nirvana so loud… I never got any sleep. It was hard for Graham too. He had watched the bond between you and Billy all these years, and when he found out we were having a little girl, I knew that’s what he wanted too. But she… [sighs and looks away] … she had so much anger. Being the baby of a crazy, intertwined, seven sibling group is not easy. I mean, the twins were eight years older than her, you were off at college… she was kind of the lone wolf after Tyler became a part of the band. I tried to keep her close, but it was hard.  
  
  
  
 **Maria Dunne** : Being a twin is never easy. Being a child of divorce, whose stepdad is your uncle and whose cousin is your brother… gets even more complicated. I was always the observer. The quiet one. The introvert. Susana was always the loud extrovert, and it felt a lot of times like we were outsiders to a world we could never be a part of. We weren't musical, so that was a strike against us. We were, and still are, referred to as ‘the twins’, and when that becomes your identity, you lean on each other a lot. But in High school, we really started drifting. Susana had become the popular, pretty cheerleader, and I had more of the scholastic, hot nerd vibe. Unfortunately, hot nerd doesn’t become hot until you're out of high school. [laughs] But me, always the observer, watched my parents struggle, and my stepparents struggle; I saw the ins and outs of the music industry, watched my brothers willingly step into that same whirlwind tornado, then watched my little sister dive into a deep depression at twelve, which oh, by the way, she gets from her dad. My Uncle/Stepdad. Can you see why I went into the field I did? Mental health is a beast and my whole family was dealing with stuff in some way or another. I decided in my senior year that I was going to become a psychologist. I was a sophomore in college when Soph really began to spiral. I remember mom calling me one of the nights she couldn’t sleep, and I just stayed on the phone and cried with her. The 90s were rough.  
  
  
  
 **Graham** : I hated being so far away from your mom. And Sophia. But the boys needed me. This tour was a really big deal and 'Shadows' was taking off and flying up the charts. I knew that Billy couldn’t be around this environment again. We all walked away for a reason, right? But his boys felt like my boys, and I wasn’t going to let anything happen to them.  
  
  
  
 **Jagger** : London was a great show. Playing Hyde Park was epic, and it was really cool that Eddie and Karen showed up for it. Especially since mom and dad couldn’t be there. But the best part was that Treena was in London doing some modeling stuff, and I knew I needed to see her. I felt like I was on cloud 9, opening for Bob Dylan, touring Europe… I just needed my girl with me.  
  
  
  
 **Julia** : Did you two ever actually establish a relationship kind of thing?  
  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [snorts] Yeah, sure. A fifteen-year-old and a fourteen-year-old established relationship lines. Nice one.  
  
  
  
 **Julia** : You know what I mean. You’re calling her your girl… was she actually?  
  
  
  
 **Treena** : I thought I was. When you're a teen, you think you know everything. I was starting to really take off with modeling and Jag was on top of the world opening for a legend. I felt way older than my years and yeah, he was my guy.  
  
  
  
 **Jagger** : RCA had gotten us an apartment suite at The Rubens at the Palace. It was legit and probably one of the coolest places I had ever seen up to that point. We all wanted to do different things after the show. Tyler wanted to stay in and crash early like a good little boy, and Dylan wanted to grab some food and do a bit of sightseeing. I wanted to see Treen, but I knew Graham wouldn’t let me, so I told him that I would stay back with Tyler and order room service.  
  
  
 **Tyler:** As soon as dad and Dyl left, Jag threw the room service menu at me and told me to order double and that if I told my dad that he left me alone, he would kill me. [chuckles] I didn’t know what would be worse; death by Jagger or death by dad… I chose death by dad.  
  
  
  
 **Treena:** I was staying in this little loft apartment right in the heart of the city. It was like 11pm and Jagger called me from a payphone and told me to meet him back at Hyde Park. My mom was asleep, and I looked like a hot mess because I was already in bed too, but…I gussied myself right up and met up with him before I had time to think.  
  
  
  
 **Julia** : And you were…fourteen?  
  
  
 **Treena** : [smiles] Almost. Probably not the best idea in the world. A thirteen-year-old girl running through the streets of London at like midnight, just for her rock star childhood best friend who she was wildly in love with. [she puts her face in her hands and laughs]  
  
  
  
 **Julia** : I get it. I probably would have done the same thing for Jessica.  
  
  
  
 **Treena** : Love makes you crazy, doesn’t it?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I have seen a lot of things in my life, but I have to say, there is something special about seeing that girl walk into any room. Or in this case, park. Her dark skin shining in the moonlight, her hair thrown up in a messy bun…this slinky silk gold tank and white shorts… no makeup… that image will forever be burned into my mind. She was stunning. She still is.  
  
  
___________________  
  
  
 **June 30 th, 1996 – Hyde Park. Midnight.**  
  
  
 _“There she is.” Jagger stood up straight from the tree he had been leaning against and opened his arms to Treena, who ran to fill them._  
  
  
 _“Hi.” Treena wrapped her arms around his waist and held him tight, inhaling the scent of him that always made her smile. He had been trying all of these colognes and aftershaves and doing all of the things he could to make himself look and seem older, but not for her. Just like she didn’t have to wear makeup for him. They were the only ones they both felt one hundred percent comfortable with._  
  
 _“You smell like cinnamon. It’s my favorite.” She inhaled his shirt and he laughed above her._  
  
 _“That’s mom. Her laundry detergent smells like it for some reason, and she made sure I was fully stocked for the road. She told me, us, that she expected us to be men if we were going to go out on tour like men, so that included all the boring things like doing our own laundry too. SO not rock and roll.”_  
  
 _Treena pulled back and looked up at him, beaming from ear to ear._  
  
 _“Maybe not rock and roll, but definitely manly.”_  
  
 _Jagger smiled and took her hand, interlacing their fingers as they started walking._  
  
 _“Does your mom know you’re here?” Jagger asked it halfheartedly, knowing full well that Simone Jackson would never let her teenage daughter meet up with any boy in a park, in a foreign country, in the middle of the night, even if he was her best friend’s son._  
  
 _“You’re kidding, right?”_  
  
 _“Yeah, I guess so.” Jagger chuckled as they walked slowly, shuffling and swinging their feet, saying everything and nothing all at once._  
  
 _“Do you wanna go over there and just look at the stars?” Treena looked over at him hopefully, and Jagger nodded as they walked to a spot by the water._  
  
 _Jagger laid down first, resting his head on a large rock, then helping Treena lay down and rest her head on his stomach._  
  
 _“So, how's the tour been?” Treena whispered into the air as they stared at the bright stars above them._  
  
 _“Oh man, Treen, it’s been… unbelievable. I would have never thought my life could change this fast or that I would get to do the thing I love more than anything in the world, so young.” There was a smile on his face and in his voice, but she knew him better than that. It was a forced one._  
  
 _She reached over and brushed his nose with her finger._  
  
 _“J, what’s it really like?” Her voice was soft._  
  
 _Jagger was quiet for a minute, chewing his lip as he thought about it._  
  
 _“I don’t want to complain…” His voice was barely a whisper as he felt his guard dropping quickly._  
  
 _Treena sat up, pulling a knee to her chest as she faced him._  
  
 _“Look, let’s just promise right here, that we will always be honest with each other. Good and bad, ugly, happy…whatever. Forever. No matter how old we get. We will tell each other the truth because we are safe. Ok?”_  
  
 _Jagger smiled, revealing the dimples he got from his dad that made girls melt._  
  
 _“Promise?”_  
  
 _Treena leaned forward and kissed him chastely on his lips._  
  
 _“Promise. Now, tell me the truth, dork.” She smiled and it made Jagger laugh and groan._  
  
 _“Fine. I love it. Mostly. It really is one of the best and coolest things I’ve ever done in my life. But… it’s hard too. I miss my parents, believe it or not. I kind of miss school, shockingly. And I miss my other siblings. Especially Julia. It’s hard never being in one place for long. I’m seeing all these great places, but I don’t really get to SEE them. It gets kind of old eating fast food burgers every night because a lot of the food over here is just weird. I miss my mom’s French toast and my dad’s pancakes and… just being able to go do something random on a Saturday, like...go see a movie in a theater… just be… normal.”_  
  
  
 _Treena laid back down on his stomach and said, “You can walk away. You don’t have to do this. You can be normal again if you want…”_  
  
 _  
Jagger sighed as he whispered, “But I love it. It’s in my blood. I can’t just change that. All of the things I hate about it, are also what I love. Freedom from my parents, no sisters constantly hounding me, burgers every night! Cool music, lots of hot chicks throwing themselves at us, and the music. Man, the music. Touring with a legend… this is amazing, T. I don’t want to give it up._  
  
 _Treena turned her head to look at him and said, “Ok. Then I love it too.”_  
  
 _They fell asleep under the stars accidentally, and woke up to the sun rising._  
  
 _Jagger shot up, essentially waking up Treena._  
  
 _“Fuck. We gotta go.” Jagger jumped up and looked around.  
  
_ "What?" Treena was disoriented and still in a sleepy haze.  
  
 _“Do you… can you call… can you get back on your own?” Jagger was panicked as he brushed off his clothes and looked around._  
  
 _Treena’s heart sank and she suddenly felt all of her thirteen years closing in on her._  
  
 _“Yeah, that’s fine.”_  
  
 _Jagger nodded and kissed her forehead quickly before he said, “It was so good to see you, Treen. Stay in touch, ok?” He looked her in the eyes, sincerity flooding them._  
  
 _Treena felt tears welling in her eyes, not wanting to say goodbye and already missing him._  
  
 _“You too… bye.” She managed to croak out those words as Jagger turned and ran back in the direction of the hotel._  
  
  
  
  
  
  
 _Jagger ran faster than he ever had, bracing himself for Graham’s wrath._  
  
 _He ran down the hall and to their suite, pulling his key out and opening the door, breathless._  
  
 _He ran in and immediately froze in his tracks. Graham was going to be the least of his worries now._  
  
 _Billy Dunne was pacing in the living room area while Daisy held a crying Simone._  
  
 _Graham, Dylan and Tyler were nowhere to be found._  
  
 _Simone saw Jagger first, and her face dropped as anger crossed it and she launched up on her feet and charged him._  
  
 _“You little, jerk! Where is my daughter? What did you do to her?”_  
  
 _Billy stepped in front of her, grabbing her arms gently and calming her, as Daisy stood up and lead her back to the couch._  
  
 _Billy was seething. He turned to Jagger with fire in his eyes and Jagger felt the fear of God shoot through him._  
  
 _“Where is she?” Billy's voice was low and he spoke through gritted teeth._  
  
 _Jagger swallowed hard._  
  
 _“What are you guys doing here?”_  
  
 _“DAMNIT, JAG, Where IS SHE?” Billy kicked the coffee table and Daisy gave him a soft warning with her voice._  
  
 _Jagger’s face contorted in confusion._  
  
 _“Who? Treena? She’s…” He thought about lying but knew he wouldn’t be able to pull that off right now._  
  
 _“She’s on her way home. We met up in Hyde Park last night and we accidentally fell asleep. It’s not a big deal.”_  
  
 _“Oh my god…” Simone shrieked._  
  
 _Jagger looked behind Billy at her and said, “Nothing happened, Simone. We just talked. Seriously.”_  
  
 _Simone shot daggers through him with her eyes and Jagger bristled._  
  
 _“Liar.” Simone spat under her breath, but everyone heard it._  
 _  
Billy spun to look at her._  
  
 _“If my son says nothing happened, then nothing happened.”_  
  
 _Daisy was whispering in Simone’s ear and Jagger watched Simone’s shoulders relax._  
  
 _“Thanks, Dad.” Jagger whispered._  
  
 _Billy looked at him with a disappointed look._  
  
 _“I believe you, but I am nowhere near done with you yet.”_  
  
______________  
  
 **  
Billy** : I'm not sure if I had really ever felt that angry before. Not really. When your kids are making stupid decisions... it's next level anger and fear.  
  
 **  
Jagger** : Pretty sure that was the first of many times that I would disappoint dad. Simone was hysterical and it took a lot of work on mom’s part to make it so that she didn’t hate me. Looking back now, yeah, it was a jackass move to ask a teenage girl to run through London streets at midnight for me. But Treena… she’s special. She’s like a breath of fresh air in a world that makes me feel like I’m drowning more often than not. She is a safety net and a comforting blanket, and I knew I needed her even back then. Any trouble or punishment I got for my stupid decisions, it was worth it for her.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Why were you and Daisy in London in the first place?  
  
  
  
 **Billy** : Daisy was really missing her boys, and I wanted to see them play. Daisy had been in touch with Simone so we knew that she and Treena would be living in London for a couple of months, so it was a double bonus. And after we found out that Eddie and Karen were going too, it was a no brainer. We wanted to surprise them, but we were the ones who were surprised when we got to Simone’s late that night and she couldn’t find Treena.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Wait, late… so you weren’t at their show?  
  
  
 **Daisy** : No, we were. We just made sure to stay out of sight. We can attract a lot of attention just being who we are, so... we didn't want to take away from their moment. We were going to surprise all of them in their suite that night. That’s why Graham was ok with Tyler and Jagger staying there alone. He knew they wouldn’t be alone for long.  
  
  
 **Simone** : Oooh, I had to work hard not to hate that brother of yours. He was a kid and he liked being with Treena but… when you’ve lived through the heartbreak of Billy Dunne screwing with your best friend’s heart... when you’ve picked her up off of the overdose floor because of him, and when you’ve seen her almost ruin her whole life for him…then you see Billy Dunne’s son becoming him? I wanted to keep my baby far away from that train wreck. I love that boy, but most of the time, I don’t like him very much. Treena wasn’t even apologetic that night. She didn’t regret a thing. It was after that night that I made her go on the pill. No accidents were going to happen under my watch.  
  
  
 **Treena** : Pregnancy is the last thing she should have been worrying about.  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Dylan** : We were supposed to just be on the European leg of the Dylan tour, but it was going so well, and the crowd was loving us everywhere we went, that Dylan decided to keep us on the tour for the rest of his ’96 dates, which meant we got to come home and play. That was a rush.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : It was pretty cool to get to play in our own country with a man like Bob Dylan. It was all kind of a blur, but the one place that really stood out to me was Wings Stadium in Kalamazoo, Michigan. I mean, who can forget a name like Kalamazoo? If someone would have told me such a place existed before I had ever been there, I would have told them they were shitting me. But it’s a cool city. If you ever get a chance to go, you HAVE to go to Sweetwater’s Donut Mill. Best damn donuts I’ve ever had.  
  
  
 **Julia** : You would remember the food, wouldn’t you… [laughs]  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I’m telling ya! Go!  
  
  
 **Julia** : Jess does love donuts…  
  
  
 **Dylan** : Oh man, yeah, I second that. We all need to take a trip back when this stupid lockdown is over.   
  
  
**Jagger:** Anyway, we stayed on the road with Dylan until the holidays, then in the new year, we got back in the studio, working on our second album. We finished **‘Edge of Change’** in July of ’97, and then were asked to join the Rolling Stones on their **Bridges to Babylon Tour**. WHAT? I mean, first Dylan, now Jagger… if that’s not some freaky fate stuff, I don’t know what is. We were on the full tour too, so we were with them from September of ’97 through September of ’98. I was 17 when it ended. How many kids can say that they’ve toured with living legends and released two albums before they become a fucking adult?  
  
  
 **Julia** : Not many.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : The Stones tour was incredible. But… it was a lot different then the Dylan tour. Mainly, a different after show crowd. Mick and Keith always had groupies around. We… we saw things. That was the tour that had a lot more drugs and booze and…sex. Graham had taken a back seat more and more as we got older and when Sophia started having major issues. We had Clarence, and Clarence was a good man, but… he was kind of oblivious to a lot of it. He had a special bond with Tyler, and kind of made sure that he was always ok. He kind of forgot about us and didn’t try to stop Jagger from much, because he just wasn’t paying attention.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : That tour was… God…amazing. It opened up my eyes to a whole new world. Dylan was shy, and so was Tyler. But Tyler was always off with Clarence doing bro stuff. They had this weird, adopted kid bond that Dylan and I just didn’t get. Not in like a freaky rape-y way. Like he was never inappropriate in the slightest. He just kind of saw him like a little brother that he needed to protect, and just kind of figured Dylan and I would take care of each other.   
  
  
**Dylan** : I tried to protect Jag… but there’s not a lot you can do when temptation is staring you in the face like that.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I got my first ever blow job on that tour. [chuckles] There were groupies EVERYWHERE. Naked chicks just walking around backstage, and on busses… the Stones were cool, man. They never treated us like kids. They took us in right away, inviting us on their bus, Keith Richards and Dylan just sitting there jamming… we were all smoking pot. Except for Tyler. That boy was as clean as it got. Such a buzzkill. It was actually Ronnie Wood that gave Dylan his first beer though. Started him off slow. Me too. By the end of that tour though, we were taking shots of whiskey with the guys right before going onstage. Dylan was fifteen. I was seventeen, and Tyler was… well Tyler didn’t drink so it didn’t matter.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : I had always heard my mom and dad talk about the drugs. The way mom almost overdosed and how dad had struggled too. Rehab...recovery...the whole thing. So, drugs… I stayed far away from. But booze… man, that latched onto me like a tick on a hound.   
  
  
**Jagger** : **‘Edge of Change’** was doing great. The tours with Bob Dylan and the Stones helped for sure. Our first single, ‘Give you what you want’, debuted at number two on the Billboard charts, and the album itself ended up spending four weeks at number one. The Stones tour ended in September of ’98, and we were all exhausted. Our last date was in Turkey, and the guys were just ready to get home and chill for a while. But there was only one place I wanted to go. New York.  
  
  
 **Treena** : I hadn’t seen him in almost two years. Our schedules could just never sync. I was all over Europe when he was in the States, and then vice versa. My mom had me on a short leash too. Never really letting me out of her sight. But when I was fifteen, I bought my own place in New York, and with a LOT of convincing, pleading, and proof that I could handle myself, I asked her to go back to LA so I could have some time and space to myself. Jagger was in Europe, far away, so she mustered up the courage to let me stay that summer, as long as I came back to LA in the fall for school. Simone Jackson runs a tight ship! I wasn’t going to be able to get out of that. The only other rule was that I wasn’t allowed to tell Jagger where I was when I was in New York. That lasted all of five minutes after she left. [laughs] I called him right away and he told me that they would be done with the tour on September 19th, and that he wanted to come see me in New York. I told him that I would be back in LA for school by then, so he told me that I should tell my mom that I had something model-y to do, his words, not mine [laughs], and to meet him there Sunday morning. We were going to do breakfast, just like Billy used to do with Camila when he was first on tour with The Six.   
  
  
**Julia:** And I’m guessing that’s what you did?  
  
  
 **Treena** : Two years, Jules. Two years. [smiles]  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I was stoked. I missed her a lot. I mean, seeing naked girls with their tits walking around on a tour bus, and getting blow jobs from groupies is fucking awesome, but… she was more than that. She was how I kept going. My breath of fresh air and the reason I could just relax. That normalcy I missed? She was it.   
  
  
**Julia** : How did you ever convince dad and Daisy to let you go to New York when the other boys were coming home?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I told them I needed a breather. Told them Clarence was coming with me. Which was a lie that they later found out about, but it worked at the time. Billy understood the need for that after a long tour. He convinced mom pretty quickly.   
  
  
**Treena** : I got to the Moondance diner first. 7am sharp. I ordered him some pancakes and a chocolate milk because as old as he wanted to be and as rock and roll as I knew he had become, the boy can never say no to chocolate milk. 7:30am, he comes strutting in like he owns the place, a black leather jacket over a white t-shirt and jeans. He looked so hot. I stood up from the booth and I remember… [smiles as she looks away] he scooped me up, spun me around and buried his face in my neck before he pulled back and kissed me. Hard. Like he had been waiting to do that for a long time. We had only kissed twice before. That one time outside of the bathroom for my birthday, and I never really counted that because I think it was a pity kiss, and then the small one I gave him in Hyde Park. But this one… there was some oomph behind it.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : That was one of the best kisses of my life. And I’ve had a LOT. Damn, that girl was beautiful back then. But when I saw her in that diner…a month away from being sixteen… she looked like a woman. She was becoming one right before my eyes, and… I had missed her even more than I realized. I had to kiss her.  
  
  
 **Treena:** I don’t know what all happened on that tour. I didn’t ask because I honestly didn’t want to know. I’m sure there were women and drugs and things that would have made me super uncomfortable back then, but… he never made me feel uncomfortable. He never pushed me, or pressured me, or expected me to do something I didn’t want to. We ate breakfast and talked for hours. They ended up having to kick us out because they needed the table! Which of course, by then, it was lunch time and we were hungry again, so we just walked around the city, getting hot dogs from a cart and just…being. Kids in a city, kids falling in love… best friends catching up. It was amazing.   
  
  
**Jagger** : We went back to her apartment, and it was getting late. I knew… [sighs and rubs his face] I knew that if I stayed there that night… we would end up doing something she might regret. Even though I can be a dick sometimes, especially back then, I never wanted to hurt her. Mom had always told me to treat women with honor and respect, and while I didn’t always do that… shit, I rarely did that… I WANTED to with Treena. So… I told her I had to leave and go back home. RCA had planes on standby, all I had to do was make a call, so I knew it would be no problem.  
  
  
 **Treena** : He cried. He will deny it, but he did. So of course, I did too. But he was respecting me and a boundary I wasn’t sure I was ready to cross. I loved him for that. When he said that he was going back to LA, I felt this heavy weight on my chest like I couldn't breathe. I didn’t want to say goodbye to him. I never wanted to say goodbye to him. I had told my mom I would be back on Monday, but I convinced Jag to let me go back with him on Sunday night. We could have more time together without anything happening because there would be people around. I mean, six extra hours with him? I was going to take it.  
  
  
 **Jagger:** I know people wouldn’t believe us. Especially with my reputation, but we never did anything. Not then anyway. But we talked about it. A lot. She told me she loved me. I… I couldn’t say it back. But I felt it. I just… I didn’t want to be tied down that young. Or locked into something I might not want later. It was stupid. I could feel her bristle under my arm when I didn’t say it back, but she never called me out on it.  
  
  
 **Treena** : I figured he didn’t say it back because I was withholding sex from him. So… I told him I wanted to do it on my birthday. One month from then. I would be sixteen, and… I felt like we had waited long enough. My mom putting me on the pill actually helped my logic. It didn’t scare me or keep me away, it pushed me forward.  
  
  
 **Billy** : It was so great to have the boys back. It was weird knowing they were somewhere new in the world every night, but not getting to be a part of it much. We caught a few shows, but it wasn't the same. Daisy was constantly worried. Especially when they were on the road with the Stones. But Mick actually called me a lot and gave me updates on how they were doing. The boys never knew that but... That was a cool thing for him to do. He was a dad, so he got it. When Dylan got home, and then later Jagger… they looked like men. Like they had really grown up on the road. I was so proud of them.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : They had changed. And not in a good way. Dylan especially. He… he wasn’t himself. I noticed him staying out late and coming home drunk… Trying to hide it from us but doing a terrible job of it. He was hanging out with a lot of different musicians and a crowd of people I didn’t know. It was strange watching my baby hanging with a musician group where I didn’t at least know one person in it. He was also shorter with me, more snippy. Acting like I was an inconvenience. He had always been my sweet boy, and kind of a momma's boy too. But now... He had a real attitude problem. Jagger. Jagger was different, but the same. He’s always been kind of out there and so much like Billy, that I could see what was happening with him right in front of me without him saying a word. I knew he was flirting with drugs. At least the idea of it. Remember, I’m a recovering addict who was breaking into clubs and bars in LA when I was fourteen, so... I recognized patterns. Billy was convinced they were fine, but he just didn’t want to see it.   
  
  
**Jagger** : Dylan started hanging out with this douche of a dude, Chet something. He was a drummer for this garage band in Orange County, and they were trying to make something of themselves. But they were… assholes. Seriously bad dudes. But Dylan was drawn to them for some reason. I still don’t know why. They were just using him. I wanted to be as far away from them as possible, but he… he got caught up with them whenever we were home.   
  
  
**Dylan:** When I was sixteen… I… I started experimenting.  
  
  
 **Julia** : With drugs?  
  
  
 **Dylan** : [pauses] With sex.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Okaaay. What exactly does that mean?  
  
  
 **Dylan** : [sighs] Well. It means that all I wanted to do was feel. And we were always so busy. Tours, albums, writing, family time… I felt so stressed. So out of control and completely in the shadow of Jagger. All of the groupies wanted him. The chicks were always putting their tits in his face. I… I felt left out. I was numb, and getting kind of bitter by the end of the tour. Drinking a lot and... I just wanted to feel good.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Dylan… did you and Chet…  
  
  
 **Dylan** : [nods] Yeah. We did. Not all the way, but enough.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Oh Dylan…what the hell?  
  
  
 **Dylan** : [scowls into the camera] Umm, you have no room to talk here, Jules.  
  
  
 **Julia:** Yeah, but that’s who I am. I wasn’t just trying to feel good. I actually loved Jessica. Always did. But you… were you just trying to get jerked off or what? I mean, are you gay?  
  
  
 **Dylan:** [puts his hands up] Whoa, hostile much? I’m not going to keep telling you things if you’re just going to judge me.  
  
  
 **Julia** : [exhales] Sorry. It’s just that… you’re my baby brother. And that’s a lot. So… are you gay?  
  
  
 **Dylan** : I’m not. But I’m also not, not. Who the fuck needs labels anyway? Ever thought that it’s possible to like a person for them and not their parts? Sex is possible with anyone, it’s the person that matters.  
  
  
 **Julia:** But I heard Chet was a little shit.  
  
  
 **Dylan:** [laughs] He was. But he was great at giving head.  
  
  
 **Julia** : DYLAN DUNNE! I am shocked right now! I would expect this from Jagger but you? I had no idea.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : [laughs] Surprise. But yeah, Jagger is as straight as straight can get. Always been about the chicks. I was just always about whatever feels right in the moment.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Dylan always had swarms of people around him too on every tour. I don’t know what the fuck he’s talking about it just being me.   
  
  
**Julia:** So, when did YOU lose your virginity? On the bus somewhere in Europe with a groupie?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [stares into the monitor and feigns shock] Who do you think I am?  
  
  
 **Julia:** A man whore. [deadpan]  
  
  
 **Jagger** : **…**  
  
  
 **Julia** : [Starts laughing uncontrollably]  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [laughs] Well gee, thanks, Sis. I mean, you’re not wrong. But no. I just got the Js on the bus. No... I lost my virginity… October 31st, 1998. [smiles]  
  
  
 **Treena** : Me too.   
  



	11. Chapter 11

**Jagger** : I had an admittedly skewed version of reality. And I know, looking back, it’s easy to think we were just kids. And maybe we were. But times were so different. And not just that...our lives were different. I mean hell, I just read your first book. Things I didn’t even know. Daisy Jones functioning like an adult at 14, Billy and Graham basically raising themselves through high school. These things were not foreign to any of us.

**Treena** : I grew up fast. Too fast? That I don’t know. But fast. And when I was around Jag it was magnified because he was no older than I was but he seemed like an adult to me. So I played grown up. You play grown up for so long you just start to feel like that’s who you are.

**Dylan** : We always do it up right for Halloween. Always have and always will. So Halloween of 1998 we were playing a huge show at the Troubadour and of course Treena was there, because lucky her she was born on our favorite day. So she was gonna get a killer birthday no matter what. But Jagger had some grandiose plans for that one. Probably not my story to tell.

**Julia** : Well since I was obviously kept in the dark, I’ll let you start.

**Dylan** : He told me he had something special planned for Treena. Big 16. We already knew she was getting a Camaro. But Jagger Dunne will not be outshone, we all knew that. So he had talked some local musician friends of ours into this super sweet beach rental in Santa Monica. I’m not an asshole, I knew what he was planning on gifting her. [He laughs]

**Julia** : So you had to cover for him?

**Dylan** : That sort of thing was becoming a habit. Yes.

**Jagger** : I asked Dylan to sort of, you know, distract Simone and Daisy for a little bit. While we came up with a plan.

**Julia** : A plan?

**Jagger** : Well I had a plan. But I had to let Treena come up with her own part of the lie, see?

**Julia** : I see. So Simone and Daisy. Not Billy? You didn’t worry about him knowing?

**Jagger** : [pauses] Here’s what I think I have pieced together in therapy. Billy never had a dad. So he was sort of guessing at how to be one. And hear me out, right now. He was...and is...the best dad. For all of us. But it was so different the way he was with you girls and the way he was with us boys. He protected you and nurtured you and probably wanted to make sure you didn’t wind up with someone like him, right? Cause that self loathing gene is pretty damn strong.

**Julia** : You would know... 

**Jagger** : That’s fair. But with us boys it was like he struggled to keep us close but not too close. Like. Think about this. In your book, Graham talks about trying to warn Billy that his wife is looking for him and he doesn’t know where Billy is, right? We know he’s in the bus getting a hummer. But Graham runs to the hotel and not the bus. Camila finds him on the bus.... 

**Julia** : You’re losing me... 

**Jagger** : Jesus, let me get there. Edit this crap out of you need to. My point is: If Uncle Graham picked the bus, Dad didn’t get caught. How much worse would it have gotten if Camila didn’t straighten that shit out. Dad had to get caught. Graham protecting him from his own consequences wasn’t going to teach him anything. 

**Julia** : Wow, ok. I’m tracking now. So what you’re saying is you think Billy felt there was value in letting you make your own mistakes? 

**Jagger** : I think Billy knew first hand that I wasn’t gonna be told what to do. That him coming down on me was just gonna make me change for him. Not for me. 

**Julia** : Like when he found the pot? 

**Jagger** : Right. 

**Julia** : You don’t think that if Billy Dunne had come down on you harder, sooner, you would have avoided some struggles? 

**Jagger** : No. I do. I’m saying...I had to struggle. 

**Julia** : And your struggles started that night. 

**Jagger** : I mean it was probably a good starting point if you had to find one, yeah.  
  


**Julia** : And...when do you think they will stop, Jagger? 

**Jagger** : Maybe.... you have to write a trilogy. 

________________________

** _October 31st, 1998_ **

_The Dunne Boys, dressed as The Three Amigos, finished their Halloween set at the Troubadour with a version of Happy Birthday, as Jagger brought Treena on stage. As soon as they finished, Simone pulled her from stage and the boys followed, along with their close family and friends, out the back door and into the parking lot. There, surrounded by balloons and next to a giant cake shaped like a camera, was a shiny, cherry red convertible Camaro with a giant silver bow._

_“Oh my God, you are kidding!!” Treena squealed as she jumped into Simone’s arms. She held up the keys as she kissed her daughter’s head._

_“Happy birthday, sweet girl. I’m so damn proud of you.”_

_“Oh my God this car....” Treena was walking around it, running her fingers over the finish._

_“You guys. Thank you. Best birthday ever. I need to drive this thing."_

_“Whoa whoa....it’s cake time...I’ve waited all night to eat this cake....” Maria pushed through the crowd of friends and jumped for the table of cake and presents.Treena moaned._

_“Oh man can I just go for a quick spin and come right back?? Please?? You guys can hit the cake, I’m not eating that.”_

_“Treena it’s your birthday, a piece of cake will not kill you.” Simone chided her._

_“No, but my manager will when I can’t zip my Gucci pants this weekend. You guys eat! I want to go for a ride! It’s MY birthday!”_

_There was a slight hush and then Simone smiled._

_“I would recommend you drive back to Griffith Park and head up into the hills. Park it under those stars!” Daisy offered, winking at her._

_“Are you kidding me?? Pacific Coast Highway, baby, take that thing out like it was meant to be. Along the coast.” Billy put his arm around Daisy as he disagreed with her._

_Jagger, still dressed in his costume but pulling the jacket off, walked forward._

_“I don’t care where you go but I’m coming.” He winked at her and both of their mothers bristled._

_“Good idea. Tyler! Your birthday is coming up! You go, too, she what you think!” Camila chimed in and Simone quietly thanked her.Jagger and Tyler both quietly rolled their eyes as Treena giggled, climbing into the driver’s seat. The boys hopped over the doors and into the back._

_“Nah it’s cool I’ll stay here and eat this fucking cake!” Dylan was already cutting it with Maria, half joking._

_Treena turned it over and Brandy and Monica’s “The Boy Is Mine” immediately blasted through the parking lot and all three of them started singing it._

_“BE CAREFUL!!” Billy shouted over it._

_“TWENTY MINUTES! I MEAN IT!” Simone added, but they were already peeling out._

_They were only feet away from The Troubadour when Treena turned the music down and Jagger hopped the seat into the front seat and took her hand. Tyler rolled his eyes in the back seat._

_“Drive to Mel’s.....” he whispered to her. It was like a five minute drive and Treena was loving every minute of it._

_Jagger dug_ _in his pocket and produced a wad of cash. As they pulled into the parking lot, he turned and leaned over his seat to Tyler, giving him a wicked grin._

_“You’re leaving me here, aren’t you?” Tyler asked as he cocked an eyebrow and Jagger stuffed money in his hand._

_“Just grab some food. Enjoy the chill.” Jagger was already making eyes at Treena as he spoke._

_“Fuck, Jag,” he looked inside and saw plenty of people his age, “I’m dressed like Steve Martin. I won’t exactly blend in.”_

_“They will recognize you. Go be a fucking rockstar and buy everyone a milkshake.” Jagger had dug more money out and stuffed two crumpled hundred dollar bills into Tyler’s open hand._

_“Fine. But you owe me. Huge. What are we talking? Hour?”_

_Treena stared at Jagger as she answered._

_“I mean I think I heard Simone say twenty minutes but, gosh, it was just so loud...” she was faking ignorance and giggled as she said it._

_“An hour.” Jagger shouted as Tyler walked inside, flipping him the bird without ever turning back._

_Jagger sat back down and put his hand on Treena’s lap as she drove._

_“Where to?” she asked as she got back to Sunset...debating going left to Griffith Park or right to the PCH._

_“Santa Monica.” Jagger smiled. Treena laughed loud._

_“We have an hour, loser. We wouldn’t even make it there.”_

_“I got us a place.”_

_Treena froze. The car still stopped waiting to exit onto Sunset._

_“A place?”_

_Jagger smiled and ran his hand over her knee._

_“Yeah. A place. But only if you’re ready. I just thought....you know...maybe you were.”_

_She swallowed and smiled._

_“I am. But...we disappear all night my mom puts out a fucking APB you know that.”_

_“What if you tell her you went to a friend’s....”_

_Treena laughed._

_“You’d have to go home or Daisy would sniff that shit out, too. Besides we gonna just leave Tyler at the diner all night??”_

_Jagger slunk into his seat._

_“Fuck. Yeah I guess...not.”_

_Treena pulled out and hung a left._

_“Oh don’t you pout about it, Jagger Dunne... you know you can get ass whenever you want it. Don’t pretend otherwise.”_

_Jagger turned to face her and smiled._

_“That make you jealous?” He teased her and she refused to answer until he punched her arm lightly and laughed._

_“It does, doesn’t it? Admit it!”_

_“Jesus! Get over yourself! Yes, of course it does.”_

_Jagger let his face relax as he watched her getting nervous._

_“Well if it makes you feel better, I’m still a virgin.”_

_She laughed as he spoke._

_“Bullshit! You lie!”_

_He sat up and pretended to be offended._

_“I’m dead serious! I’m saving myself!”_

_“For marriage?” She was almost crying from laughing so hard._

_“No....for you.”_

_His face was stone cold serious and it stopped her laughter on a dime. She turned to him and he just stared at her blank faced._

_“You’re serious?”_

_“Yeah. I am. But I’ll wait. If you need me to.”_

_“I....I don’t need you to.”_

_Treena drove her car up into the hills and found a remote place to park it under the stars. She turned to Jagger, turning off the car. He looked into the backseat and sighed._

_“It’s...not exactly what I had hoped for you....”_

_She smiled._

_“Well, you too....” She answered him quietly and he laughed gently as she spoke._

_“Nah, I kinda always assumed I’d lose it in a bathroom stall or a backseat. But you? You probably deserve a little better than that.”_

_She scooted to him and took his hands._

_“I just want you. I don’t care where it is.”_

_Jagger took her by the waist and lifted her into the backseat. She laid down, remarkably calm. He climbed in beside her and kissed her gently on the cheek._

_“You’re sure?”_

_Jagger asked quietly. She nodded._

“Can I ask a question though?”

_“Of course.” He answered breathlessly._

_“Why me? All those girls and blowjobs and beer and pot and....why me?”_

_Jagger looked down at her and brushed some hair out of her eye._

_“I mean it’s not obvious?” He paused and she shrugged, “you’re my person, Treen. I love you.”_

_She felt her chest heave at the words she had longed to hear him say. She tried to ignore that his breath smelled like whiskey as he kissed her again._

_“You’re my person, too, Jag. I’m glad you waited for me.”_

__________________________

**Tyler** : I was at Mel’s Diner for an hour. They kept their word. I was pretty shocked. Almost as shocked as I was when Billy and Daisy showed up with the girls to get milkshakes.

**Billy** : I mean of all the fucking places in Los Angeles.....

**Julia** : Oh I saw that Amigo costume from the parking lot and I thought about pretending to be sick so we would have to all leave. But then I thought....nah it’s fun to watch Jagger squirm.

**Jagger** : Thanks for that.

**Treena** : I mean it was our first time. We had the radio on...Lenny Kravitz "Fly Away"...and we didn’t make it to the chorus before he finished.

**Jagger** : Not my finest moment.

**Treena** : I wouldn’t change it for anything. 

**Daisy** : When I saw Tyler at Mel’s I thought, oh please let them be in the bathroom...separately...or something that makes more sense then what I was thinking.

**Billy** : We all stood there in the doorway and Tyler’s face went white. Like WHITE white. Daisy elbowed me.

**Daisy** : I told him that if he hadn’t given Jagger and Dylan ‘the talk’, they were getting it that night. And I quietly decided that for the first time in my life...I was going to lie to Simone.

**Jagger** : I saw Billy’s car when we pulled in and I remember thinking I was going to murder Tyler. Before I realized it was the universe calling me out and not him. Remember how I said it was a good thing Graham didn’t find Billy on the bus? Something in the universe pulled him in the wrong direction? Well that same universe was not gonna let me pull one over on my dad. Just wasn’t gonna happen. That time.

**Treena** : [sighs] I mean....still wouldn’t change a thing. Watching Billy Dunne try to avoid making eye contact with me for an entire evening? Solid gold. Wouldn’t change it for the world. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Jagger** : Do you know how awful it is to get “the talk” from Billy Dunne? I have never seen or heard more hemming and hawing in my whole life. He literally sat me, Dylan and Tyler down because of that night, and Graham was cool with Billy taking this talk topic off of his plate with Ty, so... Big mistake. Dad paced and grunted and rubbed the back of his neck and basically just said, [in a mocking tone] “Condoms, boys. They slide on. Use ‘em. No matter what. Oh, and respect. Yeah, make sure she says yes first. Ok?”, then walked away with a beet red face. Mom ended up finishing the conversation. I don’t know which was worse.  
  
  
 **Dylan:** Mom was way worse. She sat next to us and talked to us like she was talking to pre-schoolers about anatomy. It was HORRIBLE. Then she began to start talking to us about what is pleasurable for a woman, and how sex is not all about us and… [shudders] Jag and I just walked out. It was ridiculous.   
  
  
**Treena** : My mom never knew about that night and I will forever be thankful to Daisy for covering for me. That was the greatest night of my life up to that point, but my mom would have ripped me a new one and probably had Jagger arrested for assault. [laughs nervously]  
  
  
  
 **Julia:** So, what happened after all of that?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Not a whole lot, honestly. We had just been on the road for two years straight, and we needed a break. We enjoyed the holidays as a family, and of course Simone and Treena were there too. It was a great time to just breathe. When we didn’t have to work, we were having fun just jamming and writing and doing what we had loved initially, just soaking in the music. I introduced Treen to a lot of new stuff, and I was continually inspired by her. We spent every day together, pretty much. After the holidays, she had to head back to New York for fashion week. It fell during my birthday week, and so where do you think I spent my 18th birthday?  
  
  
 **Julia** : Hmm, that’s a tough one. New York?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Nope, Milan. Yes New York, jerk. [laughs] I had to go support my girl, and there wasn’t anywhere else I wanted to be.   
  
  
**Simone** : He was like a starving dog at the back door of a restaurant with Treena. Puppy dog eyes and all. I was torn because obviously, there was a part of me that felt like he was my baby too. I was the one who busted him out of the NICU to lay him on Billy’s chest when Billy was in a coma. I fought for him too. I raised Treena with Daisy, and we navigated being new moms together. I loved that boy. But when he became a threat to my baby’s innocence? Oooh, child. I had problems letting that one go. But what am I going to say when it’s the boy’s eighteenth birthday, and he can buy anything he wants in the world, but he just wants to see my girl? Good Lord… I caved.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : There were much worse girls in the world for J to get caught up with. I mean, he was on a tour bus with the Rolling Stones for two years. I honestly assumed he had lost his virginity somewhere on that tour. I just never wanted to think about it. It always made me laugh because Simone and I were THOSE moms who said when our babies were babies, that they had to grow up and fall in love and get married so we could be related. But when it actually started to look like that could happen… it was a lot for Simone. A lot of late night phone calls between me and her, that’s for sure. But yeah, I’ve always loved Treena. It’s kind of impossible not to.  
  
  
 **Jagger:** I went to New York and got to see her walk in the show. New York fashion week…not exactly my scene. But it was pretty cool sitting between Naomi Campbell and Paris Hilton in the front row. Treena was glowing. She was wearing this crazy red getup, but she blew my mind. She was so damn good. It was her stage and her element, and I felt so lucky to be able to witness it. When the show was over, she and I went out for dinner alone, with Simone’s blessing, as long as it was just dinner.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Was it just dinner?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [smirks] What do you think?  
  
  
 **Julia** : Oh geez.   
  
  
**Jagger** : Hey, I know even you would have wanted to sleep with her if you had been there. That fashion show was foreplay. [laughs]  
  
 **  
Treena** : We went to central park and walked around for awhile. We seem to have a thing for parks. It was beautiful. He made me feel like the most special girl in the world. Until that night. We had our first really, really big fight.  
  
  
 **Jagger:** We went out to dinner and she ordered a lot of food… then didn’t eat a bite of it. She just moved it around on her plate and talked a lot, trying to distract me. I called her out on it, and she said that she was still full from breakfast and that the nerves of the show had taken away her appetite. Ok, cool. I got that. But that night…after Simone went to bed and I, of course, snuck into Treena’s room… I climbed into bed with her and we were making out. You know, nothing too wild. Then we started fooling around a little bit, kind of building it up. I remember… [clenches his jaw] I reached my hand up under her shirt and… I felt her ribs. Like they were noticeably more boney. I ignored it, but when I slid my hand up to her boob, it was… God... I sound like an asshole, but I have a point. It was smaller. Her boobs were significantly smaller than the last time I had grabbed them.  
  
  
 **Treena** : The stress of the modeling industry had gotten to my head a little bit back then, but it wasn’t as bad as he made it seem. He freaked out on me. But he also wasn't wrong.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : She pulled her shirt off, and Jules… I was shocked. She was skin and bones. It scared me. You couldn’t tell during the fashion show because she wasn’t wearing anything that revealed her ribs. And I later found out about how they can pad your boobs, so that wasn’t obvious either. But Jules, I had never seen anything like that. I fucking freaked.  
  
_____________________  
  
 **February, 1999, New York**  
  
  
 _“Holy fuck, T, are you ok?” Jagger jumped up and off the bed, his eyes wide as he stared at a shirtless Treena._  
  
  
 _Treena sat up and laughed._  
  
 _“I’m fine, you dork. Why?”_  
 _  
Jagger’s face was serious._  
  
 _“Treen, I can see your ribs…”_  
  
 _Treena looked down at herself and smiled._  
  
 _“Finally, right? It took me forever to shed those last ten pounds.”_  
  
 _Jagger’s face dropped._  
  
 _“Ten pounds? Treena…why? You were so perfect. You didn’t need to lose any weight at all…” He meant it sweetly, but that is not what she heard._  
  
 _Treena pulled the covers off and stood up, standing right in front of him, anger rising._  
  
 _“What do you mean WERE? I AM perfect. I finally have a body to be proud of. It got me into the New York fashion week. Why are you trying to take this away from me?”_  
  
 _Jagger stepped back._  
  
 _“I’m not trying to take anything away from you. I’m so damn proud of you. But T, you weren’t fat before! Not even close. You were perfect. I mean… you are perfect but… I’m pretty sure no one is supposed to see your ribs and consider you healthy.”_  
  
 _Treena’s face got hot as she threw a pillow at Jagger._  
  
 _“Screw you, Dunne. There are plenty of men out there who would want me and my body if it’s not good enough for you.” She stared him down, a fire in her eyes that she got from her mama._  
  
 _Jagger pinched the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes as he exhaled and tried to figure out what to say next._  
  
 _“Look, we made a promise a long time ago that we were going to be honest with each other, good or bad, and that it would be ok. Do you remember that?” He looked up at Treena who had grabbed a blanket to wrap around herself as she stood in front of him. She had tears in her eyes as she nodded._  
  
 _“I do. But I didn’t think that meant berating each other.”_  
  
 _Jagger moved closer to her, reaching out his arms for her. She moved backwards and he stopped in place._  
  
 _“I’m not berating you! I think you are the most beautiful woman in the world. This isn’t even about your looks. Not really. This is about your health. I mean, T, you didn’t eat any birthday cake at your birthday, you didn’t eat anything at the Moondance diner, you didn’t eat any dinner tonight… I’m worried! And I can’t even really grab your boobs anymore because they’re barely there, and…”_  
  
 _Treena’s face dropped as her mood shifted, and she began to glare as Jagger realized his mistake._  
  
 _“FUCK YOU, Jagger Dunne!” Treena threw the blanket at him and stormed to her door, opening it and screaming for him to get out._  
  
 _“Get out.”_  
  
 _“Treena, I didn’t mean…”_  
  
 _“I SAID GET OUT!”_  
  
 _Jagger moved towards the door and felt a lump in his throat._  
  
 _“Please don’t do this.”_  
  
 _Treena pushed him in the chest as she said, “Don’t call me. Don’t come see me. We’re done.”_  
  
 _Jagger’s eyes filled with tears as he said, “What? Because of one little fight? What happened to the good and bad? I love you, T…” Pain flooded his face and for a moment, Treena wanted to take it all back. Hug him, kiss him, and forget this whole conversation ever happened. But she knew in the back of her mind that everything he had said was true, and she knew she would either have to change and give up her career, or give up him._  
  
 _She chose him._  
  
  
 _Tears began to fall down her face as she leaned against her door, holding it with her hands and gripping it so hard she was afraid it would crack beneath her._  
  
 _“Goodbye, Jagger.”_  
  
 _Jagger tilted his head, pain engulfing him as two tears fell down his cheeks before he sniffed them back, pulling himself together and clearing his throat._  
  
 _“Fine. I don’t need this anyway. Too much drama. You say you can get a new guy like that? Well two can play that game.”  
  
He turned and walked to the front door of the apartment before he turned around and looked right in her eyes as he said, “Happy birthday to me.”_  
  
 _And that was that._  
  
_____________  
  
 **Treena** : That was a horrible night. [Tears slowly fall down her face as she wipes her eyes with her sleeve] If I could go back…man…hindsight is twenty-twenty, you know? He was right. Two months before my sixteenth birthday, I went to a photoshoot and the photographer… he um… he took a bunch of shots and then when he was looking at all of them in the monitor, I heard him say to his assistant, that they would have to do a lot of editing and airbrushing of my rolls. I had never thought I was fat. I’ve always been slim. So that shocked me. It made me feel like shit. I walked over to catering and I saw donuts next to some strawberries, and he happened to walk up beside me, and as I stood there in front of the two options, I felt his eyes on me. I don’t know why I cared, but I did. So, I reached for a strawberry. ONE strawberry, and when I ate it, I reached for another one and he said, “Mmm, one’s probably enough, yes?” and that always stuck with me. So that’s what I took away from that day. One bite was enough if you wanted to make it in this industry. It sent me down a dark path. And food depravation does something to you mentally. It messes with the chemicals in your body and brain, and I know that’s why I was so angry with Jag, and why I pushed him away. My brain wasn’t functioning correctly. I should have been pulling him closer. Telling him the truth. Listening. But no… I had to go fuck things up. And we are both so stubborn… I fucked them up good. For a really long time.  
  
  
 **Julia:** Jagger wasn’t innocent in this either though. You never mention a girl’s weight. Even if you’re concerned. There are better ways.  
  
  
 **Treena** : [laughs sadly] He was eighteen. And a boy. He handled it better than most would have, honestly.   
  
  
**Simone** : I heard them screaming in Treena’s room, and it wasn’t the kind I needed to be concerned about, so I just let them have it out. I didn’t interrupt and I couldn’t hear what they were fighting about, but I heard the door slam when Jagger left, and I ran out of my room just in time to see Treena crumple to the ground. I figured he had done something to her, but she wouldn’t tell me. I will say that unfortunately, I had some very misplaced anger at that boy for a few years after. But he wasn’t around, so he never felt it.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I shoved it down. All of it. It was my fault. I had just fucked up big time, and it was the first time I had really, truly, felt like my dad. Everyone had always said I was like him. I looked like him, I played like him…sounded like him. Now I had fucked up like him. I finally understood Camila too... So, I wandered around the city and shoved down my pain, but felt a whole lot of anger. If she didn’t want me anymore, then fine. I didn’t need her either. And that was when I went full Billy Dunne. I…  
  
  
 **Julia** : Is that the night you…  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Yeah. When you’re young and rich and just got dumped, and you have two addicts as parents, their genes flowing through your veins… I tried meth for the first time that night.   
  
  
**Julia:** Oh Jag…  
  
  
 **Jagger:** [chuckles sadly] Are you really surprised? You know I’m the fuck up of the family. [a tear falls and he brushes it away quickly as he looks away]  
  
  
 **Julia** : I love you.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I know. Love you too.  
  
  
 **Treena** : I have lived with more guilt than you can imagine, knowing that I pushed him to the hard stuff. I’m still dealing with that in therapy.  
  
  
 **Julia** : You didn’t. Just like he didn’t push you to stop eating.  
  
  
 **Treena** : [nods and wipes another tear] I know. But he was getting trashed and that night was the first time I binged and purged too. We should have just been together. Holding each other, loving each other…making love… we screwed up so bad.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : Jagger called me that night completely trashed. I had never heard him like that. He was so screwed. I should have told dad. I know I should have. But I called Clarence instead. He didn’t even hesitate. He hopped on a plane and flew to New York that night. Found Jag in some sketchy motel, a prostitute passed out on top of him, evidence of what he had snorted on the bedside table next to him. [shakes his head] I had no idea it was that bad. I was sixteen. I didn’t know what to do. I went to Chet’s. I actually drove to Orange County in the middle of the night to get drunk and hookup while my brother was in New York completely trashed. Yeah, you could say we were all a mess.  
  
  
 **Billy** : I knew none of this back then. But honestly, even if I had… I wouldn’t have wanted to see it or believe it. I couldn’t come to grasps with the fact that Daisy and I had passed on our shit. But we did. I just didn’t know what to do about it. It was moments like that when I really missed Jake. I needed a friend who got all of it, but was also a killer dad. Never an addict… someone who just understood all of it, you know?   
  
  
**Daisy** : I felt lost and broken when Clarence called and told me he was going to New York to get Jagger. He didn’t give me any information, but I knew it was bad, and I just cried to Billy. I was scared, and when it came to Jagger, I couldn’t do what I wanted to do; call Simone, because she already had negative thoughts towards him, and her baby girl was involved, so I knew she wouldn’t be able to see or think straight anyway. So… I did the only other thing I knew to do. I tucked my tail between my legs, and I drove to Camila’s.   
  
  
**Camila** : Daisy came over at like 2am, and she was a mess. Billy wasn’t with her, so Graham, in a sleepy haze, left to go find him when he saw Daisy so wrecked. What we didn’t expect when we set out to help Daisy and Billy, was that Daisy coming over and waking us up, saved MY baby’s life.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : I was a mess and my eyes were so swollen and puffy, Camila suggested I go in the bathroom and splash some cold water on my face. I walked in and started screaming… [her lip begins to tremble, and she bites it to stop it, as tears start to well, her voice cracking] and there was little Sophia. Fourteen year old Sophia, but who was still four in my mind, who gave the best hugs and kisses and reminded me so much of you at that age… [pauses] with a small razor blade against her arm, sitting on the edge of the tub…going to town. There was blood everywhere.  
  
  
 **Camila** : I knew she was depressed. We had gotten her in therapy, but she wouldn’t talk. She just sat there, staring at the wall. But I didn’t know… I didn’t know it was that bad. Daisy screamed and it was blood curdling. Sent ice down my spine. I can still hear it if I close my eyes and think about it. My heart dropped and I went white. My legs felt like lead and I couldn’t move fast enough. But when I got to the bathroom, I was not prepared for what I saw.


	13. Chapter 13

**Sophia Dunne** : I feel the need to say, as this is the first time that anyone has ever really been introduced to me, that I am ok now, and survived a lot to get where I am. I’m proud of it, and while I’m happy to tell my story, it was a long time ago. I’m a different person now.  
  
  
 **Julia** : I know, Soph. But I think your story will really help a lot of people. And you’re right, a lot of people don’t really know you, and I think that’s a shame because you are an amazing human.  
  
  
 **Sophia** : Thanks, Julia. It means a lot to have you include me. I wouldn’t want anyone else telling my story either.  
  
  
 **Camila** : I moved on autopilot when I got to the doorway of that bathroom. Daisy was already grabbing Sophia from behind, trying to wrap her up and hold her arms down. I grabbed every towel off of the shelves and ran to her, grabbing her arm and wrapping it up. She was so lightheaded; she wasn’t even screaming. She passed out against Daisy, and I screamed for Tyler, waking him up to call an ambulance. Daisy was crying, but I didn’t have time to stop and feel. I just had to get my baby girl to the hospital.  
  
  
 **Billy** : Graham had just gotten to my house when my phone rang. I let it go because I was feeling like shit with the whole Jagger thing, and Dylan was nowhere to be found and… I just felt like a horrible father. I was used to feeling like a bad man or a bad husband, but whenever I felt like a bad dad… that hit differently. The phone rang again, and I ignored it, again, so Graham went over and answered it. I should have answered it.  
  
  
 **Graham** : I had just gotten to Billy’s and was still trying to fully wake up. He was in a real bad way and I still didn’t know what had happened with Jag, but that damn telephone was ringing off the hook. Billy was just sitting there, so I answered it. Tyler was crying on the other line. I could barely make out what he was saying. All I heard was “mom”, “Daisy”, "hospital" and “Sophia” before he hung up, but my heart dropped. I looked at Billy who still had his face buried in his hands and told him we were going to the hospital.  
  
  
 **Tyler** : I was so scared. I loved Soph so much. She was always MY baby. When mom and dad brought her home from the hospital, they told me that I would only calm down if she was lying next to me. We were inseparable when we were little. I hate that I ended up pushing her away without even knowing it, when I joined the Dunne Boys. I would have given it all up if I had known it would lead to us all crammed into a hospital room, praying that my little sister would be ok. I called Uncle Billy because mom told me that dad had gone over there. That night, all I wanted was my guys. Jagger, Dylan… my cousins who felt more like brothers. But I knew Jag was with Treena in New York and Dylan wasn’t answering. So…I just sat in the waiting room, waiting for dad and begging God to save my sister.  
  
  
 **Julia** : You should have called me…  
  
  
 **Tyler** : [sighs] I know. I know. I just… I wasn’t really thinking, you know? Everything was moving a million miles a minute and my head was spinning. I’m sorry I didn’t. I could have really used my big sister.  
  
  
 **Julia** : That whole next day was bad for me too, on so many different levels. I was at work on the 15th. I had recently gotten an internship working for the San Francisco Chronicle, and Jess and I had moved to San Fran in January. Dad... Billy, called me that morning around 10am and told me that Sophia had had an accident, and that I needed to get there as soon as possible. In our family, with the parents I had, I had learned to stay calm in pretty much every situation. I told my boss that I had a family emergency, and she was an angel. Told me to take all the time I needed. I debated about going home to pick up Jess, or just starting the long five hour drive down to LA. I decided I wanted her with me, so I headed home first. Big mistake. She worked from home. At the time, she was a freelance photographer and she was trying to build up her clientele, so she was home most of the time. I definitely wasn’t supposed to go back home at 11am, and when I pulled up to our house, I saw a car in the driveway that I didn’t recognize. Ok, no big deal. Clients often came over for consultations or proofing or just a myriad of different reasons. I didn’t think anything of it until I opened the door and heard giggling from the back room. Our bedroom. I crept down the hallway and heard Jess laughing, then panting. Under any other circumstance, I would have burst in there and said something. But all I could see was my little sister’s face and I still didn’t know what had happened, so… I just turned around and left. Jess never knew I was even there.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : Fuck. I’m so sorry, Jules. I… God I shouldn’t have left. I got back as soon as I could the next morning, found an empty house with a note that everyone would be at the hospital. I panicked, but went there right away.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Hearing that something had happened to Soph… that sobered me up pretty quick. She was so little in my mind. She was my cousin, but I always picked on her like a sister. Face it, we were all raised together, so all of us were more like siblings than cousins. Clarence let me sleep, but the minute I opened my eyes, he was throwing my clothes at me and telling me we had to go to the hospital. When we got there, Dylan was sitting next to Ty, trying to comfort him as he tearfully tried to fill us in. I couldn’t even imagine what it was like to find your sister like that. I mean, if I ever walked into a room and you or one of the twins was trying to kill yourself and I found it...fuck, that would have messed me up bad. Ty was so strong in that.  
  
  
 **Dylan:** Jag looked like shit and he smelled even worse, but no one cared about that when we were sitting in the hospital, waiting to see if our sister was going to wake up.  
  
  
 **Graham:** My daughter. My baby girl. God knows, if anyone understands mental health issues, it’s me. But I can honestly say I had never been suicidal. Not to the point of actually thinking of how to follow through with it. My issue was panic attacks and paralyzing fear. Soph… damn… she had a different kind of pain in her core. Thank God Daisy came over. The doctor said Soph was a few slices away from bleeding out. Had Daisy not come over… she would have died in the bathroom that night.  
  
  
 **Jagger:** So, I mean… I guess it was a good thing I fucked up? [laughs nervously]  
  
  
 **Julia:** Did you tell Treena?  
  
  
 **Jagger:** I didn’t. It was too soon, Jules. Not even a full twenty-four hours. And I’m stubborn as a bull. You know that. No, I don’t do smart things like that. I’m the guy who shows up to the hospital where his little cousin was hanging on for dear life, smelling like a prostitute and coming down from a wicked trip. Yeah, I couldn’t call her.  
  


**Julia:** If you would have walked into the waiting room of that hospital at any given moment, it would have been like walking into an elevator full of broken glass. Each piece more fragile than the next. No one knowing whether we were heading up or crashing down. It was like there was a thick fog of utter sadness and loneliness because in the days following Sophia’s breakdown, even though we were all together, every single one of us was fighting a very different battle.

**Jessica:** Julia called me from the hospital. I had been in a panic wondering about her. Freaking the fuck out. I mean...I had things going on. My life was clouded. But....[she pauses]...you know no matter what other shit is going on, when you need your best friend, you need your best friend. It’s hard when that’s the person you love too, because you almost need a therapist to sort your shit out so you aren’t always laying it at each other’s feet. When she called I didn’t even put on shoes. I just drove. To her, to Soph. She was my family, too. At the time I just wrote off your....Julia’s...aloofness as concern for her sister.

**Jagger:** Seeing Sophia like that, and everyone else reeling from it,I felt like I had to get my shit together. I had to be the person they all needed. I had to be there for my sisters. And I tried. You know I tried.

**Julia:** I know.

**Dylan:** I told Chet I was gonna be MIA for awhile. Told him about my cousin. He asked me if I could score any opioids from the hospital. [long pause] I never talked to him again.

**Tyler:** Sophia was sedated. Mostly to protect her mental state, I think. They had therapists in and out with Graham and Camila. They wanted her to spend some time in a facility. None of us liked that. Mom especially did not like that. But none of us saw this coming and that was the scariest part.

**Graham:** My brother was my rock. Unconditionally. We could fight over the smallest shit but when it came to our kids, there was no fucking around. He held me up through that. I remember one night, maybe the first night after her....the first night after...I apologized to Billy.

**Julia:** For what?

**Graham:** [long pause] You know, I had my struggles. I never thought about Billy’s addiction as an illness. I thought about it as a choice. He made a bad choice, and turned it into a lifetime of them. But it wasn’t. He was sick. I was sick. And I had always judged that...especially with the kids I thought, “awwwwww man is he gonna give them this ability to make bad choices?” And right under my own nose my own kid was struggling because of the parts of me in her blood. That kind of guilt is....

**Julia:** Pops you know better...

**Graham:** I do. Now. But it made me feel better to apologize for it.

**Julia:** How did he take that?

**Graham:** [pausing; emotional] He said...”nobody in this world would give up the good things that come from having you around, even if it meant avoiding the shitty things. Nobody. Not Soph. Not Camila. Not me.” Then he hugged me and told me she was gonna be alright. In that way only he could do it, that made you believe that somehow he really did know it would be. 

**Julia:** I know that way. And he was right?

**Graham:** Eventually, yes.

**Camila:** We took turns sitting by her side. I just stroked her hands. Her bandages. I was angry with myself. Angry for not seeing it.

**Graham:** Camila was angry at me. Billy may have meant what he said but in those first few days I kept thinking...I bet she wishes Sophia was a drunk and not.....anyway. She blamed me. She would never ever say that. But she did.

**Daisy:** I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I could still see her there. In the bathroom. That lifeless body and her sunken eyes. She was right in front of me and haunting me at the same time.

**Billy:** They needed a break. I mean the tension was palpable. Honestly it made me feel better to help them because I was sitting in that waiting room looking at Jagger, and alternating between wanting to hug him and wring his damn neck. I knew that kid. That kid was me. And I wanted him to step up and see that his family needed him. I wanted him to do the things that I couldn’t do when I was his age. So I just kept trying to show him. Helping Graham, taking care of the girls, giving Camila a break. Still being there for his mom. It was...a lot. But I wanted him to be that guy that tells these stories in past tense.

**Jagger:** Billy would find moments to check in on me. Really after the first day there, I was jonesing and I knew he could see it. I wasn’t into really heavy stuff, but being one day clean... it felt like I got hit by a bus. He was bringing me water. Taking over with Sophia. Trying to do all the things. [he pauses] The man kind of thrives in chaos. Makes him hard to hate sometimes.

**Julia:** Gee, who does that sound like?  
  


...

I was mostly just avoiding Jess. Avoiding the person you need the most is its own level of hell. I can tell you that.

**Sophia:** I remember waking up like it was a dream or a movie I can still watch. I can close my eyes and feel it..smell it...see it...everything about it. It felt like, and I know this is nuts, but it felt like being born.

_________________

** _February 17, 1999_ **

_Sophia Dunne gradually came out of her sedation and tried to focus on the room around her. Her chest was heavy. Her arms were sore at her sides. She turned to try and see someone, and noticed Billy asleep beside her bed._

_His head was propped up on his hand and his elbow rest on the blanket beside her, his free hand holding hers. She squeezed it shakily and he bolted awake like it had been electricity._

_“Uncle B....” she whispered groggily and he leaned into her, gently cupping the side of her face._

_“Hey, kiddo. You’re alright....” tears were in her eyes and spilling from them all at once as he spoke, and she shook her head no._

_“Hey, you hang tight I’m gonna have the nurses call your mom and dad.....”_

_“No!” She all but shouted as she tightened her grip in his hand and he slowed back into his seat at her side._

_“Ok....ok......” he whispered, trying to mask his confusion._

_They sat in silence for a moment._

_“I don’t want to see them yet. I don’t want to see that disappointment. Or that...that...guilt.”_

_ Billy nodded gently as she spoke and leaned into her, putting both of his hands on hers. _

_ “Disappointment....from your mom....and guilt....from your dad?” Billy quietly tried to piece it together and her immediate sobs let him know he was right. He nodded gently again. _

_“Ok. Look, no one...and I mean no one...knows those looks better than me. And I’m gonna tell you something it took me damn near thirty years to learn about your mom, and over fifty with your dad...”_

_He paused to make sure she was listening. She was._

_“That thing that feels like disappointment from your mom, is her loving you so hard that she refuses to accept anything less than the best for you. Not FROM you. For you. Your mom wants this world to be perfect enough to deserve you. Not for you to be perfect. You can’t be perfect. You shouldn’t be. Trust me. I know...”_

_Sophia shared his slight smile through her tears._

_“Dad...he blames himself for how fucked up I am.”_

_Billy listened and inhaled. There was more truth there._

_“Graham blames himself for everything. If it rained today Graham would find a way to make that his fault. But same thing kiddo, it’s just cause he loves you so damn much he doesn’t want anything to hurt you. Especially the parts of you....”_

_“That are him?” She filled in the blank._

_“That’s right. But you love your dad....”_

_“Of course I do. I love him so much...” Sophia cried her response as Billy stroked her arm._

_“And you’d love him if he was sick...or sad. In fact you’d love him more.” Billy choked on the words as he spoke them. She nodded and he continued._

_“There is a room full of people in this hospital that spent the last day trying to figure out how to live without your smile, Sophia Louise, and not a one of them could do it. You’re sick, babygirl. That’s all. You’re not broken. Just like your dad isn’t broken.”_

_“Mom’s going to put me in the hospital isn’t she? Send me away?”_

_“If she knows what she is doing, then yes. You’re sick and that’s where sick people go to get better. But you aren’t going away. None of us are gonna let you get away from us. We are a family. All of us. If you hurt, we all hurt.” Billy was grasping at straws and she continued to cry quietly._

_“It doesn’t feel that way. It feels like...everyone else has it figured out.”_

_Billy laughed slightly as she spoke and she frowned._

_“I’m sorry, Soph. I shouldn’t laugh. But you’re 15! Baby! I didn’t know my ass from a hole in the ground when I was your age!”_

_“Language.” She interrupted in such a Camila way, it shook him. She smiled at him, embarrassed._

_“Is Tyler here?” She asked quietly. Billy nodded yes as he responded._

_“Everybody’s here, sweetheart. I’ll tell you what...I’ll send him in and I’ll go find your mom and dad. Sound good?”_

_Sophia nodded and closed her eyes a little, exhausted from the mild exertion. Billy leaned over her and kissed her forehead._

_“I love you, Soph. You’re gonna be ok.”_

_Billy slipped out of the room and met Tyler in the hallway. He nodded for him to come towards the door and Tyler practically ran._

_“Is she up? Is she ok? Can I go in?”_

_“She’s up. She asked for you. Your mom and dad go for food?”_

_Tyler nodded and his face fell._

_“She...she asked for me?”_

_Billy put his hand on his shoulder and smiled._

_“She loves you, big brother. She’s got a good one.”_

_Tyler forced a smile but Billy sensed something else behind it._

“Something on your mind?” 

_Tyler was twiddling his fingers and he looked at Billy with a sad determination._

_“I...I was going to tell you something. I haven’t told anyone, not even dad. But I thought...no, I knew...you’d understand.”_

_“Ok...” Billy tried to hide his apprehension._

_Tyler inhaled and spoke slowly and softly, but with a confidence that surprised even him._

_“I’m leaving the band. I don’t know if it’s just for now or forever, but I’m leaving. My family needs me and...I won’t change my mind.”_

_He lowered his eyebrows and looked deeply into Billy’s eyes, before slipping out from under his hand and walking into Sophia’s room._

_Billy turned and watched him walk in through the window, sitting on the side of the bed and leaning down to hold her. She cried as he did, and Billy knew Tyler was right._

_His family needed him._


	14. Chapter 14

**Julia:** Growing up in the Dunne household...either of them in fact...The Brady Bunch was always on high rotation. And as we grew into young adults, we were living it. A kind of blended family that broke the rules and norms, managed the highs and lows, and somehow managed to make it all work.

Of course, Greg Brady wasn’t an addict, Cindy didn’t try to kill herself, and Marsha wasn’t still struggling with her sexual identity while her lesbian life partner routinely cheated on her. 

The Dunne Bunch would have gotten higher ratings. 

**Camila:** I knew that Julia and Jessica were together. I mean, obviously Billy had confided in me that night but...I was playing dumb about that. But...ok, you...never told me.

**Julia:** I knew Dad well enough to know that he would tell you. I knew he would never admit to me that he had, but in a way I think I knew once I told him, that he would break the ice for you and me. 

**Camila:** It wasn’t until that day that you actually uttered the words to me though. It was this elephant in the room for us. There was distance once you moved to San Fransisco. But with everything going on with Sophia Lou, I knew that I had to work harder to connect to my children. So letting me in that day, it meant a lot to me. 

**Julia:** Jess had gone back to the hotel. I had sent her with a list of things I needed...that I didn’t really need. I just needed her to leave for a little bit. I was sitting in the waiting room when Graham and Camila came up with Billy, and I caught her eye long enough that she could see I had been crying. I saw her subtly grab Billy’s arm and he looked at her as she gestured to me. I tried to pretend like I was ok since they were there for Sophia. But at that moment? I needed my mom and dad. Plain and simple. 

**Graham:** Camila asked me to go in and check on Tyler and they were going to check on with Julia. I could see she needed them. I’ll tell you what, we were going through the parenthood ringer. Every single one of our kids was struggling. We needed clones, you know? 

**Daisy:** I was sitting with you. I knew something was wrong. In your silence. You didn’t have to say what, but I knew something was wrong because you couldn’t say much of anything. And it wasn’t just Sophia. You leaned your head on my shoulder and rested off and on once Jess left. But there was energy there between the two of you that unsettled even me. And it was like you knew it and she didn’t. The same kind of tension I felt when your mom and dad came back and you all but made a run for them. From me. I have, and will always, cherish the fact that we have grown together like we have. But the difference between you and I is, your parents will always be there when you need them. And I will never stand in the way of that. So later that day, while you leaned on your mom and dad...well, we’ll get there right?

**Billy:** You don’t show your weaknesses very often. So it still stops us in our tracks when you do. 

______________________

** February 17th, 1999  **

_Billy and Camila headed into the waiting room and met Julia walking towards them by the door. Daisy walked with her and whispered to Billy briefly._

_“I’m going to take the twins for some lunch. We can pick up things at the house while we're out. I’ll check in when we get there.” She kissed Billy and then Camila on the cheek, and squeezed Julia’s hand before leaving._

_Billy was studying Julia’s face...concerned._

_“Actually...Daisy...why don’t you take Dad, too?” Julia called after Daisy, who turned to her. Billy looked immediately pained._

_“Ok...yeah...you’re with us, Dunne...” Daisy watched Julia and they shared a nod._

_“Well...I mean...I’m not about to argue with all three of you.” Billy forced a fake smile._

_He kissed Julia’s forehead and followed after Daisy, glancing back at Julia to wink at her before holding up his thumb and pinky in the universal “call me” sign, then Billy and Daisy ducked into the elevator._

_Camila turned back to Julia who threader her arm in hers, and they started walking aimlessly down the hospital hall asJulia patted her arm._

_“Sophia is awake. Your dad said she’s doing pretty well.” Camila spoke softly, her lack of sleep apparent._

_“How are you feeling? Have you slept? Eaten?” Julia quizzed her and Camila laughed._

_“You think either of those brothers would let me starve!?” They shared a laugh at her response and then Julia placed her head lightly on her mom’s shoulder._

_“Your turn. What’s going on?” Camila stroked Julia’s arm on hers as she asked._

_“Well. I mean, you know that Jessica is...you know we are together. I know I’ve never come out and said that to you....”_

_“You didn’t have to. I know, baby....” Camila squeezed her arm._

_“So I know that’s different. For you. From you. But...I need your advice....”_

_There was a bench in the long corridor they turned down and Camila eased them down into it._

_“I’m all ears.”_

_Julia inhaled deeply and tucked her hair behind her ears._

_“How did you handle dad cheating on you?”_

_Camila stiffened._

_“Oh, Julia...”_

_“No. Stop. I don’t want your pity. I want your strength. You lived through it. You got him through it. You knew he loved you and you fought for that. How. How did you know when to fight and how did you know when to give up?”_

_Camila sat quietly concerned as Julia spoke and she tried to process what it was her daughter needed in that moment. She mirrored her and tucked her hair behind her ears._

_“Ok. First of all. Your dad is not Jessica. But...at least when it started, I knew him well enough to know he was pushing something else down, or away, with all the excess. Sex included. There was something bothering him he couldn’t fix. It was easier for your dad to do something like...have sex...then to admit to something bigger. Sex was concrete. His other issues weren’t. He wanted me to be mad at him for something else. At least...looking back now...that’s what it was.”_

_Julia was processing her words, piecing them together as Camila searched for them._

_“What was he pushing down? What was the real issue?”_

_Camila inhaled and her eyes welled with tears as she looked at Julia’s face. She smiled and wiped a tear as it fell._

_“Baby I’m only going to say this because it may help you with Jess. But...he was afraid. Afraid of me, a little. But mostly...he was afraid of you.”_

_Julia’s face deepened. Her brows furrowed. She looked confused._

_“Afraid of me?”_

_Camila ached at the broken sound in her voice._

_“Afraid of settling down. Of being a parent. Of letting us down. He wanted me to give up on him so he didn’t have to do it first. I wouldn’t do it. And he proved himself wrong.”_

_Julia smiled a little, thinking of just how much he had._

_“So you think maybe Jess is afraid of me? Of settling down? Of letting me down?”_

_Camila shrugged and pulled Julia into her shoulder._

_“I know that Jess has a lot of baggage, like your dad did. Couple that with being in a non traditional relationship and I'd say maybe her head is spinning. Because I know she loves you with her whole heart. And maybe hers is hurting right now and she needs you to help figure out how to fix that....”_

_Julia leaned into her shoulder and closed her eyes. She felt Camila chuckle above her._

_“What’s funny?” She whispered._

_“I was just thinking. Your dad and I were in a hospital just like this when I first knew that was gonna be a hurdle for us. How he felt about settling down.But it was also when I knew he could.”_

_“Tell me about it?” Julia snuggled into her mom like she would have when she was little and Camila kissed her head._

_“Someday, sweet girl. Right now...let’s go check on your sister and be there when Jess gets back. We can’t hide from things. Not today. That’s not what Dunne girls, do, yeah?”_

_They stood up together and grabbed each other’s hands as they headed back to Sophia’s room with new purpose._

_____________________

** April 15, 1972 **

_The Six had just finished a show in Philadelphia and true to form, Billy Dunne slipped out the back door with his long time girlfriend, Camila._

_Despite the consistent persisting from his band mates...he spent the late nights after shows, no matter how successful they had been or how crowded, in her company and not theirs. This particular night they slipped out the stage door and into an unseasonably cool Pennsylvania night. Billy pulled his coat from his back and flung it over her shoulders before slinging his arm over her. She was so slight compared to him that she practically fit into his side. She nuzzled there as they talked about the show and walked mindlessly through the brick streets of downtown._

_ “Hey, look....” _

_ Billy nodded down the block to a crowd of people waiting outside an ice cream stand.  _

_ “Oh man, root beer floats....” she purred into his side as they giggled and walked towards the crowd. Coming towards them was a family of three. A young set of parents, a little girl flung onto her father’s shoulders as she slurped an ice cream cone. _

_Billy and Camila swerved to the right side of the sidewalk and smiled at them as they passed by. Camila looked up at Billy, smiling.He raised an eyebrow. _

_ “What are you smiling at?” He asked, pulling her into his side. She just smiled and grinned at him with her eyes and he asked her again. _

_ “That could be us you know...someday....” _

_ Camila’s voice was sweet and pleading. At twenty two she was in no rush to have kids, but had also never questioned the desire to. Billy laughed uneasily and it pulled her from her daydream. _

_ “Awwww, c’mon mama. That’s not really my thing.” Billy joked, but Camila stopped walking. She turned and looked at him, folding her arms. _

_ “What?” _

_ He asked uneasily. _

“ _You’re serious? Like...no family? No kids? It’s...not your thing!?” Camilla tried to mask her obvious disappointment. She was unsuccessful. He smiled half heartedly realizing this was more intense for her than he realized._

_“I mean...yeah. I don’t really think that family thing is for me. Actually. I just....the band is taking off. I just...look, my dad was a piece of shit_ , _Mila, I don’t need to do that to a kid. You’ll thank me later. Let’s get ice cream.”_

_Camila tried to smile, realizing he was still masking his deeper concern under false bravado._

_She tucked back into his arm as they headed back down the block. They had only just started walking when there was a loud, long honk followed by the screeching of tires. The entire crowd turned just in time to see a bus pulling into the stop at the corner across the street and hitting a young girl that was running across the street to catch it. Camila shrieked as Billy instinctually closed his body around hers. The entire crowd yelled and cried out as the bus slammed still._

_“Holy shit...come on....” Billy hissed and then took Camila by the hand. Without thinking they both ran for the front of the bus._

_A young girl, probably no older than thirteen, lay unconscious in front of the bus, contorted on the ground. The driver ran down from the bus...apologizing to anyone who would listen that he hadn’t seen her. Billy knelt beside her and felt her pulse._

_“Where’s the hospital?” He shouted. Another man had joined him from the crowd at the ice cream store and was kneeling beside him as they tried to rouse her._

_“It’s not far. Maybe three blocks east....”_

_Billy nodded at him. He was already lifting the girl into his arms. Camila joined him, after trying to calm the bus driver. She took his coat from her shoulders and laid it over the girl._

_“We’re gonna run for it....got it in you?” He asked her as he hiked the girl against his chest._

_“I’m right behind you.” She whispered as they took off down the street. Camila kept pace with him, surprised how he could move as fast as he was, carrying the lifeless weight of a stranger._

_They reached the emergency room at Penn Hospital and ran in through the ambulance doors. They were greeted immediately by ER doctors that took the girl and moved Billy and Camila into a waiting room where they were giving reports to police, handed coffee and blankets, trying to explain what had happened. Camila was explaining to the police what she had seen, but she kept being distracted by Billy’s need to know how the girl was. Every new person that entered the room was asked by Billy if they had information on her: who she was, if she was ok. It charmed her._

_After awhile the room was quiet and it was just the two of them, sitting on a bench against a windowed wall, watching as medical staff passed by, Billy still nursing a coffee._

_“Well, we didn’t get our root beer floats but this was a helluva date night, Billy Dunne.” She was almost asleep at his side and he kissed her head._

_“You ready to go home?”_ _She yawned._

_“I can call Graham to come get you. I may stay....”_

_Camila sat up and smiled at him. Nodding slowly, grinning._

_“Don’t you look at me like that. I just want to make sure I get my jacket back.”_

_Billy winked at her and she punched him._

_“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Dunne. You don’t think you’re supposed to be someone’s dad? I think that girl you pulled off the street tonight would disagree with you.”_

_Billy reached for her face and stroked it as he smiled._

_“Do YOU disagree?” He asked shakily, smiling at her. She felt herself fight back a cry._

_“You’re damn right I do. I’d hate to spend the rest of my life with you and having babies with someone else. Might get weird.”_

_He laughed and she joined him._

_“I love you, you little shit. You know that right?”_

_She leaned in and kissed him as he teased her._

_“I love you too, you big shit. Let’s go home. I’ll leave them a number to call us so we know she’s ok. I mean...where to bring your jacket.”_

_Billy stood alongside her and pulled her against him. Camila noticed some blood on his shirt. They hailed a cab outside of the hospital back to the hotel, and as they reached the hotel after the short drive, Camila leaned in and nibbled Billy’s ear as she whispered._

_“No matter who is still awake...no matter who is at the bar...you are taking me upstairs and fucking me.”_

_“Yes ma’am.” Billy growled at her as he turned into her mouth and met it with his. She ran her hand up his thigh and grabbed at his growing erection through his pants as he moaned and then cleared his throat...noticing they were being watched in the rear view mirror._

_They walked through the lobby trying to maintain a low profile._

_“IT’S ABOUT FUCKING TIME!!” Graham bellowed at them from the bar adjacent to the lobby as they slunk past._

_“Christ! What happened?” Karen was right on Graham’s heels, carrying two drinks for them. She passed one to Camila and one to Billy._

_“Hey, get me a shot, too, would you?” Billy asked as he slammed his drink. Karen hollered to Eddie to get a round of tequila shots as she gave them the once over._

_“Your shirt! You get in a fight?!”_

_“It’s a long story.That we will tell you tomorrow.” Camila and Karen shared a giggle as Warren and Eddie brought handfuls of shots. Billy took two._

_“Tonight was great. C’mon. You can make love to your woman any time.” Graham whined as he took his shot and Camila handed him another, smiling as she took Billy by the hand and pulled at him._

_“He’s not going to make love to me Graham-o...your brother is going to pin me to the wall and fuck me til I forget my own name. Night!”_

_Billy just giggled and shrugged as Eddie and Warren hooted and hollered._

_“I need to find me a woman like that...” Eddie yelled, downing his shot, as the elevator closed on Billy and Camila._

_As soon as the doors shut, Camila launched at Billy and he reciprocated. She pushed him into the wall and pressed her body against his. He slid his hands into the bottom of her loose blouse and pushed them up over her bare breasts. Her nipples were hard under his fingers. He pulled at them and she moaned as she pulled at the fly of his pants._

_They reached their floor and tumbled out as the door opened to a mercifully empty hallway. Billy fumbled with the key as Camila made her way into his pants...running her fingers over his growing length. He pushed the door open and pulled her inside, tugging the back of her head and pulling her face to his until he could push his tongue between her teeth and probe the inside of her hot mouth. She moaned and cooed against him as she stroked his cock._

_“Take your clothes off for me....” He pulled from her as he instructed her and she lifted her top over her head, her bronze skin glowing in the light of one tiny lit lamp. She undid her pants as Billy pulled his bloody shirt off and threw it in the trash. He turned the radio on, loud enough to mask whatever sounds they would be making. He turned to see her naked and crawling onto the bed. She licked two fingers and then traced a line from her chin...between her breasts...over her belly button...and onto her clit, moaning his name as she spread her legs and fingered herself for him, kneeling on the bed and rocking to “Oh Girl.”_

_“God damn woman you are so hot. The things I want to do to you.....” He purred at her as he knelt in front of her and she took her hands from her seeping center and fed them to him. He moaned and took them in his mouth._

_“You turned me on tonight. I mean even more than usual. Seeing you like that. You’re a good guy, Billy Dunne, don’t let anyone tell you different....” She slipped her fingers from his mouth and applied them right to the tip of his leaking cock._

_ “Make love to me...please?” She felt his cock twitch in her hand as she begged, and watched as a wicked smile spread across his face. _

_ “Make love to you? I thought I was fucking you against the wall til you forgot your own name?!” He pressed against her, the tip of his cock rubbing gently against her clit. _

_“We have all night. Right now I just want you to love on me...” She moved into him and pushed his cock between her thighs, rocking her hips and dry humping him as she wet his cock with her pussy._

_“Ok baby....” he leaned her back against the bed and stopped mid way. Freezing._

_“Oh fuck fuck fuck fuck....” he whispered, rolling onto his back and off of her._

_“What?!” She sat up concerned as he covered his eyes with his hands and winced._

_“My condoms...are in my jacket.”He was exasperated. She flopped down next to him._

_“Fuck.” She echoed, still gently stroking herself._

_Billy rolled for the phone._

_“I’ll call Graham...”_

_Camila reached for him and put her arm on his. Stopping him._

_“I’m not waiting for your drunk brother to track down a condom, Billy. It’ll be fine.”_

_She was already rolling herself into him. She kept her arm on his and did the same to the other, pushing his arms up over his head, wiggling her eyebrows. She leaned over him until her breasts fell in his face and he took her nipple in his mouth, rolling and teasing it. His cock was pressed under her weight against his stomach and she started writhing against it. Her body leaving a shiny slick trail on his abdomen._

_“Gimme my hands I wanna touch you....” he moaned and she let his arms go, placing her hands on his shoulders.He reached between them and found her clit, soaked and slick, and started drawing circles around it. He pushed lower and found her opening, inserting a middle finger which she proceeded to ride._

_ She reached between them and took a hold of his achingly hard cock, and it throbbed in her grip. She raised her hips and found her opening with his tip as she slid down on him, taking him bare inside of her for the first time...which excited them more than they realized it would.  _

_“Oh God....Billy....” Camila slid up and down on him, drawing him in deeper every time she lowered, grinding her swollen clit into his pubic hair and crying out for him. He held her hips and sat up as she wrapped her legs around his waist and he held her on his lap. He dug his feet into the bed and rocked himself against her as he closed his arms around her back and she did the same. He could feel the familiar heat building in his groin and his abdomen as she tightened around him. He pressed her forehead into his with force, crying._

_“You ok?” He whispered...his hooded green eyes meeting her dark brown ones as they filled._

_“I just love you. So much.” She held his face in her hands. He pushed deeper into her with her words._

_“I love you more....you have no idea how much I love you.” He was breathless and she knew what that meant._

_“Cum with me....can you feel how close I am baby?” she whispered into his mouth, holding his face. He pinched his eyes and nodded as he exhaled and then held his breath._

_“I’m...gonna....god......now....inside you....”_

_ Camila screamed as she let go around him, soaking his groin. She felt him pulse and throb deep in her womb as he filled her. His cum ran down his cock and out of her and as much as she wanted to catch it with her fingers she never let go of his face. He breathed hard against her as he filled her for what felt like minutes. Whispering how much he loved her. _

_ When they finished, they collapsed together, falling into the bed and covering up lazily in a sweaty pile, Billy’s cock still inside her body. When the phone rang a little over an hour later, Billy was fast asleep at her side. She kissed him gently and rolled for it.  _

_It was the hospital. The young girl they had found had survived. With only a broken collar bone, some bruised ribs and a concussion. The doctor told her that the internal bleeding could have killed her if they hadn’t acted as fast as they did. Camila grabbed a pen to collect her information, thanked them for the call, and hung up the phone, before pressing into Billy’s side and peacefully drifting off to sleep with his chest under her._

____________________

**Camila:** Billy Dunne was born to be a dad. But like so many things about him, he wasn’t going to believe someone else telling him. He had to learn it for himself. The little girl we saved that night was in the Philadelphia foster system. She was running from a bad situation. She had saved up for that bus ticket. When she had the accident and wound up in the hospital, she was able to meet with a case worker who found her a safe placement. It was...it was meant to be. She showed your dad that he could be a dad, that those things were inside of him even if they scared the shit out of him. We went back the next day. Took her balloons. Your dad gave her case worker everything he had made from the show the night before and asked that they get it to her. She was asleep when we got there. But we got to see that she was ok.

**Billy:** Your mom didn’t tell you the whole story....I wasn’t the hero. She was. Well...you were.

**Julia:** Billy said I am the hero of this story. Care to explain?

**Camila:** [she pauses] Well, you were by proxy. A few weeks after we got back from Philly, I started to feel horrible. Nausea, headaches, the whole nine. It was April. You do the math. That’s how we named you. Well, how I named you.

**Julia:** I’m not named Philadelphia. 

**Camila:** That little girl your dad saved - and he saved her, don’t let him tell you differently - her name was Julia. And just like you, your dad loved her before he even knew who she was.

**Billy:** The day you were born...when Teddy had to drag my sorry ass to the hospital and I couldn’t even look in your mom’s eyes? She did what she knew I needed. When Teddy came down and he said you looked like me, and your name was Julia... [he pauses. A long pause] Julia. Your mom, in spite of everything else, was sending me a reminder. That I could do the things I was afraid of. That I did have what it took to be your dad. I just had to get out of my own fucking way.

**Julia:** I can’t believe I am just now hearing this story.

**Camila:** I knew someday you’d need it. I’m telling you now because, just like your dad, the woman YOU love is wrestling with herself. And even if you don’t know what it is yet? You’re going to find a way to bring her around and remind her who she is. And who you are. And what you can create together. I have no doubt in my mind, Julia Dunne. None.

**Julia** : Well, lets hope it doesn’t take someone getting hit by a bus. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Jagger:** We didn’t see a lot of Tyler after he went in to see Soph. Mostly because he refused to leave her side, but also because he had decided to leave the band and he wasn’t sure how to tell us. He actually didn’t end up telling us at all, which I still think is pretty fucked up.  
  
  
 **Tyler** : I wanted to. I just… I’ve never been good with conflict. Clarence used to tell me that that came from being adopted. Like, it was somehow engrained in me to stay quiet, keep the peace, be a good kid… so that my family would accept me. I don’t know if that’s all crap or what, but it made sense to me at the time. I didn’t want them to be mad at me. And I needed to be with Soph. They had found a great mental health hospital in the San Fernando Valley, so I was just focused on helping in any way I could. She was my focus. My family was my focus. I wasn’t there when my little sister needed me most, so I was going to make sure I always was from then on and that this never happened again. So, I called Clarence instead of talking to Dyl or Jag.  
  
  
 **Clarence** : I had been hanging back, making sure everyone knew I was there if they needed me, but not really wanting to interject myself into such a personal matter. But when Tyler called me and told me he needed to talk, I couldn’t get there fast enough. He said he had to make a food run for everyone because they were starving and were all waiting around because Sophia was going to be discharged and then driven to San Fernando, so did I want to come with him. I did. I picked him up from the hospital and we just drove in the direction of food. Any food. Then he spit it out pretty quick. He said, “I’m not gonna beat around the bush here. My sister needs help, so… I’m quitting the band. And don’t try to talk me out of it. It won’t work.”  
  
  
 **Julia** : What did you say to that?  
  
  
 **Clarence** : What could I say? I just said, “ok”. I didn’t think it was the best time to tell him that RCA had been on my ass, wanting to know when the boys were going to be in the studio to write and record. They didn’t want them to lose momentum and the fact that they had given them as much time off as they had already…that was a big deal. I knew I needed to have a meeting with all of them, but again, not the best timing.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : We all went to the facility to get Soph settled in. I snuck her in some contraband… you know, snickers, magazines and of course, my number to call me if she needed anything. I hadn’t even thought about drugs that whole week. Or Treena. I was just so focused on making sure my cousin was ok and that my family wouldn’t crumble. But once that all died down and she was settled, then I had time to think. That’s when it got hard. Then Clarence called us and told us we needed to have a band meeting to talk about where we were going and what the plan was. It wasn’t a great meeting, but it wasn’t horrible either.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : We met up in Malibu. Some hole in the wall restaurant with the best coffee and huevos rancheros. Jag and I went together, and when we walked in, we just saw Clarence. I sat down and asked if we were waiting on Tyler, and he just sighed and rubbed his face. I knew right then that this wasn’t going to be good.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : He told us right out of the gate that Tyler had decided to leave the band. I was in shock. I’m pretty sure my first response was “You’re shitting me, right?” and Clarence just stared and shook his head. Dylan sat back in his chair and I leaned forward. It was a nightmare.  
  
  
____________________  
  
 **February 20 th, 1999**  
  
  
 _“What the fuck do you mean Tyler is quitting the band?” Jagger felt his face getting hot as he threw his napkin and rested an elbow on the table._  
  
 _Dylan leaned back in his chair, folding his arms and shutting his eyes tightly as he tilted his head up to the ceiling._  
  
 _“Damn”, Dylan swore under his breath._  
  
 _“Why? Why is he doing this? And why didn’t he tell us himself?” Jagger was seething. He felt like he had just been betrayed and abandoned in one swing._  
  
 _Clarence leaned forward, resting on his folded arms on the table._  
  
 _“Sophia. I think that’s what it comes down to. He wants to be her brother again. You know, protective. She really scared him.”_  
  
 _Jagger scoffed._  
  
 _“Yeah, no shit. She scared all of us. He’s still her brother. That’s not going to change. But that doesn’t mean he can just walk away. We need him. He’s one third of The Dunne Boys.” Jagger chewed on his bottom lip and bounced his leg furiously._  
  
 _Clarence sighed again before proceeding._  
  
 _“I know. But he needs this. And you need to let him. Maybe he’ll come back someday, but that’s to be determined.”_  
  
 _Dylan sat up._  
  
 _“But J and I… we’re not a duo. We’re a band. We’re not fucking Brooks and Dunn.” He stopped when he realized what he said, and they all started laughing in the midst of their chaos. Even Jagger._  
  
 _“Shit. You know what I mean.” Dylan spoke through his laugh and Clarence’s face got serious._  
  
 _“I know. That’s actually another reason why I wanted to meet with you boys. RCA is up my ass about a new record. They want you to tour and do the whole thing again soon. They also…” Clarence stopped and exhaled a deep breath before continuing._  
  
 _“They also think you need a keyboardist. Someone to pull you guys together and elevate your sound.” He sat back and studied the boys’ faces._  
  
 _Jagger was leaning on the table, stirring his coffee furiously and Dylan was trying to read him to know how he should feel about this too._  
  
 _“We’re not replacing Tyler”, was all Jagger said as he put the coffee stirrer in his mouth and began to chew on it._  
  
 _Clarence nodded._  
  
 _“I agree. I don’t think you need to or should. You and Dylan have it pretty handled. But… I do think you should add a keyboardist.”_  
  
 _Jagger snorted._  
  
 _“I just told you. No one is replacing Tyler. We’re the Dunne boys. We’re not going to add some dude who’s not family with a name like Dick Johnson.”_  
  
 _Dylan snorted out his coffee and Clarence grabbed a napkin, furiously trying to get the coffee splatter out of his shirt._  
  
 _“Sorry”, Dylan whispered._  
  
 _Clarence cleared his throat._  
  
 _“Again, I agree. I don’t think you should add another guy. But…how would you feel about a female keyboardist?”_  
  
 _Jagger stopped chewing and Dylan’s mouth dropped._  
  
 _They were quiet for a minute before Jagger said, “Huh. Interesting.”_  
  
 _Dylan piped in with, “Did you have someone in mind?”_  
  
 _Clarence smiled._  
  
 _“I did, actually. The label gave me some head shots and tapes to listen too, and I really like this one. I think you will too.” He put a cassette tape on the table and slid it over._  
  
 _Jagger smirked._  
  
 _“Dude, if you’re going to try to convince us to add someone we don’t know to our band, we need pictures.”_  
  
 _Dylan chuckled under his breath._  
  
 _Clarence pursed his lips into a tight smile._  
  
 _“Listen to the tape first. Talent first over looks, ok?”_  
  
 _Jagger rolled his eyes and leaned back._  
  
 _“Ahh, so she’s one of those, “great personality” chicks. Got it.”_  
  
 _Dylan punched him in the arm._  
  
 _Clarence smiled to himself as he looked down at the table._  
  
 _“Listen to the tape, then I’ll show you a picture.”_  
  
 _Jagger huffed, but he grabbed the tape and stormed out to his car, popping it in and cranking it loud._  
  
 _On came a rocking version of 'The Verve’s' “Bittersweet Symphony” on violin and keys. He was immediately mesmerized. He played it once, then again, and finally, the third time, he air guitared the other parts and sang along._  
  
 _He walked back into the restaurant and tossed the tape on the table and plopped back in his seat._  
  
 _“I don’t care if she’s a one eyed pirate cow, she’s in.”_  
  
 _Dylan raised an eyebrow._  
  
 _“Don’t you think I should have a say in this too?”_  
  
 _Clarence laughed and opened his briefcase, pulling out a picture of a gorgeous red head and sliding it over to them._  
  
 _“Meet Chelsea Paine. Keyboardist and violinist extraordinaire. And… the newest member of The Dunne Boys?” Clarence raised an eyebrow as he watched Dylan and Jagger’s respective mouths drop._  
  
 _Dylan looked up and said, “Sold.”_  
  
 _Jagger chewed on his straw a bit more as he stared and said, “We might… Uh…we might need to change the band name. She is very much not a boy.”_  
  
 _Clarence laughed louder._  
  
 _“I thought about that too. How would you feel about just ‘DUNNE’?_  
  
______________________  
  
  
 **Jagger** : That day changed our lives in more ways than one. Not only were we losing Tyler and completely shifting the entire vibe of our band in a matter of hours, but I was about to meet a woman who would take me on an adventure I would have never expected.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : We had that meeting on Sunday, and by Monday we were in the studio, meeting Chelsea and getting to know each other, talking about life and the band, and then writing together. Or at least trying to. We didn’t get a lot done that first day. [laughs] She was so cool. She still is. But I had never seen Jagger that flustered before. He was losing his mind. Stumbling over his words, messing up chords on the guitar that he could play in his sleep, blanking on lyrics… he even spilled coffee all down her shirt and she just laughed. He was a mess and she was awesome.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : That long red hair… those green eyes that put mine to shame… her ridiculously white teeth and her laugh that was absolutely infectious. She lit up every room she walked into and was so sure of herself. Plus, she was an older woman, which was incredibly hot.  
  
  
 **Julia:** Jag, she was nineteen.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Yeah, and I was eighteen. What’s your point?  
  
  
 **Julia** : [laughs] Nothing. Never mind. Go on.  
  
  
 **Billy** : Ohh, Chelsea. Yeah, the minute I saw her, I knew my boy was going to be a goner.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : Chelsea! I love her. God, I love her. She’s one of the most incredible people I have ever met. She reminded me of a combination of… well a lot of things. She’s gorgeous, confident, a free spirit, very boho chic, but good Lord, she can play. Her talent is even greater than her looks. Man, I could sit in the studio and listen to her, just her, for hours. And her brain… she is quick as a whip and witty as hell. So smart. And she learned pretty quickly how to keep Jag in line. I had never seen my firstborn baby as flustered as he was around her. It was adorable.  
  
  
 **Chelsea Paine** : Hi, world. I’m Chelsea.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Hey girl, so glad you decided to join us. I know you were kind of hesitant.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : Yeah... I still kind of am. I mean… I read your first book. I’m not sure I can be THAT open. [laughs nervously]  
  
  
 **Julia** : No worries. We’ll only do and talk about what you’re comfortable with. You direct this.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : Ok, great. Thanks.  
  
  
 **Julia** : So, do you remember that first day you met my brothers?  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : [laughs] Do I? Oh goodness, yes. They were babies then! Dylan was absolutely adorable, and I immediately wanted to mess up his hair and give him crap. He was like my little brother from the first time I met him.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Yeah, I can see that. Especially back then. But what about Jagger?  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : [her face drops slightly] Yeah. Yeah…I remember meeting Jagger. He took my breath away. I was already such a fan of him and The Dunne Boys in general, so when my agent told me that Clarence Sterling had heard my demo tape and wanted me to be a new member of the Dunne Boys, or, uh… DUNNE after that, I freaked. I was so excited. But walking into that room, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I’ve always been a pretty confident person, and I was so excited but… God, those eyes. The minute his eyes locked mine… I knew. I knew he was it for me. We were young and I had no idea the shit that was to come, but… I fell in love the minute he spilled coffee on me. [chuckles sadly]  
  
  
 **Julia:** So, you liked him immediately that day. Did his reputation affect your perception of him at all? Like negatively?  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : [smiles weakly] No, it didn’t. It probably should have, but I was instantly mesmerized by him.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Billy Dunne has always said that the minute he saw you, he knew Jag was a goner. But it sounds like you were too?  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : I mean… I married him, didn’t I?


	16. Chapter 16

**Tyler:** I missed the guys. I knew I had made the right decision by stepping away, and it was good that I was around for group therapy with Soph and all of the things that our family needed to do to start to heal, but… it was hard. I missed them. They were my cousins, brothers and truly my best friends. It was a shock to the system to go from being around them all the time, creating magic, jamming out, touring, etcetera, to nothing. Literally. I would wake up and look at the clock, knowing that the guys were probably in the studio working on a song, Jag and Dyl fighting over licks and bass lines… [smiles sadly] and I was watching Bob Barker remind me to make sure to have my pets spayed or neutered while I ate some fruity pebbles. It was hard to be away from it. But what was worse though, was that me leaving put some distance between us. They were never free to hang out and things were just…awkward. They didn’t even tell me about Chelsea. Clarence did that.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I don’t feel bad about that. I mean, he didn’t tell us he was leaving so, why should I have to tell him about the new developments? To this day we’ve never had a conversation about it. I didn’t feel like I owed him the news of Chels joining in his place.  
  
  
 **Julia** : I thought you said that you weren’t replacing Tyler…  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [shrugs] Things change.  
  
  
 **Julia:** Did you at least tell him you were changing the name of the band?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Nope.  
  
  
 **Julia:** You still sound bitter about that whole thing…  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [scoffs] Thank you, Maria.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Hey, don’t be a dick.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Sorry... Yeah. It still hurts.  
  
  
 **Tyler** : Believe it or not, having the band change their name when Chelsea came made it better. The Dunne Boys was ours. I didn’t know DUNNE. I hadn’t been a part of that. So… it was better. Easier. Slightly.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : I would have never known there was tension. The guys never let it show. We were having fun just learning how to vibe with each other. They listened to my ideas and we started writing some really cool stuff. It was a good mix of stadium jams and heavy depth.  
  
  
 **Julia** : You listened to her ideas? Who hit you with the nice stick?  
  
  
 **Dylan** : [laughs] Jagger was using his head… just not his brain.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Hey, if Dylan looked like that, I’d listen to his ideas too.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Ew.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Oh fuck off. You know what I mean! [laughs loudly]  
  
  
 **Dylan** : Eh, that’s a fair point. She was good at distracting us by just being her.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : The first song we ever wrote together is a memory that I’ll never forget. We were in the studio late. Really late. I think it was like 2am but we were flowing so we just stayed. Dylan had crashed in a bean bag chair, hugging his guitar and snoring so loud... [laughs] It was a sight. Jag took a sharpie and wanted to draw a penis on his face, but I talked him out of it. He just drew a unibrow instead and freckles all over his cheeks.  
  
  
 **Julia** : PLEASE tell me there are pictures of this somewhere?  
  
  
 **Chelsea:** Yeah, actually I think your stepmom... Daisy... has them. Probably in that creepy attic!  
  
  
 **Julia** : You’ve seen that attic?  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : I’ve gotten locked in that attic! With Jag. It was totally a scene from Christmas Vacation. [smiles] Old lady clothes and all.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Ok, wait, I need to hear this story!  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : [waves me off] Ehh, later. Soon, but let’s stay focused. This is a really great story.  
  
  
 **Julia** : [chuckles] Ok, fair. So, you were in the studio…  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : Yeah… Dylan was passed out and I was leaning against the piano leg as Jag drew on Dylan’s face. I remember just watching him, tired and loopy and thinking, ‘I’ve never met anyone like you before’. He caught me staring and smiled really wide. You know that smile…  
  
  
 **Julia** : I do. Just like my dad’s. Those dimples…  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : …can take your breath away. He had been such a dork leading up to that night. Always making some random comment or innuendo. He was flustered by me and I never understood why, but I thought it was cute. He was always trying to be smooth and act like some experienced rocker, but I knew better. I knew he had a really good heart. I got to see it for the first time that night. When you’re tired… it’s like being drunk. You spill your guts a lot easier.  
  
  
________________  
  
 **March 12 th, 1999**  
  
  
 _“Oh my gosh, he’s going to kill you when he wakes up.”_  
  
 _Chelsea was leaning back against the piano laughing, her legs stretched out in front of her as she watched Jagger draw a sharpie unibrow on his brother’s forehead._  
  
  
 _“Nah, he probably won’t even notice, to tell you the truth.” Jagger covered the sharpie and slid across the carpet so that he was directly across from her, his black boots resting up against her wedges._  
  
  
 _They stared at each other, smiling, before Jagger broke the silence._  
  
 _“Can I get you something? Coffee? Water? Whiskey?” He stood up and walked over to the wet bar before turning back to wink at her._  
  
 _She started laughing and said, “Sure. Tea please.”_  
  
 _Jagger’s mouth curled down in surprise as he put the whiskey bottle down and opened the cupboard to pull out some tea._  
  
 _“They only have cinnamon in here, is that ok?”_  
  
 _“Perfect.” She gave him a small smile and he felt himself blush.  
  
He turned around quickly, pulling two mugs down and turning on the hot plate to boil some water. _  
  
_Chelsea stood up and moved to the plush red couch that was up against the wall, kicking off her shoes before tucking a leg under her as she sat._  
  
 _Jagger walked over with two mugs in hand, handing her one before he sat down next to her._  
  
 _“Jagger Dunne drinking cinnamon tea… what would the groupies think?” She took a sip and looked at him over the rim of her mug._  
  
 _He chuckled softly._  
  
 _“Well I guess I’m hoping that this will just stay here between us?” He smiled wide as he lifted his mug up to cheers._  
  
 _She clinked her mug with his and said, “Deal. But you do know you could’ve had a drink, right? I’m not gonna rat you out.”_  
  
 _Jagger sighed as he turned to face her._  
  
 _“Thanks. But the tea is good. That other stuff… makes me cloudy. Plus…” He looked down and ran his thumb over the rim of his mug as he paused._  
  
 _“Plus…what?” Chelsea’s voice was soft._  
  
 _He looked up at her and said, “My parents used to drink tea together. They’re recovering addicts and when they were first falling in love, they started drinking tea together every night. Oolong for him…chamomile for her. I think.”_  
  
 _Chelsea wanted to make some joke about him knowing different types of tea, but his face was so serious, and he was opening up, so she bit her tongue._  
  
 _“Anyway, they would have a cup of tea and just…talk. About everything…” He bit his cheek as he focused on a square on the carpet. “…they still do. I guess… I guess I’ve always wanted that someday too.”_  
  
 _Chelsea felt her heartbeat quicken as he looked up at her, the faint glisten of a tear in his eye._  
  
 _“That’s a really great story.” She whispered softly and he smiled before he cleared his throat._  
  
 _“Yeah, well… random story hour with Jagger Jacob Dunne at your service.”_  
  
 _“Jacob, huh?”_  
  
 _He nodded._  
  
 _“Yeah. After Jake Gregory. My dad’s best friend and my girlfr – ex girlfriend’s dad.” Jagger felt a sharp pain shoot through him at the mention of Treena._  
  
 _Chelsea nodded._  
  
 _“I see. Ex, huh?” She looked at him sympathetically as he leaned back against the couch and blew out a long breath._  
  
 _“Ok, this isn’t a therapy session. Enough about me. You better start spilling the dirt too, missy.” Jagger rolled his head to the side and nudged her knee with his mug._  
  
 _Chelsea put her mug down on the ground and pulled her other leg under her, sitting up straight and resting her hands in her lap._  
  
 _“Ok, well, I’m an only child. My parents dragged me around the world my entire life... Military brat, so I never really felt like I fit in anywhere. My dad was in the army and my mom was a teacher, so every time we moved, and I had to start a new school, so did she. Music was the one constant in my life and that’s why I love it so much.”_  
  
 _Jagger sat up straight and turned to face her, pulling a leg under himself to match her._  
  
 _She took a deep breath before continuing._  
  
 _“I was a twin, but she was stillborn, and so my mom gave me her name as a middle name. Kate. Sometimes I feel like she is still with me. I know that’s weird, but I do. And… when I was fifteen, I had an abortion…” Her eyes began to well with tears and she quickly wiped them away with her sleeve._  
  
 _Jagger blew out a breath._  
  
 _“Fuck. Wow… I… wow.”_  
  
 _“Yeah…” Her voice was shaky as she pulled her hands into her sleeves and wrapped her arms around herself._  
  
 _“Do you ever… regret it?”_  
  
 _Tears began to fall down her cheeks quickly, but she smiled through them as she said, “Every day. But I was fifteen, Jagger. I couldn’t have been a mom. Not then.”_  
  
 _Jagger moved closer to her and rested a hand on her knee._  
  
 _“You know I don’t judge you, right? I get it. You were really brave for doing that. Does anyone else know?”_  
  
 _More tears started to fall as she shook her head slowly._  
  
 _“My parents would have killed me. I’ve… I’ve never told anyone about this. So please… don’t…” She stopped before finishing her sentence._  
  
 _Jagger raised his hands in surrender._  
  
 _“Hey, if you’re going to keep my tea story a secret, I think this is only fair.” He smiled at her and she started laughing through her tears._  
  
 _“You really are something, Jagger Jacob Dunne.”_  
  
 _“Well back at ya, Chelsea Kate Paine.” He winked at her and she smiled as she wiped the last few tears off of her cheeks._  
  
 _  
Jagger stood up and walked over to the piano, setting his mug on top of it as he began to tinker with some chords._

He played a melody and started singing under his breath, working out a lyric before singing louder. 

When he had something, he looked over at Chelsea and started singing.  
  
 _  
“ **There’s nothing like a soul on fire, when no one else can know/ when losing feels like drowning and there’s nowhere else to go/ who’s gonna hear me screaming?  
  
...There’s light outside of an empty well that I’m trapped in deep inside/ a shining face in flashing lights/ when inside I’m screaming/ Can you hear me screaming?”**_  
  
 _  
Jagger plunked as lyrics began to flow out of him, stopping Chelsea in her tracks._  
  
 _She got up and sat beside him at the piano, adding her own sound along with his._  
  
 _She started working out her own lyrics and their hands moved together seamlessly._  
  
 _When they realized they had something, Jagger jumped up and grabbed a piece of paper, fumbling with a pencil as he tried to remember everything they had just said._  
  
 _When they were finished, they stared at each other smiling, tears in both of their eyes._  
  
 _“This is…an amazing song.” Chelsea whispered her words into the air like a prayer._  
  
 _“It really is.” Jagger ran his finger over the lyrics and Chelsea rested her chin on his shoulder._  
  
 _“I know how I relate to this song, but… what was your inspiration? The thing you didn’t want to talk about before?” Her voice was gentle, and his defenses were all the way down._  
  
 _He nodded._  
  
 _“Yeah, my ex-girlfriend. Treena. She… she dumped me like a month ago. On my birthday. Just because I was worried about her.” He sighed. “It…it sucks.”_  
  
 _“Yeah… it does. I’m sorry for that. But I’ve been there. My first boyfriend… my “baby daddy”… he dumped me too. He said he would dump me if I didn’t have an abortion…then he dumped me because I did. So yeah, I get stupid exes.”_  
  
 _Jagger flinched.  
  
"She’s not stupid.” His voice was weak as he pushed down on the piano keys absentmindedly. _  
  
_“She is if she gave you up for caring. I would kill for that.”_  
  
 _Jagger looked at her, and like magnets, they moved closer, their lips crashing into each other, sending fireworks shooting through them._  
  
 _They pulled away from each other and faced the piano, laughing softly together._  
  
 _Jagger cleared his throat and Chelsea sat on her hands._  
  
 _“Nice work, partner.” She said as she looked away._  
  
 _“You too. That was... some kiss!”_  
  
 _She turned to face him again and smiled wide._  
  
 _“I meant the song, but yeah… that too.”_  
  
 _They locked eyes, connecting in a way that was starting to scare both of them._  
  
 _Dylan broke the silence._  
  
 _He stood up from his bean bag chair, his hair a mess, rubbing his eyes as he said, “What did I miss?”_  
  
____________________  
  
 **Jagger** : We wrote “Screaming” that night. It set the tone for our new album and man, it launched us into next level writing. I will always credit Chels with that. She… she brought us higher. Made us better.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : I fell in love with Jagger Dunne the rock star, the minute he spilled coffee on me. I fell in love with Jagger Jacob, the boy who was becoming a man, that night in the studio. It was one of the best nights of my life.  
  
  
 **Tyler:** That is a killer album. I’m not gonna lie and say it was easy to hear the first few times. It sucked not being on it. Not being a part of that next level sound and writing. But I was happy for them. I really was. Sophia and I listened to it for the first time together, and that really helped me stay focused on why I wasn’t on it in the first place.  
  
  
 **Clarence:** They became even more electric than before. It was like watching the metamorphosis of future legends forming right in front of your eyes. There really aren't words to describe it.  
  
  
 **Billy:** That album brought back good music. And they were already fucking amazing. But damn. They needed Chelsea.  
  
  
**Dylan** : That song inspired us. A lot. We released our third album, “Can you hear me now?” in June of 1999, and we set out to hit the road for our first ever headlining tour in July. And our first stop? New York City.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Oh boy.  
  
  
 **Jagger:** Yeah, not the best way to start our first headlining tour. Trying to work out all of the bumps and glitches, learning how to gel as a new band, working out who would fill in Tyler’s parts… making eye contact with Chelsea and feeling my heart race… and oh yeah, let’s add my ex-girlfriend coming to the show and watching me side stage into the stressful mix. I missed so many chords that night…  
  
  
 **Treena** : He saw me, and it was like he saw a ghost. It had only been a few months, so it surprised me that he seemed so shocked. And then her. The redhead...   
  
  
**Julia:** Chelsea.  
  
  
 **Treena** : [stares into the monitor with a pout]  
  
  
 **Julia** : Ok, ok. Continue.  
  
  
 **Treena** : That gorgeous girl who made Jagger forget all about me in a matter of months… yeah. I wasn’t expecting that.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : She was thinner than ever. And not in a good way. It made me think that I was glad I ditched that drama. But man. No matter how skinny she was…she was still my Treena. My best friend who I hadn’t talked to in months. My first love…first... everything. It was hard to see her there. Especially after the way we left things. I was definitely no saint either. I remember walking off stage and wiping my face with a towel and then… God... I walked right past her. Wrapped an arm around Chels and…ignored her completely.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : That should have been my first red flag. But… I liked being under Jagger Dunne’s arm.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I was eighteen years old. It was too much drama for me to be in the middle of. It was all going to my head. The crowds, the screams… the girls. I was really starting to feel deep things for Chelsea. That night in the studio set me on a trajectory of excitement and adventure and depth that I would have never gotten otherwise. But Treena…  
  
  
 **Julia** : She was your first. I get that.


	17. Chapter 17

**Treena** : He looked right past me. The guy who just months ago had told me he loved me and wanted to be with me through the good and the bad, looked right past me. He had changed so much in five months. He even looked different. Lighter in countenance but… darker in soul. I don’t know. It crushed me. I knew we needed to talk, so I grabbed Dylan as he was walking by and pulled him aside. He was actually happy to see me and gave me the biggest hug. It helped. He told me they were staying at the Beekman, and that he would clear out that night so Jag and I could talk. I was terrified, but I went.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : She wasn’t in a good way. When I hugged her… Jules…I thought I was going to break her. She was so brittle. I knew the only one who could possibly knock some sense into her would be Jagger, so yeah, I set them up. It was the least I could do. Treena was like my sister, and I really was pulling for them to one day figure their shit out.   
  
  
**Jagger** : Dylan told me that he was going to get a late bite to eat and not to follow him because he needed a breather away from me. [laughs] Nothing suspicious in that, right? But I thought ‘cool, time with Chels’. I called her room and she didn’t pick up. Which I thought was weird. But whatever, I just wanted to chill and decompress anyway. It had been a big night.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Wait, Chelsea wasn’t staying in the same suite as you guys?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [shakes his head no] She requested a separate room. She… she wanted to focus on the music first and foremost without letting our feelings complicate things night after night.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Smart girl. So you two never…  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [smirks] Well I didn’t say that… it was just easier to focus on the music when we planned out our hookups instead of just having her in my bed every night. We didn’t want to label anything. We were young. No need to be so tied down.   
  
  
**Chelsea** : I didn’t realize any of that. I thought we were a thing. I asked for a separate suite because I’m not just a hookup kind of girl, and I didn’t want to be that available to him. I wanted him to work for it.   
  
  
**Treena:** My legs were shaking the entire walk to his suite. Hell, my whole body was shaking. I didn’t even need to knock on his door with force because my arm was trembling so much, it knocked for me. It took him a little while to answer the door, and I was just going to leave. Forget about the whole thing. Then he opened the door.   
  
  
__________________  
  
 **July 10 th, 1999 – The Beekman Hotel**  
  
  
“ _Treena?” Jagger’s voice stopped her in her tracks._  
  
 _She turned around slowly and waved awkwardly._  
  
 _“Uh… hi.”_  
  
 _Jagger leaned against the doorframe, his arms and legs crossed._  
  
 _“What are you doing here?”_  
  
 _She moved closer to the door and wrung her hands._  
  
 _“Um... I guess I… You didn’t… then she…” She paused and took a deep breath, steadying herself to continue._  
  
 _“I wanted to see you. Talk to you. You had a big night tonight and I wanted to be there… then you… you acted like you didn’t even see me.” There was a lump in her throat and Jagger looked up and down the hall, making sure no one saw them before opening the door wider and moving aside so she could come in._  
  
 _He shut the door and leaned against it, eyes shut and head tilted up before he found the strength to walk towards her._  
  
 _“Can I get you something? Coffee, water, laxative?” He scowled as he moved to the couch and plopped down on it, laying across it and leaving no room for her._  
  
 _“Ok…ouch. But I guess I deserve that.” Her voice was small as she moved to sit on the coffee table across from the couch._  
  
 _He covered his eyes with his hand as he said, “I’m going to ask again. Why are you here, Treena?”_  
  
 _“I… I wanted to see you.”_  
  
 _He didn’t move his hand from his eyes, but he chuckled angrily underneath._  
  
 _  
“Yeah, well, you saw me. You can go now.”_  
  
  
 _“Jagger…please…” There was a cry in her voice._  
  
 _  
Jagger jolted up on the couch, spinning to face her._  
  
 _“Damnit, T, this isn’t fair. I wanted to see you for my birthday. Love you…be with you. And because of one comment of genuine concern, you threw me away. No, you don’t get to play this game and see me when you find it convenient. Or when you're missing me. You kicked me out! You ended it. You slammed the door in my face and now I think it’s my turn to do the same. Get out, Treena. Now.” He stood up and walked towards the door._  
  
 _“JAGGER PLEASE!” Treena screamed. Panic flooded her body and tears filled her eyes.  
  
He stopped dead in his tracks.   
  
He clenched his jaw and his fist as he spun towards her._  
  
 _“WHY? I wanted you, T! I loved you. I wanted you to be ok, and you fucking told me to never contact you again! I CARED. Do you know how many girls would kill for that?” Tears were filling his own eyes, and Treena ran to him, wrapping her arms around his waist as she cried into his chest._  
  
 _Her voice was small and shaky as she whispered, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”_  
  
 _Jagger’s arms hung at his sides as she hugged him, and it took everything in him not to wrap her up, hold her tight... protect her from the world. But he knew she wouldn’t let him do that anyway._  
  
 _Treena looked up at him, her big brown doe eyes searching his face._  
  
 _“J…look at me. Please…” She put a hand on the side of his face, and he leaned into it._  
  
 _“Do you miss me?” She whispered the question she was afraid to hear the answer to._  
  
 _Jagger pinched his eyes shut and clenched his jaw again._  
  
 _“Yes.”_  
  
 _Treena smiled through her tears and put her other hand on the other side of his face._  
  
 _“Can we... be us again?”_  
  
 _  
His eyes opened slowly, and he stared deep into her eyes._  
  
 _“Will you stop doing what you’re doing?” His voice was pleading against his will._  
  
 _Treena dropped her hands._  
  
 _“That’s not fair. I do that for work.”_  
  
 _“Yes or no, Treen.” Jagger’s voice turned firm._  
  
 _Treena turned her back to him, wrapping her arms around herself._  
  
 _“Jagger, please…”_  
  
 _“YES. OR. NO.” Heat was rising on Jagger’s face._  
  
 _Treena turned to face him, tears running down her face._  
  
 _“No.”_  
  
 _Jagger clenched his jaw and put his hands on his hips as he looked down at the ground and sniffed._  
  
 _  
“Well there’s your answer then…”_  
  
 _  
“Jagger!” Tears were falling faster than she could control them as she leapt towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck, as she began kissing him all over._  
  
 _“Treena…” Jagger’s resolve was faltering as he tried to push her away gently by the hips._  
  
 _He felt the bones sticking out of either side of her, and it gave him the confidence he needed._  
  
 _He pushed her back and said softly but firmly, “You need to go.”_  
  
 _Treena looked at him with pain in her eyes, searching his face to see how serious he really was.  
  
When she saw he meant it, she stood up on her toes and kissed his cheek._  
  
 _Jagger walked her to the door and before opening it he said, “I hope that this is worth it for you. I really do.” His face and voice were sincere, and she almost gave in._  
  
 _But instead, she nodded and opened the door just in time to see Chelsea about to knock._  
  
 _“Oh, hey! I’m Chelsea! You must be…Treena?” Chelsea’s face was bright, and she was smiling as she extended her hand to Treena, realizing she had just happened upon something intense and she instantly tried to lighten the mood._  
  
 _Treena looked at Chelsea’s hand and then back at Jagger as she stiffened and said, “Yeah. This is worth it", and stormed past Chelsea without saying another word._  
  
 _Chelsea’s face dropped as she looked at Jagger._  
  
 _“Are you…ok?” She hesitated, not knowing the right or wrong thing to do in this situation._  
  
 _Jagger smiled sadly as he nodded and opened up his arm to her. She moved into him, wrapping her arms around his waist and he kissed the top of her head as he watched Treena walk down the hall and get on the elevator._  
  
 _“Yeah, I’m good.” He whispered into her hair and she squeezed him tighter._  
  
 _He pulled her back into the room and she got an excited look on her face as she jumped onto the couch._  
  
 _“So, we have the whole night tonight. Wanna go do something fun?” She wiggled her eyebrows and Jagger laughed as he grabbed himself a drink, before reconsidering it and grabbing the tea box. He made them each a mug and said, “Hmmm, whatcha thinking?” He smiled wide and she blushed._  
  
 _She took the mug from him and said, “Well, I was thinking of checking out this new laser tag place two blocks away! Just…have some fun, you know?”_  
  
 _Jagger looked at her and started laughing uncontrollably._  
  
 _“What?” Chelsea started laughing with him._  
  
 _Jagger waved his hand at her as he tried to collect himself._  
  
 _“You’re just so… chill. You gotta understand, I’m a Dunne. I grew up in a pretty crazy family, and when they were my age, their idea of “fun” meant getting wasted and waking up with hookers in bathtubs. Laser tag is so…normal.”_  
  
 _Chelsea held the mug with both hands and pulled her knees up as she said, “ooh, prostitutes in bathtubs huh? Kinky.”_  
  
 _She winked at him and he smiled into a small laugh._  
  
 _“No, but seriously. I don’t know what they were like, but we are not them. And I’m not that kind of girl. The party scene… it’s old. Don’t you ever just want to feel normal sometimes?” Her voice was soft and it made him relax._  
  
 _  
Jagger’s face got serious and he looked at her as he whispered, “Yeah. I do.”_  
  
 _She smiled at him warmly._  
  
 _“Ok then, you goof. Let’s go play some laser tag. Loser buys the winner a burger?”_  
  
 _Jagger’s face lit up._  
  
 _“Ohh, it is so on!”_  
  
 _They jumped off of the couch and Jagger froze; spinning to face her with a playful look in his eyes._  
  
 _  
“So… I mean, yeah. I do want that burger. And I want to feel like a normal dork for a night but… first…” He smiled wide as he slowly moved towards her._  
  
 _She felt her heart begin to race as he got closer, and butterflies swarmed her stomach._  
  
 _She looked at him and croaked out a, “Yeah?”_  
  
 _He reached her and put a hand on the back of her neck before pulling her in for a soft kiss. He pulled away and looked in her eyes as he said, “I AM still a Dunne. And I have an entire suite to myself right now. I would be… WE would be fools to waste it.” He winked at her and she felt a heat growing between her legs._  
  
 _“Well…I mean…I’m no fool…and if it’s a Dunne thing to do… who am I to say no?” She smirked at him and he followed suit as he picked her up, wrapping his arms around her waist, and spinning her around as he kissed her deeply and carried her to the bed._  
  
 _He laid her down and she said in a joking tone, “But wait, aren’t we supposed to be in a bathtub right now?”_  
  
 _Jagger laughed as he held himself up on his hands and looked down at her._  
  
 _“Are you calling yourself a hooker?”_  
  
 _Chelsea’s face turned a bright red which only made him laugh harder._  
  
 _“Sorry, but you walked right into that one.”_  
  
 _She slapped him on the arm and he pretended to be hurt._  
  
 _  
They calmed their laughs and looked at each other again as Jagger said, “Good God… you’re amazing.”_  
  
 _Chelsea smiled and kissed him again before she sat up and pulled her shirt off over her head._  
  
 _She reached behind herself and unhooked her bra, throwing it to the side as she moved backwards on the bed._  
  
 _Jagger’s eyes got wide, so she threw her shirt at him._  
  
 _“What? You’ve seen them before!”_  
  
 _“Yeah, but… I always forget how amazing they are!”_  
  
 _She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him back down on top of her._  
  
 _He slowly began kissing her neck as he fumbled with the buttons on her jeans and she pulled away to help him._  
  
 _She kicked them off quickly and continued kissing him as he dipped his hand inside of her panties, feeling her heat and wetness. He moaned into her mouth and she smiled against him._  
  
 _He pushed his palm against her clit as he began rubbing his hand up and down her, feeling her juices cover him._  
  
 _“Fuck.” He breathed out as Chelsea gasped at the sensation of his palm on her button._  
  
 _She lifted her hips, desperate for more friction._  
  
 _Jagger ground down onto her thigh, rubbing her in time with his body's movements._  
 _  
  
“I…wanna…god…ah…feel you, Jag…” Chelsea reached up and palmed her breasts, causing Jagger to groan into the air._  
  
 _He pulled back and said, “I have a condom in my wallet… hang on.”_  
  
 _He moved off of her and walked to the small safe in their room, fumbling with the combination as he felt his cock throbbing in his jeans, and as he watched Chelsea pull her panties off and dip two fingers inside of herself in his absence._  
  
  
 _“Ohhh, God, stop that, woman! You’re gonna make me cum before I even get to you!” He smiled and she stared at him as she pulled her hand out of herself, bringing her cream to her nipple, rubbing slow circles over it and coating it instantly as she purred._  
  
 _“Fuck.” Jagger yanked open the safe and grabbed his wallet, slipping out the condom and throwing the wallet behind him as he moved as fast as he could with an erection, back to Chelsea._  
  
 _She sat up and unbuttoned his pants, pulling them down as he stepped out of them and ripped the condom wrapper open with his teeth, slipping it on faster than he knew possible._  
  
 _“Holy shit." Chelsea’s jaw dropped as she looked at Jagger’s impressive length._  
  
 _“What? You’ve seen it before.” Jagger winked and she nudged him._  
  
 _“I know but…holy fuck.”_  
  
 _He laughed again as he said, “I love how you only swear when you’re turned on.”_  
  
 _He crawled onto the bed, hovering over her._  
  
 _She smiled as she said, “That’s true. And right now I’m a God damn sailor.”_  
  
 _Jagger kissed her mouth deeply, pushing his tongue past her lips as he felt her reach between them, grabbing his shaft and positioning him at her opening._  
  
 _“Fill me, J… I want to feel you…Gahhhh!”_  
  
 _She screamed out as Jagger slid into her before she could even finish her sentence._  
  
 _She wrapped her legs around him, her heels digging into his back as she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him deeper and deeper into her._  
  
 _Jagger grabbed the headboard as he pushed into her, losing himself in the feeling of her warmth and tightness._  
  
 _  
“Fuck...You feel so... good…”_  
  
 _  
“Baby…I’m gonna…” Chelsea’s chest heaved as she reached between them, rubbing her clit furiously._  
  
 _“Hang on…” Jagger shifted and bent down, taking her cum soaked nipple in his mouth, humming as he sucked and it sent her over the edge._  
  
 _“HOLY…GODDDDD!” She screamed as her center tightened around Jagger, milking him and sending him soaring with her._  
  
 _They rode it out together, drenched in sweat as they clung to each other._  
  
 _Jagger collapsed on top of her, his face buried in her neck, and started laughing._  
  
 _“So much better than laser tag.”_  
  
 _  
She pulled back slightly and said, “Hey now, we’re still going!”_  
  
 _  
Jagger laughed and said, “Well duh.”_  
  
  
 ___________  
  
 _They came down from their highs and jumped in the shower individually, out of fear of starting round 2 or Dylan interrupting, then they got dressed to go out._  
  
 _  
As they were getting ready to leave, Dylan burst into the room and said, “Heeey Chels! Good to see yooou”, as he fell onto the couch._  
  
 _Jagger’s face dropped and he got serious as he said, “Are you drunk?”_  
  
 _  
Dylan snickered as he pinched his thumb and index finger together and said, “Maybeee a littttle…”_  
  
  
 _“Christ.” Jagger reached for the phone and called Clarence, asking him to come stay with Dylan._  
  
 _“Hey, no funnn. I wanna shoot lasers!” Dylan’s words were slurry and his face was buried in the couch. He was seconds away from passing out._  
  
 _“No. You’re staying here and sleeping it off. What the hell, Dylan?”_  
  
 _Dylan snickered again before turning it into a snore. He was out._  
  
 _Clarence showed up to help, and Jagger ran his hand over his face before turning to Chelsea and saying, “Ready?”_  
  
 _“J, we don’t have to go…we can stay with him…” She looked at him with all the sincerity and love, and it made his heart swell._  
  
 _He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, kissing the top of her head as he said, “Not a chance.”_  
  
____________  
  
 **  
Chelsea** : I won. Jag kept his word and bought me a burger, but I totally let him have it. I just wanted to eat my weight in fries anyway. [laughs and pauses] Yeah, that was a great night.   
  
  
**Julia** : But…  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Everything was going great. I was flying high. First show of our headlining tour, amazing time with Chels…  
  
  
 **Julia** : Treena showing up at your door randomly…  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [sighs and rubs his face] Yeah. That. I had pushed that out of my mind as soon as Chels showed up at my door, and we were having the most amazing “normal” night. Great sex, great game, great burger…but then…  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : We had played and eaten, then were just walking around, enjoying New York, looking for some ice cream. We were normal young adults in that moment, and it was bliss. Until… we walked by this bar and its adjacent alley. That's when Jagger froze.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I would have known that silhouette anywhere, even if I hadn’t smelled her perfume wafting in the wind. Treena was passed out against a wall, completely trashed. I looked at Chelsea and rubbed the back of my neck. I didn’t know if I should help her, or stay with Chelsea.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Why couldn’t you help her WITH Chelsea?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [bites his lip] I honestly didn’t even think of that back then. They were so separate in my mind… but Chels… God, that woman. She just looked me straight in the eye when she saw me struggling and she said, “Go. I can get back just fine on my own. She’s your friend. Help her.” I think that might have been the first time I fell in love with her. I don’t know. But I think so.  
  
 **  
Chelsea** : I trusted him. After what I saw in the doorway, and after that night… I didn’t even think anything of it. I just saw a girl who needed help and I sent him to help her. I took a cab back to the hotel and curled up with a good book and Carole King on vinyl. It was peaceful.   
  
  
**Julia:** Why didn’t you stay with him to help too?  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : [pauses] I didn’t think of it. I… I didn’t want to intrude. Treena has this presence that is kind of intimidating, and it didn’t feel right for me to insert myself into this situation. But… I should have. I shouldn't have just left Jagger to handle it all.


	18. Chapter 18

**Jagger:** A good chunk of my life has been figuring out how far to push things before they get dangerous. I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing with Treena because I was too busy being mad at her. I wanted to be the victim so I didn’t care if that made her one, too.

**Julia:** That’s very self-aware.

**Jagger:** You think I just piss money away on therapy and rehab? I pay attention.

**Julia:** What do you think it was that pulled you out of that?

**Jagger:** I mean seeing anyone you love like that. That hopeless. That sick. I would have done the same if it had been Dylan....[he pauses]...

**Julia:** You can’t fix every broken bird, Jag. Especially if you already are one. 

**Jagger:** Says the girl who had to write a memoir to exorcise her demons.

**Julia:** That is no secret. We all heal differently.

**Jagger:** Fair. But yeah, we all struggled, right? Every single last damn one of us at some point. It was like...who was going underwater next and who happened to be staying afloat when they did. Treena was going under, and I needed to help her. I just had to stop taking no for an answer. Because I knew her better than that. She was...she was sick.

**Julia:** You can’t hate someone for being sick. That should be this book’s subtitle.

_________________________

_ July 11th, 1999 _

_ People were literally tripping over Treena’s legs as they walked by, most of them so stoned or drunk they would have no idea there was a person there. And frankly she was so frail and slight she almost didn’t look real. _

_ Jagger watched as Chelsea hailed a cab and then moved into the alley until he was kneeling by her. Her knees were bruised up like she had fallen. Her head hung slightly and her eyes opened to look at Jagger as he knelt and whispered her name. _

_ “Treen, what the hell are you doing to yourself?” His nostrils flared with frustration as he looked her over and she smiled. _

_“You came back for me...” Her voice escaped in a crack, her throat raw. As Jagger put his hands under her arms to lift her she immediately got sick all over the front of him. Covering him in water and bile and not much else. He held his breath and his tongue as the lurching hardly even affected her, she just pulled up along his body until she was standing. Jagger looked around, no one was even stopping, everyone so wrapped up in their own shit she could have died right there in the alley and gone unnoticed for days. He lifted her up into his arms. Jagger was solidly built, like his dad, but also had no trouble lifting what was probably only 85 pounds. He hailed a cab with her in his arms and headed back to the hotel._

_ “Where are you taking me?” She whispered into his chest as she clung to him. _

_ “I’m taking you back to the hotel. We gotta fix this.” _

_ “Please don’t tell Simone....” _

_ Jagger looked down at her. _

_ “Oh no I’m not gonna tell Simone. You are. I’m not gonna sit back snd watch you starve to death so if you don’t want to hear it from me you’re gonna hear it from the one person you do listen to.” _

_ Treena watched him speak, still angry. She bounced back and forth from his dark eyes and the headiness made her vomit. Again. On Jagger. He noticed the cabbie react.  _

_ “I don’t know what’s even in there to throw up for God’s sake.” _

_ They reached the hotel and Jagger gave the driver $200 for the mess. He lifted Treena out of the cab and slung her into his arms, she shook as he held her. He bypassed the lobby, which was full, and headed to the stairs...carrying her up the four flights to his room. Grateful he wasn’t on the top floor. He made his way into the suite and walked straight to the bathroom, being no stranger to sobering up in a hurry. _

_ He turned the water on....cold...and all but threw her into it. She screamed. He turned and walked out, with the intention of getting her some tea, but as he left her heard her release a loud sob. He turned to face her and saw her crying against the shower wall. Drooling, sobbing, ugly crying and saying his name. _

_ “Please...just...help me....” She was bawling and clawing at the wall and it was all he could take. He moved back into the shower and pulled her into his chest, holding her there as the freezing cold water soaked them both.  _

_ “Damnit, Treena.” He kissed her head as she cried, pulling at his black t-shirt. _

_ “I’m sorry, Jag. I’m sorry.” _

_ She kept muttering her apologies incoherently. And he just held her, rocking her gently. Unsure of what to do. She finally stilled herself and looked up at him with eyes that seemed like they were registering reality for the first time. Jagger reached behind her and turned the water to warm, before pulling his shirt off and tossing it aside. He reached for the sides of her too small babydoll slip and eased it up over her body. He could hardly stand to look at her. The skin wasn’t the right color, her bronze glow was more grey...and he could literally grab at her hip bones. But he made himself take her in even as she watched him. He inhaled deeply. _

_ “Treen...you’re so beautiful...but this isn’t you...what you’re doing...it’s not you. And anyone that thinks you need to look like this to sell a magazine is not someone you need to be around....you’re gonna kill yourself...is it really worth it?” _

_ She listened to him as he spoke and tried to accept that he was right. She was no longer eating. Taking baby sips of water at best because even that felt like it bloated her. She would drink one cup of hot tea in the morning...only to burn her mouth and keep her from wanting food. But the work was drying up. She had to keep trying. But she didn’t have the words to tell him that. And she wasn’t comfortable with losing him. Especially now that there was someone else in the wings. _

_ Literally. _

_ She looked at him and just nodded yes. Letting him know she heard him. She reached around his back for support and pressed into him as he leaned down and kissed her forehead. Slowly trailing his mouth over her face...kissing her cheeks, her nose, her jaw...telling her how beautiful she was. _

_ His mouth found hers and their lips crashed into each other like they had needed to for six months and they couldn’t stop. They latched onto one another, still standing in the warm water as one, gently kissing and biting at each other as they silently let themselves be forgiven and remember what it was they were fighting so hard against.  _

_“Jag....” she whispered as he lifted her into his arms. He turned the water off and carried her against his chest to his bed, laying her soaking wet naked form onto the sheets an realizing...she had passed out._

_He leaned over her, panting and needy, but felt himself smile gently as he watched her sleep peacefully underneath him. He turned the light off beside the bed and pulled the heavy comforter up over her as he chewed the side of his thumb nervously. He walked back out to the main room of the suite, sure that someone would have been back soon anyway, knowing he should check in with Chelsea but feeling unable to see her. Feeling lost. And there was really only one thing he felt like he could do._

_Jagger walked to the phone and dialed._

_“Hello?” Daisy Jones answered, half asleep._

_“Hey mama. It’s Jag.” He smiled to himself, sitting on the couch, comforted just by the sound of her voice. She immediately went on alert._

_“Jagger. Baby it’s the middle of the night. What’s wrong? Are you ok?” Daisy was already fumbling to wake herself up and take stock of what was happening._

_“I’m fine, mom, I’m fine. I just...wanted to hear your voice....” he smiled and chuckled at her ability to worry about him so much, “actually...is dad around? I need to talk to him.”_

______________________

**Daisy:** Late night calls from Jagger weren’t usually good news. So even when he seemed calm you were just waiting for the other shoe to drop. And that night he seemed calm. But I knew better. I knew he was in the city. Billy and I had planned to meet up with them for the weekend, so his calling to just say he missed me was...not a very Jagger Dunne move. He would call to say he missed me when he knew there was about to be a headline that he was leaving a bar drunk at 3am and got into a fight with a bouncer...then he would call to remind me he was my baby boy before I saw Page Six. Kinda like your dad in that way, you start to memorize their beats and figure out how to...play must around them.

**Julia:** You’re saying Jagger is like Billy?

**Daisy:** [Blank stare. Eyebrow raise.]

**Billy:** Honestly those late night phone calls almost always came to your mom. Especially as he got older. You know, I tried so hard to not expect more from him. But I did. I wanted him to do better than I did. What parent doesn’t? I wanted that for all my kids. To do it better than we did, better than anyone could. You all deserved that. Jagger always felt like I was judging him. I wanted to be pushing him. In the right direction. But...I don’t think he ever saw it that way.

**Jagger:** Billy Dunne has a stink eye and don’t let him deny it. Daisy’s is epic, Camila can make the hair on the back of your neck stand up, Uncle Graham gives you that “I’m not mad I’m just disappointed” bullshit. But you know what Billy does? He shoots you this look that says...I am judging the shit out of you right now and I don’t like what I see so I’m just gonna leave. Really, that’s how he deals. You come find me if you want to talk about it. I’ll just go judge this whole situation on my own.

**Julia:** Are you quoting dad or speaking in first person here? I’m confused. [smiling]

**Jagger:** Ok, Ok. Point made. But listen. I was sitting in a hotel room, stone cold sober, torn apart by not one but TWO great women...sitting on the verge of one of the most successful years of my career and thinking maybe I needed to just walk away from it all. Who the hell else was I going to call? 

**Julia:** The one guy who couldn’t judge you?

[Jagger thinks on it and says nothing.]

**Billy:** I never judged that kid. If I had a dollar for every time he told me not to judge him I’d be retired by now. I wanted more for him. That’s all. [He pauses] I could write a book on how differently you kids have all affected me. How differently we interact. How I do things right by one and wrong by the other. Jagger was the biggest mystery to me...always was...he fascinates me...but he has also...I don’t know how to say this...[he pauses. choking up slightly] Jagger is like all the people I love mixed into one: your mom, my dad, you, your sisters, Graham, Camila...he just...I’m just...

**Julia:** Take your time....

**Billy:** I’ve always felt so lucky to be his dad. To have his kind of energy around. It’s the same way I feel about Daisy. Sometimes the people you love the most hurt you the most. Sometimes the brightest people have the darkest times. That’s just the way it is. I always felt guilty about not helping him navigate that better. But when he actually did ask me for advice? When I didn’t feel like I was shoving it down his throat? That’s when he and I really knew each other. Really just...realized we were in this thing together. Fact is I could have loved him better. But I couldn’t have loved him more.

**Jagger:** As soon as I asked him when he was coming to New York I knew he could hear it in my voice, you know? Luckily he wasn’t tied up with you, or Sophia, or the twins...

**Daisy:** He was practically falling around the room, trying to get his shoes on while brushing his teeth, asking me to write down the address of the hotel for him. He couldn’t get to Jagger fast enough. And he told me he wanted to go by himself. Which, I respected. 

**Billy:** I drove right through. Got there just about as the sun was coming up. Spent that whole drive practicing things to say to him. Got there and remembered none of them. Some things you can’t really prepare for.

____________________

_ July 11th, 1999 _

_ Billy knocked on the door to Jagger’s hotel room and it seemed to open almost immediately. They smiled at each other and then...right there in the hallway...Jagger leaned into Billy for a hug that took him by surprise. Billy reciprocated. Closing his arms around Jagger and patting his back as Jagger did the same. _

_ “You in trouble?” Billy asked quietly. Jagger stood back from him and motioned him into the room.  _

_ “No. Not me. Not this time. But thanks for the vote of confidence.” He mocked him slightly as Billy closed the door behind them. _

_ “Hey no offense...just sometimes when you’re asking me to come and not your mom...it’s because you’ve done something that would make her lose her shit.” _

_ They shared an uneasy smile. _

_ “You want some tea? Coffee?” Jagger asked as he grabbed two hotel mugs, glancing into the bedroom. _

_ “Yeah, sure. Thanks. Had some friends at the show last night. Sounds like it was a pretty great one.” Billy sat on the couch and crossed his ankle over his knee, leaning back as he watched Jagger making tea and had to smile at how much of a man he really had become.And a good one.  _

_ “They said that? Yeah it was a good show...you would have been proud of it.” _

_ “I’m always proud of you. We had some potential buyers at the shop yesterday, or you know we would have been there.” Billy scooted to one side of the couch to clear space and noticed something sticking out from between the cushions and the arm. He inspected it further but once he realized it was lacy and pink and balled up...he let it rest. _

_ “You guys aren’t selling the store?! You can’t!” Jagger spun with the mugs in his hand, walking towards Billy. _

_ “No no no...just some of the property we have on that block...the store was a package deal. Your mom wants to open some cool shops there so she has been meeting with some potential owners. I’m not selling the shop.” _

_ Jagger handed him a mug and they toasted. _

_ “To a great show....” Billy cheered. _

_ “And...a shitty night....” Jagger added.  _

_ “Ok....there it is. I wondered how long you were gonna make me endure small talk.” Billy smiled slightly and sat his mug down, trying to ignore the panties in the couch next to him. Jagger sat his mug down and rubbed the sides of his head. _

_ “Treena’s in trouble, dad. Big trouble. She doesn’t eat. And what’s worse she thinks she is ok. If I try to talk to her about it she gets pissed but if I let it lie then...I can’t just sit back, you know? I have to do something....you would right?” _

_ Jagger looked up at Billy quietly begging him for approval, for advice, for anything he could do to help. Billy inhaled and nodded yes. _

_ “It’s hard to watch someone you love destroy themselves. And then you don’t want to create distance that keeps you from helping them. But you also have to let them figure out how to do it for themselves....” _

_ “Exactly. Yes.” Jagger listened to Billy and knew he understood...maybe even more than he realized. Jagger looked back towards the bedroom.  _

_ “Is she in there?” Billy followed his eyes. Jagger nodded and stood. _

_ “Yeah. C’mon.” Billy followed Jagger into the bedroom. Treena was still passed out and wrapped up in the comforter. Billy could see even how sunken her cheeks were, but he moved towards her and pulled the blanket back to see her collarbones. He lifted her arm from the blanket and it was almost skeletal. Hesquatted by the side of the bed and held her arm. _

_ “Jesus, babygirl.” Billy rubbed his forehead and flashed back to seeing her face for the first time, delivering her in his car on the side of the road. _

_ “Dad. What do we do?” Jagger knelt by him and Billy eased her arm back into the blankets before putting his hand on Jagger’s back.  _

_ “You did the right thing. Keeping her here with you. She’s lucky to have you looking out for her. I’m proud of you. Prouder of you for this than any show at The Garden.” He patted Jagger’s back and then rocked onto his heels. He thought of the fact that Jagger had her dad’s name in his...and how proud Jake would be of him, too. _

_ “We should call Simone. Let her come get her. I know things are...uneasy...but I also know that Simone would respect the hell out of you for looking after her baby. So maybe...maybe that helps you guys remember you’re playing for the same team here.” _

_ Jagger nodded.  _

_ “I know. You’re right. You have her number?”  _

_ Billy nodded as he stood.  _

_“Your mom will. I won’t tell her what’s up. But maybe we should get her dressed. Simone finds her naked here she may kill you before you have a chance to explain.”_

_ Jagger laughed to himself before moving to the bathroom for her dress and underwear. He had hung them there to dry, and re-emerged with them, one in each hand. Billy eye balled them and then reached for the dress. He slid behind Treena and lifted her dead weight as he slid the spaghetti straps over her head and arms. Jagger moved to her feet and eased her underwear back onto her. They worked together to dress her and then laid her back down, covered up. She slept through the whole thing. They stood next to her, quietly watching. _

_ “So...can I ask you a question? You promise not to get pissed at me for?” _

_ Billy asked quietly and Jagger swallowed. _

_ “This oughtta be good. Ok.....” _

_ Billy looked back out to the main room. _

_ “If we just dressed Treena...whose panties did I sit on out there? And if you’re gonna tell me they’re Dylan’s I’m gonna ask you to let me sit down first.” _

_ Jagger chuckled slightly, glad for Billy’s ability to keep it light. But also glad that he had stumbled onto the real reason he wanted Billy to come and not Daisy. He turned to his dad and smirked. _

_ “You don’t have to sit down. But...you do have to tell me how somebody can love two people at the same time and not feel like a complete asshole about it.” Jagger was speaking in a small voice that let Billy know this was eating him up as much as Treena’s condition. He put his hand on his shoulder. He smiled. _

_ “Let’s get a hold of Simone. Get Treena safe. Then grab some breakfast. And...I can help you realize that...well, you just have to start getting used to feeling like an asshole.” _

_ Billy shrugged and put his arm around Jagger. Jagger folded his arms and pouted slightly.  _

_ “I’m kidding, Jag. God, you look like your mom when you pout. Look. It took me a long damn time to realize that having two great women in your life is tricky as hell...but...there are worse things. Much worse things....” He gestured back to Treena and moved to the phone.  _

_ Jagger heard him talking to Daisy and writing down Simone’s number.He tried not to be nosy but couldn’t help but overhear. _

_ “No, baby he’s fine. You’d be really really proud of him. I sure as hell am.” Jagger smiled to himself and moved closer...watching Billy smile and nod and ‘uh huh’ as Daisy spoke. Then he winced and fought a slight laugh, “no baby I think he’s...yeah he has everything he needs...we will see you tonight....ok...no....he has plenty of underwear.....”  _

_ Billy’s face was red from not laughing and Jagger had to chuckle too. He grabbed Chelsea’s panties and took them from the couch, threateningto throw them at Billy as Billy shot him a middle finger.  _

_ He hung up with Daisy...Jagger sat by him as he dialed Simone. Billy could feel Jagger’s heart pounding. _

_ “You just let her see how much you love Treena. Like you just showed me. It’ll be ok.” _

_ Jagger held his breath, Billy’s hand on his shoulder, as Simone answered the phone. _

_______________

**Simone:** You know what Billy and Jagger have in common? They make it impossible to hate them. When Jagger called me that morning, he cried. He apologized to me and I asked what for. And he said...[long pause]...he said...for not keeping her safe. He wanted to keep my baby safe. How could I be mad at that?

**Daisy:** I had hidden some things from Simone about Jagger and Treena. But Billy was right. I was so proud of him for how he handled that. He did the right thing and I know it wasn’t easy. I know it took a lot out of him. I know...I know it continued to take a lot out of him.

**Treena:** I don’t remember anything about that night. Not until the next day when I was in a treatment facility. Which...at the time, mind you...I hated them both for. Equally. He promised me he wouldn’t tell her.

**Jagger:** I knew she’d hate me but I also knew that’s what it would take. I was more comfortable with having her hate me for doing the right thing than having her love me for doing the wrong one. When she was up there I just threw myself back into my music. I tried to tell myself it was a new chapter. No one knew how it was gonna be written. 

**Billy:** It makes you really take stock of your life and your decisions when your kids start asking you for advice. Once you have to start saying things out loud you get a new perspective.

**Jagger:** I asked Billy at breakfast that day when he knew. When he knew for sure he had made the right decision about what to do for his family. To stay or to go...to chose one or the other. When he stopped loving your mom and started loving mine.

**Julia:** And what did he say?

**Billy:** I said...I never stopped loving Camila. And that’s the best and the worst part all in one.

**Jagger:** Yeah. Fuck.


	19. Chapter 19

**Daisy** : I couldn’t get to New York fast enough. Both Jagger and Billy said everything was fine, but a mom just knows, you know?  
  
  
 **Julia** : I do know.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : The plan had been for us to go to New York and then ride with the boys on the bus back to PA because they had a show there, and we were going to be able to catch up with them and then see the show. But something in my gut just told me something bigger was going on. When I got to the Beekman, I pounded on that door so hard, it made Chelsea pop her head out of her room. [pauses and smiles sweetly] I just love her.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : I just heard this loud banging and I was trying to figure out what was so urgent. We were going to head out late that night, but it was like 4pm and I still hadn’t heard from Jagger all day. I’m not one to just insert myself into places, which is something Jag really helped me with later... getting bolder, but back then, I was pretty shy in awkward situations. I peeked out into the hallway and Daisy was going to town pounding on the door. It was funny seeing her flail, but I was also freaked because again, I didn’t know what was happening with Jagger. I had left him in an alley with his ex-girlfriend the previous night and still hadn’t heard a word. I went out into the hallway and touched Daisy’s shoulder and pulled out my key to their suite. Jag had given me one… in case. [smiles like she has a secret]  
  
  
 **Daisy:** She was so calm and steady. I had been pounding on that door and no one was answering, which just made me run through every worst case scenario in my head. Chelsea pulled out a key to the room and that’s when I knew… they were something. I liked it. I hadn’t been around her much, but the few times I had, I just felt like she was completely different from us Dunnes and it made me believe that my baby would be ok. She was the kind of person I wished I could have been at her age.  
  
  
 **Billy** : We got back to the suite and found a hysterical Daisy, and Chelsea busy making her some chamomile tea. No idea how she knew that was the right answer in that moment, but Chels was always super intuitive. I felt bad that we had worried them, but it had been such a rush of a day, I hadn’t thought a whole lot about it.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : They filled me in on everything with Treena, and my heart just shattered. That girl felt like my baby too and I hadn’t even known this was all happening. I wanted to see Simone, but Jag told me that she was at the facility with Treena, getting her settled and having some time. So, I just let it be. But God, did I want to be with my best friend.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I didn’t tell my mom that Treena hated me. I had hoped that she would come around after she got some weight on her and felt better, but… unfortunately, she didn’t. In fact, it somehow made her hate me more. [scoffs] She hated me more for trying to help her, then the industry for making her sick in the first place. It was so confusing.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : We just kept going. The tour was really taking off and we were hitting our stride. I hadn’t gotten wasted again like that night in New York because I had parents breathing down my neck and Jagger watching me like a hawk after it. I felt smothered. Which is what ended up pushing me so far later but...I'm getting ahead of myself. We as a band were gelling better than ever. We had that wordless conversation thing down onstage and it was magic. Simone was giving us updates on Treena, and it sounded like she was getting better. Stronger. I could tell Jag wanted to be there for her, but… he also loved being around Chelsea. We all did. You know, for a rock and roll band, she kept us clean. I mean, she could still loosen up and she liked to smoke some weed with us, but that was the extent. The crazy thing is you WANTED to be clean around her. She was just… good. And she made you good by proxy.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I heard that Treena was getting out on August 12th. I didn’t know if that was long enough for her, but I trusted Simone and if she thought it was ok…then ok. I remember… [pauses] We were in Vegas that day for a show, so I called her. Wanted to congratulate her and tell her how proud I was of her. But she… when she answered the phone, she didn’t say anything. Not even a hi. Until I said, “Ok… well, I’m really proud of you, Treen. I miss you”. That’s when she said, “Screw you, Jagger Dunne”, and slammed the phone down. I… fuck... I… I didn’t get it. Didn’t know why she hated me so much for caring. But what was even crazier… was she went to a movie premiere the next day. The NEXT FUCKING DAY. Back in that world. Oh, and she was on the arm of that loser who played Simba in the Lion King. She was hanging all over him, acting like he was the shiznit.   
  
  
**Julia** : Jonathan Taylor Thomas?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Yeah, him.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : It was calculated. I definitely believe that. She wanted to hurt him for betraying her in her mind. It crushed him. He was always trying to do the right thing by her. Hell, he’d been trying to do the right thing by her since they were kids. But I watched him… I watched him spiral after that. Once he saw them on tv at that premiere… he…  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I bought some blow. I’m not even gonna sugar coat that. I thought, ‘No one wants me when I’m being a good guy anyway, why not escape for a little bit’. Treena really messed with my head.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Sounds more like your heart than your head…  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [bites his lip] Yeah, maybe.  
  
  
 **Julia** : What about Chelsea?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : She was amazing. Too good for me, that’s for sure. I got on the bus that night completely tripped out and she let me lean on her, carried me to the back bedroom and cleaned me up. She got a cool washcloth and wiped my face, my neck… just took care of me. Let me ride it out next to her. She never said a thing or judged me… That was the night I told her I loved her.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : I made up my mind at the beginning to never judge him. I had seen the dynamics of his life, heard stories about his family… heard things here and there about Treena… But my God, when he got on the bus that night… I was scared. I had never really seen that side of him before. And it was all because of her. I didn’t know what to do with that information. When we were lying in bed, he muttered something about loving me, but I never took that seriously. He wasn’t in his right mind in that moment, and the last thing any girl ever wants is a pity or rebound ‘I love you’.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : We were all over the country, playing to these massive crowds and feeling that high night after night. But then we would get offstage and it was…too quiet. So, we started filling in the noise… or drowning it out.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Would you like to elaborate on that?  
  
  
 **Dylan** : Nope. Just use your head.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Did you use yours?  
  
  
 **Dylan** : [smirks]  
  
  
 **Julia** : Oh geez.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : That whole Treena thing… did something to them. Jagger because of his feelings for her, and Dylan because of his age, and the fact that she was like his sister, and because he was watching his brother flirt with a dangerous path. I wanted to help, but I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t their mom, and I wasn’t going to be a snitch to their parents, so… I called someone I had never even talked to before once in my life. The one person I thought might really be able to help.  
  
  
 **Tyler** : Mom came into my room one day while I was busy working on some guitar stuff and lyrics. I had really thrown myself into my own music because I really missed the guys, and I needed to get it all out somehow. But that day, she came to my room and held the phone out to me and said, “Chelsea Paine wants to talk to you”. It took a minute to register because I didn’t know a Chelsea Paine, but then it clicked.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : I filled him in on the cliff note version, and I told him that there was this new music festival coming up called Coachella, and that DUNNE would be playing. Of course everyone knows Coachella now, but that was the first year it ever happened, so I had no idea what it even was. I just knew that the guys needed him. I asked if he could come surprise them, and he didn’t even hesitate.  
  
  
  
 **Graham** : Any time the boys were going to be in Cali, it was going to be a family affair. I hadn’t seen them in…God…almost a year, and I missed them a lot too. Billy and Daisy were still in Pitt, so Camila and I felt like we needed to be there for this Coachazwilla thing even more.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Coachella, Pops.  
  
  
 **Graham** : Yeah, right, that.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Yeah, it was kind of the talk of the town. Even Jess and I were coming down for that. That was like a seven-hour drive too! If you ever doubted how much I love my little brothers… [winks]  
  
  
 **Dylan** : [laughs] It was really great to have you there.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : We were backstage, hanging out with some of the other bands and all of a sudden, I turn around and there’s Tyler. I didn’t realize just HOW much I missed him until that minute. I hugged him tight.  
  
  
 **Tyler** : He didn’t look good. I could see it in his eyes. It made me wonder if I shouldn’t have left the band, especially now that Sophia was doing so much better. But then I met Chelsea. Whoa. She… she was a showstopper. Not even just her looks, but her countenance, personality… just all of it. I think you never realize just how much drama, baggage or heaviness is in your family until you get around someone, or people, who are breezy. That was Chelsea. And I would deny it if anyone ever heard this, but… I wondered how it was so hard for J to choose between her and Treena. Chelsea was the obvious choice. She made me feel better about not being around. And I mean, she made it easy to breathe. I could see Jagger relax around her. She had that effect. Chelsea meant breathing, Treena meant drowning. That's not a hard decision.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Even though J and D were slowly starting to spiral and probably not thinking straight?  
  
  
 **Tyler** : [pauses and thinks] Yeah. There’s something about Chelsea that makes you truly believe that everything will be ok. I guess I just put a lot of pressure on that thought. She’s not God, but I think my family…unconsciously…kind of left her with that pressure. She didn’t sign up for that.  
  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : I met a lot of new family that day. Tyler, Sophia, Graham, Camila…You! Jessica… Maria. And that was the day that we found out that Susana was moving to New York to pursue modeling like Treena. Sophia told us because she was so excited about it. Susana was a lot older than Treena, so I figured she would have a better head on her shoulders, but Jagger… Jagger flipped.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I’m pretty sure my first words were, “You have got to be fucking kidding me.” I was livid. I had just put my ex-girlfriend in a facility three months ago because of that damn modeling industry. Dad was right there with me too, so I don't know what he was thinking. But sure, let’s just let my big sister waltz right on down the same path of destruction. Oh, and let's let my suicidal little cousin watch that shit show. Yeah, great plan.   
  
  
**Julia** : Susana is not Treena, Jag.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Tell that to her thighs.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Jagger…  
  
  
 **Jagger** : What? It’s the truth. She never got that bad, but she… she had her own issues.  
  
  
 **Camila** : I honestly didn’t know a whole lot about the whole Treena thing. Remember, Simone was Daisy’s best friend, and Jagger is just my nephew. I was far enough removed that when Susana said she wanted to pursue modeling and that she had found an agent and all of that mumbo jumbo, I told her that she was an adult with a college degree, which is all I had ever cared about, so if that’s what she wanted to do, then great. But I really should have paid more attention.   
  
  
**Chelsea** : The coolest thing about Coachella, was that there were all these different bands and singers from all different genres all in one place. Which meant that I got to catch up with some old friends. There was this folky, indie duo called Forever Together, which is ironic now because they are divorced [laughs], who I knew when I was playing bar gigs in LA for tips. We had really clicked and they were my biggest cheerleaders for the longest time. I knew them before they were a thing, and I still know them now after they were a thing, so… lifelong friends right there. Then… [swallows hard] I got to see my best friend in the entire world. Grace River. She was a former military brat like me, and we met on the base when our dads were stationed in Fort Bragg. We were…damn…ten and twelve? We used to hang out in my room and just sing and sing and dream of where we wanted to go and what we wanted to do someday. [Smiles softly] She was one of the best girls…humans…I have ever known in my entire life. Our birthdays were three days apart too. November 3rd and 6th. I’m the third. When I was eighteen and she was sixteen, we thought about where our hearts wanted to go, and mine was pulling me to LA and hers was pulling her to Nashville. Her parents were fully supportive of her, and her mom moved with her to Tennessee so she could pursue music. It was hard to be so far away, and we did our best to stay in touch, but when she signed her record deal and I joined DUNNE, we kind of dropped off. [smiles through glassy eyes] But she was playing Coachella too! God…it was so good to see her. We hugged for like five minutes.  
  
  
 **Tyler** : [Inhales sharply] Grace.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : Have you ever had a moment where time just stops, and people move in slow motion and you practically see fireworks going off everywhere? That was what happened the minute Tyler met Grace.  
  
  
_______________________________  
  
 **October 9 th, 1999 – Coachella**  
  
  
 _“Guys! Hey, everyone, meet my oldest and longest best friend in the entire world, Grace!” Chelsea grabbed Grace’s hand and pulled her over to the guys._  
  
 _“Hi!” Grace smiled wide, waving as she flashed her dimples; her sandy blonde hair blowing in the breeze._  
  
 _“Hey.” Jagger and Dylan gave her a nod and small smile, but Tyler stood there frozen._  
  
 _“Umm...Name my Tyler is.” He stuck his hand out, never pulling his eyes away from her, and Chelsea and Grace looked at each other before breaking out in a fit of giggles._  
  
 _Grace took his hand and said, “Rock star Yoda, nice. Name my Grace is too.”_  
  
 _Tyler blushed and Jagger and Dylan lost it behind him, laughing uncontrollably._  
  
 _  
Dylan stepped up and rested an arm on Tyler’s shoulder as Tyler’s mouth hung open._  
  
 _“Ignore him. He’s not used to being around pretty blondes. So, your set was amazing! I’ve never been a country music fan, but I really liked your sound. Do you have an album out?”_  
  
 _Grace smiled._  
  
 _“Thank you! That’s really cool of you to say. I'm huge fans of ya'll too! Umm, not yet. I’m in the studio right now and we’re hoping to release it sometime next month. Just in time for the holidays.”_  
  
 _“I love Christmas!” Tyler blurted out and Jagger hit the bar behind them with his hand, from laughing so hard._  
  
 _Grace didn’t let it faze her though._  
  
 _“So do I! It’s my favorite holiday.” She smiled wide again and Tyler looked down at his shoes._  
  
 _Jagger walked up and said, “Yo, Ty… I bet Grace is probably pretty hungry and thirsty after her killer set…”_  
  
 _Tyler looked at him and cocked his head curiously._  
  
 _“What?”_  
  
 _Jagger shot him a look that said, “Dude.”_  
  
 _Tyler snapped back to reality and said, “Oh, right! Yeah! Would you like to…umm…I’m kind of hungry ... what about…umm…”_  
  
 _Grace laughed._  
  
 _“I’d love to find some trashy food to eat with you, yes.”_  
  
 _She turned back to Chelsea who gave her a wink, and she grabbed Tyler’s hand, pulling him towards the large tents full of food._  
  
 _Chelsea turned to Jagger and said, “Did we just play matchmaker?”_  
  
 _The guys laughed and Dylan said, “Ty’s the best there is. She’s a lucky girl if she ends up liking him.”_  
  
 _Chelsea nodded and said, “I can see that. He’s got a great energy. A little nervous, but…” she smiled as the boys laughed._  
  
 _“Yeah, I mean…he’s a Dunne but… he’s not a Dunne, if you get what I mean. He’s never really liked a girl that seriously, and I’ve NEVER seen him react like that. He’s usually so quiet and shy. Kind of the hang back and observe, guy. But he’s way better than us...” Jagger bit his cheek as he looked in the direction that Tyler and Grace had just walked._  
  
 _Chelsea stood up on her tip toes and kissed Jagger’s cheek._  
  
 _“Hey, I think you’re pretty amazing.” She pulled back and looked him in the eyes, and he grabbed her gently, pulling her into him, melting away any negative thoughts he had about himself in that moment._  
  
 _“Damn... I gotta get me a girl.” Dylan shook his head and started to walk away when Jagger called out, “I hear Chet is looking for you!”_  
  
 _Dylan flipped him the bird as he walked out of the backstage tent._  
  
 _“Who’s Chet?” Chelsea looked up at Jagger and he just laughed before he kissed the top of her head and said. “A real douche canoe.”_  
  
 _Chelsea thought about it for a second and then said, “wait, is Dylan gay?!”_  
  
_______________________________  
  
 **Tyler** : Grace grabbed my heart the minute I saw her. I mean, I was seventeen and she was eighteen, but… we were two old souls. Her denim jacket and pink cowgirl boots… her long blonde hair… brown eyes that were more like golden honey than anything else... her small hint of a southern accent… I was hooked. Coachella was great in general, but let’s be real, I didn’t pay attention to much. Grace and I got some food and then we just walked around, listening to music and talking about a lot of stuff. She was one of those people who makes you feel like you have known her your whole life the minute you meet her. She was like… a big warm cup of hot cocoa. Comforting, warm…sweet...   
  
  
**Chelsea** : Grace found me later that night and wouldn’t shut up about Tyler. [laughs] She said, “Chels, I really, really, like him. I mean, once he remembered how to talk, he was really cool.” They were really cute.  
  
  
 **Graham** : My boy fell in love that night. You know, the 90s were a great time for women in music, but especially women in country music. I was probably one of the only people in our family who enjoyed country, but there was such a boom of powerhouse women in country around that time. Faith Hill, Martina McBride, Trisha Yearwood, Allison Krauss… the list goes on and on. I had been following Grace’s career a little bit here and there but didn’t’ think anything of it until Tyler came home and was walking around in a lovestruck haze. Grace left quite the impression. Her voice was haunting too. Like, if you took Allison Krauss and Faith Hill and made a voice baby, that would be Grace River. She was instrumentally talented too. She sat up there and played the banjo, mandolin, guitar and keyboard, and she always wrote her own songs. You couldn’t not pay attention to her. She commanded your attention just by being in the room. She was beautiful and graceful [smiles] and talented like crazy. She converted our entire family to country music lovers.  
  
  
 **Jagger:** No, correction. She converted all of us to Grace River lovers.  
  
  
 **Camila** : If I could have hand picked and created a girl for my son, it would have been Grace. She had the sweetest disposition and her voice… I’m not sure the angels can sing any better.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : They became inseparable. I mean, we went back on tour and didn’t really get to see that, but we heard about it. Tyler started splitting his time between Nashville and LA, and it was really awesome to hear about. We were happy for him. Well, I was. Jag didn't pay much attention. [laughs] Even Sophia liked her, and she never liked anyone.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : It was cool for us. Best friends dating cousins. Well, she was dating Tyler for sure. I still didn’t know what the hell was going on with Jagger other than we made love a lot.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : She didn’t know what was going on with me? Hell, I didn’t even know what was going on with me. But I knew I wanted her around. She was just someone you wanted in your life, no matter what the label was.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Do you think you were just using her to waste time until Treena came back around?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [pauses] No. No, I don’t. I did have feelings for her. Strong feelings. I would go so far as to say that I loved her. But… Treena had done such a number on me, I didn’t know which way was up anymore. Like, should I trust a woman with my heart? Do women WANT you to take care of them? Am I just going to get burned again? It was a lot. Especially at eighteen. And I was on a major rock tour. And I was trying to be the good guy that everyone wants you to be while still feeling pulled towards my genetic tendencies… Shit, I was a mess. Chelsea made it better. She would make me do things that I would never think of doing just to get me out of my head. Like skydiving in Florida. I would have never done that in my life. But she pushed me and for that… I’ll always be thankful.  
  
 **  
Chelsea** : Jag has a tendency to go dark. Kind of out of the blue, or be easily triggered. I have always loved adventure. I mean, being lugged around the world as a kid, you learn to find adventure in everything or else you will lose your mind. I knew that J had pretty much grown up with a life revolving around music, and music only. It was another language to him and his family. So, I tried to get him out of his head as often as I could. Show him how to have some fun. It's not great to stay in your emotions all the time, and I knew it couldn’t be easy having such big names as parents and…sometimes that struggle really showed. But nothing was as messy as Christmas ’99 in Pittsburgh. I didn’t have anywhere to go for the holidays, and everyone was going to Pitt for Christmas. Jag invited me to come, and I still don’t know if it was a good choice or not that I went.  
  
  
 **Julia** : What do you mean?  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : Well… a lot happened that Christmas. Good and bad.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chelsea:** I used to tell Jagger that if my family was a Christmas song, we would be Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire. I mean you couldn’t get more Norman Rockwell Christmas than us growing up. Stringing popcorn, singing carols, you name it and we did it. It was very white bread.

 **Julia:** OK, so if your family was The Christmas Song...sum up The Dunnes, as experienced by your first Christmas with us in 1999.

 **Chelsea:** Girrrrrrrrl, that song hasn’t been written yet. But I guess if I needed to pick one it would be Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer cause that shit was like nothing I have ever seen.

 **Julia:** Ouch.

 **Chelsea:** You know I don’t mean anything by it. Actually it was a beautiful Christmas. One of my favorites. But there were just all these little tinder boxes with everyone and holy shit if they didn’t all get set off in one night, right?

 **Julia:** We did have a tendency to do that.

In December of 1999, Billy and Daisy hosted the family for Christmas at their Pittsburgh bungalow. DUNNE was scheduled to play New Year’s Rockin’ Eve in Times Square for the big Y2K event, so there was a week long celebration of birthdays, holidays and general family celebration planned.

Jagger and Chelsea were all but an official item, and it was the first time he brought a significant other to the family holiday celebrations.   
  
Graham, Camila, Sophia and Tyler had made the trek as well and were staying at the house. Susana and Maria flew in together, and Jessica and I drove from San Francisco. Things had been sketchy for us, at best, and at her suggestion we took off on a week longer road trip to the east coast, with the plan to do the same heading back after. We came along the northern route and would return along the southern route. The night before Christmas Eve, Eddie and Karen showed up with no warning...dressed as Mr. and Mrs. Claus. The evenings were filled with music and stories, the days were filled with decorating and shopping. Everyone seemed healthy...happy...healing.   
  


**Jagger** : Yeah it was a big deal to take Chelsea home for Christmas. I mean she was always around, and it wasn’t like she didn’t know everyone. But it felt like something more than that and I was ready for it to. When we started stepping out together more, we would show up in tabloids all the time. And at first I felt bad about that for Treena’s sake. I wondered if I was doing it just to get at her. Then I stopped caring somewhere along the time really. I missed the hell out of Treena, I missed that friendship. But things with Chelsea really centered me. That Christmas, that was how I felt: centered.

 **Daisy** : I remember being in the kitchen at one point and Jag came in and just stood there, smiling at me. Finally I asked him what he was grinning about...and he asked what I thought. Of Chelsea. I told him I loved her. I always had. And he asked me again what I thought about HIM and Chelsea. He blushed when he asked and all the sudden he was five years old. Just grinning and shuffling his feet. He was so happy. You can’t ask for more than that, as a mom, you just can’t.

__________________

_Christmas Eve, 1999_

_Everyone was gathered in the family room, Billy and Graham were playing guitars as Chelsea fiddled along. Susana and Maria sang The Little Drummer Boy/Peace On Earth duet as Susana affected her best David Bowie. Daisy and Camila were sitting together on the hearth, heated by the fire and smiling along as Camila turned to her and smiled._

_”Who would have thought, huh?” she asked Daisy, looking around the room at their blended family. Daisy just smiled back and leaned on her shoulder. The girls finished their song and the room applauded as Daisy met Billy’s eyes and gestured to her watch. She frowned and Billy met it. It was getting to be nine, and no one had seen Dylan. He had made plans to meet up with a few friends from school but had planned to be back at eight._

_“Hey, let’s take a break for some food...then maybe open presents?” Graham offered as he stood and sat his guitar down. Jessica stood from her place in Julia’s lap and made a trip to the car to grab some boxes as everyone else stretched and moved to the kitchen._

_Jagger stood and pulled Chelsea up beside him, gesturing down the hallway to where the bedrooms were. He took her hand and led her to what used to be his bedroom. It was frozen in time, two beds for him and Dylan. Covered in rock posters. Guitars hung on the wall. Chelsea took it all in and smiled as Jagger pulled some gift boxes from the closet. She moved towards a small school desk and noticed a framed picture of Billy and Daisy with the boys. Billy had Jagger on his shoulders and Daisy held Dylan on her hip. She picked it up and smiled at it._

_”What? You like that toothless grin?” Jagger motioned over her shoulder, acknowledging his smile in the picture. She chuckled._

_“You’re all so happy here. So.....”_

_”...normal.” He finished for her. She nodded._

_”You’d never guess that they were rock stars. Or that someday you would be. I mean. Especially with that mouth.”_

_Jagger threaded his arms around her waist and she hummed as she leaned into him, sitting the picture down. She turned in his grip until she was facing him. He pulled her close and leaned in to kiss her._

_”I’m so glad you’re here.” He whispered._

_”Me, too.” She smiled back and they kissed softly. Jagger pulled an arm from her and reached into his back pocket...pulling out a small box. Chelsea pushed from him._

_“Holy shit, Jagger what are you doing?” She scoffed as he laughed at her.  
_

_“Relax, damnit. I’m not crazy. I mean...not that I haven’t thought about it but...ya know, feels like we have all the time in the world.”_

_Jagger opened the small box and Chelsea grabbed gently at the tissue paper inside of it, pulling it open. A small, silver key caught the light of his room. She lifted it inquisitively._

_”It’s to my place. You don’t have to move in. I mean, I’d like you to. But...I at least want you to have a key. I want you there. With me. I want you with me all the time.”_

_Chelsea felt a lump in her throat. He closed the box and sat it down next to the picture on his desk._

_“You want me to move in with you?” She repeated back to him._

_”Yeah, I would.”_

_She closed the space between them and kissed him. Slowly deepening it. Jagger walked her towards his bed and pulled from her to move Susana’s suitcase from it. He winked at her and then broke from her to lock the door before quickly crossing to her and pushing her back onto the bed. She smiled under him as he started to lift her skirt and pull at her tights._

_”I’ve wanted you all day....” he moaned into her ear and she lifted her hips up into him as he pulled her panties towards her knees. She glanced at the picture next to them and laughed._

_”You think Billy and Daisy have done it in your bed?” He gently punched her side as he laughed and groaned._

_”You want me to get it up or no?” She took a hold of his cock through his jeans as he asked and nodded yes as she bit her lip hard._

_She was undoing his jeans as he eased a finger inside her and reminded her to try to stay quiet. She closed her eyes and reared her head back. He grinned slyly watching her react to his hand. He met her fist on his cock and ran the tip over her wet center._

_“I love you, Chels...” he whispered, and she went to respond, but there was a loud commotion the house that stilled them both._

_”What was that?” She whispered to him as he lifted his head to look and listen. It was a crash like something had spilled and then there were hushed voices. But they were growing louder. Another loud thud. And Jagger could hear Billy raising his voice._

_”Fuck...” Jagger whispered in utter frustration as he zipped his pants up and stood from Chelsea. He heard Dylan shouting.  
_

_He glanced at the family photo on the desk and Chelsea followed his eyes as he sighed._

_”Looks normal, right? It’s never just...normal.”_

_Jagger sighed. Embarrassed. Chelsea was pulling her tights up and fixing her hair as Jagger opened the door and slipped out._

___________________

**Jagger** : Dylan was his own person, you know? We looked after each other. Of course we did. But I didn’t try to tell him how to live his life and he sure as hell didn’t tell me how to live mine. It mostly worked for us.

 **Julia** : Mostly.  
  


 **Tyler** : He could barely get himself in the door. He was carrying two bags. The rest of us brought presents. Dylan had two big brown bags of booze. Fucking booze. One split as soon as he opened the door and this giant bottle of tequila broke and went everywhere. He just...laughed. He was out of his mind. I realized that, I hadn’t just left the band. I had left my brothers....I had left my brothers.

**Julia** : Billy and Daisy had a dry house and every single one of us knew it. Now, sometimes people would drink with dinner, have a cocktail. The two of them were able to keep each other sober and it worked. We knew it was hard but it worked. But for him to show up with bags full of booze like he was crashing some frat house party? I wanted to throttle him.

**Jessica** : Jules and I tried to make short work of the mess. Camila was setting down towels and handing them to Julia and I got on my hands and knees to clean up the tequila and pick up the glass. Billy pulled him aside and into the other room and I couldn’t hear them. Even once they were yelling, I couldn’t make out what they were saying. Julia looked panicked. I asked her if she should go check on them and she shrugged. No one knew what to do.

**Daisy** : Billy took Dylan away from everyone. He was a mess. Barely standing. It killed me. And I also knew Billy didn’t want to be anywhere near that mess so getting away from it...I was so angry...it had been this wonderful night. But I was more angry at Dylan for making a statement that night because make no mistake that was what it was. Showing up at our home with enough alcohol to tranquilize an elephant? He was being a dick. I just had to figure out why.

**Camila** : We heard a thud from the bedroom and I knew one of them had shoved the other. Julia moved like she was going to make a run for them but I stopped her. I sent Graham instead.   
  


**Chelsea** : Jagger and I snuck away from this perfect fireside family Christmas and came back out to total Christmas chaos. Someone was fighting, glass everywhere, Daisy was crying. Maria was helping clean up and all of the sudden she is covered in blood...

**Maria** : I sliced my hand right open on the glass bottle. And it turned out I had knicked the artery right by my thumb. It looked like a horror movie. I felt like such an idiot but I was seeing stars. Jess got me to my feet and Camila started to wrap it.

**Camila** : I saw Jagger follow Graham into the bedroom and I didn’t know whether to feel better or worse. And Maria’s hand was literally spouting blood. We were gonna have to draw straws. She needed to have it looked at. And fast.   
  
**Jessica** : I offered to take her, and Susana agreed to go. I knew Julia wasn’t going to leave. And then I saw Sophia. The color draining from her face as she sat one the couch just watching.

 **Julia** : Jess grabbed my arm and motioned for Soph. All the blood. God, I hadn’t even thought.   
  


**Chelsea** : I sat by Sophia and then asked her if she’d go for a little walk with me. It had only just started to snow. And she nodded enthusiastically. Tyler was standing, almost frozen still, and he thanked me. We bundled up and left.

 **Camila** : We did what we do best: divide and conquer. Jessica took the twins. Daisy, Julia and I just stood in the kitchen. Chelsea and Sophia left. It was quiet. But not for long. I knelt down to finish cleaning up this horrible mess when Dylan came flying out of the bedroom.   
______________  
  
 _Christmas Eve, 1999_

_”I said get out of this house.” Billy was shouting at Dylan from behind him as Dylan spilled out into the living room.  
_

_“...or what? Come on. It was an accident....”_

_Jagger made a move to calm Dylan as he turned to face Billy, and Dylan swatted him away with such force, Jagger had to grab his arm to steady himself. Billy and Graham entered the room behind the younger boys, Billy holding the back of his head._

_”What happened??” Daisy asked as Graham tried to get her to just stay out of it. He put up his hand and motioned for her to stay back._

_”Don’t tell her what to do...she’s not your wife. Yet.” Dylan hissed almost maniacally._

_”What the fuck is wrong with you?! That’s enough!” Jagger pushed Dylan back, as Daisy and Graham both reeled from his words._

_”Oh right, right. Perfect Jagger is gonna tell me what I’m doing wrong. AND stand up for perfect Billy?!”  
_

_Dylan was spiraling and no one seemed to be able to stop it. He pulled from Jagger and walked to the kitchen. The bag he hadn’t dropped sat on the table and he pulled a forty out of it, popping it open.  
  
_

_“Over my dead body. You have had enough.” Daisy tried to stay calm as she moved to take it from him and he pulled it from her, knocking her with a sloppy elbow as he did._

_Billy all but lept into the kitchen and put Dylan up against the wall by the front door. Daisy, Camila and Jagger all screamed his name almost in unison.  
  
_

_“I told you to leave. You don’t touch your mother like that. You don’t talk to your uncle like that. Do you understand me?” Billy was furious and Dylan just laughed....making it worse._

_”Do you realize how stupid you look right now? Telling ME not to treat people like shit? Not to shit on mom? Not to shit on Graham? Not to DRINK? For fuck’s sake, dad....”_

_”Dad, let him go....” Jagger was right behind Billy and he listened...releasing Dylan and stepping away from him._

_Without thinking about it, Camila walked towards Billy and pulled him back, eliciting discomfort from both Graham and Daisy.  
  
_

_Dylan let a look of embarrassment cross his face for just a moment as he took in the room full of people he had just insulted, disappointed, and worse._

_”Let’s go for a drive.” Jagger had already grabbed his keys and was ushering Dylan out the door. Dylan locked eyes with Billy as he left.  
_____________  
  
_

**Tyler:** I walked to the back bedroom and started packing a bag. I felt sick. Like, I felt responsible. Dylan was a mess. Jagger was a mess. Everyone was a damn mess. How could I not feel responsible? I called Grace. I told her...I was coming to Nashville. I left that night. Rental car...drove all night.

 **Graham** : I wished we weren’t staying there cause man, all the sudden I didn’t want to be there either. Watching those boys fight was like being in a time warp. Billy and I had only gone around a time or two, but when we did? Yeah.   
  
**Camila** : I was putting my coat on, I wanted to go to the hospital to make sure the girls were ok. Julia was pretty shaken up. She hadn’t said a word since Jess left. So I asked her to come.

 **Julia** : I know she didn’t mean anything by it, but Camila turned to Billy and then me. She asked us to come help her take care of the girls because the boys were a lost cause. I watched Daisy’s face as she said it.

**Daisy** : I had just watched the three people I loved more than anything attack each other, and I needed to figure out what was happening. Billy was still nursing the back of his head. I didn’t know til later that Dylan had pushed him and he fell right into the corner of the wall. He had a knot for weeks. But I’ll be damned if Camila was going to sweep him away to look after HER kids.   
  


**Billy** : I could still get pretty torn between the two of them. The messy parts. The kids. The back and forth. But in that moment, all I could think about was Dylan. I had been letting him down and I didn’t even know it. I wasn’t as angry at him that night as I was at me.   
  


**Jagger** : We got into the car and Dylan just started crying. Pressed against the passenger door. I let him cry it out for awhile. We passed Chelsea and Sophia walking down the block and I knew she saw. I couldn’t wrap my mind around why he snapped but I knew I had to figure it out.

**Chelsea** : Merry Christmas, amiright?


	21. Chapter 21

**Sophia** : You know, I know there’s been a lot of drama in our family when it comes to relationships. I mean, growing up, we didn’t think much about it…at least, I didn’t. But the older we all got, the more…sketchy everything seemed to be. I think we just kind of took things at face value without ever really thinking too deep about it. Our family was our family, and our aunts and uncles were like another set of parents anyway so… who cared, right? But that night… when Dylan lost his shit and Maria sliced her hand and… the blood was so triggering… do you know who calmed me? Like really, truly, got me? Chelsea. I get that Jag was attached to Treena. We all loved her too, and I can’t think back to a time when she wasn’t a part of our lives. But Chelsea… [sighs] she was a missing piece we all needed. She saw me getting triggered and unlike all of my family who probably would have made some big to do about “making sure I’m not triggered”, because God, they jumped at every little thing, Chelsea just asked if I wanted to get some air with her. You know, normal people stuff. That meant a lot.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : [pauses and bites her lip] You know I love your family, Jules…and I don’t mean this like it’s going to come out but… they sucked at communicating with anyone who wasn’t involved with music or named Julia Dunne.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Ouch.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : I’m sorry! Like I said, I know I’m not going to say this right but… it’s necessary so, bear with me. You were the firstborn. The favorite, and rightfully so! You were there through it all and you were the one true reason Billy Dunne straightened up and got straight. And you were, and are, the glue in your family. The true link with everyone because they all adore you. Jagger is basically you in guy form, but he is also Billy Dunne one hundred percent, so people know how to handle him. Dylan and Tyler were involved with music, which is kind of the only thing that really connected them in any way to the family too. But Maria, Susana and Sophia? They were kind of forgotten about. And again, I’m sorry if that seems harsh. I just… growing up and moving around as much as I did, you get really good at observing and reading people. I’m not saying that they weren’t loved, or cared about just as much, but come on, Julia, I read your last book. The twins were mentioned what… like three times? And they were referenced as “the twins” more often than not too. They kind of had to fend for themselves in the Dunne chaos, but at least they had each other. That was apparently really obvious at the hospital too, because Jessica later told me that you would have sworn Susana had gotten sliced because she felt twin sympathy pains. But Sophia… she didn’t have that with really anyone. And everyone was so busy getting her help, putting her in a facility, watching her like a hawk, that no one really ever actually TALKED to her. So… that’s what I wanted to do.  
  
  
 **Sophia:** We saw Jag and Dyl drive by, and Dylan was obviously upset. Anyone else would have forgotten about me and worried about the boys. That’s just how it was. I remember even asking Chels, “Do you wanna go with them? We can call and have J pick you up. It’s cool”, but she just looked at me with a funny face and said, “Why would I do that? I’m hanging out with you, silly”. [pauses] That… that meant a lot.  
  
  
  
 **Jagger** : We saw Chels and Soph walking, and everything in me wanted to stop, but… my brother needed me. And there were plenty of other times that I had failed him, so I set my mind to make sure this wouldn’t be one of them. I mean, he had just gone batshit crazy out of nowhere. Something was up. And he was crying in the car. He never cried. I’m pretty sure I’ve only ever seen him cry like three times in my entire life. I tried to talk to him, but he wasn’t saying anything. I knew I needed to sober him up, and sugar him up, so I did the only thing I knew to do. I started driving to the one place our dad would take us when we were little and needed to feel better.  
  
  
___________________________  
  
 **Christmas Eve, 1999 – Klavon’s Ice Cream Parlor**  
  
  
  
 _“What are we doing here?”_  
  
 _Dylan lifted his head and saw the big red sign that he knew so well. He wiped his face and sat up straight._  
  
 _Jagger laughed._  
  
 _“I’m gonna make you talk whether you want to or not, you jerk. Now let's get you a root beer float.”_  
  
 _Dylan smiled before he frowned._  
  
 _“But dude, it’s Christmas Eve, they’re probably closed.”_  
  
 _Jagger shook his head._  
  
 _“They’re not. Well, not to us. I had dad make some calls.”_  
  
 _Dylan smiled again._  
  
 _“Oh, I’m gonna pig out. I’m so hungry.”_  
  
  
 _“Yeah, well, getting sloshed can do that to you.”_  
  
 _Dylan punched him in the arm and Jagger pretended to dodge it. He parked the car and Dylan stumbled out, still shaky on his legs as Jagger helped him walk. They went to the back door that had been left cracked open for them and shut it tightly behind them._  
  
 _The owners themselves, close personal friends of the Dunne family, were waiting with big smiles and a fully stocked selection of everything good._  
  
 _Dylan’s eyes went wide._  
  
 _Jagger stepped forward and cleared his throat, pulling out his wallet and dropping his Amex on the counter._  
  
 _“Thanks for…uh… coming in on a holiday. Please, double our bill for a tip. Merry Christmas.” He smiled shyly and the owner smiled._  
  
 _“No need, son, it was our pleasure. Besides, your father already covered it. You two have an open tab for whatever you want and… he made a rather impressive donation to our shop as well. Let us know what we can get you, then…enjoy!”_  
  
 _Jagger swore inside of himself. Even in these moments when he was trying to step up and be a man, do the right thing, take care of his brother, Billy Dunne is right there to make sure his hands are in the pot._  
  
 _Jagger clenched his jaw before he said, “Open tab, huh? Then we’ll take two of everything. You know what, no. We’ll take everything you’ve got. Whatever we can’t finish, give away. To charity or something.”_  
  
 _The owner stared at him, shocked._  
  
  
 _“Umm…ok… we…uh… there is a children’s home not far from us…”_  
  
 _Jagger smiled._  
  
 _“Yeah, give it to them. For Christmas. Compliments of Billy Dunne.”_  
  
 _The owner and his wife stood there, stunned._  
  
 _“Thank you! Thank you very much. Merry Christmas!”_  
  
 _Jagger nodded and smiled a small smile as he walked to the booth and plopped down across from Dylan._  
  
  
 _“What was that all about?” Dylan looked out from behind the menu._  
  
  
 _“Nothing. Just squaring some things away. Turns out, it’s on dad! Get whatever you want. As much as you want.” His voice was low and there was a bite to his words that Dylan picked up on immediately._  
  
  
 _“Christ. Fucking Billy Dunne.” Dylan shook his head as he turned to the owners and said, “Yeah, can I please get everything on this menu? Thanks!”_  
  
  
____________________________  
  
 **Billy** : Do you know how much money I spent that day? You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Try me.  
  
  
 **Billy** : [laughs] It was in the seven figures. I’ll leave it at that. But hey, my boys were happy and so were a few hundred children and their parents for Christmas so…  
  
  
 **Julia** : Damn.  
  
  
 **Billy** : Yeah, they wanted to get back at me. I’m cool if getting back at me involves charity. [laughs] Jokes on them, I guess.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : Camila had just asked Billy to go help her with her kids and…  
  
  
 **Julia** : Daisy… they are his kids too.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : [huff] I know, but at that moment, the girls had more than enough people taking care of them, but what about MY boys? The only people I cared about in that moment were those two boys. I’m sorry if that makes me a bitch, but I don’t really care.  
  
  
 **Julia** : What did dad end up deciding to do?  
  
  
 **Billy:** Graham pulled me out of the house before I had a chance to make it worse. He saw that fire fanning and… he stepped up. He yanked me by the back of the collar and we just left. He took me to our old elementary school.  
  
  
 **Graham** : Jag took Dylan to Klavon’s, I took your dad sledding. That big old hill behind the building? Man, we used to love that as kids. I could see that he needed to clear his head. We all did. But what I think a lot of people fail to remember is… Billy Dunne has always had the world on his shoulders. It took me a long time to realize that, but…it’s true. Growing up, our mom was barely around and of course, our dad had taken off, so he was mom and dad to me. With The Six, he was the one that started and ended it. And when it came to all of you, he was always the center. He was the only one that was attached to all of you in some way. He was connected to both Daisy and Camila… and all of the kids, save for Soph and Ty, were his blood. Camila was wrong that night in the kitchen. You can’t make a guy choose between his kids. Especially not Billy Dunne.  
  
  
 **Billy** : He took me sledding. [laughs and rubs his face] God, what is my life. Such a long way from touring and hooking up with groupies. I also had to give him shit for the fact that he kept sleds in his trunk.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Was it a good thing though?  
  
  
 **Billy:** The best. I needed it. I wanted to go to the hospital and check on Maria, and I wanted to find Jagger and Dylan, but… I couldn’t choose. I would be letting someone… well, lots of someones, down, and I couldn’t do that.  
  
  
 **Jagger:** We ate until we felt like we were gonna puke. Sandwiches and floats and sundaes and…so much stuff. Being young guys, we could really pack it in. It was kind of heaven. But while we sat there, slouched in the booth, jeans unbuttoned, barely able to move, I went in for the kill.  
  
  
______________________  
  
 **Christmas Eve 1999, Klavon’s Ice Cream Parlor**  
  
  
 _“Ok, Dylan. What the hell was all of that tonight?” Jagger looked at Dylan, and Dylan just scoffed._  
  
 _  
“That was nothing. I’m fine.”_  
  
  
 _Jagger sat up._  
  
 _“Like hell you are. You got into a fist fight with Billy. I mean, nice one but… what the hell? And that wise crack about mom not being Graham’s wife yet? And me being perfect? What the fuck are you on?”_  
  
 _Dylan laughed and snorted as he sat up, sweating from over-indulging._  
  
  
 _“We shouldn’t be here, Jag. Like on the planet. Did you know that? Did you know that he is the reason for all of the shit that happened in our family?”_  
  
  
 _Jagger cocked his head, a look of confusion spreading across his face._  
  
 _  
“What are you talking about? I mean, I’m not necessarily the president of the Billy Dunne fan club, but where is this coming from?”_  
  
 _Dylan leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table._  
  
 _“When we… when we first got to the house, we had a shit ton of presents, and mom asked me to take them to the attic and keep them there until tonight. Christmas Eve. So I did. I noticed this big box of stuff kind of shoved in a corner, and didn’t really think anything of it, but today… I went back up there to get the stuff down and… that box was screaming at me. I kept…feeling drawn to it.”_  
  
 _Jagger furrowed his brow and nodded as Dylan continued._  
  
 _“So… I went over and started looking through it. It was a lot of stuff from the past. The Six stuff, you know? The Rolling Stones covers, interviews, pictures of Teddy Price, pictures of the band in the studio, Dad’s denim jacket and Mom’s gold hoops and white tank top… the master demo tape of “Honeycomb” … it was like a time capsule.”_  
  
 _He paused as he began to bounce his leg._  
  
 _“But underneath all of that… all of that stuff… was like personal stuff. Things that I don’t think we were ever supposed to know about. Not really. Nothing more than surface level basics. I found… I found dad and Camila’s wedding picture. Their heads were cut off because whoever took the picture was a shit photographer, but it was them. And I found their marriage license… and Julia’s baby bracelet… pictures from the few weeks that dad wasn’t dad to her. Because apparently, that’s when he was in fucking rehab. Then I found… these letters from mom to dad. While Dad and Camila were still married. He… he should have stopped it. He should have told her no, that he was married…” There were tears rising in Dylan’s voice that surprised Jagger._  
  
 _“Hey, Dyl… it’s ok. Life happens. And if things hadn’t happened the way it did, then… we wouldn’t be here. Neither would Sophia, and Tyler would have a different life and family and…”_  
  
  
 _“You mean he’d be somewhere other than this shithole of a mess? I wish he was. We ruined him too…”_  
  
 _“Dylan…”_  
  
 _Dylan shot him a look._  
  
 _“I’m not done. Dad only got with mom because she fucking overdosed. OVERDOSED, Jag. Because he was married, and she couldn’t have him. Who the fuck does that?”_  
  
  
 _Jagger clenched his jaw as he lowered his voice._  
  
 _  
“How do you know that?”_  
  
 _Dylan scoffed._  
  
 _“He wrote it in his journal. In the box of shit. Did you know that he even journaled? He came back here because apparently, she wanted to make a statement and tried to kill herself to get his attention. He came here, stayed here for a while… leaving Camila and our sisters alone… so he could chase mom’s tail. That’s why they have the camper too. Did you know that? It was their little sex den. Drove it back to LA and left Camila the next day. It’s all in there.” Dylan’s words were dripping with venom._  
  
 _“He ruined families, J. Because he couldn’t keep it in his pants. And you know what? We’re just as fucked up as he is. What kinds of things are we going to do in life? What irreversible damage are we going to do to people? I hate him.”_  
  
  
 _Jagger softened._  
  
 _“No you don’t.”_  
  
 _Dylan’s voice broke and tears welled in his eyes as he said, “yeah, I do.”_  
 _  
  
Jagger slid out of his side of the booth and slid in next to Dylan._  
  
 _“You don’t. You hate what he did, but you don’t hate dad. I know the feeling. He can really piss me off sometimes. But at the end of the day, he cares.”_  
  
 _Dylan chuckled._  
  
 _“About you, maybe. Billy Dunne has three favorite people in his life, and everyone knows it. Daisy Jones, Julia Dunne and Jagger Dunne. The rest of us are just props in his life.”_  
  
 _Jagger clenched his jaw again._  
  
 _“That’s just the booze talking.”_  
  
 _Dylan slid over so he could turn to face him._  
  
 _“No it’s not! You ARE Jagger Dunne, so you can’t say if it’s real or not. Why don’t we ask our sisters? You know, the twins? Who have never fully had their own identities in this family either…”_  
  
 _Jagger sighed heavily as he pinched the bridge of his nose._  
  
 _“Maria is probably still at the hospital… we can go there if you want.”_  
  
 _Dylan’s eyes got wide._  
  
 _“The hospital? What happened?!”_  
  
 _Jagger gave him a pointed look._  
  
 _“She sliced her thumb on the glass from the booze bottle YOU brought into the house. Nicked an artery.”_  
  
 _“Shit.” Dylan swore as he looked down at the table and muttered under his breath, “See, fuck up.”_  
  
 _Jagger slid out of the booth and dropped some cash on the table._  
  
 _“Let’s go. You need some family right now, and frankly, so do I.”_  
  
 _Dylan looked at the money and said, “I thought this was paid for?”_  
  
 _Jagger shook his head._  
  
 _“Can’t let dad have everything.”_  
  
_____________________________  
  
 **Maria** : They were quite a sight, strutting into the hospital. The nurses started swooning. It was gag worthy. [laughs] Susana hadn’t left my side, and I kept making jokes about the fact that she should be happy it wasn’t her. You know, with her fancy new modeling career and everything. Jess was exhausted. She had been telling us about her plans for that Christmas eve, and… well, let’s just say my little impromptu hospital visit wrecked that plan.  
  
  
 **Julia** : What plan?  
  
  
 **Maria** : The thing that happened on Christmas morning instead of Christmas Eve…  
  
  
 **Julia** : Oh, yeah, that.  
  
  
 **Maria** : When the boys walked in, Dylan ran over to me and fell into my lap, sobbing. He saw my hand wrapped up and he felt like a dingbat and I couldn’t stop laughing. That’s kind of a major problem for me. I laugh at the worst times. [laughs] SEE! But it was really sweet. Although he smelled like booze and sugar and chicken… so I kind of wanted to puke. But still… I love that little dork.  
  
  
 **Susana** : It was an exhausting night. ER runs in the middle of the night are never fun, and it’s even worse when it’s Christmas eve, but… I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else than with my siblings. We were all there. Jess, Maria, obviously [laughs], and then you showed up… sat with Jess while Jess slept on your shoulder… then Jag and D showed up. They were a mess, but my God do I love those little brothers of mine. They can be real assholes sometimes, but they are sweethearts too. Kind of like dad.  
  
  
 **Julia** : I could see that Jess was exhausted, and that was only confirmed when she passed out on my shoulder. Jagger told me to just take her home and that he could get everyone else home, but we had too many cars there. So, Susana said she would take Maria in Jess’ car, and Jagger could take Dylan in his, which left me and Jess in mine. That worked nicely. Jess and I drove straight home and passed out almost immediately. I didn’t see anyone else that night.  
  
  
 **Susana** : Maria and I stayed up late in our room, eating burnt popcorn and Christmas cookies and watching all of the Christmas movies we could get our hands on. It was pretty perfect.  
  
  
 **Maria** : It was great. I had missed her. She had started to take off really fast in the modeling industry, so I didn’t get to see her that often. We stayed up all night eating all kinds of junk and watching movies. While we were watching “Home Alone”, she randomly and totally nonchalantly said, “He asked me out last week. I said no.” [laughs] I was like “Ok…” it was so random.  
  
  
 **Julia:** Wait, who asked her out? Joe Pesci? [winks]  
  
  
 **Susana** : You really do want all the name dropping for this book, don’t you! Macaulay Culkin, duh. But he was a child. Like nineteen. It would have been like dating my brother.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : When Dylan and I got back home, Mom and Camila were gone, Dad and Graham were gone, and everything was pretty quiet. It was creepy actually. Then we heard the twins giggling in their room and we smelled some burnt popcorn so… we felt better. Dylan went and passed out on the couch, and I went upstairs to see if Chelsea was back yet. She was. She was in our family area den thing, with Soph passed out on her lap. She had the tv on mute and was just flipping through channels. She smiled when she saw me… and fuck… my whole body reacted. I finally understood what people always said about dad’s dimples and mine too because she had them and… breathtaking.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Yeah, they are something else. All of you. [laughs] Ok, but before we get too far, did no one wonder where Tyler was?  
  
  
 **Jagger: …**  
  
  
 **Dylan** : I was drunk. Don’t look at me.  
  
  
 **Sophia** : He told me he was going to Nashville to see Grace. I thought everyone knew.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : Sophia told me he was going to Nashville. Didn’t everyone know that?  
  
  
 **Camila** : No, no we did not.  
  
  
 **Julia** : He said he rented a car and drove...  
  
  
 **Camila** : [smiles] He’s saying that for dramatic effect. He was a day shy of sixteen. He wasn’t old enough to rent a car. Trust me, he flew.  
  
  
 **Tyler** : I had to get to my girl. It was a lot easier than staying in that stress. That’s not what the holidays were supposed to be like. She let me breathe. So yeah… I flew. But I don’t regret it for a second. If Jagger could spend his birthday in New York with Treena, why couldn’t I spend my birthday with Grace? She made it so special too. Her family dropped everything to take me in and celebrate with me. They were all visiting her, and… they made it so memorable. A big family breakfast in the morning, church too… then a big lunch… presents... [smiles and bites his lip] That girl… she and her family ran out and bought me all kinds of presents after I called her. I told her she didn’t have to do that because she spoiled me… but she said, in that perfect accent of hers, that no boyfriend of hers was missing out on presents on Christmas AND his birthday. She made me feel really special. I missed my brothers. My guys. But... I had to get away and... it was worth it.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : Jagger came upstairs, and good Lord… Jagger Dunne is a hottie as it is, but there are times… there are times where it should be illegal just how hot he is. And he’s only gotten hotter now, which…sucks. [laughs] Anyway, he came upstairs and Soph was passed out on me, so without even hesitating, he scooped her up and took her to bed. Then he came out of her room and just held a hand out to me. He pulled me up so I was standing in front of him, and he kissed me softly, but so deeply. Like he was trying to thank me for something. He rested his forehead on mine and told me he loved me and thanked me for being there. He gave me butterflies. SO many butterflies.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Everything Dylan had told me at the ice cream place had really stuck with me. So… I wanted to go up to the attic. See it for myself, you know? But I didn’t want to do it alone. If Dylan was right, that was too heavy to deal with by myself. So, I asked her if she would come with me. And she did.  
  
  
 **Julia** : WAIT. Is this the locked in the attic story?  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : [smiles and nods]  
  
  
 **Julia** : YES!  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : He was on a mission. He pulled down the attic hatch and the ladder came down. I hate tight spaces. I get claustrophobic easily but…for J… I climbed.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I saw the box right away. Shoved in the corner just like Dylan had said. It was pretty fascinating stuff. [pauses and starts to laugh as he looks to the side] I remember… Dad’s denim jacket was laying on top and Mom’s tank top was under it. Chelsea grabbed the jacket and put it on, and she started singing “Aurora”. Which… given the fact that Dylan had made me hyper aware of Billy and Camila’s marriage… miiiight not have been the best choice of songs. But she looked hot as hell in that jacket. So I grabbed mom’s tank top and put it on, and slid on a bunch of her bangles, and started dancing around singing along. It was horrible. [laughs]  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : It was hilarious! It was freezing in that attic, so the tank top was over his sweatshirt, but…still, hilarious. He started digging through the box and pulling out things that I felt like I was intruding on by seeing. Medical records, rehab info… it was a lot. He got pretty serious pretty quick. I didn’t want him to spiral or go down a dark hole so… I took the papers from him and kissed him deeply and whispered, “I’m so glad you were born, Jagger Jacob Dunne”, into his ear.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : It was cold up there, but her hot breath on my neck… instant boner.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Jesus, Jag!  
  
  
 **Jagger** : WHAT? It’s true! And I think I’ve been pretty mild compared to the book you wrote on our parents.  
  
  
 **Julia** : For now…  
  
  
 **Jagger** : True. We’ll get there. [winks]  
  
  
 **Julia:** Oh geez.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : I could feel him reacting under me, and I wanted to get back to his room asap because… heat was building for me too, and I was still frustrated from our interruption earlier that day. But I kid you not… as soon as we walked towards the ladder, it slammed shut. We were locked in.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Fucking Dylan! Messing things up, AGAIN.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : I was so beat. I walked upstairs to go to bed and that thing was in my way, so I just closed it. I wasn’t TRYING to lock them in there. I was just half drunk and tired as hell.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I pounded on that thing for so long, but it didn’t matter. No one was going to hear us. Ty was gone, our parents were gone, Soph and Dylan were asleep…the twins probably were too by that point. I was frustrated. At least until I turned around and saw that Chels had spread out some blankets that had been in a bag, lit one singular candle that had probably been there since the 70s, and had stripped down to nothing. Literally. My mouth dropped.  
  
________________________  
  
 **Christmas Eve, 1999**  
  
  
 _“Holy…wow.” Jagger’s mouth dropped as he took in the sight of a naked Chelsea in the glow of the candle._  
  
 _Chelsea smiled as she put her arms over her breasts and danced in place._  
  
 _“It is freezing up here, Jagger Dunne… so you better come warm me up.” She winked at him and he started taking off his clothes as he moved towards her._  
  
 _“Yes ma’am!”_  
  
 _Jagger wrapped her in his arms and started kissing her neck as she giggled._  
  
 _He pulled back and looked at her._  
  
 _“God, I love that laugh.”_  
  
 _Her face got serious as she said, “Yeah? Well I love you.”_  
  
 _Jagger smiled wide and kissed her again as they lowered themselves down onto the spread blankets._  
  
 _Jagger covered her body with his, his body heat shooting fire through her. He was an oven… just like his dad._  
  
 _She lifted her hips as they started moving against each other, causing delicious friction. She felt him quickly harden above her as his cock glided over her stomach._  
  
 _Jagger reached his hand between them, finding her clit and slowly beginning to rub his fingers in circles over it, eliciting a gasp from her._  
  
 _“Ahh, god… yeah… just like that.”_  
  
 _Chelsea licked her hand, then reached between them, grabbing his cock firmly at its base, running her hand up and down his shaft slowly._  
  
 _“Fuck”, Jagger whispered into the air as he continued rubbing her clit._  
  
 _“I’m… holy shit… I’m getting so wet. Here…” Chelsea took the hand that had been stroking Jagger and reached between her thighs, collecting some of her wetness on her hand before returning to her long strokes.  
  
The extra lubrication made him shudder and his movements became sloppier. _  
  
_“J… baby… look at me…”_  
  
 _Jagger forced himself to look at her._  
  
 _“I want you. In me. Now.” Chelsea panted and Jagger moaned before he swore loudly, causing her to jump._  
  
 _“FUCK. I… shit… I don’t have a condom…”_  
  
 _Chelsea growled._  
  
 _“Not even in your wallet?”_  
  
 _Jagger shook his head as he began grinding down on her thigh._  
  
 _“No… that’s like three years old.”_  
  
 _“Get it.”_  
  
 _“Chels…”_  
  
 _“Jag, it’s better than nothing. I need you… please.” Chelsea grabbed his cock and collected some of his pre-cum on her fingertips, bringing it to her lips and sucking them clean._  
  
 _“Oh fuck…woman… you’re gonna kill me.” Jagger’s head dropped next to hers as he thought about what to do. Chelsea wrapped her legs around him, pushing her wetness up against him as she ran her fingers up and down his back, causing goosebumps to rise instantly._  
  
 _“Good God, yes…” Jagger kissed her quickly before he rolled off of her and grabbed his jeans, pulling out his wallet and the single condom that was left in there from his sixteenth birthday. He slipped it on as fast as he could, trying not to break it._  
  
 _“Come here, you.” Chelsea reached out for him and he smiled as he moved to her. He began to position himself in front of her opening, but she stopped him._  
  
 _“Hold on… I want to try something.”_  
  
 _Jagger sat back on his heels as she sat up and crawled behind him, pushing him onto his back. She straddled him, a leg on each side of him and he moaned._  
  
 _“Ohhh shit… are you going to… yeah… ok…” Jagger was panting as Chelsea smiled and grabbed his cock, positioning herself and slowly sliding down onto him._  
  
 _“FUCK!” They cried out in unison._  
  
 _Chelsea began rocking her hips, letting herself adjust to his size, and he grabbed her hips to steady himself._  
  
 _She reached in front of her body, taking one of her breasts in her left hand, massaging it as she slid her right hand down her stomach, rubbing her clit with her fingers._  
  
  
 _“Baby… I need you to start moving because you are way too hot right now…” Jagger smiled his wide dimpled smile, and she followed suit. She leaned forward a little bit as she rested her hands on his taught stomach. She slowly lifted herself up and lowered back down, sending shivers through them both as Jagger reached up and palmed her breasts._  
  
 _She continued to rock and slide, as they found their rhythm._  
  
 _“I want to look into those gorgeous eyes of yours as you cum…” Jagger whispered and heaved as he felt himself close to his edge._  
  
 _“Mmmm…me…too…God…yeah…” Chelsea forced herself to lift her head, staring into his striking green eyes as she felt him slowly begin to pulse around her._  
  
 _“I can’t hold…it…back…” Jagger shut his eyes tight as he felt his wave hitting._  
  
 _“Baby…baby look at me…”  
  
Jagger looked at her and she grabbed his face, holding his eyes in place._  
  
 _“Me too… ready? One… two…” Chelsea began rocking furiously, as Jagger’s pelvic bone hit her clit perfectly._  
  
 _“THREE!” Jagger felt himself release and throb inside of her as her walls held onto him, milking him as they hit their waves._  
  
 _“MOTHER FUCKING GAAAAHHH.” Chelsea screamed as she leaned back, feeling every pulse and throb as her whole body got hot._  
  
 _Jagger pulled her back towards him, kissing her softly as they rode it out then came down together. Chelsea collapsed on top of him, their bodies dripping in sweat. They held each other tightly in the silence, until she felt him softening inside of her._  
  
 _She rolled off of him and right on top of his open arm. He pulled her into his chest as he kissed the top of her head tenderly._  
  
 _“Merry Christmas to me.” Chelsea whispered into his chest as she drew circles on it with her finger._  
  
 _Jagger laughed above her and whispered, “Pretty sure I’m the one who got the gift here.”_  
  
 _She looked up, rolling so that she could rest her chin on the hand that was on his chest._  
  
 _“No… you’re the greatest gift and best surprise of my life, Jagger Jacob. I love you so much. And I can’t wait to move in with you.” There were tears in her eyes as she smiled._  
  
 _“You’re so fucking beautiful, Chelsea Kate. And I don’t just mean your body…which trust me, is slammin.”_  
  
 _They laughed, and she laid her head back down on his chest._  
  
 _Chelsea started shivering, so Jagger got Billy's denim jacket and wrapped her in it as he looked for more blankets. He found them and he wrapped them up together, reveling in the feeling of her body pressed against his._  
  
 _They talked about everything that night. Shared childhood Christmas stories and family traditions. She filled him in on Sophia and he filled her in on Dylan and the reason they had gone to the attic in the first place. Then, as they began drifting off to sleep, Jagger started singing Bruce Springsteen’s “Merry Christmas Baby”, and Chelsea nestled in closer as he sang, “…and ha-a-a-a-appy New Year.”_  
  
_____________________  
  
 **Chelsea** : That day had kind of been a mess, it was freezing as all get out up there, and that attic was creepy as heck, but… I wouldn’t have traded any of it. It was perfect… even if it was a major life changing night.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Did you know that Sophia liked chess? That she was a spelling bee champion and had art featured in an art gallery in 6th grade? Or that she wanted to be a ballerina when she was little but never stuck with it because she was bullied and too afraid to tell anyone? Or that she wanted to learn to play the piano, but Graham and Camila just brushed it off in their busyness, so she actually called Karen Sirko on her own when she was eight? Karen taught her some stuff and Camila and Graham still don’t know. Or at least they didn’t back then. Did you know that she thought we were the coolest people ever and she wanted to be just like us? She even named her first baby doll Julia. [smiles as his eyes fill with tears. He blinks them away quickly]  
  
  
 **Julia** : I didn’t know any of that… [wipes her tears away]  
  
  
 **Jagger:** None of us did. We didn't pay attention. Chelsea got it out of her because that’s who she is. So warm and easy to talk to and… well she’s just that kind of person.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : I woke up super early on Christmas morning. Like 4am. I still hadn’t gotten my presents out of the attic, so I pulled the string and wandered up there. I was NOT expecting to be met with the sight of my brother’s bare ass. Chelsea’s boobs made up for it though.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : HE WAS UP THERE? We never knew that. Oh God. [Buries her face in her hands]  
  
  
 **Jagger:** I knew. I punched him in the balls for it later, but I didn’t want Chels to wake up. But thank God I woke up. It’s how we got out of there. Just in time to come downstairs and see Jessica in the kitchen on one knee.


	22. Chapter 22

** November 24, 1999 **

_ The evening before Thanksgiving, Jessica had asked Billy Dunne to take her to have her oil changed. Julia, she told him, had to do some writing and she was looking for someone to help her get her car to the mechanic. Billy had often filled the void left by her own father, and this day was no different. At least...not at the beginning of it. _

_ Billy had agreed to meet Jess at the Texaco on Sunset in West Hollywood. The girls had made the drive down for Thanksgiving and Billy was already coming back through Hollywood from the Valley, so the timing made sense. When he pulled up, she was leaning against the phone booth on the corner and flagging him down. He pulled over and she hopped in before he even slowed to a stop, making him chuckle. She kicked her sandals off and put her feet on the dash. _

_ “I didn’t want you to have to cause a big scene....” _

_ She winked at him and he laughed to himself, asking her how she was and where he could take her. _

_ “Wanna just go for a drive?”She asked, squinting in the sun. Billy smiled and patted her lap as he passed her sunglasses from the glove box. She slipped them on as he did the same with his. _

_ “Griffith Park?” he asked. She turned him slowly and let her face curl into a smile. _

_ “You know the place...right?” Her voice was weighted and Billy let it sink on him as he realized that yes...he knew the place. _

_ They drove down Sunset and jammed to whatever came on the radio. Laughing, swapping stories about Julia, and enjoying the warm California sun. As Billy drove up the hills into the park, a drive he had made several times, he realized he had never made the trek with Jess. To the small clearing at the top of the trails where they had memorialized her father and spread his ashes.  _

_ “Could you pull over? Maybe we can walk from here?” She asked as they approached. Billy did so without question. Tucking his keys into his pocket and his hands followed suit. Jess rounded the car and laced her arm through Billy’s as they walked into the brush and trails that led the rest of the way to the summit. _

_ They walked in silence for awhile and then Jessica let herself laugh. _

_ “It’s funny, you know. I remember playing in the flowers with Julia that day. Making crowns. Laughing and dancing. Just having her there protected me from that pain. She’s always done that for me.” Jessica spoke slowly and Billy put his hand on hers. _

_ “Yeah she has always been good at that. And I can’t take any credit. That is her mother through and through.” Billy nodded along with her as she leaned on him. _

_ “Nah. You don’t give yourself enough credit. You’ve always done that for her, too. I mean...you do it for everyone. You’ve done it for me....” She turned to him as they neared the clearing. Billy swallowed back a trace of a cry and covered it with a a cough. _

_ “I’ve always tried. To help with the things I know would have been important to your dad. He would be so proud of you. Of what you’ve become. Of who you are.” _

_ Jessica smiled and pushed a tear from her eye before stopping and turning towards Billy. She pulled her arm from his and took his hand in hers. Billy felt it tremble so he tightened his own hand to steady her. She smiled at the gesture. _

_ “I know...I know I haven’t always done right by Julia. And I’m not going to stand here and promise you that I won’t fuck this up. But I also know that you know fucking things up doesn’t mean you love people any less....” _

_ Jessica was fighting back tears and Billy held her hand tight in his. _

_ “Thanks....I think?” he joked and she nudged him with her free hand. _

_ “This is serious.” She chided him as he straightened up, “I’m asking you...to help me get through those times. To help Jules get through those times.....” _

_ Jessica lifted her sunglasses to her head and looked at Billy. Her eyes watered as she smiled at him. _

_ “I’m asking you...to be my dad, too. I’m asking you to let me marry Julia.” _

_ Billy bit his lip hard and it was his turn to steady his own shaky hand. billy knew this day would come but there wasn’t a single thing about it that was how he had imagined, and yet...it felt perfect at the same time. He reached a hand to her face and caught a tear as he smiled a wide, dimpled smile that turned into a laugh and she joined it. _

_ “I don’t know that I can think of anything else in this world that would make me prouder, Jessica.” She let herself fall into his chest and laugh through her tears there as he curled his arms around her back and held her. She finally took a step back and dried her face on her sleeve before Billy offered her his arm. _

_ “Let’s go run it by your old man, too, huh?” Jessica took his arm and they walked the rest of the way to the summit, sitting there for hours until it was time to get back for her car.  _

_ ________________ _

**Julia** : In 1999, while gay and lesbian couples were recognized by peers and society in general...particularly in San Francisco...the United States was still nearly a decade away from recognizing them legally. So while Jessica and I had some uphill battles ahead of us, our family was never one of them. From the top all the way down to the bottom of them, we were surrounded by love and support from all sides and in all ways. From Daisy organizing marches and parades, offering Mom Hugs, to the boys recording hit singles that benefitted gay rights...we were incredibly lucky. Even the occasional late night drunk conversation with Uncle Eddie about how we had sex was all from a place of love and respect.

**Eddie** : And total curiosity, let’s be honest. 

**Jessica:** Deciding to marry Julia was the smartest thing I had ever done. I have ever done. I will ever do. I didn’t know what it meant to grow up with one parent let alone two. And I didn’t know what being in love forever was supposed to look like because I didn’t trust that anything was ever going to last forever. But I did know, and I do know, that if I was going to do it....I wanted it to be with Julia Dunne. Jules...

**Julia:** OK. Enough.

**Jessica:** Julia, you asked me to come talk about this.

**Julia:** And I probably shouldn’t have.

____________________

** Christmas Day, 1999  **

_ The day was a stereotypical whirlwind. Jagger and Chelsea fighting colds after spending the night in a freezing attic, Dylan hungover, Maria still nursing a stitched hand, Daisy and Camila not speaking and Tyler on the wind. _

_ By mid afternoon the snow had blanketed the streets and made it impossible to leave. So whether they wanted to be or not, they were all trapped together. _

_ Graham had cued up some Christmas movies, while Billy kept a fire rolling. Daisy and Camila were just cordial enough to be working in the kitchen, basically providing a never ending buffet of food for the day.  _

_ Jessica and Julia were cuddled on the couch under a blanket and Jess kept making awkward eye contact with Billy that no one but them understood. At one point, when she couldn’t take it anymore, Jessica stood from the couch and handed Billy his guitar...cautiously placing it in his arms and then asking Graham to do the same. Billy winked at her and sat on the fireplace to tune it. _

_Jagger and Chelsea were busy in the kitchen, brewing some tea and adding way too much honey as they huddled together under a blanket, sneaking kisses and laughing in their own world._

_Billy called out loudly, snapping them out of their trance!_

_ “ Hey lovebirds, get out here! Music time!" _

_ Jagger rolled his eyes and smiled as Chelsea giggled and smacked his arm. _

_"Alright. Merry Christmas, Darling for anyone that knows it. Which is every single Dunne in this house. Jess will take the lead vocal...let’s do this one right, yeah?” Billy was suddenly running a rehearsal but everyone fell right into line: Graham tuned up, Chelsea grabbed her violin. Jagger pulled guitars from his room and handed one to Dylan. Daisy took Camila’s hand and pulled her onto the couch. The twins sat by Billy and Sophia took Camila’s lap. _

_ “Girls on harmony...except Julia, you can sit this one out...” Daisy winked at Jessica. _

_ “Ouch!” Julia joked as Jessica sat beside her, starting to sing as Billy strummed along with her before everyone gradually joined in. It was beautiful. Jessica didn’t sing often, but she had the pipes for it...sounding a lot like her dad when she sang. She took Julia’s hand and sang...until Billy abruptly stopped her. Drawing everyone’s attention out of an otherwise perfect moment. _

_ “Shit, I’m sorry....” he pulled his guitar strap over his head, messing with it, “there’s something in my guitar...it’s making me crazy....” _

_“Yeah I heard it, too...” Jess answered as he handed it to her. She sat back on the couch shaking it...something rattled inside and finally Julia took it...turning it upside down and rolling it like a labyrinth until the mysterious item popped out of the mouth of the guitar and onto her lap._

_She lifted the guitar, and sitting on her lap was a gold band, two tiny diamonds set inside of it and inscription that she could only barely see. She froze, nearly dropping the guitar before Jagger reached for it. She moved in slow motion, looking at Jess. Jessica smiled broadly and watched as Julia’s eyes filled. The room was silent. Everyone lost in some blend of smiling and crying and breath holding._

_ “Julia...would you be crazy enough to spend the rest of your life with me? And marry me when the world catches up with us?”  _

_ Julia let herself cry as Jessica spoke, which was not usual for her, and she started emphatically nodding yes even if she couldn’t find the words to speak. She threw her arms around Jessica and they rocked back into the couch as Jess took the ring and slid it onto Julia’s hand. Their families erupted into applause and hoots and hollers.  _

_“Mom...Dad...I love you guys...but we are toasting the shit out of this!” Jagger was already making his way to the kitchen and pulling a bottle of champagne out of the bags Dylan had brought._

_When Julia finally came up for air both she and Jessica were attacked by the twins and Sophia, all asking to see the ring and talking about wedding plans. Julia tried to ignore the feeling she already had about how their wedding wouldn’t be as simple as the way her sisters were making it sound...already asking who would be maid of honor. As if that was a question anyone could answer._

_Billy stood by the fireplace and Julia pulled from the girls and ran for him. He kissed the top of her head as she hugged him._

_ “How long have you known??” She asked. He just smiled and shrugged. Daisy and Camila had moved behind them, standing together. _

_ “I can’t believe he didn’t let it slip...all this planning...” _

_ Daisy whispered and Camila felt herself just staring at her. _

_ “You knew?” Camila asked, trying unsuccessfully to mask the pain in her voice. Daisy didn’t realize until that moment that Camila had not known. She smiled and worked effortlessly to cover it. _

_ “I think it was just as important to Jess to make it a surprise for you, too.” Daisy smiled and Camila tried to look at it that way. _

_Julia turned in place to face them, and let herself cry again as she hugged Camila. She buried her head in her mom’s shoulder, and then turned it to face Daisy, smiling at her. _

_ “I hope you two are ready to help me prepare for this....” Julia laughed through her tears as Billy patted her back. _

_ “Thank God. You just tell me who to write the check to and when to show up!” _

_ The three women laughed as Camila pulled from Julia. _

_ “Let me see that ring....” _

______________________

**Camila:** “You and Me. For Whatever Time We Have.” I thought...it was an unusual choice.

**Daisy:** I thought it was romantic. I mean at the end of the day isn’t that what we all want? Someone to love us day to day without worrying about the future? No one knew that better than Jess.

**Camila:** Forever. That’s what you want. Someone to love you forever. Jessica had examples of both: Graham and I? Billy and Daisy? Those were forever examples.

**Julia:** You and dad?

**Camila:** [long pause] Not a forever example. That was a “whatever time we had” example. I wanted more than that for you. I’m sorry. I guess hindsight is 20/20. How did you feel about it? How do you feel about it now?

**Julia:** Whose book is this?? [pauses] Jessica didn’t know how to love forever. She had already been unfaithful to me. I just thought...it was a phase. She’d grow out of it. Like dad did.

**Camila:** Your dad left.

**Julia:** OK. Point made. Thanks.

**Daisy:** It was tricky. Navigating those times with your mom. Camila had become my best friend. She still is. But there was always this part of me that wanted pieces of what she had. Even when we had the boys. I thought part of that jealousy would go away. But it wasn’t just you girls. The way that she could ground me? Or you? Or the girls? Or Graham even? Well, she was still that for your dad in a lot of ways. And that got hard. Sometimes it was harder than others.

**Camila:** I know that Daisy felt left out of some things. And I know that there were times that your dad and I could have been better about protecting her feelings. But...[long pause]...I know I’ve made mistakes. I’ve hurt her. But I’ve been hurt, too. Your dad chose Daisy. It was the right thing. It didn’t make it hurt less. You came out to Daisy. It was the right thing. It didn’t make it hurt less. 

**Julia:** What mistakes?

**Camila:** Christmas night, you remember asking your dad if you and Jess could take the camper? Sleep outside away from everyone? 

**Julia:** I do.

**Camila:** You remember his response? 

**Julia:** Vaguely? He said something like...the camper had always been mine...something....

**Camila:** The camper was yours and Jess’ from that point on. And you asked if he and Daisy minded giving it up...

**Julia:** That’s right. Daisy said she had given it up a long time ago....

**Camila:** That was on me.

__________________

** January, 1989  **

_ Billy was sitting in the studio with Eddie and Graham when the phone rang. Eddie answered and his face dropped as he lowered the phone. It happened almost immediately.  _

_ “Jesus, what?” Graham asked as Eddie lifted the phone towards Billy. He pulled it quickly, reading Eddie’s panic. _

_It was Camila. Breathless. Panicked. _

_ “Billy. Julia was in an accident. I don’t...I don’t have any details. Please....” _

_“Where are they taking her?” Billy felt his heart drop as he got out the only question he could. He dropped the phone as Camila directed him to which hospital and shouted at Graham to follow him._

_Billy peeled out of the lot. He could hardly see straight as he tried to tell Graham what was wrong._

_“Oh fuck...no no....” Graham muttered as he joined his brother in a panic. Graham knew that Julia was in Malibu. Picking Susana, Maria, and Sophia up at school. He checked his watch. It was just after four. They would have all been with her._

_ Graham's voice broke as he whispered, “Does Julia have a car seat in her car?"_

_ "Yeah, why?" _

_ Graham swallowed hard. _

_"She’s got all the girls. Even... Soph...God she...She was picking them up for Camila..." _

_ Graham’s voice shook and Billy muttered every curse he could think of as he ran red light after red light.  _

_ They reached the ER and ran from the car, Billy forgetting to even kill the engine.  _

_ Camila, carrying a crying Sophia, met them in the lobby and Graham ran to them. _

_Billy was already making his way right past the nurse’s desk and into the hallway. He was immediately escorted. He saw the twins in the hallway and they stood and ran for him. He dropped to his knees and started to cry just seeing them on their feet and moving and...ok. He inspected them both, a few small scrapes and bruises, but more scared than anything. _

_ “Where’s your sister?” Billy asked, and Maria motioned to the room they were sitting outside of. Billy ran for the door, the twins in tow behind him, and pushed inside of it.  _

_ Julia, her head and arm bandaged, looked up immediately at him and called for him as she started crying. _

_ “Daddy, I’m so sorry.....” _

_He rounded her bed and sat beside her, gently holding her and hushing her._

_“She’s very very lucky. They all are. The guy who t-boned them wasn’t so much.” The police officer that had been taking her report and had gone unnoticed by Billy, filled him in before asking the twins to join him in the hallway to give statements._

_“Sorry? You’re alive. You kept your sisters alive. Don’t you dare be sorry.”_

_“Yeah but the car...”_

_ “I don’t give a shit about the car. I’m just so sorry this had to happen to you...” Billy held her hand as she cried. _

_ After giving reports, the girls were all cleared to go home, and Graham suggested that they all stay together. Billy, strangely finding himself in a fog, said he would go home and tell Daisy then be over shortly. It didn’t sit perfectly with Camila but she had bigger things to worry about.She and Graham loaded the girls into her car and Billy drove himself home. _

_ His hands shook the whole drive and he tried to brush it off...reminding himself that they were safe. His girls were safe. That wasn’t what was sticking with him. _

_ When he got home he found a note from Daisy:  _

**_ Took the boys for haircuts. Be back soon. Love you. _ **

_Billy felt himself numbing and alone in the house, not wanting to leave before he was able to tell Daisy._

_He walked into the yard and straight to the camper. He opened the door, it was cool inside, and he found himself laying back on the bed._

_He put his feet up on the ceiling the way Julia loved to do. He closed his eyes and saw her there with him, the images of her smiling and laughing suddenly being replaced by flashes of Jake. Their accident. An eerily similar collision that took the life of his best friend and almost his own. Suddenly he recalled parts of it he hadn’t before. He could see Jake thrown from the car, he could feel his own head pounding as the car rolled, he could feel his body numbing and taste blood in his mouth. And all of the sudden it was like Julia was there, too. The twins crying and screaming for help, Sophia tossed around the car. The weight in his chest felt like he was having a heart attack. He clutched it as he cried out._

_“Billy....”_

_He opened his eyes and blinked himself back into reality. It was Camila. Standing in the door, watching him._

_ “Cam...what are you doing here?” He fought to calm himself, unsuccessfully, as he sat up and she approached him, cautiously sitting beside him. _

_ He took her hand as she placed it next to him. They sat in silence a long while. _

_ “They are fine, Billy, all of them. The police said Julia knew exactly what to do to stay safe. They are going to be ok. But...I know....I know what you’re thinking....” _

_ Camila turned to him and took his face in her hands. She smiled gently.  _

_ “Don’t let yourself go there...you stay here...ok? We need you here. Jessica needs you here....Daisy needs you here...I....” _

_ She paused, letting her own emotions get the best of her and lowering her eyes. _

_ “I need you. I need you...to help me too...” _

_Camila started to cry and Billy pulled her into his side, almost unaware of the fact that he was gradually laying back in the bed. Both of them transporting the other to a place where the complicated things didn’t exist. They were two parents lost in a million emotions about their children. And they were there together. _

_Camila clung to his shirt and let her body roll slightly onto his. She lifted her face and felt their chests rising and falling together as Billy’s hand found its way into her hair.She whispered his name and his lips just barely grazed hers. Their eyes closing for the tiniest fraction of a second. But that was all the time they needed, as Daisy appeared in the camper door, speechless, but making enough noise as she shut the screen door that they knew she had been there._

___________________

**Billy:** I won’t excuse it. I can’t. That part of me that....no. I can’t. 

**Camila:** Did I still love your dad? Of course. I always will. Was it the kind of love I wanted back the way it had been? No. And he didn’t either. But in that moment, that day when we had been faced with losing everything? Nothing made sense. What we did didn’t make sense. 

**Daisy:** I have lived every day since telling myself that it didn’t matter that I walked in. It wasn’t anything and it wouldn’t have become anything. And that’s just what I have to believe.

**Julia:** I’m sorry.

**Billy:** Nothing about that day was your fault.

**Graham:** [long pause] This is news to me.

.....

Billy has always used his dimples and his dick to solve his problems. I don’t know why this should come as a fucking surprise to anyone. I mean who wouldn’t react to the trauma of almost losing their kids by trying to fuck their brother’s wife? 

**Julia:** Ex Wife.

**Graham:** Semantics. I’m done, Julia.

**Julia/Narrator** : After this chapter, a lot of us were. 


	23. Chapter 23

**Jessica:** That was a magical day. That night was even better.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Stop. We’re not talking about that.   
  
  
**Jessica** : Jules…  
  
  
 **Julia** : I said no.  
  
  
 **Jessica** : [sighs] Then why am I even here? You pushed and you pushed your parents to give up all kinds of info in your last book that I’m sure they didn’t want to talk about either. This is a story about the Dunne kids. All of the Dunne kids. Which means you first and foremost and it’s going to be messy and uncomfortable but… it’s necessary for the story, Julia. No matter where we are right now… which honestly, I don’t even know were we are at the moment… that was the perfect night and we deserve to re-live the happy too.   
  
  
**Julia** : [wipes a tear away] Fine. But this is hard, Jess.  
  
  
 **Jessica** : I know. I’m sorry.   
  
_______________________  
  
 **Christmas Day, 1999**  
  
  
 _Billy Dunne tossed the keys to the camper to Julia, and she caught them with two hands as Billy winked at her and told them to have fun._  
  
 _“Oh, we will.” Jessica winked back and Julia blushed._  
  
 _Jessica grabbed Julia’s hand and they bolted out the back door to the backyard where Billy had parked the camper._  
  
 _Not more than five minutes later, Julia ran back in the house and said, “Yeah, I’m going to need someone to hook the camper up to the truck so I can take it somewhere. There’s no way in hell we’re gonna have any privacy with THESE two dweebs lurking around.” She laughed as she pointed to her brothers and they feigned hurt._  
  
 _“Who? US. Why ever would you think we would be curious about anything happening in that camper?” Dylan put his hand on his chest dramatically and Billy smacked him on the back of the head._  
  
 _“Hey! GEEEZ. What was that for?” Dylan rubbed the back of his head and Billy said, “Payback.”_  
  
 _The room erupted in laughter and Daisy walked over to Dylan, mockingly comforting him._  
  
 _“This family sucks!” Dylan laughed as Daisy wrapped him up._  
  
 _Julia turned to Billy anxiously, bouncing up and down on her toes._  
  
 _“So…the keys to the truck? Please?”_  
  
 _Billy smiled as he pulled them out of his pocket and tossed them to her._  
  
 _“Be safe!”_  
  
 _Julia smiled as she was halfway out the door._  
  
 _“Not the same problem for us, dad.” She winked and Billy called out to her as the door shut, “I meant on the roads!”_  
  
 _Julia ran back to the camper to find that Jess had already hooked it up to the truck._  
  
 _“Ready?” Julia breathed out, her breath making a cloud of smoke in the cold winter air._  
  
 _“Babe, I’ve been ready for hours.” Jess smiled as she leaned in and kissed Julia softly._  
  
 _“Good. Let’s get out of here.”_  
  
 _They hopped in the truck and just… drove. No place in mind, just wanting to find somewhere private where they could be them._  
  
 _They took a detour off of an abandoned dirt road and came to a frozen river, nestled in the middle of some pine trees.  
  
It was out of a painting, beautiful. _  
  
_“Wow…” Jessica looked around breathlessly as they took in the sight. There was not a light or house or human anywhere to be found. It was perfect._  
  
 _Julia put the truck in park and jumped out quickly, making quick work of setting up the camper._  
  
 _Jessica leaned against the doorframe, her arms and legs crossed as she watched Julia in awe; she moved with such steadiness and grace._  
  
 _“God, you’re beautiful.” Jess whispered under her breath but Julia heard it, turning around and popping out a hip as she placed a hand on it and said, “stop the flirting, the bed isn’t ready yet.” She giggled and Jessica launched at her, wrapping her arms around her waist and kissing her deeply.  
  
Julia gasped and giggled as Jessica rested her forehead on hers. _  
  
_“I don’t give a damn about sheets or a nice bed. I just want to make love to my fiancée…right here…right now.” She kissed a different part of Julia’s face in between every word, ending on her lips._  
  
 _Julia nodded under her lips as she put her hands up to cup Jessica’s face, holding her hands on either side of her jaw as Jess pushed her tongue into her mouth, eager to explore every inch of her._  
  
 _Julia sighed into her as she pushed her tongue into Jess’ mouth, their tongues tangling and dancing like a symphony. They kissed like they couldn’t get enough of each other, and in all actuality, they couldn’t._  
  
 _Jess moved Julia over to the bed that had a fitted sheet on two corners, and the mattress exposed on the rest on the bed. They never broke their kiss as Julia laid back on her back, bring Jess with her, laying on top of her, still fully clothed._  
  
 _“I don’t… I don’t want to rush this.” Julia whispered as she tried to catch her breath._  
  
 _Jessica pulled back and looked into her eyes lovingly._  
  
 _“We don’t need to rush. We’ve got a lifetime, baby.”_  
  
 _Julia smiled as she reached up, wrapping her arms around Jessica’s neck._  
  
 _Jessica kissed the tip of her nose before rolling to her side and playing with the hem of Julia’s sweater._  
  
 _“But… I do want to explore…” she dipped her hand under her shirt slowly. “…every inch…” she worked her hand up her stomach. “…of your perfect body…” her hand found Julia’s lacy bra and she palmed her breast over it. “…tonight.”  
  
She reached two fingers under it, finding Julia’s nipple; the cold of her fingers turning it rock hard instantly._  
  
 _Julia bit her lip as she let her head roll back, her breathing becoming rapid as she closed her eyes and let herself feel the sensation of Jess’ fingers rubbing her nipple._  
  
 _“Ahh…yeah…” Julia breathed out and Jess smiled._  
  
 _“Can we get this damn sweater off of you now?” She bit her lip as she yanked hard, ripping it at its seams._  
  
 _Julia shot up._  
  
 _“BABY! That’s cashmere!” Her eyes were wide, and it made Jessica start laughing loudly._  
  
 _“Sorry, but it had to go. Besides, I’m Jessmere, and I want you to wear meee.” She winked and Julia nudged her shoulder as she started to laugh._  
  
 _“You are such a dork! Is this what I’m in for now? A lifetime of cheesy dad jokes?”_  
  
 _Jessica sat up straight and faked a serious look._  
  
 _“Yep. And it’s mom jokes. But yes, you said yes to me, so… you’re stuck with me. Sorry, not my problem. It’s just the way it is.” She tried to stare Julia down, but they both erupted into a fit of laughter._  
  
 _Julia’s face dropped and softened as she brushed some hair off of Jessica’s forehead._  
  
 _“You know…” She whispered softly. “…I’ve been in love with you since the first time I met you. That’s just a fact. When I was seven and you were five… I remember your dad joining The Six on tour…”_  
  
 _Jess leaned into Julia’s palm that was now cupping her cheek and held it there with her hand as Julia continued._  
  
 _“…and I was so excited because there was finally another kid my age with us who wasn’t my sister!” She laughed as tears begin to well._  
  
 _“And you were my best friend from the start. When I was eight years old I told Daisy Jones that I wanted to marry you. And all through my formative years, I never even looked at another person the way I look I you. I thought it was a phase or maybe I just hadn’t met the right guy yet. But when I was fifteen… I knew. I knew I was in love with you. I didn’t know what that meant or what it would look like, but I was. I talked to Daisy again… and in some weird way, I think I was hoping she would talk me out of it. Tell me that it will all go away someday. That I’ll meet a nice boy and be normal again.” Tears were falling down both of their cheeks as Jess held Julia’s hand close to her chest._  
  
 _Julia smiled through her tears as she said, “But Daisy… she told me to fuck normal. What is normal anyway? She told me to love who I loved, and that LOVE made me normal. She told me to love you fiercely and to never be ashamed of who I am. You have always known exactly who you are, without inhibition. And I’ve always been envious of that. But right here, right now, I want to declare, that I am so fiercely, madly, wildly in love with you, Jessica Rodriguez, and I cannot wait to be your wife. Whatever that looks like, whatever we have to do to get the world to see things like Daisy Jones does… I want to do that. With you. Forever.”_  
  
 _Jessica laughed through her tears as she leaned forward, placing a hand behind Julia’s neck as she pulled her in for a kiss. She pulled back slightly and whispered, “I knew I always liked Daisy Jones.”_  
  
 _Julia laughed as she pulled away and wiped her eyes with her fingers, sniffing the tears back as Jessica did the same._  
  
 _“Well… since Daisy Jones has been a fierce advocate for you loving who you want to, and letting them love you back… can I FULLY love you now?” Jessica winked and Julia nodded as she reached for the hem of Jessica’s sweater, teasing her by pretending to pull it up gently, then ripping it off her quickly._  
  
 _“Jules!” Jessica giggled._  
  
 _“Hey, fair is fair, babe.” Julia shrugged and Jessica launched herself at her, wrapping her arms around her neck and peppering kisses all up and down her face and neck._  
  
 _She reached behind Julia to unhook her bra, and Julia did the same, their bras dropping at the same time with each other._  
  
 _“Damn. That is always one of my favorite parts.” Jessica smiled and Julia puffed her chest out jokingly, but Jess moved in quickly, taking one of Julia’s nipples in her mouth, shocking Julia._  
  
 _Julia’s nipples were hard from the cold and ridiculously sensitive, so the feeling of Jessica’s hot mouth on her, sent fire through her body. She grabbed Jess’ head, holding it in place as she watched her._  
  
 _Jessica sucked and flicked and did all of the things that she knew would drive Julia crazy, and it was working._  
  
 _Julia pushed Jess back onto her back, laying on her fully as she began to grind her hips down, feeling herself begin to soak._  
  
 _“Ahhh…yeah…God…” Jessica grabbed Julia’s butt and pulled it down further as she lifted her hips to meet her._  
  
 _“I’m so wet already…” Jess breathed out a deep breath, and Julia just nodded as she tried to keep her breathing steady._  
  
 _Julia reached her hand down between them and into Jessica’s pants, surprised to find that she wasn’t wearing any underwear. She gave her a curious look and Jess just smirked._  
  
 _“Hey, I knew I was proposing today and I hoped it would end like this so… there was no point.”_  
  
 _Julia smiled wide as she said, “Fine by me”, and placed her entire hand over Jessica’s center, causing Jess to groan into her ear. “Fuck.”_  
  
 _Julia began grinding her body down onto Jessica’s thigh as she slid her hand up and down, making sure to just barely graze Jess’ clit, frustrating her in the process._  
  
 _“Damnit Jules, I want to feel you…” Jessica growled into the air and Julia smiled before kissing her quickly._  
  
 _“Soon.”_  
  
 _Julia moved so that she was standing in front of Jessica as she grabbed the top of Jess’ jeans and pulled them down painfully slow. Jessica tried to kick them off, but they were tight, and Julia didn’t let her. She knew all of Jessica’s favorite things; especially being teased and prolonging satisfaction no matter what she said._  
  
 _Jessica sat up and grabbed Julia’s beltloops, pulling her between her legs and slowly unbuttoning her jeans. She slid them down, revealing Julia’s matching panties, and she could smell her heat flooding the room._  
  
 _“Oh fuck… you’re wet too.” Jessica shuddered and Julia smiled as she purred, “soaked, actually.”_  
  
 _Jessica bit her lip as she grabbed the sides of Julia’s panties and began to pull, trying to tear them._  
  
 _Julia started laughing as her body jerked._  
  
 _“Baby, this isn’t like the movies. This isn’t sexy!” Tears were filling her eyes from laughing so hard, and Jessica blushed._  
  
 _“Sorry. I just want this to be perfect. And sexy. And fun.”_  
  
 _Julia’s face softened and she cupped Jess face, rubbing her thumb over her cheek._  
  
 _“Just being here with you is perfect. And YOU are sexy. And THIS is fun.” Julia leaned in and kissed Jessica’s neck as she slid her hand down Jess’ body, dipping two fingers inside of her easily. Jessica cried out at the surprise, but quickly began moving her body back and forth._  
  
 _Julia took the hint and began pumping her fingers in and out of Jessica, her fingers sliding in and out easily, collecting her cream as she did._  
  
 _Jessica rested on her elbows as she lifted up her hips, her head falling back as profanities flew out of her._  
  
 _Julia used her free hand to work her own panties down and off of her body. Jessica sat up and pulled Julia down on top of her, rolling so that she was now on top._  
  
 _“Oh fuck… I’m in for it now.” Julia teased, and Jessica nodded as she bit her lip and began grinding her body down onto Julia’s stomach.  
  
Julia could feel the heat radiating from Jess’ center, and it turned her on even more. She pushed Jessica down so that she was sitting on her center, their heat and clits mingling as they both began to rock back and forth in unison; the sound of their pussies slapping together and their heavy breathing, the only sounds in the camper. _  
  
_“I’m gonna… damn… I’m going to cum if you don’t stop…” Julia begged as Jess leaned forward, laying on her body fully, moving up and down so that their nipples rubbed together too, increasing the friction and sensation in Julia's body._  
  
 _“It’s ok… we have all night… I hope you cum…a lot…” Jess breathed into Julia’s ear and it sent Julia over the edge._  
  
 _She came hard, her body shaking under Jessica as Jess wrapped her arms around Julia and rode it out with her._  
  
 _They collapsed together on the now completely sheetless bed, and Julia tried to catch her breath as Jess laid her head on her chest, drawing circles around her nipple gently._  
  
 _“Holy…god. That was… next level.” Julia looked down at Jess and Jessica smiled, kissing her chest before she laid her head back down and whispered, “I know.”_  
  
 _Julia held her tight, and they laid there in silence before Julia said, “I can’t believe I get to spend the rest of my life with you…”_  
  
 _“Believe it, Babe. It’s you and me. Forev… yeah.” Her voice dropped off and Julia felt a sinking feeling in her stomach, but she brushed it off.  
  
She stuck her hand in the air, staring at her ring as she smiled wide. _  
  
_"It's perfect, Jess. You did so good. It's so me..."_  
  
 _Jessica sat up and said, “I did get you a little something else… well, us.” She leaned over the bed, pulling out a long black box._  
  
 _Julia sat up cautiously and chuckled._  
  
 _“What is that…?”_  
  
 _Jessica smirked and wiggled her eyebrows as she opened it, revealing three shiny new toys._  
  
 _“Ohh whoa… Jess… we’ve never…”_  
  
 _  
Jessica giggled._  
  
 _“I KNOW! But I’ve always wanted to, and we’ve never gotten engaged before either so… I thought this might be a night for new things all around?” She bit her cheek nervously, and Julia smiled._  
  
 _“Ok. Together forever, right?”_  
  
 _Jessica smiled a small smile._  
  
 _“Together.” She leaned over and kissed Julia deeply, making Julia feel heady._  
  
 _“So… what’s first?”_  
  
___________________  
  
 **Julia** : [wipes away multiple tears] I don’t know how I was so blind. I really don’t. Looking back now, I was an absolute idiot.   
  
  
**Jessica** : Jules, don’t say that. [Tears stream down her face] That night was perfect. So was that next morning. We woke up tangled up in each other and then you made…  
  
  
 **Julia** : Pancakes… Just like my dad used to.  
  
  
 **Jessica** : And they are still the best damn pancakes in the world. They can fix anything...  
  
  
 **Julia** : Apparently not. [sniffs quickly and pauses] Were we… were we ever real? Did you ever love me? Or was I just convenient?  
  
  
 **Jessica** : JULIA! I STILL DO LOVE YOU! I don’t know how many times I can say it or how many times I can apologize before you’ll stop punishing me. I made a mistake. A horrible, tragic, awful mistake, but you are my person. I chose you all those years ago, and I still choose you.  
  
  
 **Julia** : It doesn’t feel like it.  
  
  
 **Jessica** : Please… baby, please… let me come home. Let’s talk about this in person and not through a screen.  
  
  
 **Julia** : [clears her throat] No, we’re in lockdown. No one is going anywhere. And I think we are done here for now.  
  
  
 **Jessica** : [nods as more tears fall] I just need to ask one more thing. Why did you take your ring off?  
  
  
 **Julia** : Because you sure as hell didn't have a problem doing it. I figured it was my turn.  
  
  
 **Jessica** : Yeah... I think we're done here for now.


	24. Chapter 24

**Jagger Dunne, interim narrator** : _My sister Julia, is dealing with some personal things at the moment and needs to step back for a bit. But I know how much this story means to her, and since I have nothing else to do at the moment, I will be filling in for her until she is ready to come back. I don’t know what kind of shit I’m going to find out, so bear with me._  
  
  
 **Daisy** : Hey, Baby. This is… um… I don’t know how I feel about this. I think we should just wait for Julia.  
  
  
 **Billy** : Yeah, I agree.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [sighs] Look, this whole thing sucks donkey eggs. I mean, Jessica got her into this whole emotional mess, but come on guys. I read the first book. Not sure there’s anything left to be embarrassed about. Let’s just get our shit together and do this for her, ok?  
  
  
 **Camila** : I still can’t believe Jessica did that. The absolute nerve to go and…  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Aunt Cami, I think we need to let Julia talk about this whenever she’s ready, ok? It’s not our story to tell.  
  
  
 **Graham** : Well I’ll be damned, look at you being all nice and sensitive.   
  
  
**Jagger** : Hey, don’t get used to it. [laughs] But she’s my sister. God knows she’s put up with enough of all of our shit. We can rally for her.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : You already know more shit about me than she does anyway, so this is actually easier.   
  
  
**Jagger** : Ok. So… I think it left off in Christmas of… [bites his cheek as he thinks hard]  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : 1999.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Hey beautiful.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : [cold and short] Hi.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : Ok. [exhales deeply] For Julia.   
  
  
**Camila** : Christmas of ’99. That was… a year. I mean, overall it was beautiful. Jess had just proposed to Julia, and my girl was so happy. I had never seen her so happy in my life. And that’s really all a mom can ask for, you know? You and Chelsea were also quickly falling for each other right in front of our eyes. She was good for you, J. We all loved her. We still do.   
  
  
**Jagger** : I know…  
  
  
 **Camila** : But there was some hard stuff to sort out too. Like the fact that my baby boy was celebrating his birthday far away from me with a family that he considered normal and not as stressful as ours. Which hurt. I was raised to believe that family comes first before everything. We tried the best to instill that into our kids, and I know your mom and dad did the same with you boys. So when Tyler just left, without telling anyone by the way…  
  
  
 **Jagger** : He told Soph.  
  
  
 **Camila:** Ok, with only telling one person… that hurt this mama’s heart. And then there was this big elephant in the room from the camper.   
  
  
**Jagger** : The camper?  
  
  
 **Billy** : Go back and read Julia’s notes, kid. We’re not reliving that again.  
  
  
 ***5 minutes later***  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Ah. Got it. The camper. Go on.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : We had never talked about it. All three of us just sort of…brushed it under the rug I guess. But I hadn’t been able to step foot in it without one of you kids, from that day on. And there was a heaviness in the air that we still didn't talk about that day. It had been so long, there was no point. But the hurt was still there.   
  
**  
Jagger** : How could you do that to my mom?  
  
  
 **Billy** : It was just a kiss, Jag. It didn’t mean anything.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I would beg to differ. And after all the shit you gave me with Treena…  
  
  
 **Billy** : Because you were with Chelsea and she didn’t deserve that!  
  
  
 **Jagger** : YOU WERE WITH MOM! She didn’t deserve it either.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : Ok. Yeah, this is going to be a lot more uncomfortable without Julia.   
  
  
**Camila** : I’m sorry it happened. I mean… I’m not, but I am. [sighs] It was complicated.  
  
  
 **Graham** : I didn’t know. I wish I still didn’t.  
  
  
 **Billy:** I was happy to hand over that camper to Jules and Jess. It wasn’t… it wasn’t what it used to be for me. For us. It needed new life. I’m glad they were able to give it that.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Whatever. Moving on from all of this decades old shit that you three are still working on.   
  
  
**Tyler** : Ok. So… since no one ever really asked me how my trip to Nashville was… I guess I’ll start there. It felt like home. Grace made every day feel special. Her older brother James… he was really cool. He played football at Northwestern, so none of her family had seen him much for a while. Her dad was still based in North Carolina, and her big sister, the oldest of the bunch, was married and living in Texas. So they were all spread out. But they all came to Nashville for Christmas and essentially, my birthday. We went to the Opryland hotel for their Christmas lights display, ate the most incredible food, played games, watched movies… and Grace and I played music together. A lot of music. I played the guitar while she plunked away on a keyboard and we all sang Christmas songs around the fireplace all night. I had forgotten just how much I missed it… I don’t mean to make anyone feel bad, but it was perfect, and I don’t think a Christmas in Pittsburgh would have been better than that.   
  
____________________  
 **  
Christmas Eve, 1999 – Nashville, Tennessee**  
  
  
 _“Today was perfect.” Tyler whispered as he stroked Grace’s hair. She was laying with her head on his stomach in front of the fireplace, the heat from the fire keeping them warm._  
  
 _The whole family was in bed, but they couldn’t sleep._  
  
 _Grace tilted her head up and smiled her bright, dimpled smile._  
  
 _“It really was. You are so talented, Ty. I don’t know why you haven’t gone back to the band... I know the guys would take you back in a heartbeat.”_  
  
 _Tyler sighed as he sat up, bending a knee and resting his arm on it._  
  
 _“I want to. I do. But…” His voice broke as he looked down at the carpet._  
  
 _“Hey…hey…” Grace sat up and put her hand on his cheek._  
  
 _“That was not your fault. Don’t you dare blame yourself for that.” Her voice was soft and comforting and Tyler let a cry escape him._  
  
 _“There was so much blood, Grace. She could have… if Daisy hadn’t… and I wasn’t there. I didn’t know. I hadn’t seen that my little sister was so depressed, that she wanted to die. That’s MY fault. I’m supposed to protect her.” A couple of tears fell down his face and Grace wiped them away gently._  
  
  
 _“No one could have known, Ty. Depression and mental health… it can be a silent battle. Especially when you’re a teenager and don’t know how to process everything. Gracious, it’s hard enough at nineteen to sort through the bad stuff. Mental health issues… it’s a disease. It’s not something you could have fixed just by being around. She needed help, and she’s getting it, and you know why?”_  
  
 _Tyler looked up at her cautiously._  
  
 _“Because YOU called 911. You sprung into action when she needed you the most. You did protect her. You were, and are the big brother that she needs, but that doesn’t mean that your life has to stop because she got sick. She’s going to be ok, and so are you. But I know that she would want you to be happy, doing what you love with the people you love more than anything in the world.”_  
  
 _Her face was serious but Tyler smirked and said, “Yeah but… you’re not in the band so…not everyone.”_  
  
 _Grace sat up straighter._  
  
 _“What?” Her eyes were slowly beginning to well as Tyler sat up fully and smiled at her softly, taking her hand in his and bringing it to his lap._  
  
 _“I love you, Grace Elizabeth River. More than anything else in this world. You came into my life just when I needed you most and when I’m with you… I can breathe. I’ve never fully felt like I’ve fit in anywhere. The downside of being adopted, I guess... But with you… you feel like home. I love you. So much.”_  
  
 _Tears were rolling down Grace’s face as she laughed through her tears._  
  
 _“Well it’s about time!”_  
  
 _Tyler laughed too as he wiped his eyes with his palm. Grace leaned forward and kissed him softly, but deeply._  
  
 _She pulled back and whispered, “I love you too, Tyler William. You’re my guy. Forever. Now… go back to that band you love, knowing that I’ll be right there, even if it’s just in spirit because we’re on opposite ends of the country touring, cheering you on the loudest.”_  
  
 _Tyler rested his forehead on hers as he whispered, “Maybe. Soon. But… I’m not ready yet.”_  
  
 _Grace pulled back and gave him a sympathetic smile as she nodded._  
  
 _“Ok. Just promise me that you’ll never let that fire and love for music die out, ok?”_  
  
 _Tyler nodded and kissed her again._  
  
 _“I promise.”_  
  
________________  
  
 **Jagger** : _Back at the messy Dunne compound, we were all gearing up to play in Times Square for New Year’s Eve. It was a big deal for us anyway, but somehow that year felt even bigger. It was the start of a new millennium, and it felt like our world was in a major shift. There was a big mix of excitement and panic of the unknown, but DUNNE felt like it was our responsibility to bring hope to people. So that’s what we tried to do._  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : I never would have imagined I would be performing on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rocking Eve, back when I was just a little girl on different military bases. That night was a dream come true.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : It was probably one of our best performances. We did four songs total. One off of each of our albums, then we sang “ **Let it Be** ” by the Beatles. That… that still sends shivers down my spine. Hearing the voices of everyone in Times Square singing that song back to us… we were one. We were one human race, stepping into the unknown of a new millennium together. Lighters and cell phones were in the air and it was just… peaceful. I’ve never had a professional moment quite as profound as that moment, since.   
  
  
**Chelsea** : “… _And when the broken hearted people/ living in the world agree/There will be an answer/let it be_.” Yeah… that was the perfect song choice for that moment. We didn’t know what the next thousand years would look like, but it felt like somehow, no matter what came… we would be ok. I still sing that song to myself often.   
  
  
**Jagger** : It’s Aunt Cami’s favorite song…  
  
  
 **Camila** : Ohh Lord, is It ever. I don’t think there’s been a song to this day that brings me as much peace as that one does. I was a mess watching you play it. You with just a guitar… Dylan and Chelsea harmonizing perfectly… then the crowd singing it for you… I can still cry thinking about it.  
  
  
 **Billy** : I had never been prouder. That was one hell of a moment.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : I still have the VHS somewhere. Probably like three copies. I made Camila record it and go to our house to record it on every tv there too. I was so proud of my babies!  
  
  
 **Tyler** : That was epic. It was weird watching it onscreen in Tennessee when a part of me wanted to be there jamming with you, and it only gave fuel to Grace to push me to go back to the music even more... but when you guys played "Let it Be", I think the whole world felt peaceful. I know we did.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : It was an incredible night. But then you…  
  
  
 **Jagger** : …Saw Treena.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : [nods]  
  
  
 **Dylan** : Want to know a real cock blocker? Treena Jackson.  
  
  
 **Jagger:** HEY. Watch it.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : What? It’s the truth. And if you’re going to be fake Julia for a few days, you get to hear all of my real thoughts. You were doing so great with Chelsea… then little miss model walks by and…  
  
  
 **Jagger:** Dylan. Enough.  
  
  
 **Susana** : It was my fault. I had been really connecting with Treena as I was getting into modeling and I wanted to see my brothers rock it so… I invited her. She had been around for a good chunk of my life, and even though we hadn’t been close or anything, I felt close to her when I was in that industry. Kind of like when you see someone from school outside of school, and even if you don't know them, you automatically feel like you know them. We had… we had been helping each other through some major shit. All revolving around food… but… she became a really good friend to me. She still is.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : You know, it's crazy. When I watch Susana and Treena together, I see a lot of me and Simone. It was an out of the blue friendship that formed, but I think it came at just the right time for both of them. They still lean on each other, and that’s sweet.   
  
  
**Chelsea** : You saw Susana first. I remember because you lit up like a Christmas tree. You’ve always loved her so much, so we were all excited. Then… Treena popped out from behind her. And she looked… healthy. A lot healthier than that day I saw her in your suite or in the alleyway. But you… you change whenever she is around. It can feel like... like I'm invisible.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I'm sorry...  
  
  
 **Dylan** : You froze. You literally went white and Chelsea had to watch that. Not cool, dude.  
  
__________________  
  
 **December 31 st, 1999 – New Year’s Eve. New York**  
  
  
 _“Jagger… hi.” Treena smiled shyly as she reached for Jagger and gave him an awkward hug that he pulled away from quickly.”_  
  
  
 _“Uh…Treen. Hi.”_  
  
 _  
“Great show, guys. Really next level.” Treena looked behind him to Dylan and Chelsea who just smiled and gave her a nod._  
  
 _Jagger cleared his throat as he reached for Chelsea, pulling her around to his side as he said, “You remember my girlfriend Chelsea, don’t you?”_  
  
 _Treena smiled uncomfortably and bit her lip as she said, “Yeah… I do. Hi. I’m… I’m sorry for last time. I know that probably wasn’t the best first impression. It's nice to meet you.” She stuck her hand out to Chelsea and Chelsea took it, shaking it and smiling softly._  
  
 _“It’s ok. Nice to meet you… again.”_  
 _  
  
Dylan, sensing some underlying tension, put his arm around Chelsea and said, “Let’s go find some food up in this joint. I'm starving."_  
  
 _They walked away, but not before Chelsea looked back at Jagger, who was in a deep conversation with Treena, completely oblivious to her._  
  
 _“Hey, it’ll be ok. He loves you. Trust me. I know my brother.” Dylan gave her shoulder a squeeze and she smiled appreciatively._  
  
\--------  
  
 _“You… you look good, T.” Jagger’s voice was quiet as he wrapped his arms around his body as if to protect himself._  
  
  
 _“Not like a sick toothpick anymore? Thanks.” Treena snorted._  
  
 _“I never said that…” Jagger’s voice cracked and Treena softened, her wall quickly falling._  
  
 _“Sorry. That wasn’t fair. And hey, look, boobs are back.” She pointed to her chest and chuckled, trying to lighten the mood, but Jagger winced and looked down at the ground._  
  
  
 _Treena felt emotions overtaking her quickly and she crossed her arms instantly, forcing herself to choke them down._  
  
  
 _“I miss you, Treen.” Jagger whispered to the ground, and Treena felt a sob rising as she dropped her arms and moved to Jagger. He opened his arms instinctually and she wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his chest as he kissed the top of her head. She started to cry softly as she croaked out, “I miss you so much it hurts. I’m so sorry, J. So, so sorry.”_  
  
 _He held her tight for awhile before Billy and Daisy found them, breaking up the moment._  
  
 _“Heyyy, baby girl.” Daisy’s voice was soft as she stretched her arms out to Treena, who quickly moved from Jagger to Daisy._  
  
 _“You killed it tonight, Jag. Nice work. You did good.” Billy slapped Jagger on the back before he grabbed his shoulder and squeezed, as Jagger smiled sheepishly._  
  
 _“Thanks, Dad.”_  
  
 _“It’s like twenty minutes until the clock strikes midnight and the ball drops. Do you two want to stay here, or can we take you out to eat somewhere?” Daisy’s eyes were wide with excitement._  
  
  
 _“It’s almost midnight mom. On New Year’s eve. I don’t think anything will be open anyway.” Jagger's voice was serious._  
  
 _Treena laughed out loud._  
  
 _“Jag, it’s New York. It’s not called the city that never sleeps for no reason. What kind of food do you want because I am starving!” Treena smiled confidently and Jagger felt his heart swell. She was eating and actually excited about it now. He wasn’t going to say no to that._  
  
 _Susana walked up and said, “Did I hear something about food? Because I would kill for some fries right now. Or pizza…”_  
  
 _They all started laughing at how serious and confused Susana seemed in her decision making._  
  
 _“Well Dylan will want a burger and Chelsea will want pizza so… can we find both?”_  
  
 _Susana smiled._  
  
 _“Let’s just go back to our apartment. Wake Maria up so we can watch the ball drop and order way more food than we can eat?!”_  
  
 _Billy laughed loudly._  
  
 _“My wallet is going to feel this, isn’t it?”_  
  
 _Daisy slapped him and said, “That sounds perfect. Lead the way.”_  
  
 _Jagger stopped in his tracks._  
  
 _“I’ve gotta go find Chels and Dyl. We’ll catch up with you.”_  
  
 _Billy shook his head._  
  
 _“No need. I called him. They’re already halfway to the apartment already.”_  
  
 _Jagger’s mouth turned down in surprise._  
  
 _“Huh. Ok. Cool.”_  
  
 _Without thinking, Treena moved to wrap an arm around Jagger’s waist as they walked, and he let her._  
  
 _Daisy shot Billy a look, and Billy just shrugged._  
 _  
“He’ll figure it out.” Billy whispered into her ear, but Daisy had a sinking feeling that her son was about to enter a hurricane of a mess._  
  
  
_______________________  
  
 **Maria:** Do you know who stays up to watch a stupid ball drop on New Year’s eve? Weirdos. Not people who are working on getting their Master’s degree. I was not a happy camper when the whole troupe of family came barging into our apartment.   
  
  
**Dylan** : I didn’t even know that Treena had moved in with them. That was news to me.  
  
  
 **Treena** : It was the only way to get Simone off of my back. You think she was bad before? Having to be checked into a facility for eating disorders made her a next level helicopter mom. I needed to breathe. Your sisters helped me with that.   
  
  
**Jagger** : We ate so much food. Chelsea and Treena made small talk any time they couldn’t avoid each other, and Maria glared at us with this fiery hate fire the whole night because she just wanted to sleep. [laughs] Then… it was the year 2000. How trippy is that?  
  
  
 **Jessica** : 2000 was a big year for us. It was the year Jules and I had our commitment ceremony, and it was the year that we started talking about options to start a family. I knew I wanted kids with Julia. There isn’t a better person alive to raise children with. We started talking about adoption seriously. And then surrogacy. And while those are all amazing, beautiful options… we both wanted to be moms biologically. We didn’t think that the fact that one of us didn’t have a penis should stop us from carrying children. So… we started looking into sperm banks and different donors. Julia wanted to get pregnant first, and I knew she was going to be sexy as hell pregnant, so I was all for it. We reviewed lots of charts and profiles until we found one that just felt…right. Like yes, that is the other half of our baby on a page. It was a long and grueling process, but a year later… on September 10th, 2001… Kyle Dunne Rodriguez was born. A happy, healthy, bouncy 8 pound, 6 ounce baby boy with a head full of dark hair and Julia’s eyes. I didn’t know how life could get better.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Then the next day… the world turned to shit.


	25. Chapter 25

  
**Billy** : We all remember where we were that day.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : That day… that changed our country.  
  
  
 **Warren** : That ended up being one of the… no, THE worst day of my entire life.  
  
  
 **Susana** : I don’t even like talking about it.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : It was… I don’t even know how to describe that kind of… yeah.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : It was horrific.  
  
  
 **Julia** : I was one day post partum. Honestly, probably not even a full twenty-four hours. I was sore, and exhausted, and I was trying to nurse this beautiful new life… I was so heavy headed, and he wasn’t latching and he had a wicked case of colic right out of the gate… [tears begin to fall] but he was perfect and a new life always brings so much hope. But I’ll never forget… I’ll never forget that moment. I had handed Kyle to Jess so that I could try to eat something and just give my arms a break for a minute, and I asked her to turn on the tv. The first plane had already hit the first tower… and I thought we were watching a movie.  
  
  
 **Graham** : 5:46am. That’s the time the first plane hit. Well, for us. We were, of course, in LA, and I am never up that early. But for some reason, I heard Soph up getting ready for school, and I just wanted to spend some time with her. It was like my gut just somehow knew that something was wrong, but I had no idea what. So, I got up, heard her in the shower, and went into the kitchen to make her a big breakfast. I just wanted to. Breakfast was always a special thing in our house growing up. It was the one thing our mom knew how to do when she was actually around, and since she usually just threw a pizza at me and Billy, when she would make us eggs and toast and bacon… it meant something. Billy’s thing is pancakes. Mine is waffles. So I started making her favorite kind; chocolate chip, and I just casually turned on the tv to see what was on while I cooked. It was everywhere. The first plane had literally JUST hit before I turned on the TV, and my first thought was that it was a little too early to be showing a war movie on tv. It took a few minutes for it to register.  
  
  
 **Tyler** : I smelled bacon, so that woke me up. I came out of my room to see mom and dad sitting at the kitchen bar…just shell shocked. I didn’t know what happened, but I knew it wasn’t good.  
  
\---------------------------  
  
  
 **Julia/Narrator** : _**On September 11 th, 2001, the United States of America faced the single deadliest terror attack in human history, when Al-Qaeda launched a series of four coordinated attacks against us. Two planes bound for California were hijacked and crashed into the North and South towers respectively, of the World Trade Center in Manhattan. Another plane crashed into the Pentagon, and another was headed for the White House in Washington D.C. when passengers bravely rallied to fight back against terrorism, ultimately crashing in a field in Pennsylvania. It shook a nation to its core, and is still remembered, even now, as a time of unity in America, as politics were put aside, and a country came together to mourn the almost 3,000 lives lost. Our hearts are forever with the families who lost people in the towers, the planes, or in the aftermath and cleanup. We mourn with those who mourn, including our very own Warren Rhodes. As previously mentioned in the “Then and Now” portion of my last book, Warren lost his wife, Lisa Crowne on September 11th when she was visiting her sister at her job in the North tower. Her sister, Sarah, worked on one of the main floors that was hit, resulting in an instant end. Warren, and members of The Six, started a full ride scholarship for underprivileged kids to the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts in her name, and have helped countless children go on to live their dreams because of her.** _  
  
  
\---------------------------  
  
  
 **Warren** : Billy was the first person I called. If that tells you anything about how close we became as a band and a family all of those years. I didn’t call my parents, I called Billy. He happened to be in Pitt when this all happened, and he got to New York as soon as he could. Before I could even ask him to come, he was on his way. Thank God he was that close. Lisa and I were supposed to visit her sister in October. OCTOBER. But some plans changed, and an opportunity came up for us to go to New York earlier… [pauses and swallows hard] I should have said no. I should have kept our original plan. We should have… we should have gone in October. But we didn’t. I was staying in at the hotel because I was tired and I didn’t really want to hang around an office building anyway, so I said I would meet them for lunch. I should have gone… or I should have kept her with me here, or… I should have… God. [tears begin to fall quickly] I woke up and turned on the news and didn’t even know if she was ok, or injured or dead or what. I couldn't even believe what I was seeing in front of my eyes. I didn’t want to think the worst, but it was like a bomb had exploded in my chest and I couldn’t breathe.  
  
  
 **Billy** : Warren called me, and I was on the road before I could even hang up the phone. I had already been panicking as it was because my girls were in New York too. Susana and Maria lived a few blocks away from all of that, but still too close for comfort. I had called and called, and no one was answering. That sent my anxiety through the roof. I called Camila and she was in shock. She was still Camila though. She was calm and steady and spoke in a soft voice, but I knew. I knew she was just as panicked and worried about your sisters. I was so upset that I wasn’t in San Fran for Kyle’s birth because I had planned on it, but of course, he came early. But I was equally thankful that I was as close to New York as I was because I needed to be there for Warren, and I needed to find my baby girls.  
  
  
 **Graham** : Camila got off of the phone with Billy and I… I still curse myself for this… I hadn’t even thought about Susana and Maria. I don’t know how. I just… I was in shock and I wanted to keep Ty and Sophia home because of course, Tyler’s first thought was how to get to Grace, and Sophia was still getting ready for school. [sighs] Camila told me that she needed to get to New York, but when she told me about Warren too, I told her that I needed to go instead. I wanted to check on the girls too, and I knew that our kids would need her there for them during this kind of trauma more than me, so I started looking up flights. Which of course, you couldn’t get after that unless you owned private. That was one thing, surprisingly, that we as a band, or even Billy and I, had never done. Bought a private plane. Never really had the need to. We rented when needed, but for a long time, Runner paid for all of that for us. Then RCA did for the boys so… it wasn’t a necessity. But it was going to be the only way, so…I called Jagger. I had to call my nephew just to get somewhere. That was weird. [chuckles]  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Chelsea had moved in with me in December of ’99, and life was awesome. We were co-existing great, and it was amazing to have my best friend there when I woke up every morning. My parents weren’t thrilled at first that their eighteen year old, almost nineteen, was moving in with his older girlfriend and leaving the nest, but they never fought me on it. We had been in our house on Venice beach for almost two years, and it was honestly the first place that had ever really felt like home to me. I didn’t have to answer to anyone, and I wasn’t tempted to do any of the stupid things like booze and drugs, because Chels didn’t. She didn’t care if I wanted to drink, but she was completely against the drugs and honestly, she made it easy to stay away from all of it. She is so sweet and compassionate and understanding and just… easy going. And the sex… the sex was mind blowing. [laughs softly] I had woken up at like 1am on September 11th to piss, and my phone had a million text messages from Jessica giving the family updates on Julia and Kyle. Chels and I planned on road tripping it up to San Francisco later that day to meet my new nephew, so when I woke up to Uncle Graham calling me, I figured that’s what he was wanting to talk about. I was so tired. So was Chels. So I hit the volume button a few times to send him to voicemail, but he didn’t stop. I finally answered, and that’s when he told me what was happening. I called Clarence immediately and we had a plane within an hour. I thought about my sisters…and Uncle... err...uh... Warren… but I also thought about…Treena. I had to make sure she was ok.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : Billy had gone to Pitt to check on the store. It was only supposed to be a short trip. A day or two tops. So I had decided to stay back home in LA because we all knew Julia could give birth at any moment, and Dylan was still living at home and the boys actually weren’t touring for once, so I was enjoying some time with my baby boy. But Julia… when I saw that second plane hit… I just wanted our family to be together. All of us. Together, safe… [wipes a tear away] I woke Dylan up, didn’t tell him anything, but just made him get in the car in his sleepy haze, and I drove to Camila and Graham’s. It was the only family I could think of that was close enough. When we got there, Sophia was crying on the couch laying on Tyler's lap, while Camila and Graham were talking and making plans quietly in the kitchen. Karen and Eddie were there too. I was so out of the loop. I hadn’t talked to Billy, so I didn’t know about Warren, and my phone was acting weird so I… I didn’t even know Kyle had been born. That made me so sad. Jagger called me and asked if I was going to New York, and I didn’t even know what to say because I didn’t know what was going on.  
  
  
 **Eddie** : We had to go, you know? The country was up in fucking flames, and our brother needed us. Karen and I didn’t even talk about it. We just threw some stuff into a backpack without saying any words, and just drove to Graham’s. We knew he would know what to do.  
  
  
 **Karen** : I was worried for Warren, but I was worried the most for Camila. Her girls were in New York, and I was never really a mom to anything or anyone other than the kids I taught music to down on Skid Row, but I couldn’t imagine what that would be like to have your babies so far away when terrorists are on the loose. I figured she wouldn’t be able to get to New York, so… I wanted to go for her. I didn’t know how, but I knew I needed to get there. Who would have thought Jagger would be the one to get us there?  
  
  
 **Daisy** : Jagger and Chelsea came over, and that morning was a whirlwind blur. Graham packing frantically, Karen and Eddie trying to book a hotel when the world had just exploded, Camila praying every prayer and rosary she could think of… Chelsea comforting Sophia while Dylan and Tyler talked each other down from enlisting in the military right then and there. We quickly decided that Chelsea, Camila and I would stay in LA with everyone else, and also send some of our crew to San Fran to see Julia and Jessica and make sure they were ok. Graham, Eddie, Karen and Jagger were going to go to New York and touch base with Billy, who would have hopefully made contact with the girls and taken them to Warren’s hotel. We just knew we needed to stay together as a family, even if that was in little groups across the country from one another.  
  
  
 **Susana** : I didn’t pick up the phone when my dad called because I was already on the phone with Warren. I had gotten close to him and Lisa over the years, and when they were planning on coming into town, we had planned to meet up for lunch at some point. I remembered Lisa casually mentioning that her sister worked in one of the towers, so I panicked when I saw the news and I called him immediately to make sure they were ok. Lisa wasn’t with him and he was in a full blown panic attack. I told him that we would be right over because I knew this was a job for Maria. I didn’t care about my phone, I just wanted to make sure he was ok.  
  
  
 **Maria** : I was new to the whole psychology thing, but Warren needed us something bad. Of course we went.  
  
  
 **Treena** : My first thought… my only thought… was Jagger. I didn’t know where he was, if he was ok, if he was hurt… I panicked. And my mom was back in LA too, so I really felt all alone. Susana and Maria were so focused on Warren… rightfully so, but…they kind of just forgot I was even there. I just sat in our apartment all by myself, blasting DUNNE records while I tried to convince myself everything would be ok. I laid on the couch with my feet up against the brick wall and just belted out “Shadows” over and over again. I just wanted Jagger.  
  
  
  
 **Jagger** : It was a blur when we got to New York. I couldn’t tell you how we got to Warren’s hotel, but we did. It was a bigger relief than I had even expected when my sisters opened the door. I hugged them tighter than I ever had before and I didn’t want to let them go. I was… I was surprised that Treena wasn’t with them though. I thought they would have stayed together.  
  
  
 **Eddie** : Warren looked like shit. I’ve never seen him like that. There was no official confirmation of Lisa and Sarah’s deaths, but he knew what floor Sarah worked on and… it was obvious. Then when the building actually fell? Fuck. There was no getting around that. You know I don’t think I had ever seen Warren Rhodes cry before in my life. Ever. He smiled all the time and was the chillest guy around. Usually always had a joint in his hand and he didn’t let anything bother him. Any shit that was thrown his way rolled off his back like water on a duck. But this… this broke him. I just made it my mission to keep him fully stocked with booze and weed. It was the least I could do.   
  
  
**Warren** : I couldn’t breathe. Hell, I couldn’t even see straight. But my guys… and Karen… Susana... and the kids… God… they held me up, you know? Let me cry. Cried with me. Made me feel like I wasn’t alone even though I felt like I was drowning. And you know who really got through to me? Like really made this [hits his head with his knuckles] not spiral too bad? Maria. That little bouncy baby with dark skin and hair and big brown doe eyes that I used to throw up in the air when I was just a 20 something kid myself, and catch her as she laughed and laughed… that little girl helped this old geezer find some hope and peace again. She still does. We still have a standing check-in appointment every Thursday at 4pm. Nineteen years now.   
  
  
**Susana** : It was while we were all hanging out with Warren that I got a text from my friend Amanda who said that two of our friends, Brigette and Leslie had been on flight 11, and had crashed into the North tower. I lost it. I fell to my knees right there. Those girls were my roommates in college. They had musical aspirations and had a gig in Cali later that week. They had actually missed a different flight before that one and ended up on it instead. [bites her lip and shakes her head as she bounces her leg] It’s not fair you know? Not fair at all. They didn’t deserve to die. Lisa didn’t deserve to die. NOBODY FUCKING DESERVED TO DIE. Warren didn’t deserve to go through that hell. He just didn’t. I will never understand how anyone could be SO fucking demented that they…  
  
  
 **Warren** : Hey, hey... It’s ok, baby. I know. It will forever be the worst day of our lives. But then we would have never found each other so... Silver lining in the shittiest situation, you know?  
  
  
 **Susana** : [soft voice] Yeah… I know. But still… I wish you hadn’t lost her. I know how much you loved her.  
  
  
 **Warren** : I did. And I always will a little bit. But you’re my world now and I love YOU more than anything.  
  
  
 **Billy** : Yeah, umm… the two of them... I just... that’s a whole other story that we need to get into later, but let’s stay focused right now because that is… yeah. So. New York. 9/11. Focus.  
  
  
 **Julia** : We will definitely get to that, but I agree.  
I was in such an afterbirth haze that I didn’t know what was going on with anyone. No one was answering their phone, and everyone was running around like crazy. I had no answers, no family there besides Jess and my baby, and I just wanted to go home. I was a hormonal mess, and I wouldn’t put Kyle down because I had this nightmare in my head that terrorists were going to come to the hospital and take him. Completely irrational I know, but I was a mess. Then in walks Daisy and Simone out of nowhere, and I can’t even begin to tell you how calm I became.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : I had called Simone to ask if she had heard from Treena, and she said she had and that she was safe. But she was a mess. She needed a distraction, so I asked if she wanted to drive to San Francisco with me to get some newborn baby cuddles. She was so excited. And you… Jules, you were glowing. So radiant for having just given birth. Both of mine were very traumatic, especially Jag’s, so I didn’t look anywhere near as gorgeous as you did post delivery. [laughs] And that baby boy of yours… I have never seen a more perfect baby in my life. Well, besides your brothers of course, but oh my goodness. That full head of hair! He… he healed our world, Julia. He was so calm and smiley, and that has never gone away.  
  
  
 **Julia** : He really is the best, isn’t he? But you two… you coming to see me when I was in such a low space… you saved my life, Daisy Jones. Again. [smiles]  
  
  
 **Simone** : Girl, you were beautiful! And I’ll never be able to explain how much that baby of yours calmed my heart. I was missing my baby something fierce and I was desperate to get to her, but she didn’t want me to come and I didn’t want to cause her any more stress or anxiety than necessary during something like this, so I agreed. It did help that I knew my Dunnes were heading to New York, but…you know… let her have her freedom. [winks]  
  
  
 **Jagger:** Everyone was focused on Warren and Susana. Obviously. And I was too… but after a point… I had to find Treena. I hadn’t seen her since January when DUNNE was on tour and all of us sibs met up at mom’s French Villa. It had been awkward, but it was fine. But when you’re face to face with thousands of people dying right in front of you… buildings burning, planes crashing and people jumping from buildings out of fear… it snaps you back into reality. And the reality was… I still cared about her.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Is that why you didn’t invite Chelsea to go to New York with you? So you would be free to see Treena?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [pauses] I don’t know.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Jag…  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Probably.  
  
  
 **Treena** : It was 8:30. I hadn’t heard from anyone except the incessant check-in texts my mom sent me every hour. I had watched every Doris Day movie I owned and listened to all three DUNNE albums twice, and I was bored, and sad, and terrified, and tired and… I just wanted someone to hold me. And as if the universe could read my mind, there was a knock on the apartment door. I didn’t even get off the couch for a while. We had some crazy neighbors who would bang on our door for random things often, and I wasn’t in the mood. But the knocking didn’t stop so I remember growling into the air and screaming as I whipped open the door.  
  
  
____________________  
  
 **September 11 th, 2001 – New York**  
  
  
 _“TODAY IS NOT THE FUCKING DAY, DAVID!”_  
  
 _Treena threw open the door, prepared to see her neighbor and his wife rattling on about some conspiracy or asking for some sugar._  
  
 _Instead she saw Jagger Dunne with a veggie pizza in one hand and some chocolate milk in the other._  
  
  
 _“Hungry?” Jagger shrugged his shoulders and the food rose with him._  
  
 _Treena burst into sobs right there and she ran to him, causing him to drop the food._  
  
 _He wrapped his arms around her and held her as she cried._  
  
 _She finally looked up at him and said, “How did you know?”_  
  
  
 _Jagger smiled._  
  
 _  
“That you would be hungry? I’m just that good. And besides, chocolate milk fixes everything, remember?”_  
  
 _Treena’s face was serious._  
  
 _“J…”_  
  
 _Jagger’s face dropped._  
  
 _“I just… I knew I needed to see you. Make sure you were ok. Today… this is hell, Treen. I needed… you. To be ok.”_  
  
 _Treena pulled him closer to her, squeezing him tight, like if she loosened her grip he would be gone._  
  
 _Jagger kissed the top of her head and whispered, “Can we eat now?”_  
  
 _Treena started laughing under him as she nodded and bent down to pick up the now leaking chocolate milk and upside down pizza box._  
  
 _“Let’s go.”_  
  
_________________  
  
 **  
Jagger:** That was probably the best pizza I have ever eaten. [laughs softly]  
  
  
 **Treena** : It was a mess! We had to keep the milk in the sink because it was spurting, and we held our cups up to the leak like it was a spout. Then the pizza had flipped so all of the cheese and toppings came off and stuck to the top of the box, so the bottom was just bread and sauce. [laughs] We would take a bite of bread and take a fingerful of toppings and eat it in sections. It was horrible and wonderful at the same time and everything we needed in that moment.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Is that all that happened? Just pizza and chocolate milk?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : …  
  
  
Treena: … Well…  
  
  
 **Julia** : Jagger…Did you two sleep together?  
  
  
 **Jagger:** [sighs] Fuck.  
  
  
 **Julia** : You fucked?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : No! I meant fuck like this is a fucking mess. But also… yeah. Yeah we did.  
  
  
 **Julia** : [glares] How could you do that to Chelsea? While she was in LA taking care of our family, you’re fucking your ex? How dare you.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : HEY. Back off. You know, you probably shouldn’t be the one talking to me about all of this given your current shitty relationship status. How IS Brian anyway?  
  
  
 **Julia** : You little shit.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : You can’t come at me about old mistakes when your wife is out there, screwing dudes and getting pregnant by them. That is fucked up. This was a long time ago and it’s not fair for you to pin your anger on me. Get over yourself, Jules, or I’m not going to tell you shit anymore.  
  
  
  
 **Julia** : [tears falling rapidly] Sorry. You’re right. That wasn’t fair. No judgement. But that doesn’t give you a right to be a dick to me either. Now. Please…continue.  
  
  
 **Treena** : I hadn’t felt loved like that in…a long time. Yeah I had had sex with other guys in between, but Jagger… that was love. Especially the older we got, the more real it was. We made love that night and it got us through… but then… when he thought I was asleep… he called her.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : He called me at midnight my time. I was up reading, thinking about him and missing him, but not wanting to interrupt whatever might have been going on in New York. I knew he would reach out to me when he could. And he did. He sounded… breathless and emotional and that’s when he asked me.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I told her “I couldn’t imagine my life without her, and after everything that had happened that day, life was so uncertain and unknown and I couldn’t wait a minute more to ask her if she would marry me.”  
  
  
 **Julia** : Oh Jagger…  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I know. I’m a dick, asshole, fuckface, shithead, Jagoff... I've heard them all. That was probably... no, definitely, the worst thing I’ve ever done. I still had the smell of Treena on me when I called Chelsea. I did want to marry her. I had always wanted to marry her. But I think… I think in that moment... I was just afraid. I didn't want to confront any of my feelings and I just asked her out of fear and panic. Trying to escape anything that might make things messy or complicated, by making them messy and complicated. And that wasn’t fair to any of us. Me, Chelsea or Treena…  
  
 **  
Treena** : He had literally made me cum ten minutes before, Julia. I’m sorry for being so blunt, but my legs were still shaking and I was still swollen when he fucking asked his girlfriend to marry him. I can’t even begin to describe to you how that felt. I played it up, pretended that I was asleep, and he… he just left. Not another word. I heard him call her and then I heard him leave. I have never cried so hard in my life.  
  
  
 **Julia** : What did you say?  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : I said yes.


	26. Chapter 26

**Julia** : Honestly, I don’t even know where to start right now. We’ve reached a point in our family story where a lot of shit is about to go down, and I don’t know which path to take.  
  
  
 **Billy** : Well… how did you do it before? With us?  
  
  
 **Julia** : That was different. I didn’t live a lot of those details. I just got to listen. This… all of this… feels more real somehow.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Let me make it easier on you. You want to know about the “triangle”. Hell, everyone will. You’re going to get it out of me eventually so I might as well just offer it up now.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Ok…  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [Sighs] When I left Treena that night… I didn’t even look back. I couldn’t. Because if I did, I would have been with her. Stayed with her. I NEEDED to be with her. But I was in love with Chelsea. I had just asked her to marry me and I felt… confused. And happy. But mostly confused.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Maybe because you asked her over the phone and didn’t even bother to ask her in person?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Or maybe because I was twenty years old with no idea what the hell I was doing. I felt guilty and dirty and… like I had just blown it big time. But I didn’t even fully know with who. I couldn’t let Chels know. I had thought, at first, that maybe I should just tell her and get it out in the open, but let’s be real. I wasn’t that mature. I just wanted to cover my ass.  
  
 **  
Chelsea** : I didn’t know how long he would be gone. Honestly, I didn’t care because I knew he was helping, and I wanted everyone to be ok. I was also helping Sophia not lose her mind because 9/11 hit her hard. Really hard. She had an unexplainable guilt that just came from that tender heart of hers. She internalized everything so she blamed herself for Susana and Maria being in New York, or Jagger and Graham leaving, or Warren being in pain. Things that literally had nothing to do with her. It was so sad, but so sweet. So... I ended up staying at Camila’s house and was relaxing in one of the guest rooms when Jag called and proposed. Looking back, yeah, I definitely should have told him that he needed to come home and ask me properly. But I was in love and I wanted him. I wanted to be a Dunne. He was the love of my life. When I hung up with him, I was floating on cloud nine. But then…my phone rang again, and I thought it would be Jagger, calling me back to be just as excited as I was, WITH me. But it wasn’t.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Did that phone call change things for you?  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : [Sighs] Not at first. But… it started me down a bad path, that’s for sure.  
  
  
__________________________  
  
 **September 12 th, 2001 – 1am, LA**  
  
  
 _“Hey!” Chelsea answered the phone with a huge smile on her face, fully expecting Jagger to be on the other line._  
  
 _“Um…is this... Chelsea?” The voice on the other end was low and sad, with a bit of a rasp._  
  
 _Chelsea’s heart started beating faster as her mind started racing._  
  
 _“It is…” Her voice matching the tone on the other end. She knew who it was. She just didn't know why they were calling._  
  
 _The line was silent for a minute before Chelsea said, “Is this…”_  
  
 _“…Treena. Yeah, it is.”_  
  
 _Chelsea exhaled slowly, her stomach beginning to turn. She had spoken few words over the years to Treena. They were civil, but always awkward. Their mutual love for Jagger Dunne hanging above them like a dark cloud._  
  
 _“Hi…”_  
  
 _“Hi…” Treena’s voice cracked._  
  
 _  
“Can I… help…” Chelsea sighed as she tried to collect her thoughts. “Why are you calling me at 1am, Treena?”_  
  
  
 _Treena was silent for a long time before she said, “I wanted to congratulate you. On your engagement.”_  
  
 _Chelsea’s heart sank, and her mouth went dry. They hadn't told anyone yet. At least, not that she knew of._  
  
 _  
“How did you know about that?”_  
  
 _Treena felt a fire growing in her belly quickly, her anger towards Jagger getting ready to explode onto Chelsea._  
  
 _“I heard him. When he called you. He was here in my apartment.” Her voice was taunting, and Chelsea felt her body begin to tremble as she forced her mind to stay steady._  
  
 _“I know. I figured he would be staying with his sisters. Thank you for your congratulations.”_  
  
 _Treena snorted._  
  
 _“No, actually, Susana and Maria aren’t here. He was here with me. JUST me. He had actually just gotten done fucking ME when he called you. My body is still reeling from his touch right now. But, you know… every happiness to you both.” She spat out her words before she slammed the phone down and wrapped her arms around herself, rocking back and forth as she sobbed._  
  
  
 _Chelsea stared at the phone in her hands, fully shaking now as she pushed down the bile that was rising quickly. Treena had to be lying. She had to be. Jagger would never do that to her._  
  
 _Chelsea suddenly felt alone and bare; out of place in a home that should feel like a second home._  
  
 _She heard some commotion in the kitchen and looked at the clock. 1:30am. Everyone should be asleep._  
  
 _She grabbed her robe and quietly exited her room, heading for the kitchen._  
  
 _Camila was busy making some coffee when she saw Chelsea. She smiled a small, faint smile and waved her in._  
  
 _“Can I get you some coffee?” She whispered loudly._  
  
 _Chelsea wrapped her robe around herself tighter as she thought._  
  
 _“Actually… could I please have some tea?”_  
  
 _Camila smiled._  
  
 _“Of course. Is cinnamon ok?”_  
  
 _Chelsea closed her eyes tight, thinking about all of the cinnamon tea she had shared with Jagger over the years. She smiled softly as she nodded, but her smile quickly turned to soft tears._  
  
  
 _“Oh honey, what’s wrong?” Camila put the tea bag down and moved around the kitchen island to Chelsea, pulling her in for a deep hug._  
  
 _Chelsea wrapped her arms around Camila, letting herself sob into her chest. She had never been that close to Camila outside of family gatherings, but in this moment, she was the comfort and mother figure she needed._  
  
 _She pulled back and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. She moved to a stool at the island and held the hot mug in her hands for a minute before she spilled everything that Treena had said, letting the words hang in the air like the black cloud that they were._  
  
 _Camila exhaled a long deep breath as she rubbed her forehead, moving to sit across from Chelsea. She wanted to help and needed to choose her words carefully, but she also wanted to spare the sweet girl in front of her even half of the pain she had gone through for years, thanks to Jagger Dunne’s father._  
  
 _“Ok. Well. That is a lot. I don’t know how you are keeping it together so well because I would have lost my shit already.”_  
  
 _Chelsea laughed through her tears as Camila continued._  
  
 _“My first recommendation, of course, would be to talk to Jagger about it. You need to hear it from the horse’s mouth, and we all know Treena has had her own issues, on top of being in love with Jagger. Don’t do anything crazy until you know the truth, ok?”_  
  
 _Chelsea nodded as she sniffled._  
  
 _Camila played with her coffee, stirring her spoon mindlessly as she thought about ways to say the next thing she wanted to. She held the mug in both hands as she leaned forward on her elbows and looked at Chelsea, searching her face as she took a deep breath._  
  
 _“But… But if it turns out that this is true, and he has been unfaithful, then… then you have every right to walk away. He is young, I know. But... I have been there. God…have I been there. Being married to Billy Dunne… that was a full time job. And he was a good man. A very good man. A wonderful father. Still is. But I’ve been the woman who finds her boyfriend on a bus getting blow jobs from groupies or waking up with hookers in a bathtub. The woman who has sent her husband off on tour knowing that at any moment he could do something that wrecked us forever. And I’ve dealt with my own Treena. Her name was Daisy Jones.”_  
  
 _Chelsea’s eyes got wide as she took a sip of her tea._  
  
 _“Whoa. I mean… I knew things were crazy. Being an outsider and a kid who was obsessed with The Six’s music, I always knew something was up but… I guess I never knew the extent.”_  
  
 _Camila chuckled._  
  
 _“Honey, no one did. It’s a whole different story when you’re living it. But you know what? I wouldn’t change a thing. Billy is a good man and without him, I wouldn’t have my three girls. Or know Graham. And Graham… Graham Dunne is the best there ever was. He is…everything I wanted, needed and more. So, sweet girl… if Jagger can’t see what he has right in front of him, then you can leave. Take it from me, your Graham is out there too. Trust that, and always remember, you are worth so much more than holding your breath night after night, just praying he comes home to you and not her.”_  
  
  
 _Chelsea looked down at her mug as tears began to fall again slowly.  
  
"But... it's even bigger than us, Camila. If I walk away... I walk away from the band too, and I don't know if I would survive that."_  
  
 _Camila sighed as she nodded in understanding, desperately searching for any words to bring some clarity._  
  
 _Chelsea broke the silence first._  
  
  
 _“You know… I knew Jagger was a mess. I knew that the first minute I met him. He spilled coffee all down my shirt and…” She tilts her head up to the ceiling as she begins to chuckle. “That was only the beginning. I’ve known about the drugs back in the day, and the booze… and Treena. How she was his first and how they grew up together and how… she’s family.”_  
  
 _Camila blew out a breath as she continued to rub her thumbs up and down the side of her mug, waiting for Chelsea to continue._  
  
 _“But he has always been worth it to me. He has loved me so… fiercely. I mean... I was raised by an amazing man. A military man who always provided for his family and kept his priorities as God, family and country, in that order. He has been the perfect example of what a man should be, and he and my mom will have been married for 31 years this December. He was the first one who taught me to never settle. Or at least... he tried."  
  
She paused before continuing.  
  
"When I was fifteen, I did. Settle. I was with this guy… I don’t even want to say his name, but he was not what he seemed to be. He presented himself as this “good Christian” guy, and on paper, he was everything a girl could want. He was what my parents wanted for me too. He was charming and sweet and talented and so caring. Until he wasn’t.” Chelsea’s voice began to shake, and Camila reached across the island, squeezing her hand reassuringly._  
  
 _“He was my first. My first boyfriend, my first love, my first…time. I wasn’t ready to have sex, but he had been pressuring me, and I loved him, so obviously… he won. He was eighteen, so technically, we shouldn’t have been doing that anyway. But we did, and it was horrible. It hurt like crazy and he wasn’t sweet or tender… he just wanted to get off. I bled. A lot. Which grossed him out and he actually got mad at me for it. When it was over, he told me that I couldn’t tell anyone about it, but that it would get better the more we did it. I didn’t want to do it again, but he said that I was dirty now, and that I belonged to him. He had marked me and no one else would want me now anyway." Tears were falling faster as Chelsea looked down at the tea in her mug that was now cold._  
  
 _“Oh honey…” Camila’s voice was soft._  
  
 _Chelsea looked up as she continued._  
  
 _“I thought that this was just the way it was, you know? That it took a while for girls to get used to it, and I believed that he loved me, so of course we should be doing that. He had this switch that he would flip off and on and when it was on, he was this loyal, loving, tender, sweet guy who had our whole future planned and wanted to give me the world. But then when he would switch it off, he was this rough, mean guy who expected me to be a porn star and satisfy him if I loved him and looked at me like I was no good. And I didn’t feel like I could tell anyone because he had made me believe that I WAS dirty and that people would think I’m a slut, but I was also convinced that people would take his side anyway because everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, loved him. He was what I now know is called a twister. He would do something, or say something that was just wrong or hurtful, but he would have a way of making it my fault. And I believed him.”_  
  
 _She took a deep breath, slowly getting to the point of her story._  
  
 _“When I was fifteen… and we had had sex like… four times? I started feeling sick. Really sick. Long story short, I was pregnant. We both panicked. No one knew we were having sex, and since he was technically an adult and I was a minor, he freaked. He told me that I had to have an abortion, and I told him no. I was raised to believe that was wrong. I wanted that baby. But then…”_  
  
 _Camila moved around the island to sit next to her, feeling protective. Flashbacks of talks with Karen Sirko flooding her mind._  
  
 _“He said that if I didn’t, then he would leave me. I was fifteen, Camila. I was so scared, and alone, and brainwashed to believe that this was the man for me, so of course I couldn’t lose him. I told him that I didn’t want to, and if he truly believed in “my body my choice”, then he needed to let me choose. So… he started trying to make me miscarry. He “accidentally” tripped me when I was going down the stairs, he would slip little, tiny bits of rat poison into my drinks, he would “bump” into my stomach with his elbow… it was horrible. I finally decided that for my safety and the safety of my baby who would be born to a man like that, that I would get an abortion and work on fixing our relationship first. He had said so many times that if I didn’t, he would leave me, and I was so young. I couldn’t be a mom then anyway, and I was terrified of my parents finding out… or anyone else finding out. So… I had him take me to the clinic. A few hours and a lot of tears later, I wasn’t pregnant anymore. But here’s the thing…”_  
  
 _She wiped her nose with her sleeve as she tried to catch her breath._  
  
 _“I walked out of the room… looking for him. For a hug, for some reassurance, for…any kind of support or someone to tell me it would be ok. That WE would be ok. But instead… I walked out to an empty waiting room. He was gone. He left me there, by myself. The only thing I had left from him was a letter the receptionist handed me, that he had left with her. If you could even call it a letter. It was a post it note in an envelope that said, “I can’t believe you killed my baby, you murderous bitch”, and it was signed, “We’re done”.”_  
  
 _Tears were streaming down Camila’s face now as she tried to comfort Chelsea._  
  
 _“That really… that really messed me up for a long time. But what’s worse? He’s married now with three kids. He got to move on with his life like nothing happened, while I had to deal with the aftermath in my body, mind and heart.”_  
  
 _She let a sob slip before she quickly held her breath, desperately trying to collect herself._  
  
 _“I’m so sorry for spilling this all out onto you at like 2am, but I guess it’s just been hanging on somewhere deep inside of me, and tonight just uncorked all of these thoughts.”  
  
Camila's face softened._  
  
 _“Oh honey, never apologize. This is why I’m here. After all you’ve done for our family, and specifically Sophia, you can dump as much as you want to on me.” She gave her a small smile as she wrapped an arm around her, pulling Chelsea against her body._  
  
 _Chelsea sniffled as she continued._  
  
 _“That’s why… when Jagger came into my life… he saved me. I had dated a couple of guys after Adrien, but I was so closed off and scared of love. Being a military kid with a high ranking officer for a father, I was made of steel. I got really good at burying things and hiding my pain. That’s why no one has ever known these things about me. But Jagger… he made me feel safe. He made me feel loved and protected and it wasn’t hard to let my walls fall down when he was around. He loved me with no conditions or rules… he just… did. He was the first and only person I had told about my abortion until tonight, and he has never cared or made me feel guilty for it. He has just held me. That’s why I have fought for him. Because he has protected me as much as he can and I owe him the same."  
  
She bit her lip as she thought.  
  
"Tonight… he proposed. Over the phone. And I was so excited…”_  
  
 _Camila pulled away from Chelsea to look at her._  
  
 _“What?!”_  
  
 _Chelsea nodded as she laughed through her tears._  
  
 _“Yeah… and I said yes. Because I love him, Camila. I want to be a Dunne. I’ve wanted to spend my life with him…pretty much since the minute I met him. But now… I’m scared. I can’t go through trauma… even if it's a different kind, again. Not when it comes to love.” She looked up at Camila with eyes that were pleading for an answer of what to do._  
  
 _Camila pulled her close again as she whispered, “Sweetheart… trauma… that can be a part of love. Love is messy and brutal sometimes. People are imperfect and they are prone to hurt others. Especially if your last name is Dunne. It’s in the blood."  
  
Camila took a deep breath as she rested her chin on the top of Chelsea's head.  
  
"Now, I’m not telling you what to do. I can't. That is your decision and your decision alone. I fought for my marriage to Billy for a long time because it was worth it to me. He was worth it. Our girls were worth it, and my pain was secondary. Until he pushed too far, and it wasn’t worth it anymore. But you know what? Letting go of him gave me Graham. So sometimes… I wish I had let go sooner.”_  
  
 _Chelsea sat up and inhaled deeply as she nodded slowly; Camila’s words washing over her._  
  
 _“Bottom line is… I need to talk to Jag.”_  
  
 _Camila nodded as she took a sip of her coffee._  
  
 _“Yeah… I think that’s a start. But Chelsea? Always…and I mean ALWAYS, remember that you are enough without a man, and you are worth more than his mess, ok? You deserve the best. Never settle. You are worth it.”_  
  
____________________  
  
 **Chelsea** : Camila helped me more than I would have ever expected. She went from being Jagger’s Aunt Cami to… Camila Dunne. Badass woman who I began to rely on for a lot while I was in LA. I mean, I loved Daisy. Billy too. But they were Jagger’s parents, and no matter how you spun it, they would subconsciously always take his side. Camila could be unbiased, but she also had the perspective of having been married to a Dunne, only to have it turn bad. I would end up running to her for a lot more over the years…  
  
  
 **Treena** : That night, at like… I don’t know… 3am my time? I called Daisy. I needed to talk to someone who would be on my side, but also Jagger’s. I couldn’t call my mom. She would kill Jagger and then come smother me in the hopes of saving my heart that had just been shattered into a million pieces. I didn’t want that. So… I called Daisy and just like always, she was the best.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : Treena called me early. I don’t remember how early, but it was early enough that it took me a while to straighten out my thoughts. She was bawling and I could barely understand her, but I just understood that Jagger had been there, then he left without saying anything. She was devastated, and I didn’t know what to say. I just let her cry and told her that we loved her. I didn’t have anything to say because Billy had told me to stay out of it. I didn’t want to pick sides.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Did you have a side that you liked better and just couldn’t voice?  
  
  
 **Daisy** : [pauses] Yeah.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Can you tell us now?  
  
  
 **Daisy** : [shakes her head] No… because I’m still waiting to see how this plays out myself.  
  
  
 **Billy** : I was seeing so much of myself in Jag. It was actually scary. He got back to the hotel where we were all staying with Warren at like… damn… like 4am? Who the hell remembers. But he came in and I could tell he was drunk. I didn’t know why, but it was seeping out of his pores and he was blubbering something about needing to go to Tiffany’s in the morning for Chelsea. He fell onto my bed... well actually on top of ME, and woke me up. He was a mess. When I woke up, thanks to him, he said he and Chelsea were getting married and he had to get her a ring. I just brushed it off and figured I’d deal with him in the morning. All of New York was basically shut down anyway after 9/11. It had only been a day. I just figured I'd let him sleep it off. I didn't have the energy for much else.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I was up before anyone else and left to go to Harry Winston’s because I remembered Chelsea always saying that that was where she wanted a ring from. Like it was a dream of hers. Nothing was open in New York and it was eerie as fuck, but that’s when it paid to have the money and name that I did. I made some calls and they got me in right away. I found the perfect ring in five minutes. That’s when I knew… I had made the right choice.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : [holds up a ring between her fingers] This was it. He actually flew home that day. The 12th. Got in late. Didn’t even tell me he was coming. Didn’t actually tell anyone he was leaving. And he was just… different. He was in a weird kind of haze that I hadn’t ever seen him in. He drove straight to Camila’s and he started singing “ **Heaven” by Bryan Adams** outside of the house. It was like 11pm and he was…drunk.  
  
  
 **Camila** : I winced. I knew this wasn’t going to be good. And it was total deja vu. Seeing him like that? It was Billy, circa 1977.   
  
  
**Tyler** : Even I was embarrassed for him. I didn’t know what was happening, but I knew this was going to probably end badly.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : I didn’t want him to wake up the neighborhood. I was already on edge, away from my bed, unsure about what actually happened with him and Treena, rethinking his phone proposal… and he shows up drunk. Playing a guitar that was out of tune and singing at the top of his lungs a song that was supposed to be our song, and my head was spinning. Jagger had left as one person, and a day later he comes home someone completely different. I don’t even know how to explain it. I ran outside to try to get him to be quiet and he grabbed me and kissed me deeply… but it was… different.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : She ran into my arms after I serenaded her. It was a perfect moment. I surprised her by coming back early, and I started playing our song… “ **The Flame” by Cheap Trick** , and she loved it. She ran outside and jumped into my arms, and I got to propose for real. I don’t think it could have been better. It was simple and beautiful.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : What in the actual hell? “The Flame” was NOT our song. And he didn’t propose again. I don't know what dream he was dreaming. He passed out after he slurred his way through “Heaven”, and I dragged him inside with Tyler’s help, where I laid him on my bed and found the ring when I took his pants off. He never actually asked me again.  
  
  
 **Camila** : I swear I was watching Billy junior emerge right in front of me. It took everything in me not to just tell Chelsea to run.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : I know I shouldn’t have done this, but I… I asked J if he slept with Treena while he was trashed and passed out on my bed. I figured that drunk people never lie so… I took a shot.  
  
  
 **Julia** : What did he say?  
  
  
 **Chelsea:** [snorts and rolls her eyes] He said, “who?”. I guess he was better at being drunk than we realized.  
  
  
 **Treena** : Daisy had told me to fight for Jagger. Pick myself up, stop wallowing, and fight. So… I found an airline that was still flying out and on September 15th, I went back to LA. I had to talk to Jagger before he did anything seriously stupid.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : I never told her to fight for him. At least… I don’t think so. I did tell her to pull herself up and focus on herself and what she wanted out of life. I meant career wise but… damn.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : Jagger was back to himself after everything wore off, and I… I chickened out. My courage to call him out and find out the truth vanished, and I didn’t WANT to know what actually happened. When he pulled me close and just held me… It was easy to convince myself that we would be ok. I had just put the ring on my finger myself that night, and it made him so happy. I decided to let it go. [pauses] I shouldn’t have.


	27. Chapter 27

  
**Billy** : We all stayed in New York for a week. Well, all of us but Jag. I wanted to stay longer, but Warren insisted that he would be ok and that we all needed to get back to our normal lives. I told him that Susana, Maria and Treena were close, and that if he needed anything, to ask them or call me. I don’t know why I pushed him towards my daughters more, but he has always been family, you know? I didn’t think anything of it.   
  
  
**Julia** : Why wasn’t Warren leaving? Didn’t he live in LA and have that job on MTV finding the next big drummer or something like that?  
  
  
 **Karen** : [sighs] Yeah, he did. But… he couldn’t leave New York. Not that quickly. He felt like he would be leaving Lisa and he just wasn’t ready for that. I get it. I would have felt the same way. I knew that he needed time alone, not being smothered by all of us jumping at every little thing. He needed time to grieve. But damn… it was hard to leave him. Eddie and I told him that we would come back to check on him in three weeks if he was still there.   
  
  
**Eddie** : I told him that I would make sure he was fully stocked up on the good stuff. That’s a benefit of owning a dispensary. I couldn’t even fucking imagine what it would be like to lose your wife. It was my job to keep him numb. I think he appreciated it. I tried to get him to come back with me and Karen. Crash in a guest room. He couldn’t do it. I offered to get him a couple of hookers to take his mind off of his pain. He wouldn’t do that either. He was just kind of a shell. But we all knew that if anyone could survive this kind of pain, it would be fucking Warren Rhodes.   
  
  
**Maria** : I noticed it first. Call it twintuition, but I could see Susana falling for him. Which was just… weird. We had grown up around Warren. He is an amazing guy, but… he was old. I mean at that time he was like… late 40s? early 50s? I don’t even know specifically. We were twenty-five, and Susana had always had a thing for anyone older. Man, woman, it didn’t matter. She just wanted love. She and Dylan are a lot alike in that way. In my professional opinion, they both have a father complex.   
  
  
**Julia** : In Layman’s terms please?  
  
  
 **Maria** : [smirks] They have big time, Billy Dunne, daddy issues.   
  
  
**Susana** : Oh for fuck’s sake. I’m so sick of her trying to “shrink” me and label me as having issues just because I fell in love. Dear Lord. I do not have daddy issues.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : The fuck? Yeah, I don’t have that.   
  
  
**Warren:** It wasn’t like everyone likes to think or as dramatic as they make it in their heads. Nothing was inappropriate and she wasn’t…ISN’T, a rebound. The press, obviously, had a field day with it when it came out, but it’s been real from the day it became anything.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Ok, well, this is your chance to tell your story. The true story. The story that a tabloid won’t tell. I don’t even really know this story, so I’m curious too.   
  
  
**Susana** : I don’t want people to tear this apart, Jules. I want to protect it. I want to protect us. The things that are already out there… things said about Warren…  
  
  
 **Julia** : Do you really think I would do that to you?  
  
  
 **Susana:** No… but the world might.  
  
  
 **Julia** : The world is always going to have an opinion about something. Take it from me, I know it well. But screw ‘em. This is your life and your story, and you deserve to tell it. Stop giving them the power to create a narrative.   
  
  
**Susana** : [sighs] Ok.  
  
  
 **Warren** : Well… I was a mess after I lost Lisa. I was really numb. Partly thanks to Eddie keeping me stocked on all the good stuff. He brought so much weed with him when he first came to NY that I don’t know how he didn’t get hauled away for it. I guess that’s when having been in a ridiculously successful rock band pays off. No one really questions things because it’s kind of expected. Weird, I know. But thank God for it in that moment. I couldn’t leave. I wanted to. My life was in LA. Well… no, that’s not true. My life was Lisa and everything else was secondary. She was still in New York. So I had to stay in New York. I called my bosses at MTV, and man… they were the greatest. Told me it was no problem. They understood completely and were actually in talks already, figuring out what they would do or how they would replace me if I didn’t come back. They expected it. Phil Collins stepped in for me. And they told me that I had a job at TRL when I was ready to go back to work. That I would always be a part of the MTV family. That meant a lot.   
  
  
**Maria** : We all felt protective. If you knew Warren, you felt protective. Even Treena felt it. She had taken off to LA, but she was back by October 1st, and me, Susana, Treena and my boyfriend at the time Chase, all helped Warren move into this great apartment in Manhattan. I think there was a relief that flooded all of us… getting him out of that hotel. You can’t relax in a hotel. Not really. And that’s where he got the news about Lisa. He needed to get out. Find a new normal. He was family and our mom… Camila… always instilled that in us. You take care of family, no matter how messy or heartbreaking. So we did. I fielded a lot of calls from family, both his and Lisa’s. Her family was kind of crazy and blamed him, which was beyond fucked up, and he didn’t need to deal with that. They had a ceremony for her and Sarah. Didn’t even tell him about it. That pretty much severed anything left for him there. Only his dad was still alive in his immediate family, but he was elderly and couldn’t travel. They talked on the phone a lot. But I fielded all of the calls from extended family.   
  
  
**Eddie:** I went back to see him in October. He looked… good. It kind of shocked me, not gonna lie. But there was a lightness to him, and that was good to see. I brought more weed, of course. But he hadn’t gone through the first supply yet like I would have thought he would. So, that was a surprise too.  
  
  
 **Warren** : He practically gave me everything in his dispensary the first time. If I had gone through all of that in a month, I would be a legit, hardcore, dead, stoner and no good to anyone.  
  
  
 **Susana** : So much pot.   
  
  
**Warren** : The girls were around a lot. Susana and Maria had started making it a point to hang out with me on the weekends. They would bring pizza and beer and Chase was always following behind Maria like a puppy dog. It was… comfortable. No one really had to do anything because the city was still recovering from 9/11. Yeah, things had slowly gone back to normal, if you can even call it that, but Susana had no problems taking time off from modeling gigs and you already know I did. Maria was the only one of the three of us still working. She had joined this small practice and was loving it. Chase was a freelance photographer, so his schedule was more flexible as well. We just… found a groove as the four of us. I always told them that they needed to go out and live their life and stop hanging out with an old fart like me, but… [pauses] they’re good girls. They really made sure I was ok.   
  
  
**Maria** : I didn’t know at the time that Susana had started going over there a lot more than on just the weekends. I worked Monday through Friday, so I didn’t know. Treena was in her own world with Jagger… so I don’t think she had any clue Susana was even gone. I don’t know what kind of shit she was going through with J, and at the time I really didn’t care, but there was definitely no one around to keep an eye on Susana. I blamed myself for a long time.   
  
  
**Julia** : Blamed? She was an adult. A grown woman who could make her own decisions.  
  
  
 **Maria** : I know. But…Warren? I don’t know. I struggled.   
  
  
**Julia** : It sounds like you still are.  
  
  
 **Maria** : Hey, who is the shrink here? [laughs]  
  
  
 **Susana** : Yeah, I started spending more time at Warren’s than I did our own apartment. Why wouldn’t I? He needed people around. He needed someone to make sure he was eating and someone who would listen to stories of him and Lisa. Someone to watch horrible Adam Sandler movies with and someone to not judge him when he would randomly break down crying. Was anyone else doing that? No. I was. I was there. I was the one who would make sure that there was a salad to go along with the pizza he had taken three days to eat. I was the one who made sure his clothes were washed and that he drank water instead of just beer. Me. I was there. [wipes a tear]  
  
  
 **Warren:** She was. That girl… woman… she saw me at my very worst. My lowest and darkest and she never judged me. Not once. She saw things I never even let Lisa see. My anger. My pain. I don’t think I had ever cried in front of Lisa in the twenty some years we were together. Not once. I cried more times than I count, in front of Susana that first month. She made me feel safe enough to do that. That meant more than I could ever express.   
  
  
**Maria** : It was Halloween and we had decided to stay lowkey. We were going to hang out at Warren’s and eat Chinese food and way too much candy while we watched the first three “Scream” movies. That year was different. So different. Not a lot different from how I imagine this year’s Halloween will go now that we’re all in isolation, but we were still going to make the best of it. Treena insisted we dress up because it was also her birthday, and we all needed some laughter in our lives. They had to be crazy costumes, So I went as Monica Gellar from FRIENDS, and I made Chase dress up like Chandler Bing. I was a huge FRIENDS fan, and it was also a way that I figured we could still be comfortable for the night and wear real clothes.   
  
  
**Treena** : It was a total cop-out. Not a costume at all. I was a cloud. I know, super creative. But hey, I figured it would be cushiony and I practically had a bean bag chair wrapped around me. Warren’s furniture was shit, so I brought my own.  
  
  
 **Susana** : Warren had THE comfiest couch I have ever sat on in my entire life. It just swallowed me up and I swear it remembered my butt every time.  
  
  
 **Maria** : Yeah because she…  
  
  
 **Julia:** Hey now… her story to tell.   
  
  
**Maria** : [grunts]  
  
  
 **Susana** : I wanted to make Warren laugh. We were supposed to come as something crazy, so I came as a turkey. I literally had feathers on and a flappy neck and everything. But joke was on me because he came as…  
  
  
 **Warren:** A cooked turkey. I knew they liked FRIENDS, and there’s that scene where Joey gets his head stuck in a turkey, so I came as a cooked version of that. When I saw Susana, I couldn’t stop laughing. We were a walking, talking before and after picture of a Thanksgiving dinner.   
  
  
**Susana** : Turkey and Thanksgiving in general is pretty special for us…  
  
  
 **Maria** : We watched all the movies and then it was late. Treena was hopped up on sugar because once she knew she could eat again, snickers became her crack.   
  
  
**Treena** : Hey, no trick or treaters came by. They snooze, they lose. Halloween is for candy, suckas!  
  
  
 **Maria** : She was hopped up and Chase had a shoot early the next morning, so he was ready to leave. Susana was passed out on the couch. When she sleeps, she is dead to the world, so there was no waking her. Warren told us that we should just go and that he would make sure she got home safely in the morning. I didn’t think anything of it. But… I’m pretty sure that was the first time they slept together.  
  
  
 **Susana** : It wasn’t the first time we slept together. We didn’t even kiss. All I remember was waking up at like 4am, in Warren’s bed, still in my costume. I was completely disoriented, but he was up in the living room on my couch, just mindlessly flipping through the channels. His insomnia was bad back then.  
  
  
 **Warren** : I couldn’t sleep. Every time I tried, I would see the plane hitting or the towers coming down. I would hear Lisa scream for me or hear sirens. It was getting bad. Maria had helped me and worked with me through a lot, and it had gotten to the point where I could nap, but I wasn’t fully sleeping yet. And I know people think other things… but… I didn’t think anything weird or funny when Susana passed out on my couch. I wasn’t “looking to get her alone” or prey on her. I just liked seeing her so peaceful and I was serious about letting her sleep and getting her home in the morning. It’s what I did too. But when she woke up around 5 am, she came out into the living room in one of my t-shirts and a pair of my sweatpants. I didn’t take her costume off or strip her down like the Enquirer wrote after they saw us leaving my apartment the next day. She changed on her own. She came out and didn’t say anything. She just moved and sat next to me and laid on my chest. She drifted back off to sleep quickly, and the sounds of her breathing soothed me. The warmth of another person laying on me calmed my soul too. That little gesture kickstarted my healing journey.   
  
  
**Susana** : He smelled amazing. Nautica. Still my favorite scent. Laying on him… it just felt right. I had wanted to curl up next to him for a while by that point, but… I wasn’t going to force it. It had to happen organically. And like everything with the two of us, it did.   
  
  
**Warren** : I wanted to make her breakfast, but that was a weird thing too. You wouldn’t think breakfast would be complicated, but it was. I had always made breakfast for Lisa. It was the only thing I was good at. Breakfast also tends to indicate a hookup gone well, and that was not what that night was. Not to mention, Billy Dunne was the king of breakfast. I knew that. Everyone knew that. So was Camila. She used to make us the best things when we didn’t even realize we wanted it. And Billy’s pancakes were next level. So, I didn’t want to seem like her dad, or like I was trying to compete with her dad or like I was… [sighs] old. Crazy thing was, she seemed to pick up on all of that without me saying a word. She woke up and popped up and told me to run out and get some real New York bagels and coffee, and that breakfast would be ready when I got back. I had never had a woman cook for me before. Yeah… [pauses to think] never. When I got back, I walked into a cloud of heaven. Better than anything I had smelled in a long time.  
  
  
 **Susana** : It was my job to make sure he ate, remember?  
  
  
 **Maria** : She NEVER cooked us breakfast.  
  
  
 **Treena** : Yeah, what the hell is up with that? [laughs] I want some eggs benedict too you know.   
  
  
**Warren:** She laid out the works. It was… it was everything I needed in that moment. We didn’t say a lot over breakfast, but we’ve always had this weird way of communicating without words.  
  
  
 **Maria:** Yeah, it’s called sex.  
  
  
 **Susana** : No, not sex. It wasn’t like that. Not yet. But see how everyone basically pushed us in that direction anyway? People thought we were hooking up from that day forward. Fucking paparazzi caught the two of us leaving his apartment to catch a cab, and it was everywhere later that day. Every news stand or grocery store check out lane. “ _The Six’s Warren Rhodes, widower and two times her senior, preys on model Susana Dunne, daughter of Rhodes’ lifelong friend and brother, Billy Dunne._ ” Fuck off.   
  
  
**Maria** : My phone blew up. EVERYONE was calling me to find out what was going on. I hadn’t even seen the headlines. But my mom and dad both called me within three minutes of each other and I had to talk them both down. Remind them that they of all people know how the paps talk. The pictures they frame. I truly didn’t think anything was happening. Of course it was innocent.   
  
  
**Susana** : It was.  
  
  
 **Warren** : It really was.   
  
  
**Treena** : I think the biggest thing and… indicator to all of us, was Thanksgiving. My mom and I were going to get away to Paris for the holidays. I wanted to go to LA, but you saw how that all turned out…  
  
  
 **Julia:** I haven’t inserted that yet but we’ll get there.  
  
  
  
 **Treena:** Oh, gotcha. Well, LA was a shitshow, and I needed to get away. Mom and I were going to Paris, and Maria and Susana were supposed to fly back to LA. Only they didn’t.  
  
  
 **Maria** : Ok, I will say this got messy. We were supposed to go home for Thanksgiving in LA because we just do, and then Christmas was going to be in Pitt. I wanted to go to Maine and spend Thanksgiving with Chase’s parents, but I knew my parents would have a fit, so I asked Susana to cover for me. She did and she said that I wasn’t feeling well and needed to stay behind. At least, that’s what she told ME she was going to tell them. Apparently she told them that we were BOTH sick and needed to stay in New York for thanksgiving, but that we would be in Pitt for Christmas. She stayed in new York, alone, and no one was the wiser.   
  
  
**Susana** : I wanted alone time with Warren. It was his first holiday without Lisa, and I couldn’t just leave him.   
  
  
**Julia:** Why didn’t you invite him with you?  
  
  
 **Susana:** [pauses, then sighs] I don’t know. I guess things in my heart were progressing in a way that made me feel like doing that would be a dead giveaway. Like, “hey, mom and dad. Here’s my new boyfriend. You know Warren, right?”  
  
  
 **Julia** : But he wasn’t your boyfriend…  
  
  
 **Susana** : I know. But I wanted him to be, and I can’t lie worth a damn. I wanted to protect…us. Whatever “us” was or was becoming.   
  
  
**Warren:** When Susana called me and asked if I wanted company for thanksgiving, I was shocked and…nervous. It was the first time I had felt really nervous by her. It was a new feeling and…I liked it. I had planned on eating a turkey sandwich from 7/11, a big gulp and drowning myself in the Macy’s Thanksgiving day parade and the dog show after. I didn’t have good plans and would have just wallowed otherwise. Her phone call meant everything to me and would end up changing my life more than I could have ever known.   
  
  
  
**Susana** : I was breezy. Until he actually said yes. Then I got more nervous than I had ever been in my life. I wasn’t used to that. I’ve always prided myself in being fearless. Nothing rattles me. The advantage of spending the first chunk of your life on a tour bus and having crazy musicians coming in and out of your life all the time. I had seen things, done things, been around things and still, nothing. But when Warren Rhodes said yes to having Thanksgiving dinner with me, and only me… damn.   
  
  
**Warren** : I told her that I would get the food and help her cook it, but she just laughed at me and told me not to be silly. [laughs] I tried! But she showed up at my house on Wednesday night, her arms full of grocery bags with a taxi full of more, and I just laughed. But I was surprised to see her on Wednesday.   
  
  
**Susana** : [smiles] He said, “I know growing up on a bus can mess up your time radar, but you know Thanksgiving is on Thursday, right?” He was leaning against the door frame looking sexy as hell in this dark gray sweater, and I just pushed past him and unloaded my arms, then told him to unload the rest of the cab.   
  
  
**Warren:** She can cook. Good God, the woman can cook. I don’t think anyone ever knew that back then. She hadn’t done anything up to that point except make me breakfast, but either she practiced when she was alone or she’s a goddess magician. I tend to lean towards the latter.  
  
  
 **Susana** : [shrugs] What can I say. I spent a lot of time in Europe and met some great chefs and people who could cook, particularly in France. I learned some stuff. But I wasn’t going to waste it on just anybody.   
  
  
**Julia** : Ok. But why did you need to go over there the night before?  
  
  
 **Susana** : [smirks] I had to brine the turkey, Jules.   
  
  
**Warren** : [pauses before smiling wide] Best turkey I’ve ever had.   
  
  
**Susana** : I had gotten used to crashing over there. I was over there more than anyone else, obviously, and his place started feeling…comfortable. Like a home away from home. I had randomly started leaving things at his apartment. And I know how that sounds. Like a plan. But it wasn’t. I was just there so often that a random sweatshirt or pair of pants, a stick of deodorant, etcetera, would get left behind. Kind of like when you go to a girlfriend’s house to sleep over and you accidently leave something. It wasn’t a big deal, but it did help it feel more like home.   
  
  
**Warren:** I found myself making sure I had some stuff around for her. Her favorite coffee creamer, a throw pillow I thought she would like, her favorite shampoo… you get it. Looking back and hearing everything in chronological order out loud, I get how it sounds. But I promise, it wasn’t weird. It was just… comfortable. We enjoyed each other’s company. She literally became by best friend over those couple of months after losing Lisa. I was alone in New York, but she was there. Maria was there too, and so was Treena. But Maria was so busy with her new profession and Chase, and Treena was gone a lot. She was in LA or Europe more than she was in New York. But Susana… we had each other.  
  
  
 **Billy** : We had no idea about any of this. Warren never mentioned it whenever I would call and check in. Susana didn’t either. I think that’s what bothered me the most. That they snuck around and Warren didn’t just come out and say he was starting to fall for one of my girls.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Would you have been ok with that if they had?  
  
  
 **Billy** : Oh no. I would have fucking killed him.   
  
  
**Susana** : I had everything pre prepped that night. Warren helped. [laughs] He was so cute peeling potatoes and chopping up onions… sticking his finger in every pie filling to taste it before I baked it… we blasted some Bon Jovi and danced around the kitchen, singing into wooden spoons and just being silly. Well, I sang into wooden spoons. All utensils were just drum sticks to him.   
  
  
**Warren** : “Born to be my baby.” [winks]  
  
  
_____________________  
  
 **November 21 st, 2001 – New York**  
  
  
 _“…Only God would know the reasons, but I bet He must have had a plan…” Susana spun around as she sang Bon Jovi at the top of her lungs, and Warren used the countertop as his own personal drum kit._  
  
 _When the song was over, they collapsed on the floor in a heap or laughter and breathlessness._  
  
  
 _“I love that song so much. It’s just fucking fun to play. But how do you know so much Bon Jovi, woman? That is seriously cool.”_  
  
 _  
Susana laughed as she sat up and leaned against the cabinet._  
  
  
 _“Jon is a close family friend. The amount of times I would hear him out in the studio with my dad… it happened a lot. I was there when they wrote that song actually. Sometimes I forget that not every kid got to be around rock stars growing up. It really was so cool.”_  
  
  
 _Warren propped himself up on his elbow and looked at her for longer than he intended, before he started chuckling softly._  
  
 _Susana cocked her head as she smiled._  
  
 _“What?”_  
  
 _Warren started laughing harder._  
  
 _“What?!” Susana was laughing with him now, even though she didn’t know why._  
  
 _Warren smiled as he said, “You have flour all over your face and in your hair.” He unconsciously reached up to brush flour off of her cheek with his thumb, and she hissed._  
  
 _He pulled his hand away quickly and blushed, clearing his throat as he stood up._  
  
 _“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel weird.” He bit his cheek._  
  
 _Susana shot up and faced him._  
  
 _“NO! I mean… you didn’t. Thanks for telling me.” She smiled sheepishly as they both stood in the middle of the kitchen awkwardly, looking everywhere but at each other._  
  
 _Susana broke the silence._  
  
 _“Holy shit, I am a mess!” She looked down at herself and started laughing._  
  
 _“I really should take a shower… do you mind if I use yours?” She had used his shower countless times before, but this time… it felt like a more… intimate request._  
  
  
 _“Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. No problem. You know where everything is, right? Towels, shampoo…”_  
  
  
 _“…bathrobe. Yes, I do.” Susana bit her lip as Warren held his breath, resting his hands on his hips as he looked down at the floor and nodded._  
  
 _  
“Right. Ok. Well… have a good shower.” He smiled his best smile, but she noticed the vein in his neck pulsing faster._  
  
 _She nodded as she walked towards his bathroom slowly._  
  
 _“Thanks. I’ll be…back.”_  
  
  
 _Susana closed the bathroom door behind her and rested against it, tilting her head back as she tried to catch her breath. Her heart was racing and she was overwhelmed by a desire to invite him to shower with her. They had never crossed any lines. All they had ever done was share a couch, but… it was there. The sexual tension that had been building for the last couple of months. She didn’t plan for this, and she didn’t know if he felt the same way, but she desperately hoped so._  
  
 _All she knew was that she wasn’t going to push. It wasn’t her place. But she realized once and for all that he wasn’t just family anymore. He wasn’t just her unexpected best friend. He was someone she cared about more than anything, and someone she was quickly falling in love with._  
  
  
 _She let the hot water run down her back as she fought off images of desire in her mind. Steam filled the bathroom and she inhaled deeply, feeling it fill her lungs as she struggled to breathe out of nervousness. She reached down between her legs, feeling a wetness there that wasn't from the shower, and she quickly and quietly brought herself some relief.  
_  
  
_When she was finally done and dressed, she walked out of the bathroom to find Warren sitting on the couch, a joint in hand as he stared with hazy eyes at the tv._  
  
 _She walked over with confidence, sitting on the couch next to him, taking the joint out of his hand and taking a hit, holding it in her lungs for a minute before she exhaled slowly._  
  
 _Warren stared at her, his mind racing a million miles a minute. She held his gaze and they stared at each other for a while before she leaned over, finding his lips with hers as she begin to kiss him deeply._  
  
 _He started kissing her back, turning his body to face her better before reality hit him and he pulled away._  
  
 _Susana pulled back, hurt, and put a hand on her lips that were beginning to swell._  
  
 _“What’s wrong?” She whispered._  
  
 _Warren pinched his eyes shut before opening them and turning off the tv. He pulled his leg into a bent position so that he was facing her directly. He inhaled sharply before he spoke._  
  
 _“What are we doing, Susana? I’m too old for you. We both know this. I have so much baggage and... You deserve someone…someone much better than me. Not some broken, washed up widower who has nothing to offer you.” His voice was weaker than he had planned and pain flooded his eyes as tears flooded hers._  
  
 _“That’s not true.” She whispered softly, and he stood up off the couch quickly._  
  
 _“It is! It is true. It’s not an opinion, it’s just a fact. I’m too old for you. You SHOULDN’T want me. I mean… I don’t know if you do or if this is just some sort of fantasy or fetish or… I mean I know we’ve gotten close over these last few months but I… and then there’s Billy… and Oh God, Camila would castrate me…” He was pacing now as he rambled. Susana watched him intensely, tears sitting in her eyes as she bit her lip and waited to interject._  
  
 _Warren rubbed the back of his neck, holding it there as he stopped pacing long enough to turn to her, his desire and pain evident._  
  
 _Susana stood up slowly, moving towards him until she was right in front of him._  
  
 _His eyes searched hers as she put her hands on either side of his face._  
  
 _“I mean… this could never work… right?” His voice cracked when he asked and she stood on her tip toes to kiss him softly._  
 _She pulled back and looked into his eyes, doing her best to read him._  
  
  
 _“I want you...” Her voice was steady, but he winced as he interrupted her._  
  
 _“But you shouldn’t. I’m… I’m sorry I let it get this far. I can’t do this to Billy. Or to… you. You deserve someone so much better than me…”_  
  
 _Susana lowered her hands and wrapped her arms around his waist._  
  
 _“I am not a baby anymore. I’m not a child who needs to be told what is right or wrong, or what decisions I should make, or what I should or shouldn’t want. I am a woman. A woman, Warren. And I want YOU. I have wanted you for…” She stopped herself before she said something that could make the room heavier than it was._  
  
 _“I’ve just… forget my dad. And my mom. Seriously. They aren’t me and they don’t control me. You have… you have become my very best friend and someone I wake up every morning thinking about and go to sleep every night thinking about, and want to be with or talking to in between that.”_  
  
 _Warren’s eyes began to glass over as he listened to her._  
  
 _“I know that… these past few months have been the absolute worst days of our lives. From you losing Lisa, to me losing my friends… this world is hell. But you… you’ve given me hope again. You’ve made these days better, and I didn’t know if that was ever going to be possible again.”_  
  
 _She paused for a minute to collect herself._  
  
 _“I don’t know what this is going to look like. If this will ultimately become anything. All I know is… I’m falling for you. Fast, and hard and… I would be a fool if I didn’t try and see what we could be.” Her confidence began to falter as his face dropped dramatically._  
  
 _“Unless…” Her eyes got wide and her face flushed as she pulled away slowly._  
  
 _“Oh my God. You… don’t… oh wow. I’m so… wow. Sorry. I completely misread this entire thing. I am so embarrassed.” She turned to grab her coat and move towards the door._  
  
 _“Um… the turkey needs to be put in the oven for 4 hours at 425, then tent it with aluminum foil and cook for three more hours. All of the sides are done, just heat them up in the oven until bubbling or brown. Have a great thanksgiving.”_  
  
  
 _She put her hand on the doorknob and Warren moved quickly to stop her. He grabbed her around the waist, spinning her to face him and kissed her deeply, letting his tongue push past her lips and teeth, exploring every inch of her._  
  
 _He broke their kiss softly, resting his forehead on hers and whispering in a playful voice, “Now where in the hell do you think you’re going?”_  
  
 _Susana looked up at him as she wrapped her arms around his neck._  
  
 _“You… don’t want me to leave?”_  
  
 _Warren chuckled._  
  
 _“I never want you to leave. But especially now. I really…really…” He kissed her cheeks as he spoke._  
  
 _“…need someone here who won’t fuck up the turkey.”_  
  
 _Susana’s jaw dropped as she started to laugh and smacked him on the arm. Warren broke into a fit of laughter as he winced and grabbed his arm._  
  
 _“Hey, watch it! I’m old and brittle, remember?”_  
  
 _Susana’s face dropped into a soft smile as she moved into him again._  
  
 _“No you’re not. Don’t say that about the guy I’m crazy about. Age ain’t nothing but a number if it’s consensual and…” She reached up and kissed him again. “I would say this is very consensual.”_  
  
 _Warren smiled as he nodded and started taking her coat off. He scooped her up and moved to the couch, sitting with her on top of him, straddling him._  
  
 _They started making out deeper and ramping up the intensity, stopping only to catch their breath. Warren’s body was reacting beneath her and she smiled mischievously as she began to grind her hips down, eliciting a moan from him._  
  
 _She reached between them and began fumbling with the top button of his jeans._  
  
  
 _“MmmMmm hey… wait… no…” Warren broke their kiss as he slid her off of him and next to him gently. He rebuttoned his pants and caught his breath before looking over at a flushed and embarrassed Susana._  
  
 _  
“I’m... I'm so…sorry. I thought that…” She sighed as she buried her face in her hands. “I’m an idiot. Of course you don’t want me like THAT.” She pulled her knees into her chest and wrapped her arms around them tightly._  
  
  
 _Warren sat up straighter._  
  
 _“No. No that’s not it at all. I’ve wanted you and…THAT…for two months now.” He chuckled softly and Susana gave him a curious look._  
  
 _“Then why…”_  
  
  
 _“Lisa.” Warren looked at her with apologetic eyes. Susana’s face softened as she straightened her legs out, resting them on top of his lap. He brushed her pant legs up and down with his hand tenderly as he spoke._  
  
 _“It’s only been two months, Ana. I was with her for over twenty years. I haven’t been with another woman since then and… I just… I need some more time, ok?”_  
  
  
 _Susana nodded as tears began to fill her eyes again._  
  
 _“I’m so…” Her voice cracked. “…so sorry that you lost her, Warren. You didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve that.” Tears began to roll down her face and Warren pulled her into his side._  
  
 _“I know. Me too. You didn’t deserve to lose your friends either. But we’ll… we’ll get through this. Together. We just have to give it some time. Take it slow, you know?”_  
  
 _Susana nodded under him before she tried to lighten the mood by whispering, “Well hopefully not too long or slow. You’re old, remember?”_  
  
 _Warren laughed loudly and it made Susana smile at the sound._  
  
 _He kissed the top of her head and reached down beside the couch to pull out some of the good stuff from Eddie. He handed Susana a joint and they lit up together, sitting in the cool silence and the heat of the line they had just crossed._  
  
 _They knew they wouldn’t be going back now, but thankfully, they didn’t want to._  
  
  
______________________  
  
  
 **Julia** : So… what happened after all of that?  
  
  
 **Susana** : Well nothing juicy, if that’s what you mean. I fell asleep on top of him on the couch. Then I woke up and made cinnamon rolls while we watched the parade, and then we cooked thanksgiving dinner together. It was incredible.   
  
  
**Maria:** They totally had sex. It was all over her "I can't lie worth a damn" face.  
  
  
 **Warren:** She… she is amazing. She let me… no, she WANTED me to tell her stories about Lisa, and I wanted to hear about her friends too. We poured a drink out for the lives lost who should have been celebrating thanksgiving that day, and listed everything we were thankful for. We happened to be at the top of each other’s lists, and that was the beginning of… all of it.   
  
  
**Susana:** We made out a lot. It was great. We decided that we were going to give this a real shot, but we wanted to wait a little bit before we told anyone else. I suggested that if everything was still going well, he should come to Pittsburgh with me for Christmas. We could tell everyone then, and hopefully get it out before any more paparazzi got ahold of it.   
  
  
**Warren** : We should have told Billy before Christmas. Actually… no, I should have told Billy before Christmas. That was my mistake.   
  
  
**Billy** : Christmas 2001 was another one for the record books. And not in a good way.  
  
  
 **Tyler** : Not in a good way at all


	28. Chapter 28

  
**Camila** : Ahh… Christmas in Pittsburgh. It had become an unexpected tradition for our crazy family. It worked because my family was still out there, and of course Graham and Billy felt like that was home, whether they would ever admit it or not. It became the place that everyone could come to for Christmas after they’d been in Europe or Australia… Nashville… on tour… [smiles sadly] We were excited for that year. 9/11 Had hit us hard and we were determined to celebrate bigger and better than ever. EVERYONE was coming. Eddie, Karen, Warren, Susana, Julia and Jess with baby Kyle, Simone and Treena, Chelsea and Jagger, Maria and Chase, and even Tyler had convinced Grace to spend the holiday with us that year. Which made this mama happy because I was tired of missing my boy on my most favorite holiday AND his birthday.   
  
  
**Tyler** : If I had it my way, I would have spent every birthday and Christmas in Nashville. But I knew how important it was to my mom, and I thought my family might be easier to handle if I had her with me. We had been together two years by that point, and I had spent the last two with her in Tennessee, so… I figured we should spend this one with my family. No matter how crazy it might get. She was on tour though. A Christmas tour and she was going to have a show in New York on the 23rd, then the bus was going to drop her off in Pitt. I told her I would come to the show and get her, but she insisted I stay with my family. She was great like that.   
  
  
**Billy** : I was excited for that Christmas. Our family was growing, and that’s one of the only things I ever wanted growing up. A big family for the holidays. My baby girl was coming with her new baby, and my other family, my Six family, was all making the trip too. I hadn’t seen the twins since September, but even that wasn’t for fun catch up reasons. And I always loved seeing Daisy with Simone and Treena. That is when she is the most like herself. When her girls are around.   
  
  
**Eddie** : I was torn. Yeah I wanted to see everyone, but do you know how much of a downer it is knowing you’re about to spend the holidays in a dry house? Fucking addiction, man. Ruining it for all of us. Thank god for flasks and good weed.  
  
  
 **Karen** : We respected the rules. We did. Which is why we never drank in front of Billy or Daisy. But come on, you can’t have Christmas without boozy eggnog. That’s just a law. I don't make the rules.  
  
  
 **Warren** : I was nervous. I didn’t know why I should be, but I was terrified. I had spent holidays with the Dunne clan before but… I had never been in love with one of Billy Dunne’s daughters before.   
  
  
**Susana** : Things were, obviously, going well. I asked Warren to come home with me, and he didn’t want to at first. He said that it would seem too suspicious if he showed up for Christmas. I told him that since everyone else was coming, it would look more suspicious if he didn’t.  
  
  
 **Chelsea:** I was freaking out. A lot. The last Dunne Christmas was… a lot. And Treena wasn’t even there that time. Besides, Jag and I had our own announcement to make and it felt wrong doing it in front of her. Things were so tense. I have never been one for drama and pettiness. I stayed far away from it growing up, but when you’re around the Dunne boys, it’s kind of inevitable. But I was very excited to have Grace there. I knew it would be ok if I had Jagger and my best friend with me.   
  
  
**Maria** : I was excited to bring Chase home to meet the fam. He had only ever met Susana and Warren. I cared about what my dad thought. Especially since I had never been big into the dating scene. I was trying to wait for the right one and I was pretty sure I had found it in Chase.   
  
  
**Daisy** : Oh Julia… you know me and Christmas. I never had one growing up. Not a good one anyway. Maybe once in my life, but Christmas didn’t become a thing until I joined this family. Now I’m absolutely obsessed. I was the most excited to have a three month old baby around to snuggle with and spoil. [winks]  
  
  
 **Jessica** : Are we…talking now?  
  
  
 **Julia** : Just about the book. Christmas ’01. Go. Even though this is gonna hurt like hell too.  
  
  
 **Jessica** : How can it hurt? We got our beautiful daughter because of it…  
  
  
 **Julia:** Are you seriously asking me this?  
  
  
 **Simone** : I was ready to go people watch. No lie. I had felt like I was so out of touch with a lot of the Dunne life because subconsciously, Daisy and I had been skirting around each other when everything was happening with T and J. It’s hard not to take sides when they are your babies, but we both loved each other’s kids too. I might not have liked him all the time, but I loved Jagger. LOVE Jagger. And I know Daisy felt, and feels, the same way. It was just… different. But I missed my best friend. I missed all of you guys and your messy bunch.   
  
  
**Dylan** : Jag, Chels and I got there first. Well, first of the LA crew. Maria and Chase were already there, and I remember thinking it was odd that Susana was not with them. But I didn’t think too much about it. However. Chase. He… caught my eye.  
  
  
 **Julia** : [sighs and rubs her forehead] Dylan…  
  
  
 **Dylan** : What? You know what happened that week. We all got shitfaced in one way or another.  
  
  
 **Julia** : I know. But we’re not there yet.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : Did you tell mom and dad “we’re not there yet” as much as you tell all of us? Fuck, Julia. It’s our story too. I think I should be allowed to talk freely.  
  
  
 **Julia** : I’m sorry you feel like I’m not letting you speak. I will be better at that. And no I didn’t tell them that because I didn’t live any of that. I’ve lived all of this.   
  
  
**Dylan** : Maybe, but you don’t have the same perspectives so please… just let us talk.   
  
  
**Jagger** : Walking into that house and hearing Bing Crosby on vinyl while mom was in the kitchen making (virgin) eggnog and dad was tuning his guitars… Maria and Chase snuggled up on the couch looking at photo albums… it was very picturesque. At the time, I hated it. It was… too perfect. Now I would do anything to get all of that back. I just remember dropping off our bags and grabbing Chelsea so we could go back to the attic.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : [laughs] I told him I wasn’t doing another Griswold family Christmas after dark special up there because my last cold was still lingering. But Daisy had bought a hot tub that year and…we got a lot of use out of that after dark.   
  
  
**Jagger** : Oooo yeah, that hot tub… good times. Good times.   
  
  
**Treena** : We all got use out of that hot tub. Some of us just had to go solo… [pouts angrily]   
  
  
**Julia** : How was it for you, seeing Chelsea and Jagger together after everything?  
  
  
 **Treena** : Well, after I went to LA in September… things got… bad. So... awkward?  
  
  
_______________________  
  
 **September 16 th, 2001 - LA.**  
  
  
 _“Treena? What the hell are you doing here?” Jagger looked behind Treena, who was standing on his doorstep at 3am, soaked from the rain, tears streaming down her face._  
  
 _“I had to… I had to see you.” She was soaked to the bone and shivering like crazy. Her teeth were clattering and Jagger sighed as he looked behind him towards the bedroom he shared with Chelsea. She was fast asleep and he felt stuck._  
  
 _He grabbed a jacket off of the wall and handed it to Treena before grabbing his keys and shutting the door quietly._  
  
 _They ran to his car, sliding in quickly, and Jagger cranked the heat to full blast._  
  
 _“Jagger, I…”_  
  
 _Jagger shook his head._  
  
 _“Not here, T.”_  
  
 _Treena slumped as Jagger put the car in drive and headed towards Runyon Canyon park._  
  
 _“Jagger…we need to talk.”_  
  
 _Treena’s soft voice pierced the awkward silence as Jagger refused to look at her._  
  
 _“Jagger!” Her voice was pleading with him and he glanced over at her as he said, “I need to park first. I can’t concentrate on anything when I’m driving in the rain.”_  
  
 _Tears were falling down Treena’s face as she folded her arms and fell back against the seat. She turned her head to stare out the window and Jagger hit the button for the radio. He scoffed as he flipped through station after station playing Courtney Love and Jennifer Lopez, NSYNC and Boyz II Men._  
  
 _“Music today sucks.”_  
  
 _Treena ignored him until he skipped through a station that was playing DUNNE, and she laughed angrily._  
  
 _“Got that right.”_  
  
 _Jagger clenched his jaw as he continued, recognizing the familiar sound of Joni Mitchell and leaving it on the station that was playing her. “ **Rainy Night House** ” blared through the speakers, covering the sound of rain on the roof. _  
  
_“Good ol’ Joni…” Jagger whispered under his breath. Treena bit her lip as she held back a sob, wrapping her arms around herself tighter._  
  
 _“ **You gave up all the golden factories to see, who in the world you might be** …” Treena sang with a shaky voice and Jagger swallowed hard. _  
  
_  
When they reached Runyon Canyon, Jagger put the car in park and leaned forward, resting his forehead on the steering wheel._  
  
 _“Ok. Now. What are you doing here, T? In LA. At this hour. You should be in New York.”_  
  
 _“Well, it's good to see you too, Jagger Dunne.”_  
  
 _Jagger sat up._  
  
 _“I’m sorry. But seriously, Treena.”_  
  
 _She took a deep breath before she blurted it out._  
  
 _“I told Chelsea you fucked me.”_  
  
 _Jagger’s mouth dropped and his eyes got wide as he stared at her._  
  
 _“What…the hell…do you mean…” He desperately tried to keep his voice low and calm, but anger was filling it quickly._  
  
 _Treena uncrossed her arms, fire rising up inside._  
  
 _“Well gee, Jagger, don’t you think your fiancée should have some kind of idea what kind of man she is planning on sharing her life with? Damn.”_  
  
 _Jagger clenched his jaw as Treena shook her head and continued._  
  
 _“You know, I was still swollen, J. YOUR cum was still dripping down my leg. My body was coming down from its high after…you made love to me…” She pinched her eyes shut as she whispered with a raspy voice, “Because that’s what it was. No matter what either of us say…that wasn’t fucking. There was so much love in that. I know you felt it too…” She tilted her head to look at Jagger who was now sitting up straight, staring straight ahead. She could see a singular tear falling down his cheek and she reached over to brush it away._  
  
 _“You did, didn’t you? Feel it?” Her voice was pleading._  
  
 _Jagger nodded slowly as he exhaled a quick cry, only for a moment._  
  
 _“Yeah. I did.”_  
  
 _Treena looked up at the ceiling as she tried to shove her tears back down and say all she wanted to say._  
  
 _“Then why…her? Why stay with her? Why propose to her? Why…MARRY her? If you love me…then love me, Jagger Jacob Dunne.”_  
  
 _  
Jagger flinched at the sound of his full name. No one used it unless you count his mom and Chelsea. That was their thing._  
  
  
 _He inhaled deeply before he spilled out his words faster than she could keep up._  
  
 _“I don’t know. And I know that’s a shitty answer and I know it doesn’t make sense and I know that we should probably be together and maybe in another world we would be but…” He rubbed his hands up and down his face before he continued._  
  
 _“We’re not good together, T. We are… the things we say and do to each other… it would break us.”_  
  
 _Treena moved closer to him and she whispered, “Do you love me?”_  
  
 _Jagger shut his eyes tight._  
  
 _“Jagger, look at me. It’s a simple question. Do you love me? Because I love you. And if you love me too, then that’s all that matters. All of the shit that we’ve been through, we’ve made it through that. We’ve saved each other, J. We take care of each other and whatever fucking thing comes next, I know that we will make it through that too. Just… tell me you love me, Jagger. Say you love me and we can plan OUR future. Dream about OUR kids. Plan… OUR wedding…” She smiled softly and pleadingly as she reached over and brought one of his hands to her lips._  
  
 _“Tell me you love me, Jagger, like I know you do.”  
  
_ Jagger looked over at her with glassy eyes.  
  
 _“I do love you, Treena.”_  
  
 _Treena exhaled into a smile as she kissed his hand again and leaned up to kiss his lips._  
  
 _He didn’t kiss her back and it made her heart sink. She pulled back as he whispered, “But I love Chelsea too. She’s… my future. I want...her."_  
  
 _Treena sat back in her seat, shock and pain and anger flooding her all at once._  
  
 _“Take me to the airport.”_  
  
 _“Treena, I…”_  
  
 _“JAGGER. Take me to the airport NOW.” Malice coated her words as Jagger clenched his jaw and started the car._  
  
 _“No, you know what, I can’t stand to be in this car one minute longer. Let me out. I’m going to call a cab.”_  
  
 _“Treena... stop. I…”_  
  
 _Treena opened the door and turned around to look him in the eyes as she said, “Don’t you EVER use me to get off again. Have a nice fucking life with your second choice. I hope she knows what a cheating catch she caught.” She slammed the door shut and started walking further into the park._  
  
 _Jagger felt like he had just been hit with a semi. A part of him wanted to get out and chase her down. Tell her he was wrong and that he was sorry. But he really loved Chelsea, and his anger and hurt from Treena’s words won out. He turned the car around and he drove away into the rain._  
  
 _  
  
He got home around 5am and snuck back into bed with Chelsea who stirred slightly._  
  
 _“Hey, Baby. You ok?” She asked groggily._  
  
 _“Yeah, I’m perfect. Took a drive to think. But… I’ve just been thinking about something important...”_  
  
 _“Mmmm, what’s that?” Chelsea reached for him with still closed eyes._  
  
 _Jagger kissed the top of her head before whispering, “I think we should get married right away. As soon as possible.”_  
  
 _Chelsea’s eyes shot open and she jolted up to a sitting position._  
  
 _“What? Baby, you only proposed like five days ago!” She laughed as she pushed some hair behind her ear, the green rock of her engagement ring blending beautifully with her red hair._  
  
 _“I know! But I don’t want to wait any longer than I have to, to make you mine forever. I want you to be Chelsea…Kate…Dunne… tomorrow.” He began to kiss her neck between every name, and she rolled her head to the side, giving him more access as she moaned into the air._  
  
 _“I want that too. So much.” Her breath was picking up as Jagger reached his hand around the front of her, dipping his hand into the waistband of her pajama pants._  
  
 _“Wow… I guess so.” He purred into her ear as he felt the wet heat growing beneath his hand._  
  
 _“Tomorrow. Vegas?” Chelsea’s voice hitched as Jagger began working her clit gently._  
  
 _“Tomorrow Vegas is perfect.” He whispered inter her neck as he dipped two fingers inside of her._  
  
 _“Fuck.” Chelsea swore under her breath and Jagger smiled._  
  
 _“There’s my girl.”_  
  
 _Chelsea nodded before pulling away from him. She turned and took her shirt off, and Jagger took the hint._  
  
 _They made love that night, connecting on every level, exploring each other's bodies while Treena cried into her mother’s lap just twenty minutes away._  
  
 _  
This is what Jagger wanted. He had made the right choice. This is what would make him happy. He just knew it._  
  
 _At least, that’s what he told himself._  
  
  
______________________  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : We hadn’t told anyone. Not a soul, that we got married in Vegas in September. That was one of the things we were going to do at the Dunne family Christmas palooza. But I had never expected to feel as guilty as I did, looking over at Treena as Jagger announced it to the family. My heart hurt for her. I knew she loved him too.   
  
  
**Daisy:** We were so thrilled. Shocked, frustrated and annoyed that we hadn’t been there and that they hadn’t told us, but… we loved Chelsea. It was wonderful having her finally be a part of our family. Although I did insist that they have another ceremony with us. Now THAT was fun. She even wore my wedding dress. It was magical.   
  
  
**Jagger** : December 24th. Christmas eve. Everyone who could be there, was there. Chelsea wanted her mom to come, but she couldn’t make it, and her dad had been deployed to Afghanistan after 9/11, so she for sure wanted to wait until Grace got there. The house became a fucking wedding factory! It was kind of everything we were trying to avoid, but it was nice. Looking back on it now, I wish I would have appreciated it more. The work that my mom and Camila put in, the lengths you went to too, Jules. You helped make it so special. Even Ty and Dyl and Soph were into it. I should have appreciated them more too. But most of all… when I think back to that day… I just wish that I had appreciated Chelsea more. This beautiful, stunning, smart, funny, caring, compassionate, kind woman who wanted ME. Me, in all of my mess and complications, she loved me. Knowing that I had slept with my ex-girlfriend on the day of our engagement and she still wanted me. I didn’t deserve her. I never have. She is too good for this world, and she sure as hell is too good for me. I guess that’s why I fucked that up, huh? [scoffs and sniffs]  
  
  
 **Julia** : Well, at Dylan’s request, I’m working on not saying “we aren’t there yet”, but for the sake of Christmas 2001 and all that happened… we’re not there yet. Stay focused.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Sorry. But it’s true.   
  
  
**Treena** : I have to admit, it was beautiful. I hated every second of it though. People flitting around to help Chelsea get ready, the Dunnes welcoming her as a daughter with open arms… Jagger getting ready to stand up and commit his life to her… I hated all of it. That was supposed to be me. I always thought it would be me. But it was beautiful and… I’ve never hated Chelsea. God, she is so damn likeable, even when you hate her, you love her. He couldn’t have done any better than her. Truly.   
  
  
**Chelsea** : It meant more than I could have even imagined, having Grace there with me. We had been best friends for so long, that we had talked about this. We had talked about our weddings and what they would look like. Little did she know, Tyler was planning on popping the question to her on Christmas day too. He had been inspired by your story, Jules. You and Jessica. I remember [pauses as she smiles through tears], him pulling me aside and showing me the ring. This beautiful Magnolia halo ring, so sparkly and so her. He wanted to know what I thought, and I just hugged him. Told him she would love it and that I couldn’t wait to be his cousin in law in more ways than one. People have said over the years that he was a fool for wanting to get married that young. Eighteen. But… he was an old soul and when you know, you know. You know?  
  
  
 **Eddie** : Listen, I hate weddings. The only things they are good for are getting drunk and having slutty wedding sex. But…even I have to admit it was beautiful. It was outside in the Dunne gazebo, it was snowing lightly and the Christmas lights were lighting the whole yard… and since it was already official, no one needed to be ordained. So, they let me officiate. That was a party. Then Karen and I snuck off to get drunk and have slutty wedding sex. Just like you’re supposed to.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : “Do you, Chelsea, take this little mother fucker for life? Even when he’s old and no longer has those good Dunne looks?” [laughs] Classic Eddie. Then he turned to Jagger and said, “I don’t know how you snagged a catch like this one, but don’t fuck it up. I mean, you’re a Dunne. That’s a thing.”  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Way to instill confidence. [rolls eyes]  
  
  
 **Camila:** It was beautiful. I cried. They were the perfect couple. But then… after the ceremony… Tyler pulled Graham and me aside and told us that he was going to propose to Grace. It was a shock, but a happy shock. I took it better than Graham did, surprisingly. Graham started talking about how he was so young and how he didn’t even know what he wanted to do with his life and yada yada. But I knew my baby. This was real and he was ready. And it… it meant a lot that he told us first. Grace was an absolute sweetheart and I was thrilled to have another daughter. And the ring…my boy did good.  
  
  
 **Tyler** : I was ready. I loved her and I wanted to be with her forever.  
  
_____________________  
  
 **December 24 th, 2001 – Pittsburgh**  
  
  
 _“We’re married.” Chelsea whispered into Jagger’s ear as they danced in the middle of the living room, while Billy and Graham played “Can’t Help Falling in Love”, and Grace sang._  
  
 _Jagger smiled wide, flashing the famous Dunne dimples._  
  
 _“We’ve already been married for a couple of months now, you goof.”_  
  
 _Chelsea laughed softly as she stared into his eyes and they swayed._  
  
 _“I know. But this… this finally feels real. Like… we’re in this. For life.”_  
  
 _Jagger leaned in and kissed her lips softly._  
  
 _“Forever, babe.”_  
  
  
 _When the song was over, Julia walked over to Jagger and held out a set of keys._  
  
 _“For the wedding night. Take the camper. There’s a map inside to a little place I think you two would enjoy. Happy wedding day, little brother.” Julia smiled wide as she hugged Jagger tightly, feeling tears falling against her will._  
 _  
She pulled back and she and Jagger laughed as they both wiped their eyes._  
  
 _“Thanks, sis. We love you. So much.”_  
  
 _Julia nodded as she turned to Chelsea._  
  
 _“And you!” She pulled her in for a tight hug. “Welcome to the family. I’m so happy this one over here didn’t let you get away. You were always supposed to be a Dunne.” She winked and Chelsea laughed._  
  
 _“Thanks, Jules. That means everything to me.”_  
  
 _They turned as Tyler walked up and touched Julia on the arm._  
  
 _“Hey, can I talk to you for a minute or two?”_  
  
 _Julia smiled. “Of course!”_  
  
 _Tyler peeked behind her and smiled at the happy couple._  
  
 _“Congratulations, guys. That was a beautiful ceremony. Welcome to the Dunne family madness officially, Chels.”_  
  
 _They all laughed and Julia followed Tyler up the stairs into his bedroom._  
  
 _“What’s up?”_  
  
 _Tyler paced as he thought and reached in his pocket to pull out the ring.  
  
_ Julia gasped.  
  
 _“Tyler! Oh my gosh!”_  
  
 _Tyler laughed. “Yeah… I want to ask Grace tomorrow, but I need some good ideas. I wish I would have been here when Jess asked you, but… I loved that idea. It was creative and unique and just…sweet. I’ve been thinking and thinking of different ideas, and… I got nothing.”_  
  
 _Julia sat on the bed and sighed._  
  
 _“Well, you could always do a tried and true method. Bake it into her pancake, take her on a walk and ask her under the stars, get her a puppy and tie the ring around the collar?”_  
  
 _Tyler’s face dropped as he plopped down on the floor._  
  
 _“Yeah…no. I don’t want any of that. She’s too special for something basic like that.” He bit his lip as he pulled his legs up._  
  
 _“I could… write her a song? I mean, I’m sure that’s been done before too, but… it wouldn’t have been written by me before. Plus, she is always trying to get me to go back to music anyway…”_  
  
 _“I love that idea! Yes! Do that.”_  
  
 _Tyler started to laugh loudly and Julia shushed him._  
  
 _“She’s going to hear you!”_  
  
 _Tyler clamped his hands over his mouth and tried to control his laugh.  
  
Julia slapped her knees as she stood and said, __“Well, I’m going to leave you to it. Write a hit, little brother.” She winked and Tyler stood up and hugged her._  
  
 _“Thanks, Jules. Oh, and hey… maybe I could tie the ring around Kyle? She loves those baby snuggles.” He smiled and Julia melted._  
  
 _“Aww, my baby. Of course. I’ll hook it to his bowtie. Would that work? Oh my goodness, I got him the cutest little outfit that I have been dying to put him in. It will be perfect.”_  
  
 _“You are such a mom! But yeah, that sounds great. Thanks, sis.”  
  
_____________  
  
_ **Jagger** _:_ I wish we would have been there when Tyler proposed. I would have loved to be there for that. We got back in time for Christmas breakfast but... we missed the proposal. Actually, we missed a lot. But that camper... [winks]


	29. Chapter 29

**December 25th, 2001 - Pittsburgh** _  
  
  
The next morning went off without a hitch. Tyler had stayed up all night writing a song, and he played it for Julia and Jessica while everyone was downstairs making breakfast._  
  
 _“Oh my God, Ty… that’s beautiful.” Jessica wiped her eyes as Julia held Kyle closer to her body. He was dressed up and ready to go. The ring hidden behind his bowtie._  
  
 _“Thanks.” Tyler smiled wide as he shook his hands out, trying to get rid of the nerves._  
  
 _“I was actually thinking, maybe Warren could play the cajon while I play the guitar? Make it a little richer?”_  
  
  
 _“I like that idea.” Jessica nodded and Julia agreed._  
  
 _“Would you mind… finding him for me? I want to work on this before heading downstairs.”_  
  
 _Julia handed Kyle to Jessica and said, “Yeah, of course!”_  
  
 _She walked downstairs and the kitchen was bustling. Camila and Daisy were blasting Christmas music as everyone moved around each other, prepping all the good stuff. They were going all out. A full Mexican feast, as well as a proper Dunne breakfast.  
  
Pancakes, waffles, French toast, bacon and eggs, to go along with the potatoes and chorizo that Camila was whipping up, and so much more. The kitchen smelled like heaven. _  
  
_“Hey, has anyone seen Warren?” Julia shouted over the noise, and Graham turned to her._  
  
 _“I think he’s upstairs helping Susana with something. Why?”_  
  
 _Julia looked at him and shifted her glance to Grace quickly before looking back at him. Graham took the hint and nodded._  
  
 _“I’ll go look for him!" He brushed past Julia and she whispered, “Send him to Ty’s room. He needs help with something.”_  
  
 _Graham nodded and patted her shoulder as he took the steps two at a time._  
  
  
 _Suddenly, there was a loud shout coming from upstairs and everyone in the kitchen stopped in their tracks. Daisy reached to turn off the radio as they waited to hear what was happening._  
  
 _  
“WHAT THE FUCK?!”_  
  
 _“Oh my God! GET OUT, UNCLE GRAHAM!”_  
  
 _“Graham I can…”_  
  
 _  
Warren tried to speak but he was interrupted by Graham’s fist hitting his jaw. He stumbled back into a dresser, causing a vase to fall off and shatter._  
  
 _Billy’s eyes got wide as he ran up the steps and into Susana’s room, finding Graham with both hands pulling at the collar of Warren’s shirt._  
  
 _“Graham! Stop it!” Billy pulled Graham off of Warren as Susana sat on the bed, tears rising against her will._  
  
 _  
Warren shook his head and straightened his shirt before rubbing his jaw._  
  
 _“What’s going on in here?” Billy asked calmly._  
  
 _“He was…He was all over her man! Susana! They were making out and he was on top of her!” Graham’s voice was loud and high and Billy felt his jaw and fist clench simultaneously._  
  
 _“It wasn’t like that. Billy, let me…” Warren stepped forward to talk as Billy turned and decked his jaw again._  
  
 _“Daddy, stop it!!!” Susana was screaming as Billy launched at Warren._  
  
 _“She’s just a kid! What the hell were you doing to my daughter, you pervert!” Billy was punching Warren in between his sentences and Graham was holding a screaming Susana back._  
  
 _Daisy and Camila, along with Tyler, all ran into the room._  
  
 _Daisy and Tyler pulled Billy off of Warren while Camila held Susana, comforting her as she tried to piece together what was happening._  
  
 _“You need to leave. RIGHT NOW!” Billy shouted and Daisy touched his arm, speaking softly as she tried to calm him and stop his veins from popping._  
  
 _“Daddy, stop!” Susana was sobbing now as Warren nursed his quickly bruising face._  
  
 _“Ok, ok, enough.” Camila stepped in between the men and spoke firmly._  
  
 _“No one is going anywhere until we find out what the hell was going on.”_  
  
 _  
“He was fucking her, that’s what was going on.” Graham spat and Billy’s jaw clenched again._  
  
 _“I wasn’t! Billy, you gotta believe me. It wasn’t like that…” Warren was pleading with someone, anyone to believe him._  
  
 _“I know what I saw.” Rage filled Graham’s eyes as his protectiveness for his niece spilled over, affecting the entire atmosphere._  
  
 _“Is this true?” Camila spoke calmly, but her voice was accusatory._  
  
 _  
“No! No it’s not! We’ve never even had sex!” Susana was hysterical._  
  
 _By this point, the entire motley crew was in the room, instantly taking sides without facts._  
  
 _Eddie was now holding back both Billy and Graham by the back of their shirts, screaming, “CALM THE FUCK DOWN, YOU SHITHEADS!”_  
  
 _People started throwing out opinions and screaming their own beliefs of what happened, so Camila whistled and shut them all down._  
  
 _“Ok, this is what we’re going to do. Warren, Susana, Billy and I, will stay in this room. Everyone else, OUT!”_  
  
 _Everyone started to protest all at once, but Camila stared them down and pointed to the door.  
  
She was the ultimate mama bear. _  
  
_When the door shut, she locked it and turned back to the three emotional messes._  
  
 _She inhaled deeply as she thought._  
  
 _“Ok. So. Warren, sit over there. Billy, you sit over there, and Susana, you sit here next to me. I want to get to the bottom of what could have possibly made my super sweet, rarely rattled, husband lose his shit.”_  
  
 _  
The four of them spread out and sat in the awkward silence for a minute before Camila spoke again._  
  
 _“No one is going to talk? Ok. Then I will start with what I have pieced together, and you are going to tell me if it’s true or false, ok?” Her voice was cold and comforting at the same time._  
  
 _“I’ll talk.” Warren cleared his throat as he avoided eye contact with Billy._  
  
 _“Susana and I… we were making out. But that’s it. I promise. I haven’t even touched her like that yet. It wasn’t shady. We were… we were going to tell you both… all of you… this week.”_  
  
 _Billy began to argue, but Camila held up a hand to stop him. She crossed her leg over the other one, clasping her fingers together on her knee as she looked at Warren._  
  
  
 _“You were going to tell us…what exactly?”_  
  
 _Warren swallowed hard._  
  
 _  
“We’re in love, mom. That’s what.” Susana’s voice croaked as she whispered her words. Warren looked at her with an apologetic face, forcing himself to stay seated and not move to comfort her._  
  
  
 _Camila exhaled loudly before saying._  
  
 _“When did this start? HOW did this start?”_  
  
 _“Hold on. I can guarantee you that Susana was not the reason this started. HE’S TWICE HER AGE! My girl is better than that.” Billy’s words were dripping with venom as he pointed at Warren._  
  
 _“STOP TALKING ABOUT ME LIKE I’M NOT HERE.” Susana screamed and everyone bristled._  
  
 _“You have NEVER given two shits about my life, daddy. Not when I was growing up, not when I was in school… not when I became a model. You’ve never cared about any boyfriend…or girlfriend… that I’ve had before and you know why? Because I haven’t told you about them. I haven’t been able to tell you about them because I barely talk to you! I know my name isn’t Julia or Jagger, but I matter too, you know? And Warren… he knows that. He sees ME. Did you even remember that TWO of my best friends died in 9/11? Or that they had been my college roommates? Or did you not retain that information because it didn’t involve Jagger doing drugs on tour or Julia giving birth to your first grandkid?”_  
  
 _Tears were streaming down her and Camila’s faces, and Warren and Billy were fighting their own._  
  
  
 _“You know… when I was little and The Six was on tour… after every show, I remember you…” Susana scoffed into a laugh as she bounced her leg. “… you would get offstage and if mom was holding me and Maria, you would kiss our heads, but then… you would go and scoop up Julia. Swinging her around, playing with her, dressing up with her… and it was like we didn’t even exist. I was four, but that memory is still so vivid.” She stopped for a minute to breathe, and tears slowly started to fall from Billy’s eyes._  
  
 _“But… do you know who DID notice me and Maria? Warren. He would get offstage and he would pick me or Maria up, throw us in the air, and let us draw on his face with markers.” They all collectively laughed through their tears at the memory._  
  
 _“He was there. And when I lost Brigette and Leslie, do you know who stayed up until 3am with me, letting me cry and tell him stories of memories together while he was in the middle of his own grief? Warren. That’s who. He went through HELL, and he still cared about me and made sure I was ok. So yeah, we leaned on each other. And yeah, we got close. And over the course of these last months, we fell in love. But you know what? I haven’t even told him that yet!” She laughed into the air as her tears fell faster._  
  
 _“I didn’t get a chance to do that because you almost killed him. And no, we haven’t had sex yet. But dear GOD have I wanted to.”_  
  
 _Warren blushed and Billy’s jaw clenched again as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees._  
  
 _“Was I… was I really THAT horrible of a father? Did I fuck up so bad that you now want to literally fuck someone who could BE your dad? How the hell did it get to this?” His voice cracked and Warren spoke up._  
  
 _“Billy, that’s enough. I won’t have you using that vulgar language to describe or discredit what we have. Susana is not a child anymore. Trust me, it took me a while to get past that too… but she… she’s a woman. A woman with her own mind and her own choices and… even though I don’t know how in the hell I got lucky enough to be on her radar in a romantic way, she chose me. And I choose her. Now, this can either cause issues between you and me, or we can be men about this and shake hands and move on. I would say punch it out, but you’ve already done that.” Warren smiled slightly, but Billy was not amused._  
  
 _He turned to Camila and said, “You were there, Cam. Was I that horrible? I mean… are you seeing this? Tell me you’re not ok with this.”_  
  
 _Camila looked at him, and then at Susana._  
  
 _“Are you happy, baby? Does he take care of you? Is he the good man that we have always thought he was?”_  
  
 _Susana nodded furiously as a sob escaped her. She fell to the floor in front of Camila, laying her head on her lap as she continued to nod._  
  
 _“He’s so good, mom. So, so good to me.”_  
  
 _Warren sniffed back his own tears as he folded his arms and looked up to the ceiling._  
  
 _Billy felt his face heat and his heart began to race as Camila began to speak._  
  
 _“You know… Billy… all we have ever wanted for our girls is for them to be happy. For them to find love and for them to have a life they could be proud of. To put family first, and to never settle. I will admit, this is a shock. I won’t pretend like it’s not. But it was a shock and adjustment when Julia came out too, and look at how well that turned out. We have a wonderful new daughter in Jessica and a brand new delicious baby in the family who will hopefully call me anything but Grandma someday.”_  
  
 _Billy let a smile escape him as she continued._  
  
 _“You are an amazing father. You always have been, and I will go to my grave saying that. But… there were times where Julia, and then Jagger, took precedent. Now I’m not blaming you for that. I obviously had my own issues when I didn’t even notice that my little girl was suicidal…" She paused and swallowed hard.  
  
"We all fuck up in the parenting department sometimes. But this…” She continued stroking Susana’s hair as she looked at Warren. “This is good. Our baby is happy, and loved, and most importantly, taken care of. That really is all we can ask for.”_  
  
 _Billy stood up and kicked his chair back before he headed to the door._  
  
 _He turned around with his hand on the doorknob and said with a cold voice, “Well then. I hope you two will be very happy together. But he better never call me dad.”_  
  
 _“Daddy…” Susana’s voice cracked as Billy turned to walk out. Her voice stopped him in his tracks and he turned back around just in time to open his arms and catch her._  
  
 _“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said all of that. I love you. So much. You have been an amazing dad to us. I’m so sorry.” Susana spoke through sobs as Billy rubbed her back._  
  
 _Camila covered her mouth as tears began to fall down her cheeks, and Warren sat forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he buried his face in his hands._  
  
 _Billy held Susana tightly, stroking her hair and working hard to calm her down._  
  
 _“I love you. And your sister. SO MUCH. I’m sorry you didn’t feel that because… I would die for you, kid. Everything I’ve ever done… getting clean and sober, and any good I’ve ever done in my life… it was all for you. The three of you. You have always been my world. I’m so so sorry too.”_  
  
 _Susana squeezed him tighter and Warren stood up and walked over to Billy._  
  
 _“Man to man, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I was…we were... just trying to make sure this was real first. But it is. And I will respect her til my last breath.” He extended his hand and Billy took it, shaking it firmly as he said, “Which will be sooner than expected if you EVER hurt her.”_  
  
 _Warren nodded and Susana stood on her tip toes to plant a kiss on Billy’s cheek._  
  
 _“I love you, daddy.”_  
  
 _Billy stared Warren down as he said, “I love you too, baby girl. I always will.”_  
  
________________________  
  
  
 **Camila** : That was… rough. There’s still tension there all these years later. I mean, you’ve felt it. I honestly think that Billy was hoping this was a phase. Something Susana would grow out of. But almost twenty years later and… they’re still going strong.  
  
  
 **Billy** : Things definitely changed between me and Warren. I try to not let it get too weird, but… it is. It always will be. That’s just the way it is. I love the guy, but… yeah. It’s still weird.  
  
  
 **Susana** : The tension is worth it. I wouldn’t trade no tension for no Warren. As bad as that whole thing was, I was relieved it was out.  
  
  
 **Warren** : My jaw hurt for about a week. [laughs] But I agree, it was good to get it out there. Especially because as SOON as we got back to New York, the paparazzi invaded our privacy and got shots of us in bed together. That was a whole other thing. Long story short, we sued and won, but the pictures were still out there. Floating around on the web. It was infuriating. We were never a fetish. We love each other.  
  
  
 **Susana** : That was the biggest invasion of privacy. It was… the first time we were actually together. We had waited until our family knew… and then they took that away from us. I hated the age of technology we were entering. That’s why I don’t have social media. Everyone has opinions on everything.  
  
  
 **Camila** : That day was a lot. I mean, why is it that we can never just have a peaceful, normal Christmas? I was still drying my tears from the whole Warren and Susana thing when we walked downstairs. Just in time to see Grace say yes and everyone cheer. [bites her lip to hold back tears] I missed it. He didn’t wait for me. I missed my baby’s proposal. That hurt. A lot. Still does. Especially after… what happened.  
  
  
 **Tyler** : It was a dick move. I know. I didn’t mean to hurt her. Not at all. But… I didn’t know how long they were going to be up there, and I definitely thought Warren wouldn’t be in any position to play the cajon after Uncle Billy got ahold of him. And I think… [pauses] I wanted a moment to be about me for once. Me and Grace. There’s always SOME kind of drama happening in the Dunne house, and… I just wanted it to be perfect. Grace cried. [smiles] That’s a memory I will hold on to the rest of my life. Even though… it didn’t work out.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Everything was dying down a little bit. Finally. Tyler and Grace were engaged, everyone got to see Chels and I get married, AGAIN, we all finally knew about Susana and Warren…which… whatever. Didn’t love it. Didn’t hate it either. Hey, if good people fall in love, who are we to have an opinion about that? Anyway. We were eating breakfast, when the phone rang. I remember… my mom got up to answer it, and she got this confused look on her face. She came into the dining room and said that it was for Chelsea, and the whole table kind of stopped. Chels got up and I could tell she was embarrassed. She doesn’t love the spotlight. [laughs softly] But then… I watched her crumple to the kitchen floor, no sound coming out of her instant sob.  
  
__________________  
  
 **December 25 th, 2001 – Pittsburgh**   
  
  
_“Chelsea!” Jagger leapt off of his chair and ran to the kitchen, sliding down next to her._  
  
 _Chelsea dropped the phone and Treena ran and picked it up._  
  
 _“Hello, this is Treena, Chelsea’s friend… who is speaking, please?”_  
  
 _“Um…Hello…Treena… um… this is Chelsea’s mother…” Mrs. Paine’s voice was shaking as she tried to speak through her tears._  
  
 _“Oh! Mrs. Paine. Merry Christmas.” Treena tried to lighten the call, hoping it was nothing serious._  
  
 _“Not really, dear.” Mrs. Paine cried again before continuing._  
  
 _“I am so sorry to call and interrupt your lovely Christmas morning, but I had to tell Chelsea that…”_  
  
 _Treena’s hand began to shake as she waited._  
  
 _“There was an attack on my husband’s military base in Afghanistan. He… he didn’t make it.”_  
  
 _There was a sudden pit in Treena’s stomach as she looked down as Jagger tried to comfort an inconsolable Chelsea._  
  
 _“I am so, so sorry for your loss, Mrs. Paine. Is there anything that we can do?” Treena was determined to keep her voice steady._  
  
 _Chelsea’s mother was quiet for a minute before she whispered, “Just pray. Pray for my daughter and pray for the souls that were lost, and the other families that will be mourning today as well.”_  
  
 _Treena could hear her shoving her tears down, and it made Treena’s own appear._  
  
 _“I will do that, Mrs. Paine. I will say a prayer for you too. I’m so sorry again.”_  
  
 _She hung up the phone and slid down on the other side of Chelsea._  
  
 _“Chelsea… I… my God… I am so so sorry.”_  
  
 _Jagger looked at Treena and gave her a grateful smile._  
  
 _“Could you please go tell everyone else? I don’t think we’ll be moving from this spot for a while.” Jagger whispered as he rocked Chelsea, who was clinging to him for dear life._  
  
 _Treena nodded and stood up slowly, touching Chelsea’s shoulder gently before walking into the dining room._  
  
 _Jagger heard it go dead quiet, then an uproar of cries and screams and commotion as everyone wanted to check on Chelsea._  
  
 _Treena stopped all of them except for Sophia and Grace._  
  
 _Sophia ran into the kitchen and fell down beside Chelsea, laying her head in her lap as she wrapped her arms around her waist, squeezing tightly as she cried alongside Chelsea and Jagger._

  
 _Grace sat down slowly in front of Chelsea, saying nothing, but rubbing her legs gently as her own tears fell silently._  
  
 _“I’m so sorry, Chelsea. I’m so so sorry.” Sophia sobbed into Chelsea’s lap, and Chelsea opened her arm wide for her. Sophia slid up and leaned against her.  
  
Jagger wrapped his arms around them both as he started singing “ **Screaming** ” quietly over them. The song he and Chelsea had written the first night they really learned about each other. _  
  
_“No… please not that song.” Chelsea whispered._  
  
 _“Ok… is there another one you would like?” Jagger’s voice was soft, and Chelsea began to cry again as she said, just above a whisper, “Amazing grace.”_  
  
 _Jagger wasn’t religious and he had only ever heard that song at funerals, so he was stuck._  
  
 _All of a sudden, Sophia and Grace, in their small, pure voices, started singing and you could have sworn angels were in that kitchen._  
  
 _Chelsea continued to cry as Sophia and Grace continued singing every verse, tears falling down everyone’s face. Even Jagger tried to pick up some of the words to sing along._  
  
 _“Thank you”, Chelsea whispered when they had sung the song._  
  
 _She sat up and wiped her red and swollen eyes as she said, “I need to go home, Jag. To North Carolina.” Jagger nodded and said, “We’ll leave right away.” He stood up and helped her stand, but when she did, she shook her head._  
  
 _“No. I need to go alone. I need to… think. See my mom. I’m sorry.”_  
  
 _Jagger felt like he had just been punched in the gut. She didn’t want him. She didn’t need him when she was hurting. He tried to tell himself that it wasn’t personal, but it sure felt like it._  
  
 _“Ok. Whatever you need, baby.”_  
  
 _They walked out into the living room, where everyone collectively gave her a sympathetic look, and rushed to hug her._  
  
 _She laughed through her tears as everyone held her, and Dylan stepped up and said, “I called Clarence. He’s getting you a flight out tonight. You’ll be home by 6.”  
His hands were in his pockets awkwardly. He never knew how to handle it when a girl cried. _  
  
_Chelsea wrapped her arms around him and whispered, “Thank you” into his ear._  
  
 _“Do you want me to come back with you too? I could see my parents too…” Grace wrapped her arm around Chelsea’s shoulder and Chelsea shook her head._  
  
 _“No, thank you though. Like I told Jag, I need to do this alone.”_  
  
 _“Ok. Well my bus is going to pick me up tonight for my show in Virginia tomorrow. Want us to make a detour and take you to the airport?”_  
  
 _Chelsea smiled again as she said, “No, thank you. But you’re sweet to offer.”_  
  
 _Chelsea looked past Dylan to Treena who was sitting by herself on a kitchen chair. She walked over to her and sat beside her, placing a hand on her knee gently._  
  
 _“Treena…I…thank you.” Her voice shook, and Treena put a hand on Chelsea’s hand and said, “It wasn’t a problem. Besides… you were there for me when I was passed out in an alleyway.”_  
  
 _Chelsea tilted her head and Treena smiled._  
  
 _“Jagger. He told me. Thank you.”_  
  
 _Chelsea laughed as she wiped a tear._  
  
 _“Look... I know you love him. And I hated that for a long time, but now… I’m glad he has more people to love him. Life is short, you know? Can we just… call a truce?”_  
  
 _Treena laughed softly through her own tears as she said, “Yes. Yes please.” She wrapped her arms around Chelsea’s neck and the two girls hugged for the first time ever, finally accepting each other as friends._  
  
  
 _Jagger walked over and said, “Can I help you pack?”_  
  
  
___________________________  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : I shouldn’t have been so stubborn. I should have let Jagger come with me. I should have let Grace come with me… I… [blows out a breath] of everything I wish I had done different in my life, that night was the start of all of it.  
  
  
 **Tyler** : I hated saying goodbye to Grace that night. The room was just… heavy. It didn’t feel a whole lot like Christmas, that’s for sure. I should have gone to Nashville instead… I shouldn’t have made her come to Pitt… if that bus was going in a different direction…  
  
  
 **Daisy** : Dunne Family Christmases. I want to love them. I do love them. But I also hate them. After the drama and low of Warren and Susana, which I am totally ok with, by the way, I just can’t really tell Billy that, we rode an emotional up and down roller coaster the rest of the day. I just wish that our lows weren’t as tragic as they always seem to be…  
  
  
 **Maria** : Let me go through the list that is “Happy and sad Trau-mas 2001”, shall I? My brother and new sister had the most perfect wedding, then we all found out my sister was screwing an old guy who we used to see as family. My cousin got engaged to the sweetest, most perfect southern sweetheart, then Chelsea loses her father on Christmas day. Jessica announces that she has secretly been implanted and impregnated by a sperm donor *coughBriancough* so yay, new baby, then... I find my brother making out with my boyfriend in the hot tub. I mean, am I living in a freaking soap opera?! Needless to say, Chase was NOT “the one”.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : We were high. Eddie brought the good stuff. We found it. It was what it was. She wasn’t going to marry the guy anyway, and we were all stressed from the day… whatever. I haven’t seen him since Maria threw him out and threw cab money in his face. [laughs]  
  
  
 **Tyler** : That was… awkward. Watching Maria throw out this dude we didn’t even really know after he had his tongue down Dylan’s throat… Dunne Christmases, I tell ya. But… I wish the drama would have stopped there. It was the best birthday and worst birthday of my life too…  
  
  
 **Julia/Narrator** : _On December 26 th, 2001, at 2am, Grace River, along with her entire band and crew, were involved in a massive bus crash as a semi-truck hit a patch of black ice and crashed into the side of the tour bus, spinning it into other cars, and ultimately tipping it on its side where cars continued to plow into it, causing a massive pile up. The driver of the bus was thrown through the windshield as the bus rolled and caught fire. No one was wearing a seatbelt, and unfortunately, no one made it out alive. She was only twenty-two years old._


	30. Chapter 30

  
**Tyler** : Her funeral… [stops and takes a deep breath as he clenches his fists.]  
  
  
 **  
Julia** : It’s ok, little brother. We’ve got this.  
  
  
 **Tyler** : [shakes his head] No. No, I’m ok. Her funeral… was on New Year’s Eve. In Nashville. It was… packed. I knew that she was loved, and that she was really making a name for herself in country music, but to me, she was always just Grace. I didn’t pay as much attention to the career side. [pauses] But God. Everyone was there. You name it, they were there. And when Vince Gill played “Go rest high on that mountain”, and Dolly Parton squeezed me so tight I couldn’t breathe… I finally realized why she loved it so much. Country music really is a family. You hear that a lot but… it’s true. I had never met any of those artists before. Well, besides in passing at festivals or other events like award shows. Yet… they made sure I was ok. Told me I could call any of them for anything. When Faith Hill and Tim McGraw pulled me aside and told me that it was an honor for them to have Grace open for them, and that she never stopped talking about me… [pauses and bites his lip as he bounces his leg] that meant…more than I could have ever imagined. Nashville really came out to honor one of their own. But so did…my family. I told them all not to come. I needed to do this myself. But like any good family, they didn’t buy my bullshit.  
  
  
 **  
Graham** : I don’t know why he would think for a minute we wouldn’t all come. He should know by now, Dunnes stick together. It might be messy, but we show up.  
  
  
 **  
Daisy** : That one hurt all of us. Just seeing gentle, quiet, never gets into any trouble, loyal as all get out, Tyler… lose the one person in his life who had finally brought him some peace… it wasn’t fair. All because of some fucking black ice. It’s just mind blowing how every day really is a gift. [sighs] Really made me thankful that all of the fucked up shit I did back in my day never caught up with me. But I think that made it even more frustrating. Me…Billy…hell, all of us in The Six, destroyed our bodies at one point or another. Smoking, drinking, drugs…even the sex with multiple random people unprotected. Now looking back, at my age, in a major AIDS era, I’m shocked we’re all fine. But that’s what is such bullshit, you know? We lived. I mean really got to live our lives and not even think about it. Stupid choices sometimes, but we lived. But Grace… sweet, innocent, good as good can be Grace, died because of freaking black ice? It’s just not fair.  
  
  
  
 **Camila** : I cried. The entire time. My baby boy was in so much pain. He was going to speak and give a eulogy, but… he couldn’t make it through. [Pauses and wipes a tear] But I will never forget what happened next.  
  
  
____________________  
  
 **December 31 st, 2001 – Ryman Auditorium – Nashville, Tennessee**  
  
  
 _“Hi…everyone. My name is Tyler Dunne. I am… was… Grace’s fiancé.”_  
  
 _Tyler paused as he placed both hands on the sides of the podium, desperately trying to shove his emotions down and get through his eulogy._  
  
 _“As many of you know… or I would hope all of you know, Grace was an angel on earth. Not only did she have a smile that lit up any and every room she walked in to, but she had a soul that was even brighter. There wasn’t a moment that went by when we were together, that I didn’t witness her changing someone’s life by just being her…”_  
  
 _He paused as he looked down at his speech and wiped away a tear quickly._  
  
 _“And she never did it for recognition or to make herself look good. She just WAS good. If you spent five minutes with her… you felt like you were home. She was warm, and funny and…”  
  
His voice broke as he continued.  
  
“…so beautiful. My family used to tease me and say, ‘how did you get a girl like her?’, and if I’m honest… I don’t know. I don’t know what I did to deserve to even be in the same room as Grace, let alone be loved by her."  
  
He sniffed back his tears before continuing.   
  
"She loved music. LOVED music. And she loved all of you. She has wanted to be a country singer from the time she was a little girl. She told me… She asked me to…”_  
  
 _Tyler looked over at his family before he took a deep breath and tried to continue, but the lump in his throat was to great._  
  
 _“I… I never…” he looked down and let a silent sob escape him before he felt a soft hand on his back._  
  
 _  
Sophia Dunne stepped up to the microphone and podium as Tyler turned around to let out the tears he could no longer contain._  
  
  
 _“Um, hi… I’m Sophia. Tyler’s sister.” She looked down at Tyler’s speech and smiled softly before she went off script._  
  
 _“My brother…wrote a beautiful eulogy. Because that’s who HE is. He doesn’t know how good he is… as a writer, a guitarist, a brother and just a human being in general… but he is. That’s why he and Grace were so perfect together. Because they made the world better together. But I am not going to read the rest of this speech because it is his to give. I’m just going to speak from my heart. It will probably suck…fair warning.”_  
  
 _The crowd chuckled softly, making her smile._  
  
 _  
“I don’t normally do well in front of large crowds… so please, bear with me.”_  
  
 _She paused as she thought about what to say next._  
  
 _“I didn’t get to know Grace as well as I would have liked to. My brother spent most of his time in Nashville with all of you fine people…”  
  
The audience laughed again softly.  
  
“…so I only spent time with her on holidays. But my brother is right. Grace was selfless, humble, beautiful, kind… the first person to offer a hand, and truly a soft place to land when life just hit you in the gut. She was gentle and calm, a wonderful friend and so full of that sweet southern charm. I’ve... been through a lot in my life, and she was someone I instantly felt like I could bare my soul to. She never judged me. Ever. And she… she loved my brother with everything inside of her. That was obvious. She adored him, and I am so thankful for that.”_  
  
 _Sophia smiled softly as she searched the room._  
  
 _“She never spoke bad about anyone, ever. She told me… she told me once, that a kind word turns away anger, and if she could make someone feel safe and loved, even in the middle of an argument, she didn’t have to be right, or win that argument. She just wanted the other person to be ok. She spoke about her family constantly… her mom and dad…brother and sister…whom she loved fiercely…”_  
  
 _She turned around to look at Tyler who had his hands on his hips and was exhaling deeply._  
  
 _“But as a little sister to a brother who never felt like he mattered, fit in, or ever understood just how loved he really is… I know Grace saved him. She made him better, and he made her better, and together, no matter how long they got… or didn’t get… they still made this world just a little bit better too.”_  
  
 _She bit her lip softly._  
  
 _“Grace is gone… and it is not ok. It will never be ok. We will forever mourn a life that was lost and gone way too soon… but I… I just want to say…”_  
  
 _Sophia stepped around the podium and walked down the steps to the casket and a large picture of a smiling Grace._  
  
 _“…thank you for loving my brother and for always taking care of him. I promise I’ll keep him safe now, until he sees you again. We love you.”_  
  
  
 __________________  
  
  
  
 **Tyler** _:_ I was speechless. That… [blows out a breath] that meant more to me than I could ever put into words.  
  
  
 **Sophia** : I had to step up. He needed me.  
  
  
 **Camila** : My kids…my babies… good Lord I was a hot mess.  
  
  
 **Billy** : That was really something. I didn’t really know Grace all that well, but hearing all of the eulogies and especially Tyler and Sophia’s… I wished I had. But I was proud of those kids for stepping up. They are Dunnes through and through.   
  
  
**Eddie** : Fuck. When little Sophia walked up there… damn. She even got to me. That’s hard to do.  
  
  
 **Julia** : She was seventeen, so not so little, but I know what you mean. I couldn’t stop crying.  
  
  
 **Eddie** : Seventeen is still fucking little. Hell, you’re all still little to me. Doesn’t matter how old you are.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : That speech… both of them… broke me. In the best way, the worst way… all of the ways. Grace’s mom had asked me to speak, and I wanted to. God, I wanted to. But… I was a mess. I was still dealing with the aftermath of my dad being gone, and what that meant for my family, and then my best friend in the entire world, the only person who knew literally everything about me… who could read my thoughts with just a look across the room…who went shopping with me for our first bras, who spent every Saturday night at my house learning guitar while I learned piano… [tears stream as he voice gets louder and her face gets red]… someone who is SO MUCH BETTER than I have ever fucking been and who should have been here instead of me because all I did after she was gone was fuck up my life and so many others… [sobs escape loudly]  
  
  
 **Julia** : Chels… Chelsea…. It’s ok… shhh. She loved you…  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : I KNOW. That’s part of the problem. None of this was fair. She was so good! SO good, Julia. I’m not! I’m a horrible person! I mean, I must have been if karma bit me in the ass that hard. First my dad… then my best friend… I lost it. I went crazy. I couldn’t speak at her funeral because I wasn’t in my right mind. I let her down… I let her family down… I pushed Jagger away… [wipes her tears with her sleeves] I ruined my life after they died, Jules. I don’t… I’m still paying for it. I mean, I showed up drunk to my best friend's funeral. I never drink! What kind of horrible person does that. I ruin everyone. I made such a mess, Julia.   
  
  
**Julia** : What do you mean?  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : Jagger… me and Treena… I messed up so bad, I sent him running to her… and then… you know…  
  
  
 **Julia** : Yeah, I do…  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : it’s no wonder he left me. I made him.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I never left her. She left me. And I didn’t want any of it, but she pushed me. What was I supposed to do?  
  
  
 **Julia** : Maybe not run back to your ex-girlfriend? Jesus, Jag. You’ve gone back and forth for years now. You know you don’t have to wait for things to come to you or happen to you. Fight for what you want, little brother. If these last few stories have reminded me of anything, it’s that life is short. You deserve to be happy. Stop waiting around and make a choice already! Hell, you don’t even have to choose between Treena and Chelsea. JUST PICK ALREADY.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [glares] That’s rich coming from someone who was used by their wife for years, and then refuses to even talk to her now or stand up for herself. Jessica cheated on you. So what right? She’s been doing that since you started dating. If it was that big of an issue, you should have ended it sooner. You’re right, life is short. So why do you continually let her treat you like a punching bag? Why did you never, and why do you never branch out either? There’s plenty of women who would be lucky to have you, Jules. And it’s so god damn frustrating to watch because you’ll go back to her. Eventually. You always do. Except this time, just let Brian move in with you guys. It would save time.  
  
  
 **Julia** : [clenches her jaw} At least MY wife never-  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Don’t you DARE.  
  
  
 ___________________________  
  
 **December 31 st, 2001 – Nashville Tennessee**  
  
  
 _“Tyler that was… wow. Thank you for that. Grace would have loved it.” Grace’s mother pulled Tyler in for a big hug and he felt her cry into his chest._  
  
 _“It was nothing. Really. My sister handled it better.” Tyler pulled back and put his hands in his pockets._  
  
 _“No, it was absolutely perfect. Thank you. And always remember, you’re family now. We are here for whatever you need.” Mrs. River smiled sadly, and Tyler swallowed down the lump in his throat._  
  
 _“Thank you. I’m here too. Truly. If you need anything, please call me. I can be on a flight as soon as possible.”_  
  
  
 ________________  
  
  
 _“Chelsea! Baby! You came." Jagger ran to the back of the room when he saw Chelsea trying to sneak out._  
  
 _She looked bad. She had clearly been crying and her eyes were swollen. She had dark circles underneath that showed her lack of sleep, and Jagger’s eyes got wide when he realized she smelled like vodka. He had never seen her take a drink of anything stronger than a wine spritzer the entire time he had known her._  
  
 _He reached for her and she pulled away, still slightly drunk._  
  
 _“I can’t Jagger. Not right now.” She stumbled back slightly, and he caught her elbow._  
  
 _“Chelsea, what is going on? I haven’t seen you in a week, you’re not answering my calls, you’re clearly not sleeping… let me help. What is happening here? This isn’t you.” Jagger’s voice was soft but firm as he directed her out the door and to a private bathroom. He locked the door and turned to face her._  
  
 _“Chels… I've missed you. Come here…”_  
  
 _He moved towards her and she put a hand up to stop him as she moved backwards._  
  
 _“Stop it, Jagger, I said not right now.” Her words had a slight slur and Jagger pinched the bridge of his nose, quickly getting frustrated._  
  
 _“Ok. I won’t touch you. My WIFE. Who I have missed like crazy and have been worried sick about. Chelsea, I’ve just wanted to be there for you…and you’re not letting me. I want to go to North Carolina with you. I want to help your mom. I want to be someone you can depend on… please…let me.”_  
  
 _Chelsea turned to look at him, and the look in her eyes was unfamiliar to him. She wasn’t herself._  
  
 _She pushed off of the bathroom wall and began walking towards him slowly, pulling her dress and bra off as she walked._  
  
 _“Ok. Fine. You want to touch me? You want to help me? Then fuck me. Right now. Right here in this bathroom.”_  
  
 _Jagger’s eyes got wide again as he moved backwards towards the door._  
  
 _“Chelsea…I…”_  
  
 _  
“What? You said you’ve wanted to touch me, right? Fine. Touch me. Run your hands all over my body. I don’t give a fuck anymore.”_  
  
 _She reached Jagger and stepped out of her underwear, fully exposing herself to him._  
  
 _She was his wife, but right now, she was a complete stranger._  
  
 _  
“Chelsea, stop it. I’m not doing this. Not here. Let’s go back to the hotel and talk and figure out what comes next. Let’s just take tonight… then we can talk about…THAT."_  
  
 _Chelsea scoffed as she turned around and picked up her dress. She slipped it on as she began to cry; anger filling her voice._  
  
 _  
“What comes next. Well shit, Jag. I don’t know. I don’t know where I’m going from one minute to the next. I just lost my father. He’s DEAD. He’s not coming back. Ever. And then… I lose my best friend! The one person who made me feel like I would be ok in that crazy place we call LA. She told me to chase my dreams... and she is the one I would call when anything good or bad would happen.”  
  
She let a sob escape her as she slid down against the wall._  
  
 _"You know the night we wrote “ **Screaming** ”? The first night you kissed me and told me your tea story?”_  
  
 _Jagger nodded._  
  
 _  
“We didn’t get out of the studio until…what… 3, 4am? Grace was the first person I called. She was the one who told me I should go for it with you. She was the one… She was the one I called after I found out you fucked Treena in New York. She was the one who told me not to let you go. To give you a second chance. That you were a good man. She told me I didn’t have anything to be worried about. But that’s not true, is it?” She looked over at Jagger who had moved to sit next to her._  
  
 _“Chelsea… I don’t know what…”_  
  
  
 _“I heard her. Back in September? I know Treena came to our house in the middle of the night. I heard you leave with her, and I smelled her perfume on you when you got home.”_  
  
 _Jagger winced as he clenched his jaw._  
  
 _“Chelsea it wasn’t…”_  
  
 _  
Chelsea held up a hand; pain, exhaustion and sheer disappointment all over her face._  
  
 _“It’s fine. I don’t blame you. She’s pretty amazing. I get it. But Jag… my life is falling apart. I don’t know how to function without those two pillars of strength in my life. I’ve never had to think about that. I knew… I knew that there was always a possibility that my dad wouldn’t come home one day. We’re a military family. That’s something you have engrained in you. And maybe I wouldn’t be so fucking messed up right now if it was JUST my dad. But him and Grace…at the same time…”  
  
She looked over at Jagger with tears in her eyes._  
  
 _“I don’t know how to do this. And I can’t put you through my pain because I know what it’s like to watch the person you love, push you away. So, I’m not pushing you away… I’m just saying goodbye. Go back to Treena. I know she’s the one who really has your heart anyway.”_  
  
  
 _Jagger’s jaw dropped._  
  
  
 _“What…Chelsea… what are you saying? Where is this coming from? No! No, you are not saying goodbye. I love you! I chose YOU. Not her. I CHOOSE you. Nothing happened with me and Treena. God! No! I want to help you with this grief… I’m hurting too, Chels. Seeing you broken like this… God, baby… let me fix it. I want you. I’ve always wanted you.”_  
  
 _  
Chelsea leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes as she felt the tears run down her cheeks and dip into her ears._  
  
 _  
“You can’t.” Her voice was small, and Jagger’s heart shattered.  
  
He rested his head on the wall next to her as he felt his own tears rising._  
  
  
 _“So… what are you saying exactly? What does this mean? Are you… leaving me? The band?”_  
  
 _Chelsea let another cry escape her as she shook her head._  
  
 _“I don’t know. I really don’t. I just know I need some time. Some…time…away. I just… I can’t do…this… right now.”_  
  
 _  
“Ok.”_  
  
 _Jagger’s voice cracked as he wrapped an arm around her, and this time she didn’t resist. She leaned into his body and cried until she couldn’t cry anymore._  
  
___________________  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : I shouldn’t have pushed him away. God… I shouldn’t have pushed him away. It’s all my fault. I ruined everything. I sent him…spiraling. I just… oh God Jules… [tears fall rapidly] I loved him! I still love him...  
  
  
 **  
Julia** : I know. I’m sorry. We can always stop if you need to.  
  
  
  
 **Tyler** : Unless you’ve experienced the grief of losing a parent and a best friend at the same time… I don’t think you can understand that kind of brokenness. Truly. [sighs] Mom and dad don’t even know this, so… you’re getting an exclusive here. But… when we were in Pittsburgh that Christmas, I opened a packet I had received a few days prior. I had been… looking into finding my birth parents. Legally, I wasn’t allowed to open it and find out anything until I turned eighteen. I opened it the minute the clock struck midnight. Grace was there... [long pause] She held my hand as I read the information the agency sent me. [inhales deeply] My father… the rapist, yeah, what a great thing to find out on your birthday, "you were the product of rape"… got out of prison for almost killing my mother and a couple of other women, after only ten years. Then he went out and immediately DID rape and kill a woman, so he went back to prison, where he ended up hanging himself. And my mother… Kayla… she ended up getting married and living this great life. Has three new kids with her husband. They live in Iowa. I guess he was a big time college football star. I couldn’t… I couldn’t interrupt her life. There was no way. Grace… Grace told me I should still call her, but I told her I would wait and do it with her… [his voice cracks] in the new year.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Oh Ty…  
  
  
  
 **Tyler:** [shakes his head] No. It’s fine. It is what it is. But… you could say I was pretty broken at that funeral too. I went back to Grace’s apartment and just passed out. I needed to be around her things. I needed to smell her perfume. I needed to… feel something. Anything. Or get numb. Either one. I was in pain. So much pain. I wasn’t into the party scene. Never have been. I was always the bore on tour, but I needed something badly. I went out and loaded up on whiskey and brandy and scotch and vodka… everything I had always stayed away from. I got sloshed. I needed to drown out my sorrows. I don’t even remember when Chelsea showed up.  
  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : Mrs. River asked me if I wanted to go to Grace’s apartment. Take anything I wanted before she donated the rest. Even in my mess, I knew I couldn’t just let Grace’s stuff be donated and never seen again. Her clothes just...out in the world, disappearing as quickly as…she did. So I went that night. I had a key, but the door was cracked open, which kind of freaked me out, but at that point, I wouldn’t have cared if a murderer did off me. I took my chances. It was Tyler. Passed out in the middle of the floor, booze all around him. Normally I would have been worried, but, you know, [points to self] hot mess over here. I just sat down in the middle of the living room and downed a bottle of Jack. Literally. A full, unopened bottle, and I downed it like it was milk. Ok... not the full bottle. But...enough.   
  
  
**Tyler** : I woke up with a pounding headache and Chelsea wrapped around my body. We were clothed, but it didn’t even phase me that she was there. I groaned and she woke up.  
  
__________________  
  
 **January 1 st – 2002 – Nashville, Tennessee**  
  
  
 _“What are you doing here?” Chelsea slurred and grunted as she rolled over and squinted an eye to look at Tyler._  
  
 _“What am I doing here? What are you doing here? I practically live here.” Tyler sat up and bent a knee, resting his elbow on it as he held his pounding head._  
  
 _“Ugggggg God. Sorry.” Chelsea covered her face with her hands as she rolled onto her back._  
  
 _  
“It’s fine. But really, what are you doing here? Where Jagger?”_  
  
 _Chelsea snorted._  
  
 _“With his girlfriend, I’m sure.”_  
  
 _Tyler cocked an eyebrow and Chelsea looked over at him._  
  
 _“Treena.”_  
  
 _Tyler nodded, still feeling the buzz making him say things he probably shouldn’t._  
  
 _“So he’s back with her? That makes sense. They did like to fuck like rabbits.”_  
  
 _Chelsea’s face went white and Tyler realized what he said, swearing under his breath._  
  
 _“Sorry. That’s the…Jack talking.”_  
  
 _  
Chelsea waved him off._  
  
 _“It’s fine. You’re right. I’ll never be good enough for Jag. And it’s probably for the best. He deserves someone better than me too.”  
  
Her tongue was dry and heavy, and she licked her lips, scowling at the metal taste in her mouth._  
  
 _“I need…” She squinted at the clock.  
  
8am. _  
  
_“Some pizza.”_  
  
  
 _“On it.” Tyler stood up and wobbled, grabbing onto the bar for stability._  
  
 _“Damn… hard liquor is a bitch.”_  
  
 _Chelsea giggled as she said, “Yeah, especially if you have no tolerance for it like us, you dork. This is the downside to not being partyers.”_  
  
 _Tyler laughed quietly to himself._  
  
 _“Yeah. I guess you’re right.” He stood there frozen in a haze as the realization of where he was, and who he was without, hit him like a ton of bricks._  
  
 _“Hey, Ty… the pizza?”_  
  
 _“Oh, right. Sorry.”_  
  
 ______________  
  
  
 _“So… you’re going to go through her stuff, huh?” Tyler tossed the last of his pizza crust back in the box as Chelsea wiped her hands._  
  
 _“Dude, don’t waste the crust! That’s the best part.” She picked up his discarded crust and finished it off in two bites._  
  
 _“DAMN, ok then.” Tyler laughed and Chelsea gave him a toothy, crust filled smile._  
  
 _She leaned back against the couch as she swallowed, and got serious._  
  
 _  
“How did you know?”_  
  
 _Tyler sighed._  
  
 _“I figured it was coming. I mean, she was your best friend, you’re here in Nash, and you two were practically the same size. It just made sense.” His voice was sad, and Chelsea reached over to touch his knee._  
  
 _“Are you ok with that?”_  
  
 _Tyler thought for a minute before nodding._  
  
 _“Yeah, she would want you to have it. Anything in here, I’m sure.”_  
  
 _  
Chelsea wiped the tear she hadn’t even realized had filled her eye as she sat back._  
  
 _  
“You too. I mean, you can have some of it too. She would have wanted you to remember her.”  
  
_ "Trust me... I'm never going to forget her."  
  
 _They looked at each other, staring longer than they should have, bonding over their love and pain for the same person.  
  
_ Chelsea snapped out of it first.  
  
 _“But if we’re going to be going through all of these memories… I’m going to need some tequila.”  
  
Tyler laughed and said, “Ok, how about we make it a game. Any time you decide to keep something, I drink, and vice versa. And if we decide to put something in the toss pile, we both drink. Yes?”_  
  
 _Chelsea bit her lip as she thought about it._  
  
 _“Deal. We’re gonna need a LOT of tequila. Have you seen just her closet alone?”_  
  
 _Tyler laughed._  
  
 _“Yeah… we'll definitely need the strong stuff.”_  
  
 ________________________  
  
 _“How is it nine o’clock at night already?” Chelsea looked out of Grace’s window onto the Nashville skyline, lit up and sparkling in the snow._  
  
 _Tyler joined her, peeking out from behind the curtain._  
  
 _“I don’t know. This day really flew by. But it’s…been nice. Hanging with you. Talking about Grace. All of the stories I’d never heard before…” Tyler smiled sadly._  
  
 _Chelsea bumped him with her hip._  
  
 _“Same here. I mean, I never knew that her guilty pleasure was 2am karaoke at Tootsie’s! Or that she was a vegetarian except when it came to Nashville hot chicken. I mean, it must be good because that girl hated spice and was serious about being a vegetarian.” Chelsea’s laughed before her face dropped, and she felt the tears rising quickly._  
  
  
 _“Hey, hey, hey… it’s ok. I know. I feel it too.” Tyler reached for her and pulled her into his chest.  
  
He was taller than Jagger, so her head landed more on his stomach. She wrapped her arms around him and let him hold her as they stared out the window. _  
  
_  
"You know... I didn't even realize... it's 2002. Wow. Happy New Year to us, huh?" Tyler's voice was quiet as he spoke._  
  
 _Chelsea pulled back and looked up at him, and without thinking, reached up and kissed him._  
  
 _He pulled away quickly, and she bit her lip, still tasting the tequila they had been downing all day on her lips._  
  
 _  
“Chelsea, what are you doing?”_  
 _  
  
“I don’t know…” She shook her head as she moved to the couch and plopped down on it, taking another swig of tequila from the bottle._  
  
 _  
Tyler moved to sit next to her and sighed. She handed him the bottle and he took a swig himself._  
  
 _They sat there in awkward silence for a while before Chelsea said, “I just need to feel…something. Good, bad… I don’t care. I’m just numb and I…”  
  
Her voice cracked.  
  
“…hate it.”_  
  
 _Tyler turned to face her, giving her an empathetic smile._  
  
 _“I get it. I’m numb too… and beyond drunk.” He chuckled slightly before continuing._ _“But I don’t want you to feel…bad. I want you to feel good. Would that…help?”_  
  
 _He looked at her with hazy eyes, and saw the same glazed over look in hers._  
  
 _Chelsea moved to kiss him again, and this time, he didn’t pull away. He deepened their kiss as they began to explore each other’s bodies, their hands roaming everywhere._  
  
 _Chelsea moved to Tyler’s lap and pulled her shirt over her head, her breasts greeting him as his eyes got wide._  
  
 _“Ohhh, wow.”_  
  
 _She could feel his body quickly reacting beneath her and she began to grind up and down his stomach, eliciting hisses and moans from him._  
  
 _She moved off of him and onto the couch where she quickly pulled her pants and underwear off in one swift motion, and then moved to help Tyler with his jeans._  
  
 _“Um…err..uhh… Chelsea, wait... I feel like… there’s something you should know first.”_  
  
 _She stopped and pulled back, slowly trying to focus her eyes on his._  
  
 _“I’m… fuck… I’m a virgin. I don’t know… if I’ll be any good or how long I’ll… shit.” Tyler winced as he wrapped his arms around his body._  
  
 _Chelsea unintentionally started laughing, and that made Tyler’s face turn beet red._  
  
 _“You mean, you and Grace never slept together?”_  
  
 _Tyler bristled._  
  
 _“Slept together? Yes. Had sex? No. She wanted to wait until we were engaged. I never… we never got a chance.” His voice was sad, and Chelsea felt guilt overtake her._  
  
 _“Fuck.”_  
  
 _She got up and pulled her pants back on._  
  
 _“What are you doing?” Tyler whispered, and Chelsea sat back next to him, taking another swig._  
  
 _“I can’t take your virginity, Tyler. That’s… god, I would be the shittiest person in the world.”_  
  
 _Tyler thought for a minute before he pulled his jeans off, his cock springing free._  
  
 _“Grace isn’t here, Chelsea. She’s not coming back and I’m going to have to lose my virginity at some point. I think… it would almost be in honor of her. If that makes sense. Like, she’ll know I’m taken care of, and I can get my embarrassing first time out of the way. Does that make sense?”_  
  
 _Chelsea rolled her head to look at him, completely un-phased by the erect penis next to her._  
  
 _“You’re drunk.”_  
  
 _Tyler laughed softly._  
  
 _“So are you. And we don’t have to… damn… we won’t ever tell anyone about whatever happens here. Ok? But we NEED to feel good. You said so yourself.”_  
  
 _Chelsea thought again before she whispered, “For Grace?” and held out her fist to Tyler._  
  
 _“For Grace.” He whispered back as he fist bumped her._  
  
 _“Now… I do know some ways to get a woman off. My Aunt Daisy actually gave all of us boys a talk about female pleasure once. It was a nightmare, but I guess it’s going to come in handy now.”_  
  
 _Chelsea winced at the mention of the “boys” as she pulled off her pants again._  
  
 _Jagger._  
  
 _“Shhh. I don't want to hear about that. Tell me Jagger is fucking Treena right now.” Chelsea’s voice was desperate._  
  
 _“What?” Tyler cocked his head._  
  
 _“Tell me that my husband is fucking his ex-girlfriend right now. Please!” Chelsea straddled Tyler as she began rubbing furious circles around her clit, frantically trying to make herself wet._  
  
 _  
“Jagger is fucking Treena right now…” Tyler’s voice was shaky as he watched, and felt, Chelsea’s wetness gathering between her legs and dripping down his stomach._  
  
  
 _“Thank you!” Chelsea took another drink of the tequila before she grabbed Tyler’s cock and positioned it at her entrance._  
  
 _  
“You ready?” She whispered._  
  
 _  
“Yeah…” Tyler nodded frantically, breathless from the anticipation._  
  
 _  
“Ok.” Chelsea slowly lowered herself down onto Tyler, relishing in the sounds he made as he began to fill her._  
  
 _“Holy fuck!” Tyler moaned as Chelsea sat, lettering her walls adjust to him before she began rocking back and forth and moving herself up and down._  
  
 _She leaned back slightly, shifting angles so that his shaft hit her clit, causing her to cry out._  
  
 _“Yes…yeah… oh God…yeah…” Her eyes were shut tight as she rode Tyler, until suddenly, Tyler stopped and she felt his thumbs digging into her hip bone._  
  
 _“What the hell!“ She sat up and looked at Tyler, who looked like he had seen a ghost._  
  
 _Chelsea turned around to look at what he was looking at, and saw Jagger. Standing in the door frame. Flowers and her favorite soda in hand.  
  
His mouth was open, and his eyes were quickly filling with tears that she knew he wouldn’t let fall._  
  
 _“OH FUCK.” Chelsea muttered as she grabbed a blanket off of the back of the couch and leapt off of Tyler, her legs shaky from the booze and sex._  
  
 _“Jagger, wait!” She ran after him as he slammed the door and moved down the hallway._  
  
 _She threw open the door and tripped over her feet as she tried to catch up with him._  
  
 _“Jagger, please!”_  
  
 _Jagger spun around, his face red and the vein in his neck bulging._  
  
 _  
“Oh, NOW you wanna talk?!” He was staring her down, fire burning in his eyes._  
  
  
 _“Jagger, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean… we were just… I was drunk and…” Chelsea held her head as everything rushed her at once. Booze, blood and gravity. She wobbled and Jagger grabbed her to steady her, leaning her up against the wall as he spoke._  
  
 _“I WANTED TO BE THERE FOR YOU. ME! But you wouldn’t fucking let me! Is this… “  
  
He pointed between her and the doorway.  
  
  
“…a thing? How long?” His voice was gruff and dripping with venom. _  
  
  
_“Never. This was the first time. And it shouldn’t have… oh God…J…I’m…ahhhhhh.” Chelsea let out a scream and slid down the wall, pulling her knees up to her chest as she sobbed. So much so that no sound was coming out. The kind where you can’t breathe because you are so broken._  
  
  
 _“No. No, I’m not falling for that again. I TRIED TO HELP YOU, CHELSEA. I LOVE YOU. I found out from Grace’s mom that you were going to be here, going through her stuff and I thought…”  
  
A few tears slipped from his eyes before he wiped them away and sniffed the rest back. _  
  
_“I thought that you would be in so much pain and I didn’t want you doing this alone. That was my mistake.” His voice broke as he continued. “But Tyler? Jesus Christ, Chels. He’s practically my brother! How could you… how could you do this to me?”_  
  
 _Chelsea was too drunk to think clearly, so she just made it worse._  
  
 _“How could you fuck Treena then propose to me three seconds later?”_  
  
 _Jagger felt his face get hot as he clenched his jaw._  
  
 _“Fuck you. That wasn't... it wasn't... You know what… No. I think you were right the first time. We are done.”_  
  
 _He turned to leave and Chelsea jumped up._  
  
 _“Jagger no! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean it… don’t leave me. I need you!”_  
  
 _Jagger felt the tears streaming down his face as he stopped, his back still to her as he said, “You’re drunk. You don’t want me. It’s probably for the best… I know I’ve never been good enough for you anyway.”_  
  
 _His voice broke as he started walking again, pulling out of her grasp._  
  
 _Chelsea screamed as she felt her chest get heavy, “WELL FINE THEN! GO RUN TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO ANYWAY. GO FUCKING FUCK HER YOU FUCKER.”_  
  
  
 _Tyler came out into the hallway, now fully clothed, and pulled her back inside the apartment. He handed her a cup of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table, rubbing his hands up and down his face._  
  
 _“What just happened?”_  
  
 _Chelsea took a sip of her coffee, her face stone cold as a tear slid down her cheek._  
  
 _“I just ruined my marriage.”_  
  
_________________  
  
 **Tyler** : It was… a mess. We were not in our right minds. I mean, I know that sounds like a fucking excuse, but it was the truth. Between the pain and booze… [sigh] Not exactly the “first time” story anyone wants.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : That was the beginning of a mess for me. And I had never been a messy person. I had always been a stable person. But that was because of my dad. He was the steel inside of me. And because of Grace. She was more of a moral compass than I ever realized. Without the two of them… I was lost. I regret it. Every day. But what’s new? I regret so much in my life.  
  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I had never felt that kind of pain before. Everyone always assumed I wanted Treena. Not just Chelsea, EVERYONE. Just because Daisy and Simone had us fucking married off when we were infants, does not mean that I wanted Treena. If I had wanted Treena, I would have been with Treena. But I chose Chelsea because I wanted Chelsea. And Tyler? Of every single person walking this earth, I NEVER would have guessed Tyler would stab me in the back like that. Dylan? Maybe. But Tyler? I was devastated. I didn’t know what to do. I just knew I had to get out of fucking Tennessee.  
  
  
 **Julia** : So where did you go?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : To see Treena.


	31. Chapter 31

  
**Julia** : So… you did exactly what Chelsea thought you would do. Cool.   
  
  
**Jagger** : Oh get off of it, Jules. I had just walked in on my wife cheating on me. It sucked. You know what that feels like, remember?  
  
  
 **Julia** : [takes a deep breath] Ok, look, this is a sore subject for both of us. Let’s focus more on facts than emotion, ok?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Whatever.  
  
  
 **Treena** : He was a mess. He showed up on New Year’s Day looking like absolute shit. He smelled like a distillery and everything about him was a mess. His eyes were red… his hair was disheveled but not in a sexy way, and I don’t think he had brushed his teeth for at least a day. He didn’t even knock. He literally just threw his back against my apartment door and slid down it. It was the thud that caught my attention.   
  
  
**Jagger** : I don’t know how I got there. I knew I was headed there, but I don’t know how I got there. I was so...out of it. Exhausted.   
  
  
**Julia** : Because you were drunk?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : No. Because I was fucking heartbroken. I wasn’t drunk.  
  
  
 **Treena** : I picked him up… well, more like grabbed his arms and dragged him inside. I didn’t even say anything. I just started stripping him down so I could clean him up. Thank God Maria wasn’t there. Susana was pretty much at Warren’s 24/7, so I wasn’t worried about her, but Maria… [sighs] Look, she’s great, but she’s…  
  
  
 **Julia** : Judge-y?  
  
  
 **Treena** : [nods] Yeah. To put it nicely.  
  
  
 **Julia:** Yeah, I get it. She's kind of always been like that, and her degree doesn't help.  
  
  
 **Treena** : Jagger and I… we were so in sync with each other. I mean… we could have these serious conversations with each other without saying a word. Just eye contact. It was always that way, but surprisingly it never went away. Even when he was married. I mean, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to know that something had happened with Chelsea. But I knew it had to do with Tyler, and he never told me a thing.   
  
  
**Jagger** : I was tired, so I was probably talking about Ty in my sleep.   
  
  
**Treena** : I had never seen him so… broken. And he’s a Dunne, so that’s saying a lot.   
  
  
**Jagger:** Everyone was blowing up my phone. Tyler, Chelsea, my dad… whatever he wanted… and then Clarence. He had been trying to get ahold of me for a while, but I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I told T I needed to take a shower, and then I locked the door and… explored her medicine cabinet.   
  
  
**Maria** : I had taken a spill on some ice the previous year, messed up my back on a curb pretty bad. My doctor prescribed Oxy for the pain when it wouldn’t go away, and I couldn’t sleep. They helped. I got better. I should have flushed them, but I didn’t think anything of it. Really. We were not drug girls. We might have all had our issues, but drugs were not one of them. But still… I should have flushed them. Maybe we wouldn’t be in this position if I had.   
  
  
**Jagger** : I took one at first. I just wanted to zone out for a bit. And I… felt better.  
  
  
 **Treena** : He came out of the shower like he was floating on a cloud. I didn’t know what the hell happened in there, but he walked out of the bathroom, grabbed me and kissed me deeply. It wasn’t… it wasn’t him. But I missed him so damn much, that I kissed him back. I will say though that I pulled back first and asked about Chelsea, and he just said, “who?” – that’s when I knew it was over.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : She couldn’t get my clothes off fast enough.   
  
  
**Julia:** Did you…  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Fuck like rabbits? Oh yeah.  
  
  
 **Treena** : I just put him to bed. I knew that it wouldn't be right to do anything else, and he needed to sleep off whatever was going on in his head. It had been an intense twenty-four hours for him, and I wanted to hear about it when he could think straight.   
  
  
**Jagger** : I don’t think we left the bed for like… God… three days?   
  
  
**Treena** : It was like he was sick… and I needed to take care of him.   
  
  
**Julia** : Did you sleep with him?  
  
  
 **Treena** : In the same bed? Yeah. Have sex? No.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : She was the freest I had ever seen her. She had really come into her own as a woman and owned her sexuality. It was the first time she wasn’t really timid.   
  
  
**Julia** : Did you take any more Oxy after that night?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [pauses] You know I did.   
  
  
**Julia** : But the readers don’t.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [Huffs] Fuck. Yeah. I took one every morning and night. Knocked me out pretty good and it made me feel things by...not feeling them. But Clarence wouldn’t stop calling, so I finally answered. As usual, he talked about how “RCA was up his ass about a new DUNNE record, and they had given us more than enough time, and I needed to get my ass back to LA because we all needed to get back in the studio…” blah, blah, blah. I told him no.  
  
  
 **Clarence** : He was not himself. I could tell that the minute he answered the phone. He was overly perky and hazy. Tyler had called me on New Year’s Day, sobbing about everything that had happened… really letting his emotions about Grace out, and then he told me about Chelsea. I told him he could come crash at my place for a bit because he didn’t want anyone else in the family to know. The Dunnes… you are a tight knit group. Stuff gets around. So, I understood. But it was time for DUNNE to get back in the studio. Shake off the drama. Start writing. Make a new record. Get back to normal after such a shitty end to 2001, you know?  
  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : I don’t think I’ve ever drunk more in my life than I did after that whole mess with Tyler and Jagger. The minute Jag left, I kicked Tyler out. Literally. I was screaming and shoving, and I slammed the door in his face. Which… was a bitch move. He was grieving the loss of his fiancée, and he was the one who should have stayed, and I should have kicked myself out. [sighs as her voice cracks] I really needed to talk to my dad.   
  
  
**Dylan** : Clarence called me and told me that DUNNE needed to get back in the studio and start writing. Not a whole hell of a lot had been going on in my life besides the holidays. I had met this cute little barista at Starbucks. Katie. So, we had been hanging out and having some fun, but other than that, I was more than ready to get back to work. No one had been answering their phones, and I didn’t know where anyone was. I was calling J nonstop. He didn’t answer. I called Ty and it went straight to voicemail. I even called Chelsea and Treena to see if by some odd chance they knew where the guys were. Nothing. I mean, obviously I know why now. They were all busy fucking each other like some big orgy. Jerks. Like THAT was going to be good for the band…  
  
  
 **Jagger** : By sheer force and persistence, we all got back together at Clarence’s house to talk and shake the rust off. See if we could come up with something. Anything.  
  
  
 **Clarence** : HA. I dragged all of them by their ears, practically. I have always been the kind to give my artists space and freedom of expression. But there comes a point when they gotta get their shit together. My tolerance and patience was faltering.   
  
  
  
**Chelsea** : He brought… her. Jagger walked into the studio with Treena on his arm. To our band meeting. Who the hell does that? Oh, and he was high as a kite. I had seen him messed up before, but not like that.   
  
  
**Dylan** : Fun fact. Clarence had just bought Teddy Price’s old house. You know, the one that had that pool house where my parents “didn’t” fuck against a piano while dad was still married to Camila? Let’s just say… all of those vibes were still there in that old pool house, now studio. It was updated, but also untouched, so it was like stepping into a time capsule. It was… strange. But also, wickedly cool.   
  
  
**Tyler** : You know how you walk into Abbey Road Studios and you immediately feel the Beatles?  
  
  
 **Julia** : No, but I’ll take your word for it.  
  
  
 **Tyler** : [chuckles] Well, you do. And that’s what it was like for us. I mean… at least me. You could feel a lot of “The Six” energy in there. I had obviously not even been a part of DUNNE before. I was there when we were the Dunne Boys or brothers or whatever the hell it was first. But Clarence knew I needed to be back in the band. Grace had always wanted me to go back, and… Clarence acted like I had never left. I didn’t ask to rejoin. I just showed up. I was nervous as hell.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Tyler was there. Which, I probably would have questioned more if I wasn’t… you know. But I had kind of forgotten he wasn’t in the band anymore. I guess he was always just supposed to be. It didn’t seem out of place or like he didn’t fit. If that makes sense. It just…was. Although, he never told us he was leaving, so it makes sense that he wouldn't tell us he was coming back. He just makes up his own rules, I guess. Oh, and the famous “Billy and Daisy” piano was still there. Chelsea was sitting at it when I walked in. It was fucking weird.   
  
  
**Julia** : You mean when you walked in with Treena?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [scowls]  
  
  
 **Julia** : Sorry.  
  
  
 **Clarence** : The tension, both sexual and hate fueled, filled that place. It was thick. Everyone was frozen in place. No one was making eye contact with each other. Well, Dylan was fine. Everyone else… [sighs] It was a shit show.  
  
_____________________  
  
 **February 1 st, 2002 – LA**  
  
  
 _The studio was silent._  
  
 _Aside from Dylan sitting in a chair picking at a guitar, and Chelsea resting her forehead on her arm that was laying on top of the piano as she plunked at some keys with her index finger._  
  
 _Treena and Jagger sat on a long couch; Treena’s legs tight in front of her, sitting on her hands, as Jagger slouched with his arm around her shoulder, a cigarette in his mouth._  
  
 _Tyler just stood in the back of the room, doing his best to blend into the wall._  
  
 _Clarence was on his phone with label heads, observing all of them. He hung up and sighed as he moved to the middle of the room, drawing everyone’s eyes and attention._  
  
  
 _“Ok, look, this is a fucked up situation. No need to talk about it or relive it. We all know what happened. I don’t want to hear any more about it unless it’s on paper with some music backing it. Pour all the pain and tension and shit into your writing, and we’ll have a killer album on our hands. Ok?”_  
  
  
 _Jagger took another drag of his cigarette and sat up, leaning forward._  
  
 _Clarence yanked the cigarette out of his mouth and extinguished it against the wall._  
  
 _“Since when do you smoke? It’ll kill your lungs, kid. Don’t be an idiot.”_  
  
 _Jagger smirked as he stared at Chelsea, his eyes burning holes into her._  
  
  
 _“Right around the time my cousin started fucking my wife.”_  
  
 _  
Chelsea bristled as Tyler pushed himself further into the wall._  
  
  
 _“Wait, WHAT?” Dylan stopped playing and put the guitar down as his face dropped and he looked between everyone._  
  
 _“Oh yeah! You didn’t know? Tyler here thought it would be a good idea to sleep with MY wife and take advantage of her grief, and she thought the best way to get through that grief wasn’t by confiding in me, her husband, oh no. She thought the best way to heal was by whoring around and stabbing me in the back.”_  
  
 _  
Jagger’s face was bright red, and tears were threatening to rise as he forced them back down._  
  
  
 _Chelsea looked up from the piano where tears were filling her eyes and dropping quickly, and with a soft and broken voice she said, “At least that didn’t mean anything. It was a mistake. You slept with Treena five minutes before you proposed to me and you actually love her. And this… right here…” She swirled her finger in the air around Jagger and Treena. “… is you stabbing ME in the back. So you don’t have the moral high ground here either, Jagger.”_  
  
 _  
“Umm... I’m gonna… go…” Treena cleared her throat as she stood up slowly._  
  
 _  
“You’re not going anywhere.” Jagger’s voice was firm as he pulled her back down, never taking his eyes off of Chelsea._  
  
  
 _“You ASSHOLE.”_  
 _  
Dylan, finally putting all the pieces together, jumped up and walked over to Tyler, decking him in the jaw before Tyler even knew what was happening._  
  
 _“He’s our brother, man! That makes her our sister! How could you do that to him? To us?!” Dylan was fuming. His face and neck were red and the vein on his forehead was bulging slightly._  
  
  
 _“ENOUGH!” Clarence threw his hands in the air and yelled before he rubbed his face and tried to collect his thoughts._  
  
 _The room felt heavy, with anger and hate and pain hanging in the air like a wet blanket._  
  
 _Clarence sighed as he turned to Jagger and Treena and said, “You two. I really don’t care what you do in your spare time, in and out of the bedroom. I really don’t. It’s your life and your shit to figure out. But here, or in any other studio, or during any other band meeting or writing session, DUNNE members, and ONLY DUNNE members, will be in attendance. I don’t have time for vendettas or revenge plots. So, Treena, I will call you a cab and wish you a good day.” Clarence’s voice was firm, and Jagger knew better than to challenge him._  
  
 _Treena nodded and began to stand up when Jagger grabbed her arm and pulled her onto his lap, kissing her deeply and passionately before pulling away and saying, “See you at home”, as he looked at Chelsea again, who was now silently sobbing and looking away from them to the wall._  
  
 _Treena followed his eyes and looked at a devastated Chelsea, feeling her own anger rising as she stood up and slapped Jagger. Hard._  
  
 _“Don’t bother. I’ll be checking into the Marmont instead. DON’T come over. You really are a dick sometimes, Jagger Dunne.”_  
  
 _  
Jagger sat there, stunned, before he stood up and stormed past her, heading straight for the bathroom. He locked the door and pulled the Oxy pills he had stolen from Maria when he was in New York, out of his pocket, popping one in his mouth and swallowing it dry as he leaned against the door._  
  
  
 _By the time he came out, feeling semi euphoric, Treena was gone, Chelsea had stopped crying, and the three of them were sitting in a circle on the ground with notebooks and pens strewn everywhere._  
  
 _Jagger plopped himself down next to Dylan, his legs crossed and his head foggy as he said, “So, what are we writing?”_  
  
 _Tyler clenched his jaw, refusing to look at him, as Dylan clenched his own as well, feeling fury overtaking him after what he had just witnessed. Dylan pulled his crossed legs up, wrapping his arms around his knees, holding his left wrist with his right hand as he looked at Chelsea, and only Chelsea._  
  
  
 _Chelsea was lying on her stomach, but she glanced up at Jagger before opening her notebook to a page and pushing it towards him._  
  
 _“I wrote this song… that night… after…”_  
  
 _Jagger pushed it back towards her._  
  
 _“No. I don’t want to hear it.”_  
  
 _“Jagger, I…”_  
  
  
 _“I said, no.” Jagger furrowed his brow._  
  
 _  
Dylan turned his head to look at him and scoffed as he pulled the notebook back towards himself._  
  
 _“And I say, who the fuck put you in charge? We all have a voice here. We’re reading this.”_  
  
 _  
Chelsea bit her lip as she looked down at her hands that were now shaking, twiddling her thumbs to cover up her nervousness._  
  
 _Dylan cleared his throat before proceeding._  
  
  
 ** _"I’m not who you want to see/that was my epiphany/ when you walked down those stairs/heading for the arms/of the one you think truly cares._**  
  
 ** _I’m left here bleeding on the floor/alone and so afraid/that you’ll feel too betrayed/ to ever stay._**  
  
 ** _I’m begging every god out there/ that this is not the end/ Because I just couldn’t live/with never seeing you again._**  
  
 ** _Don’t give up on me/and who we could still be/If you could only see/Please let me be/Permanent."_**  
  
  
 _  
The room was silent._  
  
 _Chelsea watched her tears fall onto the rug under her as Jagger crossed his arms, looking up at the ceiling as he blinked back tears and sniffed loudly._  
  
 _Tyler buried his face in his knees, and Dylan stood up and grabbed his guitar, instantly plucking away at a melody that hit him as he read._  
  
 _Without a word, Chelsea stood up and started playing around with some chords on the piano, filling in the gaps and blending with Dylan beautifully._  
  
 _Tyler shook his head and mustered up his courage to move to the drums, messing around with a beat. He had switched to the drums while he was away from DUNNE, and it was a better fit for him. A lot more fun too._  
  
 _Jagger winced and growled a low growl before clenching his fists quickly and grabbing Chelsea’s notebook, slowly singing along to the melody that was being built around the lyrics._  
  
 _Nobody said much, but they slowly began to gel. It was the first time Chelsea and Tyler had ever played together officially, and their mistake added another layer of complicated, but they pushed through._  
  
 _They finished writing, fine tuning and re-writing “Permanent” in five hours, even recording a rough cut for Clarence._  
  
 _It was an awkward normal, but they were determined to keep moving forward.  
  
At least... they tried to._  
  
____________________  
  
 **Jagger** : I only sang “Permanent” because I was high on Oxy. Let’s be real. It’s a total chick song and I don’t do sob stories.  
  
  
 **Julia** : It’s your biggest hit to date, Jag. Stayed at number 1 on the Billboard 100 for twenty-five weeks. That’s almost unheard of.   
  
  
**Dylan** : It was a rock ballad. A lot like “I Want to Know What Love Is” by Foreigner. It took us to a new level and was a semi new vibe for the new DUNNE. And while Chelsea had already written “Permanent” so that one came pretty easy, it was only the beginning of a very messy few months. Our writing sessions… some of them got really bad. Especially after Chelsea…  
  
  
 **Jagger** : Fuck.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about that…  
  
  
 **Tyler** : Oh God…  
  
  
 **Julia** : Chelsea…what?  
  
  
 **Dylan** : Found out she was pregnant.


	32. Chapter 32

**Billy:** You know, it’s a weird thing to watch your kids grow up and have their own lives, but it’s next level weird when they are living a life so similar to yours. When Clarence bought Teddy’s house… that was hard for me. I know it shouldn’t have been. It’s just a fucking house. Four walls. A roof. But it was more than that. It was weird for Daisy too, but she let’s things roll off of her back easier than I do. So when the boys started meeting up in the old pool house to write… it took me back to a different time. A lot of shit went down in that pool house.  
  
  
 **Julia** : So. Did you ever fuck Daisy against that piano?  
  
  
 **Billy** : Excuse me?  
  
  
 **Julia** : You know everyone has speculated about that ever since my first book came out. A lot of people don’t believe you told the truth.  
  
  
 **Billy** : You think I would lie to you?  
  
  
 **Julia** : I think you might.  
  
  
 **Billy:** Wow. I’m not even going to answer that.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : I dreaded every writing session. Jagger still wanted nothing to do with me. [pauses] There were so many times that I wished I was a dude. Because then he could just punch me and get over it. That’s how guys are. Punch it out, get it out in the open, move on. It was torture every time I walked into that pool house. I actually… I actually started confiding in Dylan a lot more. And before anyone jumps ahead to some weird, ‘Billy, Daisy, Camila, Graham’ scenario in their head, no. It was never like that. It was just that I felt so alone then. I didn’t have Grace, didn’t have my dad, I couldn’t talk to my mom because her method of coping was pretending my dad never existed. She married a General on the base that they had been friends with for years. Jim Parker. He had lost his wife a few years before, and they found each other quickly. Like…married within a month, quick. He’s a good guy, but my dad was just…erased. I couldn’t talk to Tyler, obviously, and Jagger only said what was necessary to me for the music. Dylan was dating Katie at the time, and I think he took pity on me. He saw what everyone was doing, and he started looking out for me. He was still mad at me, I’m sure. But he has a good heart.  
  
  
 **Treena:** You know, looking back… I wish I would have reached out to Chelsea. We were both hurting. We had both fucked up in major ways. We were both in love with the same man. She honestly could have probably been one of my best friends.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : Jag was an absolute dick to Chelsea. I know he was hurt. I get it. But damn if he didn’t do everything he could to make her life hell. The problem was, everything he did to mess with her, hurt the band. But selfishly… we were getting some killer songs out of it. But yeah, I started making sure she was ok. If we were going to actually go on tour, everyone needed to be functional. I was so busy paying attention to what was happening with Chelsea and Jagger, that I let Jagger’s issues slip right on by. He was becoming an opioid addict right in front of us, and I didn’t even notice.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : It was getting bad. I had started out slow. Just enjoying the high and the feeling of numbness. Chelsea messed me up, man. I loved her so much… but I don’t think I realized fully just how much until I walked in on her riding Tyler like he was a fucking bucking bronco. Seeing her day in and day out, all I could see when I looked at her was that. All I could hear when she played the piano was her moans. [sniffs angrily] It had to be Tyler, didn't it. If it was some random dude, I would have understood better. But Tyler? I couldn’t get past that very easily. And yeah, the drugs didn’t help my dickness.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : One night… I think it was in March sometime, I got a midnight call from Treena. That surprised me. She would call every once in a while just to say hi, but it had gotten to be less frequent over the years. But it was never that late. I didn’t even know she was in town or staying at the Marmont, but she called and asked me to come. Not to tell Billy, but to come. I didn’t know what was going on, but she was whispering and didn’t sound great. Crazy thing was, she was staying at my old place. It all looked the same too. When I stepped inside… saw the pool out the back where I floated in that amazing dress all those years ago… the mini bar that was fully stocked now because a junkie wasn’t living there anymore… it was surreal. There had been a lot of stuff happening at that time that felt eerie. Lots of deja vu. The kids hanging out and writing at Teddy’s old place, Treena staying at the Marmont, the brother drama, love triangles, which I didn’t really know much about. I wish I would have, but once my boys were out of the house, they didn’t really tell us much. Well, not me. They might have talked to Billy, but that was a whole other thing. Anyway, I got to the Marmont and Treena opened the door and whispered for me to be quiet as she waved me in. She led me to the bedroom where Jagger was passed out on the bed. He was sweating and he looked like a hot mess. I had never seen him like that. Ever. But I gave her a curious look anyway because I didn’t know what she was getting at.  
  
  
________________  
  
 **March 12 th, 2002 – The Marmont**   
  
  
_“What’s going on?” Daisy whispered loudly as Treena put her finger to her lips and Jagger snorted a snore._  
  
 _Treena bent down beside the bed and picked something up from under it._  
  
 _She motioned for Daisy to hold out her hand, then placed a small white pill in her hand when she did._  
  
 _Daisy looked at it, then back at Treena with a furrowed, curious brow._  
  
 _“What is-“_  
  
 _Daisy began to speak, but Treena shook her head and motioned for them to go back into the living room._  
  
 _When they got there, Treena spun around and rubbed her forehead._  
  
 _“I don’t know, but I’m almost positive that that is Oxycodone. Some girls I used to model with were addicted and tried to get me to take some. I never did but… I think that dropped out of his pocket. I haven’t searched him, but… he hasn’t been himself lately, Daisy. Ever since Chelsea slept with Tyler, he’s been a wreck.”_  
  
 _Daisy’s jaw dropped, and her eyes got wide._  
  
 _“Chelsea did what now?”_  
  
 _Treena sighed and nodded._  
  
 _“Yeah. I still don’t know the full story behind that, but… Jag… He’s filing for divorce. And he has been a complete wreck. I don’t even know how to put my finger on it, but he’s…hazy. Euphoric, but it feels fake and then he'll just zone out. He has what I can only assume are weird side effects, but he won’t listen to me. He says he’s fine, but even his memory is shaky. I know that sounds crazy, but I have told him multiple times not to come here. To work his shit out with Chelsea, but he keeps showing up like everything is normal, then he’ll pass out on my bed for hours and forget everything.”_  
  
 _She stopped to wipe a tear that was about to fall out of the corner of her eye as she wrapped an arm around herself in comfort and shook her head._  
  
 _“I don’t know what to do, Daisy.” Treena’s voice was small and broken as she looked up at Daisy, who was now fighting her own tears from falling._  
  
 _Daisy looked down the hallway towards the room where her firstborn was sleeping off whatever was in his system. She sniffed quickly and cleared her throat as she brushed her nose and straightened up._  
  
 _“Ok, well first, if there is anything I know, it is that my son is a good boy. He has the world’s biggest heart, and he is smart. I’m sure this is just the heartbreak talking. Once I get a chance to talk to him about all of it, he’ll be fine. I know it. I mean… at least it’s not meth or heroin, right?” She tried to smile but Treena saw the fear in Daisy’s eyes._  
  
  
 _“Daisy…maybe we should call Billy. I mean he should know about this too…”_  
  
 _“No.”_  
  
 _“Daisy…”_  
  
 _“Treena, I said, no.” Daisy shot the girl a look that Treena had never seen before. A look that sent a shiver down her spine._  
  
 _“Ok.”_  
  
 _Daisy straightened up again and said, “I’ll be back in the morning to pick him up. Thank you for calling me. Truly. But I promise you, my son is fine.” She gave Treena a small smile as she reached out to hug her, and Treena heard Daisy’s heart beating out of her chest as she hugged her back._  
  
 _“Yeah, yeah I’m sure you’re right. Sorry to call you over here so late.” Treena stepped back and wrapped her arms around herself again._  
  
 _Daisy waved her off._  
  
 _“No problem. Better to be safe then sorry, right?” She laughed awkwardly, and Treena just nodded._  
  
 _“I’ll see you in a few hours, ok?”_  
  
 _Treena nodded again as she shut the door, locking it behind her. She turned around it and slid down it as the tears hit her like a wave._  
  
 _Jagger was in trouble, but she didn’t know how to fix it._  
  
_______________________  
  
  
 **Daisy** : I didn’t want to believe it. I saw it. Of course I did. But I didn’t want to believe it. Not my son. No. I had clawed my way out of the pit of addiction, and I had done everything I could to make sure my kids would never follow in those footsteps. But I admittedly wasn’t aware of just how bad opioids and prescription drugs could be. Everyone knows about the “biggies” when it comes to drugs. He wasn’t doing those, so what did I have to be concerned about? No, it was just medicine. I told myself that it would be like someone taking just a little bit too much cough syrup. Not good, but not that bad. No, he was going to be ok. It was just a phase.   
  
  
**Julia** : Daisy, you can abuse cough syrup too. It’s actually become a real issue these days.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : [Pauses] Are you serious?  
  
  
 **Julia** : Yeah, because of the codeine and dextromethorphan.  
  
  
 **Daisy** : [Blank stare] Yeah, I don’t know what all of that is, but you get my point. It seemed innocent to me. I was… in denial.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Did you tell my dad?  
  
  
 **Daisy** : [Pauses] No. But I should have.  
  
  
 **Billy** : Yeah. That was…fucked up. Maybe if my wife had talked to me about OUR son sooner, he wouldn’t be sitting in a fucking rehab center right now.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : When I was growing up, I heard a lot about drugs. Mom pounded that into both me and Dylan. “They’re bad”, “They can kill you”, “They mess with your head”, “Your dad and I both struggled”, yada yada yada. But I never liked those hard drugs. Did I try them? Hell yeah. But they never stuck. I think because mom’s… I mean Daisy’s... voice was in the back of my head the whole time. So, I couldn’t actually enjoy them. Dylan was the same. But I never thought about script drugs. That night I took my first pill in New York… I guess the junkie gene was activated. I don’t even remember that night at Treena’s. Or why I kept going back to her. I guess… she felt safe. I didn't feel that very often. Not even growing up.  
  
  
 **Dylan** : I stopped by the house to pick up some stuff. I had just gotten my own place, finally, and had a couple more boxes to get. And there he was. Sprawled out on the middle of the couch. Smelling like shit, shirtless, and looking like an actual junkie. On our parents’ couch. Dad was in Pittsburgh or else I know he would have skinned his ass. I knew what was happening. But I didn’t know WHAT he was on. Mom said that he was just sick. Mono or some shit like that. I didn’t believe her, but… you don’t fight with your mom. Especially when your mom is Daisy Jones.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : He did it because of me. [Wipes a tear] He ran to Treena, he started the pills, he…moved out… because of me. That’s why he kept going to Treena’s. He didn’t feel like he could come home. I wasn’t safe anymore. That made me constantly feel sick. I wasn’t eating and I was constantly throwing up. Dylan would bring me food every day, but it was no use. I couldn’t keep anything down. I cried all the time. I hadn’t really been given the chance to grieve Grace and my dad before I messed up so bad with Jag, so I was stressed and tense and beyond emotional. I wasn’t sleeping, so I would write. I wrote so many songs. A lot of rambling. I had to get out all of the sadness and anger. Mostly at myself. But some at Jagger for not fighting harder for me. For us. Getting the divorce papers really did me in. He was done. But it wasn’t until I went in to a typical Thursday afternoon writing session at Clarence’s that shit really hit the fan.  
  
  
_____________________  
  
 **March 21 st, 2002 – DUNNE writing session**  
  
  
 _“You look like shit.”_  
  
 _Jagger was sitting on the floor against a wall, sweating and disheveled with his feet stretched out in front of him as Chelsea walked in._  
  
 _  
“Look who’s talking.” Chelsea spit back._  
  
 _  
They were the first two there, so they couldn’t help but flame the embers of rage between them._  
  
  
 _“Late night booty call?” Jagger glared at her as she moved to the piano and sat down, holding her stomach. She was scared and nervous and sad anytime she had to be around Jagger. It was worse when they were alone._  
  
  
 _“Yeah, and it was good. Best sex I’ve ever had.” Chelsea drew her words out slowly, like a chef using perfect precision to filet a fish._  
  
 _  
Jagger clenched his jaw as he bore holes into her with his eyes._  
  
 _“I don’t think Tyler will love to hear that.”_  
  
 _Chelsea stared back as she said, “Who said it wasn’t Ty-“ She felt the vomit rising faster than she could shove it down, so she stood up, covering her mouth and running to the bathroom just as Tyler and Dylan walked in._  
  
 _Dylan furrowed his brow in concern as he watched her, and Tyler looked confused._  
  
 _Dylan dropped his guitar and took off after Chelsea as Jagger rolled his eyes and rested his head against the wall and pulled a leg up to his chest.  
  
_ "Oh she's fine!" He scoffed.  
  
 _“What’s going on?” Tyler looked between the hallway and Jagger._  
  
 _  
“What? You don’t know? I thought you were with Chelsea last night... I mean, you two are a thing now, right?” Jagger was full of half sarcasm and half venom and Tyler clenched his fist._  
  
 _“Good God, man. You have got to move on. We have apologized for that over and over again, and for the sake of the band, get over it. I’m tired of being treated like shit for one mistake, when you are turning into a fucking junkie before everyone’s eyes and no one says shit. You think we can't all see it? Take a shower then if you're going to try to hide it. You stink!"_  
  
 _Jagger scoffed but said nothing._  
  
 __________________  
  
 _“Hey, Chels? Chelsea? Let me in. It’s Dylan.”_  
  
 _Dylan knocked on the door as he listened to Chelsea sob in between throwing up. He heard the turn and click of the lock, and he moved inside quickly, locking it again behind him._  
  
 _Chelsea was leaning over the toilet, on her knees as she rested her forehead on her arm that was across the seat._  
  
 _She was sweating and her hair was sticking to her face as she looked up and wiped her mouth, sitting back down against the wall and just sobbing._  
  
 _Dylan moved quickly and skidded down next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into his chest. He let her cry as she clung to him, rubbing her arm and rocking gently._  
  
 _“I...He…I don’t…God… He hates…And then… Tyler he thinks…” Chelsea sobbed as she tried to speak coherently. She was failing, but Dylan understood her._  
  
 _“Jagger thinks you and Tyler are still doing it, so he hates you, but you love him and want everything to be ok again?”_  
  
 _Chelsea nodded against his chest and Dylan sighed._  
  
 _“I know. But he doesn't hate you. Trust me. It's the exact opposite.”_  
  
 _Chelsea pulled away and looked at him with a tear streaked face._  
  
 _“Then why doesn’t he fight for me like he does for Treena?”_  
  
 _Before Dylan could answer, Chelsea moved to the toilet, vomit coming again quickly._  
  
 _“Ok, ok… it’s ok.” Dylan moved to hold her hair as she continued to throw up and cry._  
  
 _When she was done, she sat back on her heels and Dylan took a long hard look at her._  
  
 _“Chels, how are you throwing up this much? You don’t even eat anymore. What’s left to throw up?”_  
  
 _Chelsea just shrugged but Dylan studied her._  
  
 _She had sunken eyes, pastier than usual skin, and she looked like she had lost at least fifteen pounds on her already small frame._  
  
 _“I think we need to go to the doctor.” Dylan’s voice was firm, but Chelsea shook her head and slowly stood up._  
  
 _“No, I’m fine. I’m just dehydrated. If anything, I probably have a bug. It’ll work it’s way out.” She brushed her pants off and gave him the biggest smile she could fake as she said, “Trust me. I’m fine! I’m just tired. Thanks for...holding my hair.”_  
  
 _Dylan gave her a sympathetic look as she moved to the door, but before she could open it, Jagger was beating on outside of it._  
  
 _“So it’s YOU who’s been fucking my wife! Get out here, Dylan! My fist wants to have a conversation with your face!”_  
  
 _Dylan winced and closed his eyes as he moved Chelsea away from the door._  
  
 _“He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He’s… not himself right now. Trust me.”_  
  
 _Chelsea’s eyes were wide as Jagger kept pounding._  
  
 _“GET OUT HERE! OR ARE YOU TOO BUSY TAKING MY WHORE OF A WIFE FROM BEHIND?!”_  
  
 _Dylan clenched his jaw and fist as he turned to a now sobbing Chelsea and said, “Stay here. I’ll take care of this.”_  
 _  
Chelsea nodded as Dylan unlocked the door and opened it. But before he could slip out, Jagger pushed it open and moved into the bathroom, swinging wildly in the direction of Dylan._  
  
 _Dylan dodged Jagger’s first swing, but the second one connected to his jaw and sent him backwards._  
  
 _“Get up! Be a man and fess up. I know you’ve been sleeping with her. If Tyler’s not doing it, then you are. GET UP!”_  
  
 _Dylan wiped the line of blood that was trickling from his lip as he launched up and punched Jagger back hard._  
  
 _“I’ve never TOUCHED her, you asshole! But somebody should since her own husband has turned into such a dick!”_  
  
 _More punches._  
  
 _“STOP IT! Both of you! Stop! I never-“ Chelsea’s screams dropped off as she suddenly felt lightheaded and fell to the floor, her head hitting hard._  
  
 _Both Jagger and Dylan stopped immediately, but Dylan moved first._  
  
 _“Oh my God. Chelsea? CHELSEA! Stay with me!" He was patting her face and trying to get her to wake up. He was desperate to get any sort of response from her, but she wasn't responding.  
  
"Chelsea! TYLER! Call an ambulance!”_  
  
 _Tyler ran into the bathroom, his cell phone already to his ear._  
  
 _Jagger sat there, frozen, staring._  
  
 _“Help me get her up, man!” Dylan was trying to lift Chelsea as Tyler spoke to the 911 operator, but Jagger couldn't move._  
  
 _“For fuck’s sake, this is not the time to be a prick!” Dylan yelled, but Jagger was frozen, staring at Chelsea’s pale body, feeling every emotion flood him._  
  
 _The ambulance was there before they could think, and Dylan pushed Jagger to go with her._  
  
 _Jagger hadn’t said a word, but he just shook his head as he reached in his pocket, grabbing a pill and popping it in his mouth in front of everyone, overwhelmed and not caring who saw._  
  
 _Dylan growled under his breath as he shoved past him and climbed into the ambulance with Chelsea._  
  
 _“We’ll meet you there!” Tyler called out before the doors closed and he grabbed Jagger’s arm, pulling him towards his car._  
  
 _  
  
The drive was silent as Jagger felt the oxy hit his system and Tyler didn’t know what issue to tackle first, so he said nothing._  
  
 _By the time they got to the hospital, Chelsea had been admitted for severe dehydration and exhaustion, and the doctors were running some more tests to be safe._  
  
 _She was groggy and hooked up to all sorts of wires and monitors, but Jagger wanted nothing more in that moment, than to just protect her. Fix whatever was wrong. Take her away from here. Take it all back._  
  
 _  
The three of them sat by her bedside as she fell in and out of sleep, and when she was out cold, Dylan whispered, “You need to work out your shit, Jag. This… this can’t happen again. She needs to eat. She needs to sleep. She’s not doing either because of you. Well, you and Treena. She's devastated, man. Fix it.”_  
  
 _Jagger leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees that were bouncing up and down as he felt hot tears slowly falling down the sides of his face._  
  
 _“I know.”_  
  
 _“Now.” Dylan’s voice was sharp._  
  
 _“I know.” Jagger sniffed back his tears before he turned to both of them and said, “But I have to know… are you sleeping with her? Either of you?” His voice was filled with more pain than accusation._  
  
 _Dylan’s face softened and Tyler folded his arms, forcing his own tears back as he looked up to the ceiling and shook his head no._  
  
 _“We wouldn’t do that, man.” Dylan put a hand on his brother’s knee and Tyler swallowed hard when Jagger said, “Yeah, but one of you already did.”_  
  
 _Tyler looked over at him as whispered, “J, I’m so sorry, man. I don’t know how I can keep apologizing for something that literally tears me up inside. I’m still beating myself up for it. Daily. It was a mistake. A terrible, fucking, earth shattering mistake. But you don’t have to keep bringing it up. You don’t have to punish me. Trust me, I’m punishing myself enough already.” His voice broke and they all sat in silence for a few minutes before Jagger whispered, “Ok.”_  
  
  
 _Dylan took a deep breath before he said, “Now J… the pills. Come on, man…what’s going on?”_  
  
  
 _Jagger looked down at the ground as he began to speak._  
  
 _“I don’t know… I mean I do but…”_  
  
  
 _“Jagger?” Chelsea was slowly waking up and was shocked to see Jagger sitting beside her bed._  
  
  
 _“Hey.” Jagger smiled slightly as he moved his chair closer to her._  
  
 _  
“What are you doing here?” Chelsea’s voice was hoarse and dry and Jagger moved to get her some water as the doctor walked in._  
  
 _“Well, good evening, Mrs. Dunne! How are we feeling?”_  
  
 _Chelsea smiled weakly as she said, “I’m ok. A little tired and…sore. But ok. And it’s Paine.”_  
  
  
 _“Pardon?” The doctor gave her a curious look as Jagger swallowed hard and flinched, while Dylan leaned forward and put his face in his hands and Tyler crossed his arms and ankles._  
  
  
 _Chelsea’s voice cracked from the lump in her throat as she said, “You called me Mrs. Dunne. It’s Miss Paine. Chelsea Paine.”_  
  
  
 _Jagger’s head fell, and the doctor looked between the two of them knowingly, and gave her an empathetic smile._  
  
  
 _“My apologies. Now, we have your test results, Miss Paine. There's no concussion, but we need to discuss something else. Would you like for these gentlemen to leave so we can talk?”_  
  
 _Chelsea looked at the guys who were all there to support her and she shook her head._  
  
 _“No, it’s fine. They can all stay.”_  
  
 _The doctor nodded as he looked at a chart and said, “Well, there is nothing serious going on besides your severe dehydration and hypoproteinemia.”_  
  
  
 _They all stared at him like he had three heads._  
  
 _  
“And what is that, exactly?”_  
  
 _The doctor sat down on a stool and said, “To put it simply, it is lack of protein in the blood. When you don’t eat, you don’t get the nutrients your body needs to function. That, paired with your stress and morning sickness from your pregnancy, caused you to faint today.”_  
  
 _The room froze, and the temperature dropped drastically._  
  
  
 _“My what? I’m not… pregnant…”_  
  
 _The doctor looked at the chart again and said, “No, you definitely are. Around fourteen weeks or so. You didn't know? Well then, congratulations! But we need to get some vitamins and nutrients into you quickly, and you have to start eating and drinking or else your baby won’t make it. We want to keep you overnight for observation, but you should be able to go home tomorrow morning.”_  
  
 _The doctor gave her a big smile as he squeezed her foot gently and said, “Congratulations, again. This is very exciting news.”_  
  
 _He left the room and Chelsea burst into tears._  
  
 _Jagger leaned forward and brushed some tears off of her cheeks with his thumbs as Dylan stood up and moved to the other side of her, and Tyler sat there frozen, guessing the reason why she was crying._

  
 _“Hey, hey…shh, it’s going to be ok. It’s all going to be ok. We… we can be us again, Chels. A family. I’m so sorry I’ve been such a dick…but…this? We’re having a baby! This is our chance to start over." Jagger’s voice was soft as he rested his arm on her bed above her head and leaned down to kiss her on the cheek._  
  
  
 _Chelsea turned her head to look at him with utter devastation on her face._  
  
 _“J… I don’t… I don’t know if it’s yours. It might be… But it could also be...” She started sobbing even harder. She was inconsolable, and Jagger turned to look at Tyler who was now pacing the floor and rubbing his face in a panic._  
  
 _Jagger clenched his jaw and without saying a word, barged out of the hospital room._  
  
 _Dylan climbed on the bed beside Chelsea and held her as she cried, and Tyler ran out the door after Jagger._  
  
 _He was at the nurse’s station, demanding to talk to the doctor again._  
  
 _“Jagger, don’t” Tyler pulled on his arm, but Jagger yanked away._  
  
 _“Back the fuck off, Ty, or I will finish you right here in this hallway.”_  
  
 _Tyler moved back against the wall, but listened as Jagger asked the doctor if a paternity test was available when a baby was still in the womb and if there were any risks. The doctor said it was possible and explained the procedure and how it was safe.  
  
Jagger pulled out a credit card, throwing it on the desk as he said, “Do it.”_  
  
_____________________________  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : [dries both eyes with a tissue] He came storming back in that room, forgetting the tenderness of five minutes prior, and told me that we were doing a paternity test right then. That I had been whoring myself around and he could never love a bastard kid. That… [pauses] since I have had an abortion before, I would be able to do it again if necessary. [Cries softly] I know now that that was the drugs talking. Jagger isn’t like that. He’s not…cruel. Not like that. He is gentle and sweet and forgiving and…so many other things, but that day… that moment… he shattered me. No one, and I mean no one knew about my abortion besides him, Camila and my ex. But now, Tyler and Dylan and a whole slew of doctors and nurses did too. I was humiliated. Talk about not feeling safe. I was stripped bare right there. But we did the test. It was torture leaving the hospital and knowing I had to wait a week to find out what my life was going to look like. Jagger left after the test. Told me to call him if it was his. That was it. Dylan drove me home.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I was scared, man. I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I didn’t know if that was my kid or if… look, our family is pretty fucked up as it is. I mean, the whole Billy, Camila, Billy, Daisy, Camila, Graham thing is a mess. It always was and now that I’ve read your first book, I see it even more. But… and I know this sounds like a fucking excuse… it was the drugs. The pill I popped in front of everyone? That was like my fifth that day and it was only 2pm. I don’t remember a lot from that day. I don’t. But I’m glad Tyler asked about a paternity test because I sure couldn’t have done it. I wasn’t all there. I know it wasn't my idea.  
  
  
 **Julia** : Are you sure you weren’t the one to demand a paternity test?  
  
  
 **Jagger** : [pauses] I would never do that.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : I got home, and Dylan asked if he could get me any food. When I told him no, he got frustrated and told me that if “I wasn't going to take care of my fucking self, then I should focus on taking care of his fucking nephew”. [laughs softly] He cared. So I asked him to get me the biggest, juiciest burger he could find, and extra large fries. That made him happy. But when I walked inside, I had a message on my machine. I never had messages on my machine. It kind of freaked me out. I wondered if it was the doctor, but when I hit play, it was Daisy.  
  
  
  
 **Daisy** : I was so mad at her. I had been spending the last week or so trying to figure out how my son passing out on a bed at the Marmont wasn’t my fault. How he wasn’t behaving just like his mother did. That it was Chelsea’s fault for fucking another Dunne relative. But even that… I couldn’t be mad about. Our family is our family… a little damaged and twisted, but family. And she was family. I just wanted to tell her that I knew and that I was there if she needed me. It wasn’t her fault. My anger was towards Jagger. And Billy. For not being there to stop this. But I was mostly mad at myself for passing on the junkie gene.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : It was surprising. That phone call. She was mad. I could tell. But she also told me that I was family and she loved me. I needed to hear those words more than ever right then. Then she told me she would always be there if I needed her. I… [pauses and sighs] I’m ashamed to say that I had never been that close to Daisy up to that point. I mean, she was always sweet and nice, but I always felt like she thought I wasn’t good enough for her son. And she was…is… DAISY JONES. There’s a lot of weight and prestige to that name. I was a huge fan of The Six growing up. She was like an idol to me. So I was constantly intimidated.  
  
  
 **Julia:** Was that true? Was Chelsea not good enough for J in your eyes?  
  
  
 **Daisy** : [bites her lip as she thinks] You know, I think every mother thinks that initially. At least most normal moms. But I have never been normal. [laughs] No, I never thought that. Quite the opposite, actually. I thought SHE was too good for my son. But she loved him. I could see that from the second I met her. They weren’t even a thing yet. He was still hung up on Treena, but she… he’s always been the one for her. Which is why when Treena mentioned the thing with Tyler… I knew there was more there. But it’s a tough balance being a mom. Pushing enough to be a help and guide, without smothering. I didn’t have parents to show me how to be one. I’ve been winging this thing the whole time. But… I’m glad I reached out when I did. I guess the universe knew she was going to need me.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : Who would’ve known I would need Daisy Jones to literally pick me up off the ground the next few months.  
  
  
 **Daisy:** I wanted to bond with Chelsea more, I just didn’t know how. I've never been great at that unless your name was Billy Dunne or Simone Jackson. It didn't come easily to me. We did...bond...eventually. But I would have lived a whole lifetime without us ever being close if… if what happened could have never happened instead.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : This next part… [sniffs] this is going to be hard, Jules.  
  
  
 **Julia** : I know… I’m so sorry. Do you need to take a break?  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : Yes? No? I don’t know. How are things with you and Jess? Can we talk about that instead? [laughs awkwardly]  
  
  
 **Julia** : [sighs] Not yet.  
  
  
 **Jagger** : I’ll never forget it… Chelsea called me. It… she… was mine. Piper. [smiles through tears] We didn’t know she was a she then, but the paternity test had come back and said I was going to be a dad. I was in shock, but an overwhelming happiness flooded me. Before I knew what we were having, I wanted to have a daddy’s little girl. And I decided right then that I was going to get clean. Stop cold turkey. Become the kind of Dad my baby deserved. I had heard… stories… of what Billy was like when you were born, Jules. And the twins… and I didn’t want to be that dad. I wanted to be better. I wanted us to be a family again and I told Chelsea that.  
  
  
 **Chelsea** : When he said he wanted to come home… it was the only thing I had been wanting to hear for months. I wanted him. I missed him. I was having his baby… things were looking up. We were going to work on us. Be better. Move forward. And it was going really, really well. I was…happy. We were happy and actually, stronger than ever. Until… we weren’t.


End file.
